I am 27, my oldest is 8 yep do the math I had him at 19 got preggers at 18 I was engaged at the time. Instead of support what I got was immediate ridicule from his side of the family saying that the baby wasn't his and it wasn't possible and OMG. I hated life so much there were points I wondered why I even got pregnant. I cried so often, got angry, and tried to defend myself. Long story short, I eventually stopped listening to what they had to say. I did what I had to do for me and my son which was the single most important thing in my life. Was it hard being a young mother? Sure was. But I did it, and you know there isn't a person today that won't tell you I am  a damn good mother. Don't worry about what others have to say, your baby and your health is what is most important!!!

Im not a young mom but i just wanted to say that it sounds like you have your sh!t together.
Never worry about what people have to say. You know your situation and where youre headed.
Half the people that are judging you probably dont even have their lives in order.
Just keep your head up. Focus on school and your health. Stay positive!

First off... let me just say i'm really sorry you are having to deal with the negative comments of everyone else whose opinion that DOESNT even matter. 

As long as you and your boyfriend are willing and ready to take on the responsibility of a baby then that's the best decision for the both of you. If you are both financially prepared and happy then you know what sorry to say this but SCREW everyone else who is hating on you. You deserve nothing more than to be happy during your pregnancy- planned or and unplanned BLESSING- it doesn't matter!

 

I hope you enjoy your pregnancy and Best of luck to you. I know it's hard to do but try and ignore people who don't get you or your situation!!

 

 

Jasmineeelizabeth:

This is a question for anyone who has had a baby young.

I'm almost 21 and getting pregnant was not a planned event, however my boyfriend and I are in an amazing long-term relationship You are not old enough to have a long term adult relationship. That is a fact. and are going to be married after the baby is born. I know that we have the ability to care for this baby financially How? You are both still in school and will be after the baby is born. we already love s/he more than anything in the whole world. While that is great, love doesn't but diapers or food or day care. I graduated early and am very close to finishing my university degree, a couple night classes after the baby is born Good luck with that. and I will be done free of student loan debt. Although not ideal timing everything seems manageable EXCEPT the complete and total rudeness form people who don't know my situation well enough to form an opinion on my pregnancy. Ask for opinions and you will get them. Not everyone is going to agree that this is a super awesome point in your life to have a child because, well, it's not.

Some of the remarks are so hurtful that I can't help tearing up in front of them.  This is a time in my life I need more support and love around me. Not negative comments about terminating my pregnancy No one here said this, or preparing to be a single mom. Stats don't lie. You have a much higher chance of this happening. I'm wondering if anyone else has gone through any thing like this and what you said back? I'm not a confrontational person and have been brushing it off but no matter how many times I tell myself it doesn't matter what other people are saying I can't help letting it get to me since I've been pregnant I've been so much more emotional. "I appreciate your concern and will take it into consideration." Most of the negativity is likely out of concern because they care and they know how much more difficult you just made your life.

 

I got pregnant at 20, and my then BF (now my husband) and I got less than favorable reactions. We were only half way through school, so that didn't help. It sounds like strangers, or family that is not very close to you, are the ones making the comments. To that I say, the only thing you can do is talk to your bf and resolve together to prove them all wrong. Those that judge harshly are usually the ones that have major mistakes in their past that they are ashamed of. That thought usually helped me when people were being assholes. You sound like you really have your stuff together, and I think its great you're waiting until after you have the baby to get married. People will probably have stuff to say about that as well, but seriously, they can all suck it! 

GhostMonkey:

Jasmineeelizabeth:

This is a question for anyone who has had a baby young.

I'm almost 21 and getting pregnant was not a planned event, however my boyfriend and I are in an amazing long-term relationship You are not old enough to have a long term adult relationship. That is a fact. and are going to be married after the baby is born. I know that we have the ability to care for this baby financially How? You are both still in school and will be after the baby is born. we already love s/he more than anything in the whole world. While that is great, love doesn't but diapers or food or day care. I graduated early and am very close to finishing my university degree, a couple night classes after the baby is born Good luck with that. and
I will be done free of student loan debt. Although not ideal timing
everything seems manageable EXCEPT the complete and total rudeness form
people who don't know my situation well enough to form an opinion on my
pregnancy. Ask for opinions and you will get them. Not everyone is going to agree that this is a super awesome point in your life to have a child because, well, it's not.

