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12-10-2012 at 10:26 AM
fitzpember...
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"Just pick whatever name you want."

So, we find out the sex on Christmas and this may all be moot, but being a name nerd I just like thinking about names and need some input...

H and I are still undecided when it comes to boy names.  We have a short list and a middle name (Everett, after my dad).  However...my number one favorite boy name is Simon.  H has vetoed it in the past, saying it made him think of Simon Cowell (silly, I know, but whatever).  So I didn't put it on our list.

One day I was talking about how boy names were difficult and how I feel like things would be easier if he just liked Simon, and he said, "Just pick whatever name you want.  You care more about names than I do."

If you were me, would you take this as an opportunity to just go with Simon?  I feel bad because he has vetoed it before and I also don't want him to feel like he had no input in the name, since the mn is my dad's name and all.  But on the other hand, he really does not have much interest in names.  He'll veto, but never very strongly.  He just doesn't care.

What say you, BNB?


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12-10-2012 at 10:29 AM
henglish85
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Personally, I think Simon Everett is adorable, but I would feel bad if I went with the name my husband hated. Although I think the name would grow on him in the long run, you always run the risk that he won't really care for your (possible) son's name, and honestly that would suck. What about Samuel Everett? I think that sounds cute too and it's not Simon, but still has that classic sound.


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12-10-2012 at 10:32 AM
BLPL101
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I wouldn't name my child a name that my DH vetoed.

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12-10-2012 at 10:35 AM
Mochadoodl...
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I really like Simon Everett, but if DH is not on board... I would try to find a name that you both love.

Suggestions...

Henry Everett

August Everett



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12-10-2012 at 10:35 AM
MelRC117
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Does he ever suggest names of his own?  Do you guys have a compromised list?  I guess although I would secretly love it if DH did this, but I don't know if I'd feel right taking advantage of it.  We have a compromised list and I think he and I disagree as far as #1 goes.  If DH said this to me I think the only way it would sit well with me would be to pick my favorite off of our compromised list.  On the other hand, my DH does care, gives suggestions, etc.

 


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12-10-2012 at 10:42 AM
Darbie914
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love love LOVE Henry!  But I agree with others. Even if DH gave me permission to pick out any name I wanted, I wouldn't want to pick a name that I knew he didn't like.  Has he ever mentioned any names he does like?  

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12-10-2012 at 10:46 AM
TheWop
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If it were me I'd take a break on talking about names for a while.  Find out what you're having first, and then revisit.  He might just be sick of talking about it.  Yeah, you want to nail it down, but you're getting no where if he has a "whatever you want" attitude.  Maybe once you guys find out what you're having he'll come around and get excited.  You guys have plenty of time to decide.  Don't rush him.  It doesn't help anything.  This is my personal experience anyway Wink

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12-10-2012 at 10:46 AM
TheWop
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Dup.


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12-10-2012 at 10:47 AM
Emerald27
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Whenever my DH says "whatever you want", I'm pretty sure that he still really has an opinion. He may not say anything about it, but if it were me I would want DH to love the name we picked, and I wouldn't bring up Simon again. It's not an easy decision, and maybe he's just feeling overwhelmed by the pressure of picking a good name. I'd leave naming baby alone for a week or so!
12-10-2012 at 10:56 AM
MrsWindyCi...
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I don't think  I'd use it if DH vetoed it. You still  have some time, so your H might start showing more interest/have more ideas. Simon was actually our #1 name for DS, until like 3 weeks prior to having him. :)

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12-10-2012 at 11:00 AM
fitzpember...
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Thanks so far for your responses.  I agree that I just need to wait until we find out the sex.  I was curious to see what people said about this situation.

Also, no, he doesn't give suggestions.  He just really doesn't care very much about this.  And for the poster who said that you'd want your H to love the name...I am pretty sure that my H will not "love" any name.  In fact he has said this to me.  He's just not like that. 

I'm starting to feel like I have an odd H here.  Anyone else's partner really just not care about names?


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12-10-2012 at 11:04 AM
austenread...
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My DH says this all the time.  And then all of a sudden when I propose something that I'd really like to use, say Magdalena instead of Margaret he suddenly really has an opinion.  But I think if I was really whiney about it I could still have my way because yeah, I care more and he just wants me to shut up. 

But I'd rather sacrifice a name that I really like or even love to find one that he has expressed some interest in, even if his interest in any name is to a much lesser degree than mine are.  I'm just a more passionate person all around, but especially about names.  Since we plan on having 1-2 more I hope that maybe some names will be given a second chance later on and he'll have a different opinion in a few years (though I'd never do Magdalena AND Margaret- just so no one thinks that).  

