Yeah but in 9 months you'll have a baby... and he'll still have alcohol.

SockMonkeySam:

Yeah but in 9 months you'll have a baby... and he'll still have alcohol.

Ditto!

Yeah, I think you're the winner here.

You know what's not fair? People who want to have a baby and can't. But at least they can still have a glass of wine, right?

I think it's pretty "fair" that you get a baby. Alcohol is not that big of a sacrifice. Count your blessings.

skio:

You know what's not fair? People who want to have a baby and can't. But at least they can still have a glass of wine, right? I think it's pretty "fair" that you get a baby. Alcohol is not that big of a sacrifice. Count your blessings.

All of this!!

I have friends who would do anything to have baby!!

If the thought of not getting to have alcohol makes you so upset you want to cry, you have bigger problems than work frustrations.

skio:

You know what's not fair? People who want to have a baby and can't. But at least they can still have a glass of wine, right?

I think it's pretty "fair" that you get a baby. Alcohol is not that big of a sacrifice. Count your blessings.

I know it's not a big sacrifice.., I'm not a big drinker typically when I'm not pregnant. I just thought it was kind of funny but a little depressing that my coworkers cheering up failed and I can't even tell him "Well, actually..."

I think it's also that as soon as you can't have something you want it. I am not a big drinker but I would kill for a BeniHanas tropical mojito right now. And Brie. And caffeine...

I know giving *** up for our children and being the selfsacrificeist mom you can be is some big competition around here but I'm allowed to miss things when something changes, right? Moms are still allowed to have independent thoughts and feelings, yes? I am not going to get drunk when pregnant, just like I'm not going to go out partying and leave a baby alone at home but a mother of young children is allowed to say 'I wish I could join my friends at that event!' Or will you attack them for having thoughts and feelings not completely 150 wrapped up in how awesome it is to be a mom?

BlissBerry:

If the thought of not getting to have alcohol makes you so upset you want to cry, you have bigger problems than work frustrations.

It's been a terrible day and just about anything makes me want to cry ATM. It's called being pregnant?

I am far from an alcoholic, I'll have a glass of wine w dinner when we go out with my in laws every month or so, or a drink at home like once a week.

Being tired and over emotional is SOP for 1st tri.

Okay, yes. It sounds really stupid to women who are struggling to get pregnant when a pregnant woman complains about not being able to do something because she's pregnant. But give her a break, she didn't post this on a TTC board. She's venting and she's got a right to do it. No one goes to a woman TTC and says to her that in some cultures women are shunned or killed if they can't produce children and that they should be happy to have their lives. Yeah, it's big jump, but I'm just sick of seeing women get picked on for the most ridiculous crap on these boards. 

Yes, remind her that she should be thankful, but don't treat her like she's a nazi or something. Crikey.  

^ This.

The idea that you have to sacrifice everything and freaking LIKE it! idea of motherhood is really grating.

You know what, I have fibromyalgia and peripheral neuropathy. When a friend complains that they have a sore back, I don't tell them to shut up and suck it up just because I couldn't get out of bed yesterday. That would make me an ass. Instead I listen and offer consolation.

somerandomchick:

skio:

You know what's not fair? People who want to have a baby and can't. But at least they can still have a glass of wine, right? I think it's pretty "fair" that you get a baby. Alcohol is not that big of a sacrifice. Count your blessings.

I know it's not a big sacrifice.., I'm not a big drinker typically when I'm not pregnant. I just thought it was kind of funny but a little depressing that my coworkers cheering up failed and I can't even tell him "Well, actually..." I think it's also that as soon as you can't have something you want it. I am not a big drinker but I would kill for a BeniHanas tropical mojito right now. And Brie. And caffeine... I know giving *** up for our children and being the selfsacrificeist mom you can be is some big competition around here but I'm allowed to miss things when something changes, right? Moms are still allowed to have independent thoughts and feelings, yes? I am not going to get drunk when pregnant, just like I'm not going to go out partying and leave a baby alone at home but a mother of young children is allowed to say 'I wish I could join my friends at that event!' Or will you attack them for having thoughts and feelings not completely 150 wrapped up in how awesome it is to be a mom?