Some of the remarks are so hurtful that I can't help tearing up in front of them.  This is a time in my life I need more support and love around me. Not negative comments about terminating my pregnancy No one here said this, or preparing to be a single mom. Stats don't lie. You have a much higher chance of this happening.
I'm wondering if anyone else has gone through any thing like this and
what you said back? I'm not a confrontational person and have been
brushing it off but no matter how many times I tell myself it doesn't
matter what other people are saying I can't help letting it get to me
since I've been pregnant I've been so much more emotional. "I appreciate your concern and will take it into consideration." Most of the negativity is likely out of concern because they care and they know how much more difficult you just made your life.

 

GM, why throw salt in her wounds? This was one of those times to just not answer. Shes looking for some comfort. I understand you want to exercise your freedom to post but sometimes you should think about whether or not you should really respond. Put yourself in her shoes.

Congrats on your new bundle!!! Sure your life will be a bit harder, but maybe no more than a lot of other new moms out there.  I was 23 when I got pregnant, luckily I had landed a decent job right when I got pregnant so I knew I could afford one on my own.  I wasn't able to do it with out family.  

You seem to have your life together, so forget everyone else!  If you did not ask their opinion then let their remarks just roll off your back.  If you did ask for it then jsut smile and nod and try to remember they are coming from a place of caring.  The great thing about babies is that once they are here usually that makes everyone forget all the negativity and brings everyone together.

 I was able to go back to school with a 2 yr old when I was a single mother to get my license in education and then I am about to finish my Masters, all on my own without the support of the father, so while it is difficult I would not change it for the world.  I couldn't imagine doing this any other way with my daughter.

Everyone has challenges in their life, and I wish you the best in yours!

On another note, Ghostmonkey, I am not sure what you are wanting to gain from your post or what you are hoping the OP is going to gain from your post.  Sure you have the right to post what ever you wish, and what you posted may not be wrong, but is it needed? Nothing like kicking someone when they are down. 

CarolynL8:

GM, why throw salt in her wounds? This was one of those times to just not answer. Shes looking for some comfort. I understand you want to exercise your freedom to post but sometimes you should think about whether or not you should really respond. Put yourself in her shoes.

This.

GhostMonkey:

Jasmineeelizabeth:

This is a question for anyone who has had a baby young.

I'm almost 21 and getting pregnant was not a planned event, however my boyfriend and I are in an amazing long-term relationship You are not old enough to have a long term adult relationship. That is a fact. and are going to be married after the baby is born. I know that we have the ability to care for this baby financially How? You are both still in school and will be after the baby is born. we already love s/he more than anything in the whole world. While that is great, love doesn't but diapers or food or day care. I graduated early and am very close to finishing my university degree, a couple night classes after the baby is born Good luck with that. and I will be done free of student loan debt. Although not ideal timing everything seems manageable EXCEPT the complete and total rudeness form people who don't know my situation well enough to form an opinion on my pregnancy. Ask for opinions and you will get them. Not everyone is going to agree that this is a super awesome point in your life to have a child because, well, it's not.

Some of the remarks are so hurtful that I can't help tearing up in front of them.  This is a time in my life I need more support and love around me. Not negative comments about terminating my pregnancy No one here said this, or preparing to be a single mom. Stats don't lie. You have a much higher chance of this happening. I'm wondering if anyone else has gone through any thing like this and what you said back? I'm not a confrontational person and have been brushing it off but no matter how many times I tell myself it doesn't matter what other people are saying I can't help letting it get to me since I've been pregnant I've been so much more emotional. "I appreciate your concern and will take it into consideration." Most of the negativity is likely out of concern because they care and they know how much more difficult you just made your life.

 

This is a bit judgy, don't you think? I was in her exact position at age 20 and came out the other side for the better, with my relationship in tact. Try not to be so "holier than thou." Who are you to put an age limit on relationships? I met my husband when I was 18 in high school, and we both knew then that we were marriage bound. I know 45 year olds who can't manage a mature relationship (or their children, for that matter) as responsibly some of my younger peers.

CarolynL8:

Im not a young mom but i just wanted to say that it sounds like you have your sh!t together. Never worry about what people have to say. You know your situation and where youre headed. Half the people that are judging you probably dont even have their lives in order. Just keep your head up. Focus on school and your health. Stay positive!

What she said!!!

