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12-09-2012 at 4:18 PM
nonniedee
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Apparently I'm anti-social

I was told by my supervisor that my pregnancy has made me grumpy. She says I have a very apparent attitude, and I come off as anti-social. What she doesn't know is that I can't stand her. Her voice makes me want to rip my ears off, and she is one of those people who don't believe in personal space. So, I generally try to steer clear of her. I have caught her having little sessions with my co-workers talking about me, and I have a suspicion that she has shared my pregnancy with a few of her minions. I specifically told her that I need to tell people on my own time. (I miscarried last year and the hardest part of it was telling everyone.) The only reason I told her was because there was a possibility I would have to take a leave of absence. I'm just tired of her ***. It's like dealing with a middle school kid. I can't wait to go on maternity leave.
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12-09-2012 at 4:24 PM
emolm
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Huh. Never would've guessed she sees you like that based on this post.

Oh wait. No shiit.
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12-09-2012 at 4:32 PM
nonniedee
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Actually I used to be quite friendly towards. I ignored the fact that she's extremely annoying. However, the whole letting my pregnancy slip thing pushed me over the edge. Like I said I just stay away from her now, but she seeks me out for conversation.
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12-09-2012 at 4:38 PM
ariaforte8
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My advice would be to confront her about the problems you're having. Instead you're behaving in a way that puts you in the wrong, and gets her to be upset back at you.

I'm not saying you don't have a legitimate reason to be upset: you do. However, act like an adult and have a conversation about it instead of just acting standoffish.

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12-09-2012 at 4:44 PM
nonniedee
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ariaforte8:
My advice would be to confront her about the problems you're having. Instead you're behaving in a way that puts you in the wrong, and gets her to be upset back at you. I'm not saying you don't have a legitimate reason to be upset: you do. However, act like an adult and have a conversation about it instead of just acting standoffish.

 

I see what you're saying, and I agree. It's just I feel violated. I explained to her about how hard it was to tell everyone about the miscarriage. (in fact it was the hardest part of everything) I feel like she drew first blood, and I don't know how to approach her without being emotional.

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12-09-2012 at 4:51 PM
LaineyPane...
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Why didn't you say, "This is a work environment, not a sorority house. I didn't realize we were here to make friends."
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12-09-2012 at 4:59 PM
ariaforte8
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nonniedee:

ariaforte8:
My advice would be to confront her about the problems you're having. Instead you're behaving in a way that puts you in the wrong, and gets her to be upset back at you.

I'm not saying you don't have a legitimate reason to be upset: you do. However, act like an adult and have a conversation about it instead of just acting standoffish.

&nbsp;

I see what you're saying, and I agree. It's just I feel violated. I explained to her about how hard it was to tell everyone about the miscarriage. (in fact it was the hardest part of everything) I feel like she drew first blood, and I don't know how to approach her without being emotional.



Maybe she needs to see that she made a pregnant chick cry: especially if she's one of those sunshine and butterflies types. Awkward, yes, but hey, it might work.

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12-09-2012 at 5:05 PM
nonniedee
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ariaforte8:
nonniedee:

ariaforte8:
My advice would be to confront her about the problems you're having. Instead you're behaving in a way that puts you in the wrong, and gets her to be upset back at you. I'm not saying you don't have a legitimate reason to be upset: you do. However, act like an adult and have a conversation about it instead of just acting standoffish.

 

I see what you're saying, and I agree. It's just I feel violated. I explained to her about how hard it was to tell everyone about the miscarriage. (in fact it was the hardest part of everything) I feel like she drew first blood, and I don't know how to approach her without being emotional.

Maybe she needs to see that she made a pregnant chick cry: especially if she's one of those sunshine and butterflies types. Awkward, yes, but hey, it might work.

 

lol maybe. 

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12-09-2012 at 6:06 PM
imoan
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You said you had a "suspicion" that she told other coworkers in your OP. but then proceed to validate your attitude towards her because she told others your secret. Which is it? Do you know for a fact she told? Because it sounds like you're just looking for legitimate reasons to treat her how you've always wanted to... And you think your pregnancy is the foulproof excuse.

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12-09-2012 at 6:07 PM
sheacox
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If she is seeking you out maybe she feels the tension and its her way of trying. You may not have to be best friends at work but you have to also show you are a team player and get along with not only your boss but others. Otherwise don't be surprised when you go nowhere in the company. My advice? Kill them all with kindness....
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12-09-2012 at 6:14 PM
nonniedee
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imoan:
You said you had a "suspicion" that she told other coworkers in your OP. but then proceed to validate your attitude towards her because she told others your secret. Which is it? Do you know for a fact she told? Because it sounds like you're just looking for legitimate reasons to treat her how you've always wanted to... And you think your pregnancy is the foulproof excuse.