 

I don't think people were trying to attack you, just give you a different perspective. A lot of us here have tried for many years to get pregnant, and it does rankle a bit when we see people complain. It's not about being competitive with each other, it's about appreciating the fact that we're pregnant. I do miss a few things of course, but I made myself a promise a long time ago that if I was lucky enough to actually keep a pregnancy, I would try my best not to complain about it. That's a pretty different viewpoint and I hope it gives you some idea what the others were trying to tell you. I'm not saying I don't feel like complaining about certain things, I'm not saying it's wrong to complain. It's all about how you look at it. If I catch myself thinking about complaining I remind myself about that promise I made. It's nice to know that many people don't worry about things like that, and you shouldn't feel bad about venting. Everyone needs to vent from time to time and this is certainly the place to do it. Just try not to take it personally when you get a bad reaction. In any case, I hope your able to tell your co-workers your happy news soon, so the irony of missing out will fade. Take care of yourself, OP.

somerandomchick:

I know it's not a big sacrifice.., I'm not a big drinker typically when I'm not pregnant. I just thought it was kind of funny but a little depressing that my coworkers cheering up failed and I can't even tell him "Well, actually..."

I think it's also that as soon as you can't have something you want it. I am not a big drinker but I would kill for a BeniHanas tropical mojito right now. And Brie. And caffeine...

I know giving *** up for our children and being the selfsacrificeist mom you can be is some big competition around here but I'm allowed to miss things when something changes, right? Moms are still allowed to have independent thoughts and feelings, yes? I am not going to get drunk when pregnant, just like I'm not going to go out partying and leave a baby alone at home but a mother of young children is allowed to say 'I wish I could join my friends at that event!' Or will you attack them for having thoughts and feelings not completely 150 wrapped up in how awesome it is to be a mom?

lol. Wow, this is a special kind of defensive.

I'm sorry you had a bad day or whateverthefuck but people weren't saying you're not allowed to want a drink. But to complain about it not "being fair"...word choice was a tad insensitive. I WAS a big social drinker before having kids, and you can bet that I want a flucking beer every now and then. But I'm not going to come to a board of pregnant women and complain about it how unfair life is. It's all about perspective.

FTR, you can have a piece of Brie and a cup of coffee. I hope first tri starts looking up for you.

somerandomchick:

skio:

You know what's not fair? People who want to have a baby and can't. But at least they can still have a glass of wine, right? I think it's pretty "fair" that you get a baby. Alcohol is not that big of a sacrifice. Count your blessings.

I know it's not a big sacrifice.., I'm not a big drinker typically when I'm not pregnant. I just thought it was kind of funny but a little depressing that my coworkers cheering up failed and I can't even tell him "Well, actually..." I think it's also that as soon as you can't have something you want it. I am not a big drinker but I would kill for a BeniHanas tropical mojito right now. And Brie. And caffeine... I know giving *** up for our children and being the selfsacrificeist mom you can be is some big competition around here but I'm allowed to miss things when something changes, right? Moms are still allowed to have independent thoughts and feelings, yes? I am not going to get drunk when pregnant, just like I'm not going to go out partying and leave a baby alone at home but a mother of young children is allowed to say 'I wish I could join my friends at that event!' Or will you attack them for having thoughts and feelings not completely 150 wrapped up in how awesome it is to be a mom?

 I want my 4 children that died back.. Guess thats not fair.

BIM22607:

skio:

You know what's not fair? People who want to have a baby and can't. But at least they can still have a glass of wine, right? I think it's pretty "fair" that you get a baby. Alcohol is not that big of a sacrifice. Count your blessings.

All of this!!

I have friends who would do anything to have baby!!

I think you guys are being harsh.  If she wants to b!tch that she wants a glass of wine, who cares.  I would love a glass of wine.  I really don't see what her pregnancy has to do with your friends or anyone else who is having trouble getting pregnant.  One has absolutely nothing to do with the other, unless she is complaining to them, which she is not. 

Now, before you start getting all, 'you're pregnant with your second, what do you know about it', I've had a loss.  I hated being pregnant with my daughter, complained constantly...  Yes, AFTER the loss.  Did that mean I don't love my daughter?  Absolutely not.  Would I do it again, well, clearly I am.  But no one needs to love pregnancy, or pretend they do, just because other people have IF issues. 

So have a big piece of chocolate cake or something.

OP, I made a similar post a couple of months ago and got the same kind of flame (mostly "you should be grateful you can have/do that!!). Don't let it get to you. You are having a legitimate reaction to a frustrating situation. It's true that a glass of wine after work is sometimes the exact right thing lift your mood, and it's true that it sucks that you won't be drinking any tonight. Maybe ask your SO for a back rub, and see if that helps.

And for everyone else's consideration... Let's remember that there are many pregnant women who wouldn't give drinking during pregnancy a second thought, and this person is actually talking about the fact that she WON'T be drinking. Of course, that's about as relevant to the subject as complaints of infertility. Seriously, people, chill out. 

SockMonkeySam:

somerandomchick:

skio:

You know what's not fair? People who want to have a baby and can't. But at least they can still have a glass of wine, right? I think it's pretty "fair" that you get a baby. Alcohol is not that big of a sacrifice. Count your blessings.