GhostMonkey:

Jasmineeelizabeth:

This is a question for anyone who has had a baby young.

I'm almost 21 and getting pregnant was not a planned event, however my boyfriend and I are in an amazing long-term relationship You are not old enough to have a long term adult relationship. That is a fact. and are going to be married after the baby is born. I know that we have the ability to care for this baby financially How? You are both still in school and will be after the baby is born. we already love s/he more than anything in the whole world. While that is great, love doesn't but diapers or food or day care. I graduated early and am very close to finishing my university degree, a couple night classes after the baby is born Good luck with that. and I will be done free of student loan debt. Although not ideal timing everything seems manageable EXCEPT the complete and total rudeness form people who don't know my situation well enough to form an opinion on my pregnancy. Ask for opinions and you will get them. Not everyone is going to agree that this is a super awesome point in your life to have a child because, well, it's not.

Some of the remarks are so hurtful that I can't help tearing up in front of them.  This is a time in my life I need more support and love around me. Not negative comments about terminating my pregnancy No one here said this, or preparing to be a single mom. Stats don't lie. You have a much higher chance of this happening. I'm wondering if anyone else has gone through any thing like this and what you said back? I'm not a confrontational person and have been brushing it off but no matter how many times I tell myself it doesn't matter what other people are saying I can't help letting it get to me since I've been pregnant I've been so much more emotional. "I appreciate your concern and will take it into consideration." Most of the negativity is likely out of concern because they care and they know how much more difficult you just made your life.

 

 

Why are you so mean? I never said my boyfriend was in school he works full time and has a good job. Both of my grandparents have been together since they were 16-18 years old and they are still very much in love. Maybe you never experienced a good relationship when you were younger but that does not mean that I haven't found someone amazing.  This is exactly what I'm talking about it's people who don't know me that say the rudest things. My family is supportive and my friends are supportive, I guess that's all that matters. What I really wanted was tips on how to deal with people like you who do nothing more than try to bring me down when I just need some encouragement at a very vulnerable time in my life. It's not like your uncalled for response will change the situation, maybe you shouldn't be on a website that was built for woman to support each other since you seem to get enjoyment on bringing people down.. otherwise why would you even say that.

Jasmineeelizabeth:

GhostMonkey:

Jasmineeelizabeth:

This is a question for anyone who has had a baby young.

I'm almost 21 and getting pregnant was not a planned event, however my boyfriend and I are in an amazing long-term relationship You are not old enough to have a long term adult relationship. That is a fact. and are going to be married after the baby is born. I know that we have the ability to care for this baby financially How? You are both still in school and will be after the baby is born. we already love s/he more than anything in the whole world. While that is great, love doesn't but diapers or food or day care. I graduated early and am very close to finishing my university degree, a couple night classes after the baby is born Good luck with that. and I will be done free of student loan debt. Although not ideal timing everything seems manageable EXCEPT the complete and total rudeness form people who don't know my situation well enough to form an opinion on my pregnancy. Ask for opinions and you will get them. Not everyone is going to agree that this is a super awesome point in your life to have a child because, well, it's not.

Some of the remarks are so hurtful that I can't help tearing up in front of them.  This is a time in my life I need more support and love around me. Not negative comments about terminating my pregnancy No one here said this, or preparing to be a single mom. Stats don't lie. You have a much higher chance of this happening. I'm wondering if anyone else has gone through any thing like this and what you said back? I'm not a confrontational person and have been brushing it off but no matter how many times I tell myself it doesn't matter what other people are saying I can't help letting it get to me since I've been pregnant I've been so much more emotional. "I appreciate your concern and will take it into consideration." Most of the negativity is likely out of concern because they care and they know how much more difficult you just made your life.

 

 

Why are you so mean? I never said my boyfriend was in school he works full time and has a good job. Both of my grandparents have been together since they were 16-18 years old and they are still very much in love. Maybe you never experienced a good relationship when you were younger but that does not mean that I haven't found someone amazing.  This is exactly what I'm talking about it's people who don't know me that say the rudest things. My family is supportive and my friends are supportive, I guess that's all that matters. What I really wanted was tips on how to deal with people like you who do nothing more than try to bring me down when I just need some encouragement at a very vulnerable time in my life. It's not like your uncalled for response will change the situation, maybe you shouldn't be on a website that was built for woman to support each other since you seem to get enjoyment on bringing people down.. otherwise why would you even say that.