I guess what I'm saying, is even if his reasoning is ridiculous and even if he offered I'd try to work with him and not have unilateral control of baby naming.


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12-10-2012 at 11:07 AM
pas1224
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BLPL101:
I wouldn't name my child a name that my DH vetoed.

This.  I would try to find something that you both like.



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12-10-2012 at 11:16 AM
TheWop
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fitzpemberley:

I'm starting to feel like I have an odd H here.  Anyone else's partner really just not care about names?

My H doesn't "love" names either.  He only feels strongly about names he DOESN'T like.  He's neutral about anything else.  Very 'meh'.  His thing is association. He has 4588476 bad associations when it comes names, and if he doesn't have a bad association, that means he's simply neutral.  It's, "Hate it, hate it, hate it, sure whatever."  My H did warm up to talking about names once we got closer to my due date....maybe at 32 weeks or so.  Other than that I could only get him to talk about it casually.  I'd flat out ask him "Hey, do you really not care?  If I named this baby by myself would you be upset?  I don't want to push you if you really don't care."  Sure some might disagree that you both have to love a name, but everyone's relationship is different.  If he doesn't care, he doesn't care.   


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12-10-2012 at 11:19 AM
plunderb
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If I were in this situation, I would choose two names: Simon and your #2 choice. Then I would write them on two separate slips of paper and tell DH that you are happy with either and he should pick. If he still says he doesn't care, drop them into a hat and have him choose one. Usually, when I feel like I can't decide between two good tings, I find that doing this coin toss thing helps because I find that I am secretly excited or disappointed based on the outcome, then I know which choice is right.

And if he really, really doesn't care even with the 50/50 exercise, you have a decent shot at Simon, guilt-free.

12-10-2012 at 11:22 AM
KatieKim08...
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It depends on the dynamic of you and your S/O. For me, if my hubby vetoed it I wouldn't keep probing for it. But that's just me. I would be a little hurt with the brush off but that's just because for me personally the process of picking names is half the fun and about bonding with DH!

Simon Everett is a sweet name! So if you're cool with it and he is actually okay with it...I'd do that. 


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12-10-2012 at 11:38 AM
Joy2611
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I agree with Wop here - take a break.

My husband will talk names with me and we're not even having a kid yet.  He won't go crazy and look at my lists, but I'll throw a name out that I like and he'll get excited if it's a name he likes or tell me flat out that he hates it.  He'll also throw out ones he likes from time to time.

Sorry you're having a hard time!

 
12-10-2012 at 12:12 PM
Krisands
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My husband doesn't actively give me names but I list them off and he vetos them. I definitly wouldn't name my child one he vetoed, even if he told me to do whatever I want.
 
12-10-2012 at 12:39 PM
ggatlanta
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I think I'd have my feelings hurt if my DH didn't care at all about names - and also I'd take the turn towards ambivalence as a sign that I was burning him out on the subject.

I guess what I mean is - while I don't expect him to be buying baby name books or practicing cursive signatures to see what looks best - if he became suddenly completely uninterested, I would look closely at whether or not I had exhausted his interest. (My rule of thumb: "would I be bored if he talked about fantasy football half as often as I have been talking about XYZ?" Then if the answer is "yes", I force myself to take some time off.)


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12-10-2012 at 12:46 PM
fitzpember...
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TheWop:
fitzpemberley:

I'm starting to feel like I have an odd H here.  Anyone else's partner really just not care about names?

My H doesn't "love" names either.  He only feels strongly about names he DOESN'T like.  He's neutral about anything else.  Very 'meh'.  His thing is association. He has 4588476 bad associations when it comes names, and if he doesn't have a bad association, that means he's simply neutral.  It's, "Hate it, hate it, hate it, sure whatever."  My H did warm up to talking about names once we got closer to my due date....maybe at 32 weeks or so.  Other than that I could only get him to talk about it casually.  I'd flat out ask him "Hey, do you really not care?  If I named this baby by myself would you be upset?  I don't want to push you if you really don't care."  Sure some might disagree that you both have to love a name, but everyone's relationship is different.  If he doesn't care, he doesn't care.   

Yes, my H is very similar to this.  He's neutral on everything else, but will veto things, mostly due to associations.

I don't think that both people in a couple need to love a name.  I also don't feel hurt that he doesn't care.  It's just not something that matters to him.  

Thanks again for your feedback...it's been interesting!