I know it's not a big sacrifice.., I'm not a big drinker typically when I'm not pregnant. I just thought it was kind of funny but a little depressing that my coworkers cheering up failed and I can't even tell him "Well, actually..." I think it's also that as soon as you can't have something you want it. I am not a big drinker but I would kill for a BeniHanas tropical mojito right now. And Brie. And caffeine... I know giving *** up for our children and being the selfsacrificeist mom you can be is some big competition around here but I'm allowed to miss things when something changes, right? Moms are still allowed to have independent thoughts and feelings, yes? I am not going to get drunk when pregnant, just like I'm not going to go out partying and leave a baby alone at home but a mother of young children is allowed to say 'I wish I could join my friends at that event!' Or will you attack them for having thoughts and feelings not completely 150 wrapped up in how awesome it is to be a mom?

 I want my 4 children that died back.. Guess thats not fair.

 

Thats terribly sad, Im am sincerely sorry that you had to go through all of this. I have suffered loss as well. I know how it feels.

With that being said I really think this comment is unnecessary,  incredibly harsh and somewhat distasteful. OP, I want a freakin' drink too. I have had incredibly stressful days at work and feel somewhat bitter that I can't have a big fat fishbowl glass of wine. I still love, cherish and appreciate my LO and this pregnancy and wouldnt change the fact that Im pregnant for anything in this world.  

lol... I really don't think she was trying to offend anyone.  I'm pretty sure we've all had frustrating days where we'd love to wind down with a huge margarita.. or something similar.

OP, I'm sorry you had a bad day at work and I'm sorry that some people jumped your case about your venting session...  however!!  I will tell you that your phrasing was probably what irritated people.. especially women who are PgAL or TTTC... though those women should expect to see postings such as these on the regular 1st tri board.

Anyway.. I've been having some crappy days lately too.. try doing something relaxing!!  (or watch a ridiculous docudrama to make you feel better about life) ;) 

Being pregnant is hard, especially when you weren't expecting it. I'm sorry for everyone's struggles and losses. It's very sad but there's no reason to attack someone talking about their struggle learning how to cope with the stress of work and pregnancy differently than what they were used to.

I understand, before I found out I was pregnant (huge surprise) I would come home when I was stressed out and have a glass of wine, watch a movie with my boyfriend and unwind.  There's nothing wrong with that, and there's nothing wrong with saying that it's unfair that in the most stressful time in a womans life we can't do what we want to to relax.

I'm very greatful for my baby, and I can't wait to hold him or her and it will all be worth it in the end but sometimes I get upset that I can't do everything I used to be able to and that's a normal feeling.

No offense or anything, but your coworker sounds a little...alcoholic. 

Alcohol - overall - is over-rated in my experience,but I do miss my cab sauvs. There's nothing like a good quality wine with dinner, and it has nothing to do with forgetting my problems. It's just a fantastic experience, a little taste of luxury with my pizza or pasta. *drools*  I just can't even describe...

....... if it is any comfort, I have never had any alcohol in my entire life. I am pretty sure you will survive.

Cripes.  I wished for booze when I was pregnant too.  Some days I wish my kid would go to sleep at 4 because I'm just done and want to take a nap. It doesn't mean he's not the best thing that's ever happened to me or that I don't appreciate the fact that I get the gift of being his mother. OP is having a bad day and came to vent.  People need to relax. 

I wonder how many of you FTMs here chastising her for not being grateful enough will find yourselves begging for your kid to shut up and go to sleep so you can have a glass of wine in 6 months.  I suspect more than a few.  Difficulty getting pregnant and losses are unimaginably hard to deal with but it doesn't men no one is allowed to get frustrated or complain unless they've dealt with it themselves. Otherwise no one is allowed to complain about anything ever because, you know, starving children in Africa and all that.

somerandomchick:

BlissBerry:

If the thought of not getting to have alcohol makes you so upset you want to cry, you have bigger problems than work frustrations.

It's been a terrible day and just about anything makes me want to cry ATM. It's called being pregnant? I am far from an alcoholic, I'll have a glass of wine w dinner when we go out with my in laws every month or so, or a drink at home like once a week. Being tired and over emotional is SOP for 1st tri.

I guess it's all in how you say things.  

somerandomchick:

But of course I CAN'T have alcohol... Nearly started crying then and there. It's not fair, sigh

I get crying out of frustration or whatever, but the way you posted was that you were crying because you couldn't have alcohol.

*ETA - FWIW, my doctor says wine is fine in moderation and I know he's not the only one.  I have half a glass a couple times a week with dinner (but not until the 2nd Tri.)   