You and your boyfriend sound like you're off to a great start. My boyfriend and I are in a very similar situation and we feel completely prepared. I have received some judgement and comments, but not a whole lot. Best advice I can give is stand up for yourself. You don't have to tell your whole life story, but by saying something like, "We want this child, and we're preparing for it. Your comments and judgemental 'concerns' do nothing for us and I don't want to hear it." Hopefully that shuts them up, but some people just want to make a point to be abitch. Oh, and as far as negative comments online, ignore them. People on here don't know your life, and you don't know anyone else's. No one can know the reason why some people are mean the way they are, but we can just assume they had a crappy childhood, or they hate the relationship they're in. Most negativity comes from a place of jealously or entitlement, so it's more to do with them than it is to do with you. You're doing a great job! Congratulations and I wish you the best.

Jasmineeelizabeth:

GhostMonkey:

Jasmineeelizabeth:

This is a question for anyone who has had a baby young.

I'm almost 21 and getting pregnant was not a planned event, however my boyfriend and I are in an amazing long-term relationship You are not old enough to have a long term adult relationship. That is a fact. and are going to be married after the baby is born. I know that we have the ability to care for this baby financially How? You are both still in school and will be after the baby is born. we already love s/he more than anything in the whole world. While that is great, love doesn't but diapers or food or day care. I graduated early and am very close to finishing my university degree, a couple night classes after the baby is born Good luck with that. and I will be done free of student loan debt. Although not ideal timing everything seems manageable EXCEPT the complete and total rudeness form people who don't know my situation well enough to form an opinion on my pregnancy. Ask for opinions and you will get them. Not everyone is going to agree that this is a super awesome point in your life to have a child because, well, it's not.

Some of the remarks are so hurtful that I can't help tearing up in front of them.  This is a time in my life I need more support and love around me. Not negative comments about terminating my pregnancy No one here said this, or preparing to be a single mom. Stats don't lie. You have a much higher chance of this happening. I'm wondering if anyone else has gone through any thing like this and what you said back? I'm not a confrontational person and have been brushing it off but no matter how many times I tell myself it doesn't matter what other people are saying I can't help letting it get to me since I've been pregnant I've been so much more emotional. "I appreciate your concern and will take it into consideration." Most of the negativity is likely out of concern because they care and they know how much more difficult you just made your life.

 

 

Why are you so mean? I never said my boyfriend was in school he works full time and has a good job. Both of my grandparents have been together since they were 16-18 years old and they are still very much in love. Maybe you never experienced a good relationship when you were younger but that does not mean that I haven't found someone amazing.  This is exactly what I'm talking about it's people who don't know me that say the rudest things. My family is supportive and my friends are supportive, I guess that's all that matters. What I really wanted was tips on how to deal with people like you who do nothing more than try to bring me down when I just need some encouragement at a very vulnerable time in my life. It's not like your uncalled for response will change the situation, maybe you shouldn't be on a website that was built for woman to support each other since you seem to get enjoyment on bringing people down.. otherwise why would you even say that.

Why do people who "don't know you" know all about your life and situation?  If your friends and family are all supportive of you, why is this not enough?  I don't understand why the approval of strangers is so important.  Do you seek the approval of strangers when you order your food, buy your groceries, vote?   Who is it that you are seeking encouragement from if not from your family and friends? I truly am trying to understand.  

I know a couple that married at 16. Both still in high school at the time... First child not long after. Both obtained Masters. No help from their family. They were working, going to school and raising a family at the same time. They're in their early 40s and don't have to work.

And stats do lie. They said I would be dead before I turned 18. I'm hear now, with my first on the way.

everchangingcycles:

You and your boyfriend sound like you're off to a great start. My boyfriend and I are in a very similar situation and we feel completely prepared. I have received some judgement and comments, but not a whole lot. Best advice I can give is stand up for yourself. You don't have to tell your whole life story, but by saying something like, "We want this child, and we're preparing for it. Your comments and judgemental 'concerns' do nothing for us and I don't want to hear it." Hopefully that shuts them up, but some people just want to make a point to be abitch. Oh, and as far as negative comments online, ignore them. People on here don't know your life, and you don't know anyone else's. No one can know the reason why some people are mean the way they are, but we can just assume they had a crappy childhood, or they hate the relationship they're in. Most negativity comes from a place of jealously or entitlement, so it's more to do with them than it is to do with you. You're doing a great job! Congratulations and I wish you the best.

