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12-11-2012 at 7:58 PM
WindyCity3...
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Pity party for 1

Completely sobbing. IF blows and has made me question everything. We had a successful retrieval and transfer and as I sit in the 2ww I can't help but wonder "what if." What if it doesn't work? What if the injections and everything were all for nothing? I know I should blog this and not clog here but frankly from my phone thus is just easier. And I know I should think positive but I can't help but wonder "what it..."

The Best Darn BLOG on the bump...I kid, but seriously!
Unmedicated and medicated IUI's: all fail IVF #1: Dec 2012 26r/16m/15f 12/9: 5dt of 2 beautiful blasts and 5 frosties TWINS! 3/9: 15w4d Baby A PProm 3/9-3/22: Hoping and Praying like never before. Bedrest and pure hell 3/22: Baby A cord prolapse 3/25: 2 baby boys born sleeping Currently: Doing my best to pick up the pieces and find hope.
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http://i50.tinypic.com/2pye4xi.jpg[/IMG]  
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12-11-2012 at 8:00 PM
jadwedd
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I think everyone goes through the what ifs.  It can drive you crazy.  Good luck!
Married 12-12-04
TTC since 07
me-36 PCOS, Tubal Problems, and polyps removed 7-12
DH - 36 extremely handsome and no fertility problems
IUI 8-12 and 9-12 failed
IVF 12-21-2012 - 2 I think perfect no matter what the dr graded them (2B)embryos transferred Beta on 12-31-12 Positve - Beta is 21
Beta 2 1-2-13 - 31
Beta 3 1-4-13 - 53
Beta 4 1/9 - 212!
Ultrasound 1/10 - Nothing completely empty uterus Beta 1/14 - 743; Beta 1/17 - 1704 ultrasound shows nothing. Officially a miscarriage. 1/21 Beta 3900 Dr. says it ectopic. Ultrasound shows a miracle heartbeat right in the uterus where it belongs! Dr. says I can be cautiously optomistic!!! Hang in there baby!

 
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12-11-2012 at 8:02 PM
jschwind22
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<3  I have been feeling the exact same way today.  This is definitely going to be the LONGEST wait ever!  Just remember, you have done absolutely the best you can do with all of this, and that's all you can do. 
My Chart
May 3T Siggy Challenge- Dream Vacation- Italy
May TTGP Siggy Challenge- Superheros

TTC #1 since February 2011
Me: 29 (high NK cells diagnosed 3/5/13)
DH: 28 (MFI low morph and motility diagnosed 5/8/12).
RE is recommending IVF but we want to start with IUI. DH was unwilling to pursue treatment until 7/21/12.
Cycle #21- Injects + IUI #1= BFFN
Cycle #22- HSG 9/21/12 all clear= BFFN
Cycle #23- Injects + IUI#2= BFFN
Cycle #24- IVF #1- ER 12/6/12 (14R, 11M, 9F), ET 12/9/12 transferred 2 day 3 embies
Beta #1 10dp3dt=3 (-). Beta #2 12dp3dt=6.6 (+). Beta #3 39.1 (+)
Bleeding and low betas=very cautious Image and video hosting by TinyPic C/P 5W3D
Cycle #26- Diagnosed high NK cells 3/5/13. FET scheduled 3/20/13- CANCELLED- lining issues
Cycle #27- Starting Trental for 3 months for new FET protocol. Natural cycles until FET in August
PAIF/SAIF/ALL Welcome! 
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12-11-2012 at 8:06 PM
Crystal120...
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I know exactly how you feel. The end of the first week of my 2ww I was going nuts. Crying at work, and hiding from friends and family. I think if someone would have offered me drugs I would have seriously contemplated it just to be able to escape my own thoughts for 10 minutes. IF is so damn cruel you can't help but have the feelings you have. If at all possible to relax and take your mind off of it. I wish you the very best!!
Married 9-10-11
Together 6 years before marriage
Me 26 DH 28
TTC since 9/2011
Dx endo 2007 Sx laparoscopy
End bcp 9/2011
Dx annovulatory, DOR, Low AMH
Hysteroscopy due to polyp 2-1-12
IUI#1-3 Cancelled due to low response
IUI#4 BFFN
IVF#1 8/30 Beta#1 256, 8/31 Beta#2 482 BFP!! M/C 5w3d
FET#1 Cancelled due to uterine fluid and thin lining
FET#1.2Cancelled due to abnormal bleeding
Hysteroscopy 12/28/12 All clear
FET#1.3 2/2013 Cancelled
FET #1.4 3/19 BFFN
Good Luck to All!!
Crystal
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12-11-2012 at 8:08 PM
firesiren
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Hang in there!  The 2ww is awful.  
Me; 35 DH 32 TTC for over 2 years First mini-IVF Sept 2011... Only 1 egg! ... BFN Switching RE IVF#2 May 2012 9 eggs and only 2 sperm, WTH! BFN IVF#3 Chemical... FML. 2 frosties. SAIF/PAIF ALWAYS WELCOME!!!!!
My Idle Oven Blog!
*~God gives his hardest battles to his toughest solders. Unknown.
 