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12-10-2012 at 1:43 PM
bsinno
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he's a big boy, i'd take his comment and run all the way to the Simon Everett bank, LOL.

but seriously he may just be getting frustrated with all the naming discussion. Take a break until after the holidays - like you said this could all be moot if there is a little lady in there!

...unless you like Simone..... 


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12-10-2012 at 2:41 PM
kkee08
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Mine doesn't really care but I gave hime a date that he had to come up with 10names so we could figure out a good name 
12-10-2012 at 3:45 PM
doremi29
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I'll be in the minority.  DH is similar.  When I suggest names, he always finds some ridiculous correlation as to why we can't name our child that (seriously- he said no to Isaac because it was the name of the bartender on the Love Boat!!!!!!!!!!!!! No joke).  He gives no suggestions.  I really liked Piper, he was just eh on it  (originally he vetoed it but I kept it on the list anyway).....guess what, she will be Piper lol.   He got on board with it and now says he likes it.  He just needed to get past whateve dumb association he had with the name which I can't even remember right now. 

My opinion is that if he isn't going to help in the naming process besides saying yes or no to lists and lists of names put in front of him, like my DH, then if there's a name I have a strong connection to, I'm going to try my best to get him on board even if it's vetoed at one point :) 


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12-10-2012 at 3:46 PM
TofuMama7
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It really depends on the tone of the conversation. If you were going on and on about names and he said in an exasperated tone "Just pick whatever name you want!" than I think you need to come up with something different. If he sincerely meant it (and I'd double check with him to make sure) then I think it's fine, he knows what he's agreeing to.

FWIW my DH vetoed the name we'll probably use for our little girl last time around (we ended up having a boy anyway) but when I brought it up this time before we knew the gender of this baby he says he likes it now, (my DH also doesn't have super strong opinions about names) so it's possible that your DH really did change his mind.


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12-10-2012 at 6:06 PM
kacelle
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That does put you in a tough spot.  It's kind of funny, because DH is really pushing Simon for us and I'm the one vetoing (although I do like it).  

I'd tell him you're going with Simon and give him a little while to decide if he cares enough to make another suggestion.


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12-10-2012 at 6:44 PM
HappyMama3...
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My DH is also less passionate about choosing a name, but I think it is across the board less passionate about stuff in general.  No big deal.  I would not however for with a name he vetoed.  He made one thing clear, so I'd respect that and then do your choosing.

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12-10-2012 at 10:17 PM
JLGY
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No, I would not take that as an opportunity to go with the name you know he doesn't like for his son. I would keep thinking until you can find a name you both love.

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12-10-2012 at 11:19 PM
awesomenus...
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Emerald27:
Whenever my DH says "whatever you want", I'm pretty sure that he still really has an opinion. He may not say anything about it, but if it were me I would want DH to love the name we picked, and I wouldn't bring up Simon again. It's not an easy decision, and maybe he's just feeling overwhelmed by the pressure of picking a good name. I'd leave naming baby alone for a week or so!
 
12-10-2012 at 11:23 PM
awesomenus...
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Emerald27:
Whenever my DH says "whatever you want", I'm pretty sure that he still really has an opinion. He may not say anything about it, but if it were me I would want DH to love the name we picked, and I wouldn't bring up Simon again. It's not an easy decision, and maybe he's just feeling overwhelmed by the pressure of picking a good name. I'd leave naming baby alone for a week or so!

 

This. I know with DH when we disagree on something and I keep on and keep on and keep on about it, he ends up with the "whatever you want" response, and then I feel guilty because I know he only said it to get me to shut up even though he still disagrees. Usually it's over something stupid, and I either go with what he wants, or do what I originally wanted, but with something like naming a child, I think I would back off. Obviously he doesn't like the name Simon, and if he was dead set on a name you hated would you want him to put the guilt trip on you? That being said, give it a rest for a while and revisit maybe once you know what you are having. Also, I'm with the pp that suggested similar names (Samuel Everett was super cute too). You guys have plenty of time to come up with your perfect name!

 
12-11-2012 at 5:12 AM
Grace0609
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My dh sort of said something similar a few weeks ago after having discussed names for like a year. He was going to let me use MY first choice, even though I know he didnt love it, and I think he even disliked it at one point. He loved a different name, while I liked the name a ton but didnt love the flow with our last name. I went with the name he loves and sacrificed flow a little bit. I couldnt stand the thought of him not loving this little boy's name. We equally loved our first 2 boys names, and I wanted us to be as close to that feeling again with this LO as we could.


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