I wish I had thought of that when I was in y'alls shoes! I kind of love you, everchangingcycles. I think we should be friends lol

OP - not really a young mom here. I'd still classify myself as a youngish mom (25), but I have a few years on you (yeah, I know it's not that many). I just wanted to say it sounds to me like your boyfriend and you are planning which is good. I also want to congratulate you on not having student loan debt - that will make your path and job choices a lot easier. As far as insults/people not receiving your news well, I know it is hard, but just try to not let it get to you. You know you're an adult with a plan to provide for baby and that you will love your child. The more confidence you build, the easier it will be to weather the storm. After this it will be people questioning various parenting decisions you make, it'll never end. Good luck to you and congratulations on your pregnancy!

Bliss+Berry:

Jasmineeelizabeth:

GhostMonkey:

Jasmineeelizabeth:

This is a question for anyone who has had a baby young.

I'm almost 21 and getting pregnant was not a planned event, however my boyfriend and I are in an amazing long-term relationship You are not old enough to have a long term adult relationship. That is a fact. and are going to be married after the baby is born. I know that we have the ability to care for this baby financially How? You are both still in school and will be after the baby is born. we already love s/he more than anything in the whole world. While that is great, love doesn't but diapers or food or day care. I graduated early and am very close to finishing my university degree, a couple night classes after the baby is born Good luck with that. and I will be done free of student loan debt. Although not ideal timing everything seems manageable EXCEPT the complete and total rudeness form people who don't know my situation well enough to form an opinion on my pregnancy. Ask for opinions and you will get them. Not everyone is going to agree that this is a super awesome point in your life to have a child because, well, it's not.

Some of the remarks are so hurtful that I can't help tearing up in front of them.  This is a time in my life I need more support and love around me. Not negative comments about terminating my pregnancy No one here said this, or preparing to be a single mom. Stats don't lie. You have a much higher chance of this happening. I'm wondering if anyone else has gone through any thing like this and what you said back? I'm not a confrontational person and have been brushing it off but no matter how many times I tell myself it doesn't matter what other people are saying I can't help letting it get to me since I've been pregnant I've been so much more emotional. "I appreciate your concern and will take it into consideration." Most of the negativity is likely out of concern because they care and they know how much more difficult you just made your life.

 

 

Why are you so mean? I never said my boyfriend was in school he works full time and has a good job. Both of my grandparents have been together since they were 16-18 years old and they are still very much in love. Maybe you never experienced a good relationship when you were younger but that does not mean that I haven't found someone amazing.  This is exactly what I'm talking about it's people who don't know me that say the rudest things. My family is supportive and my friends are supportive, I guess that's all that matters. What I really wanted was tips on how to deal with people like you who do nothing more than try to bring me down when I just need some encouragement at a very vulnerable time in my life. It's not like your uncalled for response will change the situation, maybe you shouldn't be on a website that was built for woman to support each other since you seem to get enjoyment on bringing people down.. otherwise why would you even say that.

Why do people who "don't know you" know all about your life and situation?  If your friends and family are all supportive of you, why is this not enough?  I don't understand why the approval of strangers is so important.  Do you seek the approval of strangers when you order your food, buy your groceries, vote?   Who is it that you are seeking encouragement from if not from your family and friends? I truly am trying to understand.  

 

I'm trying to get encouragement and advice from someone who has been in a similar situation and knows what I'm going through. Is that not what this website is for? My friends and family are amazing but they aren't going through what I am, some of these lady's are and I find what they have to say extremely comforting. That's why I'm asking. I'm not looking for the approval of strangers, I'm looking for a way to deal with the disrespect I've encountered when I've had to share my situation with someone for whatever reason. Understand now? 

GhostMonkey:

Jasmineeelizabeth:

This is a question for anyone who has had a baby young.

I'm almost 21 and getting pregnant was not a planned event, however my boyfriend and I are in an amazing long-term relationship You are not old enough to have a long term adult relationship. That is a fact. and are going to be married after the baby is born. I know that we have the ability to care for this baby financially How? You are both still in school and will be after the baby is born. we already love s/he more than anything in the whole world. While that is great, love doesn't but diapers or food or day care. I graduated early and am very close to finishing my university degree, a couple night classes after the baby is born Good luck with that. and I will be done free of student loan debt. Although not ideal timing everything seems manageable EXCEPT the complete and total rudeness form people who don't know my situation well enough to form an opinion on my pregnancy. Ask for opinions and you will get them. Not everyone is going to agree that this is a super awesome point in your life to have a child because, well, it's not.

