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12-06-2012 at 9:02 AM
buttaflly2...
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buttaflly227 is not online. Last active: 05-07-2013, 7:51 AMNewbie

I don't like one of my midwives..

So I'm having a midwife and there are 4 midwives that rotate schedules so I don't know who is going to be on call when the time comes. My problem is that there is one midwife in particular I do NOT want there. I just don't like her energy, the way she talks to me, and it seems as though she's a bit more to jump towards the traditional route of childbirth, although she's a midwife and the chances are lower than with an OB, I just don't feel like she fully supports my birth plan. 

 I know I may not get her, hopefully not, but what, if anything can I do to prevent it or what do I do if I get her? I am having a doula and I'm thinking maybe just keep the midwife away unless medically needed if she's the one who ends up there.. 


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12-06-2012 at 9:13 AM
PatsyGK21
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I have the EXACT same problem! I left the office in tears at my last appointment, My DH called the office right away and told them the situation and to make note that I dont want to see her. She was a nightmare, idk how she has a job in healthcare. At first I thought I was over reacting and then I was like "wait a minute, I work in health care, as does my DH, my sister, my step dad and my uncle is a doctor, I know this is not how they are supposed to act!" haha.  Maybe you can talk to your doula about your worries and she will tell you how to handle the situation. It's a really awful situation when you arent comfortable with your care. Good Luck.

 
12-06-2012 at 9:36 AM
+adamwife+
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I would discuss it with one of the other midwives in the practice and ask her what she suggests and what her experience is with the midwife in question.  Also, I would just make it clear that you want to be left alone during labor and pray that your MW will respect your wishes and only step in during the end or for random checks.
12-06-2012 at 9:47 AM
Treschic81
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I also have the same problem...I really like them all but the one.  She has the personality of a rock, and kind of talks down to you, which I HATE.  I'm not an idiot, I'm a very informed patient.  I don't really have anything concrete to say about her to someone in the office other than I just don't like her, so I don't feel comfortable saying anything.  I'm just REALLY hoping she's not on call when I go into labor.
 
12-06-2012 at 9:55 AM
this decaf...
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Maybe speak with the other midwives about your discomfort with her, I feel like they might have an approach to this situation.

I go to an OB office with one CNM, 4 women OBs and 1 male OB who doesn't deliver babies anymore. The ONLY one I actually like is the guy who doesn't deliver babies. I'm just hoping the nurses do most of the work and the OB who shows up just catches the baby and walks away. I've heard great things about the nursing staff at my hospital but I just don't care for any of the OBs [or the CNM] 

12-06-2012 at 10:00 AM
Treschic81
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this decaf life:

Maybe speak with the other midwives about your discomfort with her, I feel like they might have an approach to this situation.

I go to an OB office with one CNM, 4 women OBs and 1 male OB who doesn't deliver babies anymore. The ONLY one I actually like is the guy who doesn't deliver babies. I'm just hoping the nurses do most of the work and the OB who shows up just catches the baby and walks away. I've heard great things about the nursing staff at my hospital but I just don't care for any of the OBs [or the CNM] 

Chances are you won't see the OB much at all during labor.  Both practices I used for my 1st and 2nd deliveries were like that.  The nurses at the hospital are the ones you see.  The dr just comes at the end when it's time to push.   

 
12-06-2012 at 10:00 AM
buttaflly2...
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Thanks, yeah there is one midwife I love love love so I'm praying I get her and my next appt is with her so I plan on talking to her about it. It's just that the one girl I saw, she just talked down to me, acted like she was doing me a favor by not putting me down as diabetic even though I passed the glucose test (was close though) but still passed and wasn't very open to answering the questions I brought from the birthing class. 

*crosses fingers we all get the birth we want with the people we want* 


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12-06-2012 at 10:31 AM
+adamwife+
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Treschic81:
this decaf life:

Maybe speak with the other midwives about your discomfort with her, I feel like they might have an approach to this situation.

I go to an OB office with one CNM, 4 women OBs and 1 male OB who doesn't deliver babies anymore. The ONLY one I actually like is the guy who doesn't deliver babies. I'm just hoping the nurses do most of the work and the OB who shows up just catches the baby and walks away. I've heard great things about the nursing staff at my hospital but I just don't care for any of the OBs [or the CNM] 

Chances are you won't see the OB much at all during labor.  Both practices I used for my 1st and 2nd deliveries were like that.  The nurses at the hospital are the ones you see.  The dr just comes at the end when it's time to push.   

midwives are different.  Mine have always been with me through my entire labors, coming in and out to check on me and recommend things.

12-06-2012 at 2:13 PM
mbredin
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I think it depends on the practice. The midwives in my practice function more like an ob and only come in for the pushing.
 
12-06-2012 at 2:31 PM
BLPL101
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+adamwife+:
Treschic81:
this decaf life:

Maybe speak with the other midwives about your discomfort with her, I feel like they might have an approach to this situation.

I go to an OB office with one CNM, 4 women OBs and 1 male OB who doesn't deliver babies anymore. The ONLY one I actually like is the guy who doesn't deliver babies. I'm just hoping the nurses do most of the work and the OB who shows up just catches the baby and walks away. I've heard great things about the nursing staff at my hospital but I just don't care for any of the OBs [or the CNM] 

Chances are you won't see the OB much at all during labor.  Both practices I used for my 1st and 2nd deliveries were like that.  The nurses at the hospital are the ones you see.  The dr just comes at the end when it's time to push.   

midwives are different.  Mine have always been with me through my entire labors, coming in and out to check on me and recommend things.