SockMonkeySam:

somerandomchick:

skio:

You know what's not fair? People who want to have a baby and can't. But at least they can still have a glass of wine, right? I think it's pretty "fair" that you get a baby. Alcohol is not that big of a sacrifice. Count your blessings.

I know it's not a big sacrifice.., I'm not a big drinker typically when I'm not pregnant. I just thought it was kind of funny but a little depressing that my coworkers cheering up failed and I can't even tell him "Well, actually..." I think it's also that as soon as you can't have something you want it. I am not a big drinker but I would kill for a BeniHanas tropical mojito right now. And Brie. And caffeine... I know giving *** up for our children and being the selfsacrificeist mom you can be is some big competition around here but I'm allowed to miss things when something changes, right? Moms are still allowed to have independent thoughts and feelings, yes? I am not going to get drunk when pregnant, just like I'm not going to go out partying and leave a baby alone at home but a mother of young children is allowed to say 'I wish I could join my friends at that event!' Or will you attack them for having thoughts and feelings not completely 150 wrapped up in how awesome it is to be a mom?

 I want my 4 children that died back.. Guess thats not fair.

So sorry for your losses, but I think that comment was a low blow and uncalled for. I think everyone is overreacting.

Wow, first tri is really going for the gold medal in the Pain Olympics today, huh?

OP your original post did sound a little ridiculous.   

There are moments when I think about how much my life is going to change with #2 around and start to panic. I think that is normal. Its normal to complain.  I had a loss before this and I still complain about the changes pregnancy brings both physically and emotionally. Yeah I miss my glass of wine, my eyelashes (they are falling out) and running, but big deal. In a few months I will be enjoying a glass of riesling and hopefully my eyelashes will be back.

I hope your 1st trimester starts going a little smoother for you soon.

 

I was under the impression that a glass of wine every now and then while pregnant was not going t harm the baby?? Did I miss something? I have even heard Dr.s say that a glass a day is great for Mom and baby's blood flow and heart and blah blah blah?

OP I am sorry you are having a hard day...I know that all of these women whether they choose alcohol or not, have their vices for stressful days like you.  I would talk to your Dr. about a glass of wine from time to time! Its not like your grabbing the bottle of Tequila and a shot glass.

I cant completely understand some of the pain people have witnessed having lost a child of had trouble getting to the 1st Tri board in the first place and I am sorry for that, but I think OP was not wrong by saying it was unfair she could unwind the way she wanted too. IT SUCKS sometimes having to give up so much for 9 months! I know the reward at the end is well worth the sacrifice but that being said I think it is perfectly natural to vent about what your missing while you are making a wonderful new life! This Sh!t is hard sometimes! 

Cut her a break... You're going too far with this.

Southernsunflower2012:

I was under the impression that a glass of wine every now and then while pregnant was not going t harm the baby?? Did I miss something?nbsp;I havenbsp;even heard Dr.s say that a glass a day is great for Mom and baby's blood flow and heart and blah blah blah?OP I am sorry you are having a hard day...I know that all of these women whether they choose alcohol or not, have their vices fornbsp;stressfulnbsp;days like you. nbsp;I would talk to your Dr. about a glass of wine from time to time! Its not like your grabbing the bottle of Tequila and a shot glass.I cantnbsp;completelynbsp;understand some of the pain people havenbsp;witnessednbsp;having lost a child of had trouble getting to the 1st Tri board in the first place and I am sorry for that, but I think OP was not wrong by saying it was unfair she could unwind the way she wanted too. IT SUCKSnbsp;sometimesnbsp;having to give up so much for 9 months! I know the reward at the end is well worth the sacrifice but that being said I think it is perfectly natural to vent about what your missing while you are making a wonderful new life! This Sh!t is hard sometimes!nbsp;

I know I read a comprehensive comparison of studies that actually dealt with moderate alcohol consumption during pregnancy and found no ill effects... In some studies the moderate drinkers has better pregnancy outcomes than even the non drinkers but that is likely associated with socioeconomic differences. Easier to have a healthy pregnancy when you can afford better food, don't live in a more polluted neighborhood etc. moderate drinking being 2 to 3 glasses of wine a week.

So I'm a little iffy. I do know that the most harmful time for alcohol is the 2nd half of the first trimester, which is right now. So I'll probably avoid completely until 2nd tri. I figured I'd talk to my doc about it. At the first apt the CNM seemed to say obviously no alcohol, but I didn't really talk about it w them in detail.

On the bright side, yesterday something actually broke at work so I got to head home at 5 instead if 630, which definitely cheered me up. And I was home early enough that our pizza was cheaper because we caught happy hour! Always nice when dinner is cheaper than you expected.

Well, I hope all of you have a happy and healthy 9 months and that nobody has anything really bad happen to complain about!