Some of the remarks are so hurtful that I can't help tearing up in front of them.  This is a time in my life I need more support and love around me. Not negative comments about terminating my pregnancy No one here said this, or preparing to be a single mom. Stats don't lie. You have a much higher chance of this happening. I'm wondering if anyone else has gone through any thing like this and what you said back? I'm not a confrontational person and have been brushing it off but no matter how many times I tell myself it doesn't matter what other people are saying I can't help letting it get to me since I've been pregnant I've been so much more emotional. "I appreciate your concern and will take it into consideration." Most of the negativity is likely out of concern because they care and they know how much more difficult you just made your life.

 

 I'm just a lurker here on 1st tri., but I HAD to respond to this. You sound like a flaming biotch. Seriously, this was not what she was looking for. CLEARLY, you either did not read her post or just assumed things before you so rudely responded to her.  "Ask for opinions and you will get them." Where in that post did she say that she asked people for their opinions? Keep your flucking mouth shut if you have nothing nice to say.

 OP-keep your head up no matter what anyone else says. You seem like you have your life together. Have baby, finish school, and the rest will come with time. As for people who say those hurtful things, just ignore them. Things will get better with time. Congratulations and enjoy these last few months before baby comes!

Congrats and good luck.  Screw other people and focus on your life and child. Just word to the wise - people are going to have their opinions about you whether you're 20 or 60, you just have to let it roll off your back.

Chunkymonkeylvr:

CarolynL8:

GM, why throw salt in her wounds? This was one of those times to just not answer. Shes looking for some comfort. I understand you want to exercise your freedom to post but sometimes you should think about whether or not you should really respond. Put yourself in her shoes.

This.

you said it alot nicer than me...GM what a douchey response. Basically everything you said was completely idiotic. 

OP, im 20 hubby is 21 our family is excited beyond belief....but basically because we're married..could that be a concern? We are very financially stable, we already have a house new cars, blah blah blah. its totally possible so dont listen to a biotch like GM! You go girl, budget and coupon willl help a lot! 

Jasmineeelizabeth:

Bliss+Berry:

Jasmineeelizabeth:

GhostMonkey:

Jasmineeelizabeth:

This is a question for anyone who has had a baby young.

I'm almost 21 and getting pregnant was not a planned event, however my boyfriend and I are in an amazing long-term relationship You are not old enough to have a long term adult relationship. That is a fact. and are going to be married after the baby is born. I know that we have the ability to care for this baby financially How? You are both still in school and will be after the baby is born. we already love s/he more than anything in the whole world. While that is great, love doesn't but diapers or food or day care. I graduated early and am very close to finishing my university degree, a couple night classes after the baby is born Good luck with that. and I will be done free of student loan debt. Although not ideal timing everything seems manageable EXCEPT the complete and total rudeness form people who don't know my situation well enough to form an opinion on my pregnancy. Ask for opinions and you will get them. Not everyone is going to agree that this is a super awesome point in your life to have a child because, well, it's not.

Some of the remarks are so hurtful that I can't help tearing up in front of them.  This is a time in my life I need more support and love around me. Not negative comments about terminating my pregnancy No one here said this, or preparing to be a single mom. Stats don't lie. You have a much higher chance of this happening. I'm wondering if anyone else has gone through any thing like this and what you said back? I'm not a confrontational person and have been brushing it off but no matter how many times I tell myself it doesn't matter what other people are saying I can't help letting it get to me since I've been pregnant I've been so much more emotional. "I appreciate your concern and will take it into consideration." Most of the negativity is likely out of concern because they care and they know how much more difficult you just made your life.

 

 

Why are you so mean? I never said my boyfriend was in school he works full time and has a good job. Both of my grandparents have been together since they were 16-18 years old and they are still very much in love. Maybe you never experienced a good relationship when you were younger but that does not mean that I haven't found someone amazing.  This is exactly what I'm talking about it's people who don't know me that say the rudest things. My family is supportive and my friends are supportive, I guess that's all that matters. What I really wanted was tips on how to deal with people like you who do nothing more than try to bring me down when I just need some encouragement at a very vulnerable time in my life. It's not like your uncalled for response will change the situation, maybe you shouldn't be on a website that was built for woman to support each other since you seem to get enjoyment on bringing people down.. otherwise why would you even say that.