Yeah, in my midwifery practice, they are with you the entire time.


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12-06-2012 at 3:35 PM
savannat42...
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A friend of mine who had her baby while her doctor was away had to deliver with a doctor she absolutely could not stand. Turned out he was fantastic in the delivery room and she was very happy with the experience.

But not supporting your birth plan would be a problem, I guess. Maybe you could talk to your usual midwife about it and see what she thinks? Just to be sure everyone is on the same page, especially if you have REALLY specific requests in your plan. 

GL! 


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12-06-2012 at 3:49 PM
sschwege
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When I was pregnant with DD I had the same feeling about one of the MWs.  I always said to myself, "Anybody but her!"  And I wasn't the only one who felt that way, two other friends who went to that practice said the same thing.  There were 8 MWs so I figured the odds were in my favor.  Wouldn't you know it, the day I went into labor it was her.  Their shifts are 24hours and she was two hours into her shift, so I knew it would be her.  

It was a busy day in L & D and I didn't see much of her.  She came once in triage and the other two times were at my request, first to be checked and then to start pushing.  She was actually great through pushing and stitching me back up.  I think more important is your L & D nurse, because that is the person you will see the most.  

As far as things you can do, I think the only thing you can do is labor at home as long as possible.  Good luck and hopefully if you do get her your experience will be similar to mine.  Oh and now when I see her I look forward to it.  She still remembers DD's birth two years later and I feel a connection to her because she caught my daughter, so keep an open mind she might surprise you. 


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12-06-2012 at 3:57 PM
sschwege
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+adamwife+:
Treschic81:
this decaf life:

Maybe speak with the other midwives about your discomfort with her, I feel like they might have an approach to this situation.

I go to an OB office with one CNM, 4 women OBs and 1 male OB who doesn't deliver babies anymore. The ONLY one I actually like is the guy who doesn't deliver babies. I'm just hoping the nurses do most of the work and the OB who shows up just catches the baby and walks away. I've heard great things about the nursing staff at my hospital but I just don't care for any of the OBs [or the CNM] 

Chances are you won't see the OB much at all during labor.  Both practices I used for my 1st and 2nd deliveries were like that.  The nurses at the hospital are the ones you see.  The dr just comes at the end when it's time to push.   

midwives are different.  Mine have always been with me through my entire labors, coming in and out to check on me and recommend things.

It does depend on the MW.  I only saw mine three times in the 7 hours I spent in the hospital and that includes triage and pushing.  In her own defense it was a really busy day in L & D.  I know she caught at least three babies back to back.  But she told me at my postpartum visit that she really felt like she was intruding on me and DH every time she came.  Like we had our own little set-up and she was stepping on our toes or something.  Probably true since we did Hypnobirthing.  My L & D nurse who was wonderful barely spoke to us either.  She would come in listen to the heartbeat and leave usually without saying a word.  So I guess part of it might be the vibe you put out or what they think is most beneficial to you.  


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12-06-2012 at 4:01 PM
skyllingst...
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I would try not to worry too much. My MW practice is pretty large- there are about 7 midwives total and there are definitely some I like more than others and there was 1 midwife that I specifically DISLIKED. I joked with my SIL who is a L&D nurse (and knows all the midwives well since she works them daily) that if I went into labor and that specific midwife was on-call I would hold the baby in or have it at home haha I was lucky and didn't have her for either of my labors but at the same time my SIL said that some patients who dislike this midwife to begin with end up LOVING her rapport during labor and that often times the personality type you *think* you might like during labor is different than what is actually helpful. 

Also, FWIW since I have 2 little ones at home to schedule around this pregnancy I have my appts the same day of the week each month and it just so happens that my least favorite MW is the only midwife on that day in the morning. She is basically the only MW I have seen this pregnancy and now that I've seen her a decent amount I'm starting to really like her! She has definitely surprised me in how she has reacted to different things during this pregnancy. Her personality is just not as warm and fuzzy as some of the other MWs (she was career military before starting the midwifery practice if that gives you any idea of her personality lol). She has her own strengths and I wouldn't mind if she was who delivered baby #3. 


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12-06-2012 at 6:41 PM
alohachris...
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My OB asks me close to delivery  if its ok if his partner delivers my baby and if I say no ,he's not leaving town unless its a emergency. Maybe your MW's have this option?

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12-06-2012 at 9:16 PM
Kingston54
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I had this problem with my pregnancy with DS.  One of the doctors - I was not a fan of.  I kept hoping I wouldn't get him  - and I didn't.  He's still with the practice and this time he's actually one of my favorites if not, THE favorite.

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12-07-2012 at 6:02 PM
mishka29
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That's a tough situation. I didn't really like my MW either. At the last appointment I went to I found out that she went on vacay for a year...didn't mention this to me!  But turns out I like the replacement so much better, so it all worked out.

I hope it works out for you too!  The odds are on your side.


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12-09-2012 at 7:41 AM
nickiez
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I have to have that discussion with my OB office...one of the new doctors did not sit well with me. He was really nice but assumes a lot and did not show empathy with my concerns. I was also on 2 weeks already and he took me off of it which made me feel the more unknown. I am going to be a single mom and he set me off by asking me who else will be getting the Pertussis shot, my husband....don't assume and all the others in the office know so obv he has not read my chart because I only told 1 doctor but all know....

 
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