I don't think its awful to say and actually I think its brave and something that many women think but won't admit. Raising a special needs child is hard. Testing can help you prepare even if you decide not to abort. I was 35 and 37 when I gave birth to my girls - I had a special ultrasound and some basic tests and all was showing normal so we chose not to do the amino and anything further at that point but if the doc had told us we had to have it or their were any questions, we had have done whatever we needed. What we would have done with the information had anything shown up, I honestly can't say and I think until you are in that situation, you can't 100% answer the question. I would like to think that I would raise any child but I also know my limits and my DH and I have watched a close friend raise her amazing son with severe disabilities and its hard on her and hard on her whole family.
To give you some background on me - I had a very normal pregnancy the 1st time around. I was 35 when my DD was born. Totally normal pregnancy and all the tests were totally normal - no worries. My DD was born with a collapsed lung which we learned was common in hard labors such as mine - she was taken to surgery right away and was fine from that. While in the level 2 nursery at 11 hours of age, she started having seizuers. She was transported to the local amazing Children's Hospital for a crazy number of tests, was put on medication to stop the seizures which took a few days to really work. When I first saw her hours later, she was blue from a seizure.
Her neurologist later told us that her brain injury had accured during the end of my pregnancy and not during the very long and hard labor. No signs of distress or anything noticeble happened during the end of my pregnancy. WE were given a long list of things that might be wrong with my DD - all of which were very scary. When going through something like that, you learn very fast who your friends are and who will be there for you. The outpouring of support was amazing.
We took our DD home at 7 days old not knowing what the future held but so in love with our amazing girl. WE lived moment to moment, always watching for that next seizure or any sign of a major issue. Letting her sleep in her own room at 5 weeks was the hardest thing I did (but the best thing for both of us). She was on medication until she was 4 months old and I am thrilled to say that at 6 years old - she has never had another seizure.
She was released from the neurologist care at 20 months (a month before her little sister was born with no complications) and has made 1 return trip for headaches that turned out to be a bad sinus infection that had no noticeble signs.
My DD is now 6 1/2 years old, has sever ADHD and a diagnosed speech disorder which years of speech therapy is helping so much. She is in kindergaten, is a math wize, struggling with her letters and reading. She is the sweetest, most amazing girl. SHe is super sensesitive and the most sure of herself person I know. She has never let her speech issues hold her back. Yes, she is going to struggle in school but I have no doubt that she is going to work hard and she I know she will always have parents and a sisters and lots of friends and family in her corner helping her along the way.
Had I been told while pregnant what I was told when she was a day or 2 old, I would have seriuously considered aborting her. I am thankful I didn't have to make that kind of decision. I know with many of the issues that come up - you know for sure what you would be facing unlike my situation. While we have challenges and my DD has been getting special ed services for years - we have it easy compared to what many others go through but you do handle what you are dealt. I know, I hate the saying that you are only given as much as you can handle and that you will rise to what you are up against but it is true.