Why do people who "don't know you" know all about your life and situation?  If your friends and family are all supportive of you, why is this not enough?  I don't understand why the approval of strangers is so important.  Do you seek the approval of strangers when you order your food, buy your groceries, vote?   Who is it that you are seeking encouragement from if not from your family and friends? I truly am trying to understand.  

 

I'm trying to get encouragement and advice from someone who has been in a similar situation and knows what I'm going through. Is that not what this website is for? My friends and family are amazing but they aren't going through what I am, some of these lady's are and I find what they have to say extremely comforting. That's why I'm asking. I'm not looking for the approval of strangers, I'm looking for a way to deal with the disrespect I've encountered when I've had to share my situation with someone for whatever reason. Understand now? 

No, I meant the people who "don't know you" yet seem to disapprove or disrespect you. If they don't know you, aren't family or friends, why should their approval matter to you?  Maybe you should be a little more circumspect about whom you share details of your life with.   

Ghostmonkey, you are so ignorant, mean and righteous it's unbelievable. How is it inconceivable to you that a 20 or 21 year old could be in a mature relationship, financially stable and ready to have a child? I can think of tons of young entrepreneurs for example who I'm sure could buy your entire block 10 times over. Are you saying they're not financially capable of caring for a child? There are tons of success stories of young adults marrying and staying married, particularly in religious communities. In fact many of our grandparents married very young and stayed married. Were they incapable? You're certainly entitled to your opinion but must you crash a thread in which the OP is asking for SUPPORT and UNDERSTANDING to tell her all the ways she doesn't deserve it?

OP, I am so sorry that you're facing such negativity. You will face challenges older couples don't face, in particular negativity from people who think they know it all and are rooting for you to fail. However, remember that frankly you also have advantages they don't have, whether they want to believe that or not. Your life is your own and if you know you can do this, and I believe you can, you have to hold onto that and not look for approval from others. As for those who are negative toward you, cut them out of your life. You need people who want to help you and support you, not haters who are going to drag you down.

Oh, and for those so intent on worshipping statistics, no one's saying that stats lie, but they don't apply to every single person.

Stats that do apply to everyone: 100% of people are born, and 100% of people die.

Please, humor me by pulling up the statistic that says this OP has a 0% chance of having a happy marriage and/or raising an amazing individual and/or enjoying motherhood and/or finishing college. 

Oh that's right... you can't find it... and the girl is ALREADY PREGNANT so it's not like we're speaking to someone who is deciding whether or not to have a baby at 20 and is asking for our opinion... she is only saying that she's excited and planning ahead and looking for support! 

Bliss+Berry:

Jasmineeelizabeth:

GhostMonkey:

Jasmineeelizabeth:

This is a question for anyone who has had a baby young.

I'm almost 21 and getting pregnant was not a planned event, however my boyfriend and I are in an amazing long-term relationship You are not old enough to have a long term adult relationship. That is a fact. and are going to be married after the baby is born. I know that we have the ability to care for this baby financially How? You are both still in school and will be after the baby is born. we already love s/he more than anything in the whole world. While that is great, love doesn't but diapers or food or day care. I graduated early and am very close to finishing my university degree, a couple night classes after the baby is born Good luck with that. and I will be done free of student loan debt. Although not ideal timing everything seems manageable EXCEPT the complete and total rudeness form people who don't know my situation well enough to form an opinion on my pregnancy. Ask for opinions and you will get them. Not everyone is going to agree that this is a super awesome point in your life to have a child because, well, it's not.

Some of the remarks are so hurtful that I can't help tearing up in front of them.  This is a time in my life I need more support and love around me. Not negative comments about terminating my pregnancy No one here said this, or preparing to be a single mom. Stats don't lie. You have a much higher chance of this happening. I'm wondering if anyone else has gone through any thing like this and what you said back? I'm not a confrontational person and have been brushing it off but no matter how many times I tell myself it doesn't matter what other people are saying I can't help letting it get to me since I've been pregnant I've been so much more emotional. "I appreciate your concern and will take it into consideration." Most of the negativity is likely out of concern because they care and they know how much more difficult you just made your life.

