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12-08-2012 at 9:30 PM
eatmorecup...
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XP Shower Ettiquette

So, my MIL is being VERY pushy about having a shower for me which I adamantly don't want.  I was able to shelf the conversation for a short period of time until my SIL brought it up again.

I managed to convince SIL to do a "sip and see" after the baby is born instead of an actual shower, but am having a tough time explaining to SIL and MIL why it isn't appropriate to make a registry or ask for gifts.   According to my MIL, it "isn't about you" (in reference to me) and every baby should be celebrated.  That is fine and all but I JUST had a baby and don't want my friends to feel obligated to buy gifts. 

So, my question is this.  I really want the invites to say "Your presence is our present!" or something along those lines.  Is that necessary or do people just generally assume that a sip and see is a "gift not expected" event.  I figure if someone really wants to bring a gift they will no matter what an invite says, but I want to make sure people know that this really is just an event for everyone to get together and celebrate.

Does that make sense? Am I just rambling? 

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12-08-2012 at 9:51 PM
lisa5201
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I think mentioning gifts, whether to bring them or not, is kind of a no-no. I understand you don't want people to feel obligated, or for you to look gift grabby (totally honorable) but by bringing up gifts at all I think you kind of put it in people's head.

Some people will bring gifts no matter what you put on the invite, and some won't because a sip and see is not necessarily a gift giving event. Def. wouldn't register because that would up the "feeling obligated" factor, and if people ask what you need you can say, "honestly we don't need a thing, we just want to see everybody!" 

You could also try to talk MIL down to just hosting a dinner/bbq that isn't really baby related, but she seems like a pushy broad, so good luck with that :) 


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12-09-2012 at 3:39 AM
rhubarb123
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lisa5201:

I think mentioning gifts, whether to bring them or not, is kind of a no-no. I understand you don't want people to feel obligated, or for you to look gift grabby (totally honorable) but by bringing up gifts at all I think you kind of put it in people's head.

Some people will bring gifts no matter what you put on the invite, and some won't because a sip and see is not necessarily a gift giving event. Def. wouldn't register because that would up the "feeling obligated" factor, and if people ask what you need you can say, "honestly we don't need a thing, we just want to see everybody!" 

You could also try to talk MIL down to just hosting a dinner/bbq that isn't really baby related, but she seems like a pushy broad, so good luck with that :) 

This.  Just make sure you put any gifts brought off to the side (maybe in another room) and open them after the party unless someone specifically asks you to open their's with them present).  When we hosted a "meet the baby" I'd say 1/2 the guests brought gifts (mostly diapers, wipes, outfits) and they were people that would have given us something for the baby even if we had not had a party.

 
12-09-2012 at 6:59 AM
LadyDelila...
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My friends Mom did something similar to this and they decided to put on the invitation to bring a gift that could be donated to a womens shelter or the local NI CU or pregnancy crisis center. I cant remember off the top of my head but what I do remember is that it was very well recieved by all the people that came.

"we have been so fortunate that we would like etend that to others in honor of Baby -name here- if you would like to join in donating a blanket/hat/book/ toy for - insert donation place name here- we would love to add it in baby - name here- 's honor"

GL


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12-09-2012 at 7:22 AM
Estwd2
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To me, a printed invite always means I should bring a gift. My mom threw me a very informal meet the baby party and invited people over the phone at my request. That way people didn't assume they had to bring a gift. Some did, but they were close family members who would have given DD a gift anyway. Would your MIL go for something like that? I have my doubts since she sounds a little on the crazy side.

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12-09-2012 at 11:12 AM
blush64
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If you really don't want one I think it's too bad they keep pushing. Does that family always throw a shower for each baby? If it's commonly done in their family maybe they could do it just for their side.

I would not write in the invitation anything about presents. People will come and if they want to get a gift, they will.

I know my family has a shower for each baby, no matter how many the mother has. It's been done that way for generations. (seriously) We only invite family members and it's always so much fun.  BUT if someone didn't want a shower, there wouldn't be anyone pressuring her into having one.

 
12-09-2012 at 12:52 PM
eatmorecup...
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Estwd2:
To me, a printed invite always means I should bring a gift. My mom threw me a very informal meet the baby party and invited people over the phone at my request. That way people didn't assume they had to bring a gift. Some did, but they were close family members who would have given DD a gift anyway. Would your MIL go for something like that? I have my doubts since she sounds a little on the crazy side.

Haha.  I think she is more excited than crazy.  DS was her first grandkid and she is really looking forward to another.  I probably can't get her away from a printed invite, but have gotten SIL to agree to a lunch somewhere.  Thanks for the advice on no mention of gifts and the idea of putting gifts off to the side if they do come!


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12-10-2012 at 2:05 PM
ebp913
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I don't post much on this board but I do know that the general feeling is there should be no mention of gifts either way.  I do understand this perspective but I personally like when people put "no gifts" because otherwise I assume that I am supposed to bring something.  As a guest, I would rather have that be clear to me.  I can choose to bring or not bring something.  

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12-11-2012 at 10:31 AM
yellowappl...
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I agree with ebp913, I prefer it when an invite says to not bring gifts if that's what the MTB wants. I was raised that if you're invited to a shower, sprinkle or any variation of a baby party, you bring a gift. I personally think it's tacky to not want gifts but then not tell people.

I had a friend who was having a 2nd baby and she had a shower at a restaurant with just girlfriends - Her invite didn't say no gifts & she did register somewhere. I'd say less than half the people brought gifts (I was one of them). Not only did I have to buy my own lunch, but she didn't even open her gifts at the party. I was pissed. But that's a digression and my own issue to work out... 


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12-11-2012 at 2:49 PM
LatteLady5
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ebp913:
I don't post much on this board but I do know that the general feeling is there should be no mention of gifts either way.  I do understand this perspective but I personally like when people put "no gifts" because otherwise I assume that I am supposed to bring something.  As a guest, I would rather have that be clear to me.  I can choose to bring or not bring something.  

I know I am in the minority here as well but I also feel like this. Unless specifically noted, I will bring something.


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12-14-2012 at 8:08 PM
puddles92
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I think if you don't want presents its no big deal. I love your idea of putting "your presence is our present" on your invitations. It shows that you want them to meet baby, and its not about getting gifts. :
 
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