 

Well I haven't shared the news with anyone else yet, and a few of my co-workers have been saying things like "'Oh look how much you're glowing", and "I know why you're feeling so tired". Anyway I can be cordial to just about anyone. When I walk through the door I greet everyone. However, when she's just trying to have small talk with me I don't engage. Personally I don't think that's the same thing as having an attitude with someone. I think it's her guilty conscience talking. Btw it's foolproof

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12-09-2012 at 6:49 PM
emolm
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nonniedee:

imoan:
You said you had a "suspicion" that she told other coworkers in your OP. but then proceed to validate your attitude towards her because she told others your secret. Which is it? Do you know for a fact she told? Because it sounds like you're just looking for legitimate reasons to treat her how you've always wanted to... And you think your pregnancy is the foulproof excuse.

&nbsp;

Well I haven't shared the news with anyone else yet, and a few of my co-workers have been saying things like "'Oh look how much you're glowing", and "I know why you're feeling so tired". Anyway I can be cordial to just about anyone. When I walk through the door I greet everyone. However, when she's just trying to have small talk with me I don't engage. Personally I don't think that's the same thing as having an attitude with someone. I think it's her guilty conscience talking. Btw it's foolproof



You just admitted to having an attitude with her but still denied having an attitude. I really hope for your sake that she's not in a position to fire you.
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12-09-2012 at 7:38 PM
sheacox
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Ignoring someone who is making small talk with you is just plain rude! Doing it to your boss is really immature and won't get you far. If you think she said something, instead of acting like a teenager, why don't you just ask her? Gosh I want to feel bad for you but I feel bad for your boss. I can't believe how offended I'd be if someone I was talking to was just ignoring me and not engaging, that's just cruel. No excuse. 
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Please, Please, Please stick baby!

 
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12-09-2012 at 8:35 PM
nonniedee
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sheacox:
Ignoring someone who is making small talk with you is just plain rude! Doing it to your boss is really immature and won't get you far. If you think she said something, instead of acting like a teenager, why don't you just ask her? Gosh I want to feel bad for you but I feel bad for your boss. I can't believe how offended I'd be if someone I was talking to was just ignoring me and not engaging, that's just cruel. No excuse. 

 

Killing puppies is cruel, abusing children is cruel, choosing not to speak to someone is not. Please, let's gain some perspective here. Btw, not engaging and ignoring are also 2 different things. I keep my conversations with her short and respectful. She has no right to demand that I be her friend, and I have every right to choose not to. I think I could be nicer at times, I've admitted to that already. Also, I wasn't looking for a tea and sympathy fest so feeling bad for me is unnecessary, but thanks for trying. I'm not stupid, and I wouldn't do anything to endanger my job.

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12-09-2012 at 8:41 PM
rpalen29
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is there someone above her you can talk to, or possibly HR and complain about her gossiping about your pregnancy? They'll put her in her place. 
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12-09-2012 at 8:41 PM
nonniedee
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emolm:
nonniedee:

imoan:
You said you had a "suspicion" that she told other coworkers in your OP. but then proceed to validate your attitude towards her because she told others your secret. Which is it? Do you know for a fact she told? Because it sounds like you're just looking for legitimate reasons to treat her how you've always wanted to... And you think your pregnancy is the foulproof excuse.

 

Well I haven't shared the news with anyone else yet, and a few of my co-workers have been saying things like "'Oh look how much you're glowing", and "I know why you're feeling so tired". Anyway I can be cordial to just about anyone. When I walk through the door I greet everyone. However, when she's just trying to have small talk with me I don't engage. Personally I don't think that's the same thing as having an attitude with someone. I think it's her guilty conscience talking. Btw it's foolproof

You just admitted to having an attitude with her but still denied having an attitude. I really hope for your sake that she's not in a position to fire you.

 

In what part of that did you see an admission of guilty. I stated that I am cordial. How is it bad to simply not want to be someone's friend? Anything she asks of me professionally is done promptly and correctly, but I'm not interested in having any girly time chit chat with her. Idk where you work, but at my job promotions aren't based upon friendship, and if she were to fire me HR would be on her ass like white on rice. (that's how it happens in most professional settings)

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12-09-2012 at 8:51 PM
emolm
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A lot of promotions do take personality into account. I'm not sure what kind of business you're in but most places won't want anything to do with someone who can't be pleasant with their bosses because it almost guarantees they won't treat customers well.

Out your big girl panties on, ask if she told, make small talk, and play the game.
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12-09-2012 at 8:52 PM
emolm
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And I'm mobile so I can't see how pregnant you are but maybe you're showing and that's why everyone thinks you're pregnant.
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12-09-2012 at 8:55 PM
nonniedee
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rpalen29:
is there someone above her you can talk to, or possibly HR and complain about her gossiping about your pregnancy? They'll put her in her place. 

I've been giving that some thought, but it would be a big to do. As far as I was concerned keeping her away from my personal life was working for me. It wasn't until she pulled me to the side and said this that I even thought about it.  I would have never told her about this pregnancy, but I was on strict bed rest the entirety of my last one. I felt it would be courteous to give a heads-up just in case (kinda like 2 weeks notice). Anyway, she has no complaints about my work ethic. Just doesn't like the fact that I don't want to be her friend.

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12-09-2012 at 8:57 PM
nonniedee
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emolm:
And I'm mobile so I can't see how pregnant you are but maybe you're showing and that's why everyone thinks you're pregnant.

Not a chance I've lost 30 pounds.