 

 

Why are you so mean? I never said my boyfriend was in school he works full time and has a good job. Both of my grandparents have been together since they were 16-18 years old and they are still very much in love. Maybe you never experienced a good relationship when you were younger but that does not mean that I haven't found someone amazing.  This is exactly what I'm talking about it's people who don't know me that say the rudest things. My family is supportive and my friends are supportive, I guess that's all that matters. What I really wanted was tips on how to deal with people like you who do nothing more than try to bring me down when I just need some encouragement at a very vulnerable time in my life. It's not like your uncalled for response will change the situation, maybe you shouldn't be on a website that was built for woman to support each other since you seem to get enjoyment on bringing people down.. otherwise why would you even say that.

Why do people who "don't know you" know all about your life and situation?  If your friends and family are all supportive of you, why is this not enough?  I don't understand why the approval of strangers is so important.  Do you seek the approval of strangers when you order your food, buy your groceries, vote?   Who is it that you are seeking encouragement from if not from your family and friends? I truly am trying to understand.  

I dont think she's looking for encouragement in a way that her and her new little family will be okay. Sounds to me like she's looking for advice (a type of encouragement if its positive) to handle people that are trying to pull her down. From the sounds of it, she knows what she wants and how she's going to get it, but when people are always tearing you down (no matter how much support you have) its always going to affect someone in a negative way. Im 20years old and my advice to the OP would be f*ck them all, yes its going to sting for a little bit, but turn yourself away from it. Instead of trying to TELL them they are wrong wait and physically prove to them that they had no idea what they were talking about. Turn to your positive support in your life and keep thinking about you and your LO first.

Bliss+Berry:

No, I meant the people who "don't know you" yet seem to disapprove or disrespect you. If they don't know you, aren't family or friends, why should their approval matter to you?  Maybe you should be a little more circumspect about whom you share details of your life with.   

 

I gotta agree to this. If they are strangers let their opinions go.  I am 31 in a stable relationship with my SO and I still get unwatned criticisim from coworkers or those who are more than strangers yet not friends.  I just let it go, because they don't matter.  The love of my SO and the love we have for this baby is what matters :)

FWIW, I was 21 when I, unexpectedly, got pregnant with DS, by my boyfriend. We are now married, successful, own our own home and are very much in love.
As long as you have the love and support of your family and close friends, who cares what other people think.

P.S. Didn't you post something just like this yesterday? Are you trying to stir up drama? Cause it's working.

CMSullivan326:

FWIW, I was 21 when I, unexpectedly, got pregnant with DS, by my boyfriend. We are now married, successful, own our own home and are very much in love. As long as you have the love and support of your family and close friends, who cares what other people think.

Ghostmonkey, why don't you bully CMSullivan and tell her she must be wrong because stats don't lie?

OP, I think you are handling your situation very well! Don't worry about what people say unless it truly can help you or improve your life.

I disagree that a 21 year old can't have a long term relationship. Where I live, it is common to get married young. I was married a week after turning 20, my mom was married at 20, My SIL was married at 20, all my grandparents were married by 17, my MIL was married at 21, most of the girls I know and grew up with were married by the time they were 21, and none of them are divorced. Although it is common to get married young where I live, divorce is very rare, so that is enough proof to me that a 21 year old can be in a successful long term relationship.

 

OP, I was in a long term relationship from 18-26 years old.  We made it through my undergrad and law school and his apprenticeship program and bought and sold two houses during that time, but we also didn't have a child to contend with.  I'm not going to blow smoke up your ass and tell you it will be easy, but I do think it can be done.  It will be hard no question.  

 DH and I were 30 and 37 when we had DD and it was hard for us both working full time and having already been together 4 years.  Both my mom and sister were young mothers so I made a conscious choice not to take that path, despite the fact that both are GREAT mothers!  You are on the right track by planning to stay in school.  There might be bumps along the way but stick with it.  DH and I are both family law attorneys so we have seen it all.  We see many relationships fail after children because of the added stress on a relationship.  Be honest with your partner and communicate with him as best you can.  Ask for help from friends and family when you need it - don't try to be superwoman.  Know when to say no and don't forget to take care of your relationship in addition to your child.  

Chin up and try not to focus on the opinions of others.  Focus on your family and yourself.  Good luck.