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12-09-2012 at 8:57 PM
imoan
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I sure hope you don't need this job after the kid is born. Because if I was your boss, I'd keep you around just as long as I needed to so I wouldn't have issues with firing a pregnant woman.

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12-09-2012 at 9:00 PM
nonniedee
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emolm:
A lot of promotions do take personality into account. I'm not sure what kind of business you're in but most places won't want anything to do with someone who can't be pleasant with their bosses because it almost guarantees they won't treat customers well. Out your big girl panties on, ask if she told, make small talk, and play the game.

 

I work in the medical field, and she's my boss, but she has a boss who has a boss. Basically what I'm trying to say is her hurt feelings over us not being bffs wouldn't matter at all in the end.

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12-09-2012 at 9:03 PM
nonniedee
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imoan:
I sure hope you don't need this job after the kid is born. Because if I was your boss, I'd keep you around just as long as I needed to so I wouldn't have issues with firing a pregnant woman.

 

I have a little something called a union that would make that very difficult for her. Especially since I haven't done anything wrong professionally. It's more likely that someone gossiping about my personal life would be fired actually.

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12-09-2012 at 9:04 PM
emolm
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Did she say her feelings are hurt or does she just think you're a biitch? Maybe you need to put pregnancy hormoneinduced emotions aside and try to honestly assess the situation.
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12-09-2012 at 9:08 PM
nonniedee
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emolm:
Did she say her feelings are hurt or does she just think you're a biitch? Maybe you need to put pregnancy hormoneinduced emotions aside and try to honestly assess the situation.

 

Being that no one else at my job seems to find any fault with my attitude I would say my hormones are in check. You don't have to agree, but in the real world it's not butterflies and rainbows in every relationship one has.
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12-09-2012 at 9:11 PM
emolm
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nonniedee:

emolm:
Did she say her feelings are hurt or does she just think you're a biitch? Maybe you need to put pregnancy hormoneinduced emotions aside and try to honestly assess the situation.

&nbsp;

Being that no one else at my job seems to find any fault with my attitude I would say my hormones are in check. You don't have to agree, but in the real world it's not butterflies and rainbows in every relationship one has.



Really?!

I had no idea what the real world was like! Thanks for letting me know so I can continue to live in my sweet little fantasy land.

Ladies, I'm going to pop over to 1st tri. I hear they've got puppies and rainbows there!
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12-09-2012 at 9:19 PM
nonniedee
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emolm:
nonniedee:

emolm:
Did she say her feelings are hurt or does she just think you're a biitch? Maybe you need to put pregnancy hormoneinduced emotions aside and try to honestly assess the situation.

 

Being that no one else at my job seems to find any fault with my attitude I would say my hormones are in check. You don't have to agree, but in the real world it's not butterflies and rainbows in every relationship one has.

Really?! I had no idea what the real world was like! Thanks for letting me know so I can continue to live in my sweet little fantasy land. Ladies, I'm going to pop over to 1st tri. I hear they've got puppies and rainbows there!

Well, it seems to me that you have a hard time picturing a situation where someone simply doesn't want to be another person's friend. So, maybe you need a wake up call. Btw I love how I'm a *** for not talking to her, but she is totally justified in firing a hard-working person. What great perspective you have. If you noticed, there are people who gave valid points on how I could correct the situation;I even agreed with some people that I could try a little harder. However, I chose to ignore you initially because you were obviously picking a fight. Try a little discretion next time.

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12-09-2012 at 9:21 PM
sheacox
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Do you have any idea how negative a person you come across as? You seem level headed but I really hope you take some of this to heart. You snap at everyone who says anything to you. It appears antisocial to me. But I am hoping you are just feeling defensive. I am hoping I get to know you more on some other thread where a more positive you can shine. Good luck at work, hope it gets better. 
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MrsKait13 and Lidialavonna labor buddies... Because two is better then one!!


TTC since 03/2011
BFP#1 spontaneous conception! 4/28/12 natural MC on 5/9/12
IUI#1 with clomid and trigger on 9/12/12
BFP#2 on 9/26/12 EDD 6/5/13
Beta #1 143 14dpo Beta #2 343 16dpo Beta #3 920 18dpo
Please, Please, Please stick baby!

 
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12-09-2012 at 9:27 PM
emolm
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sheacox:
Do you have any idea how negative a person you come across as? You seem level headed but I really hope you take some of this to heart. You snap at everyone who says anything to you. It appears antisocial to me. But I am hoping you are just feeling defensive. I am hoping I get to know you more on some other thread where a more positive you can shine. Good luck at work, hope it gets better.nbsp;


This is where I'd put a cute little thumbs up picture.
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12-09-2012 at 9:31 PM
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My one colleague/boss is the MOST annoying person in the universe. I can't stand her but she kisses my butt and would never call me out on my tude. With that said, I know exactly how you feel, and cranky, as long as your attitude isn't affecting your job, it shouldn't matter if you're not making small talk. You don't have to be nice... Pregnant or not. Keep to yourself, do your job to the best of your ability, and if she asks what's up, just explain to her that you're stressed and dealing with a lot.

If she told your colleagues, SHE is in the wrong and you do have a right to be pissed.  
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