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12-11-2012 at 8:17 PM
megs3084
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I feel the same way!  Hang in there!

"Everything will be alright in the end. So if it's not alright, it is not yet the end."
"She wasn't bitter. She was sad, though. But it was a hopeful kind of sad. The kind of sad that just takes time." The Perks of Being a Wallflower

Me:28 DH:28 TTC since 1/11 Dx: unexplained IF/early DOR
Feb'12- Clomid/TI with CD3 &21 labs(normal)& SA-count 6mil/ml,morph/motil OK-BFN
April'12 Ultrasounds,HSG -clear, slight acurate uterus
5/14 IUI #1-50 mg clomid-post wash total motile count 19.3 prometrium 2dpiui= BFN
6/11-IUI #2-100 mg clomid & prometrium post wash count total motile 17.5 = BFN
7/6 IUI#3 with 100 mg clomid, estridiol, prometrium. post wash total motile count 23.3 = BFN
8/30IVF#1 BCPs, Follistim, Menopur,Ganerelix,Novarel.
ER 9/11-8R, 7M, 5F.
ET 9/14 2 embies transferred. 1 10cell Grade 4, 1 8cell Grade 4. No frosties. BFN
IVF#2 BCPs, Follistim, Menopur, Ganerelix, Novarel, Baby Aspirin
ER 12/5-16R, 12M, 8F!
ET 12/10 5dt! 1 fully expanded blast & 1 early blast. No frosties. BFN
2/13- Saline sono revealed a polyp. All additional labwork coming back normal. Genetic screen revealed DH has MTHFR deficiency & I am a carrier for it.
3/13 hysteroscopy & polypectomy
3/27 Began working with Reproductive Immunologist Dr. Kwak-Kim. Found High NK cells, High DHEAs, slight hypothyroidism, tendency toward blood clots (High PAI-1)Began synthroid & metformin 4/19.
Cycling in July

Here Comes the Sun Blog
PAIF/SAIF welcome! 
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12-11-2012 at 8:39 PM
kflynn81
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Hopefully you can find something to distract you during your 2ww....there is no crazy like the 2ww kind of crazy, phew!!
Anniversary
Me(31): Possibly Adult Growth Hormone Deficiency caused by a mutation in my pituitary genes called PIT-1--Also, Factor V Leiden
DH (31): Borderline low morph, but not considered a problem
"Baby dancing" with no protection or BCP since July 2009
IF testing started March 2011
Endocrinology related tests from October 2011-February 2012
March 2012--Clomid --No response-Straight to injects!
April & May 2012-- IUI#1 & #2 = BFN
July 2012- IVF#1 cancelled
September 2012-IVF#1.2--BFN
November 2012- IVF #2 --BFN
January 2013- IVF #3-- BFFN
February 2013--Found a new RE but first back to the Endocrinologist for more diagnostic testing
Absolutely no idea when we can cycle again...looking into DE as well if IVF#4 fails again
PAIF/SAIF encouraged...give me some hope!!
For detailed cycle info. see right side of blog... Kate's IF Blog
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12-11-2012 at 8:39 PM
lincoln79
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hang in there hun. sometimes you just have to let it all out. it is better than keeping it in. i know that I personally didn't realized how much stress had been building during stims until a few days after ET.

let it out, eat some ice cream, and get some good sleep.

(((hugs))) 
TTC #1 since 12/2010 DH: MFI, cancer survivor Me: Resected septate uterus, lap treated mild endo, tubes open, ovulate on own. 3 Failed IUI's (2/2012, 4/2012, 6/2012) IVF #1 August 2012. BFP! Beta #1 56.7 Beta #2 150 One baby, one heartbeat on 9/20/12! no h/b @7w6d. dandc @8w0d Praying unceasingly for a miracle. PAIF/SAIF welcome Image and video hosting by TinyPic Image and video hosting by TinyPic Image and video hosting by TinyPic  
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12-11-2012 at 8:46 PM
ARS0805
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I am so sorry you are having a rough day! IF sucks and being emotion is okay. You deserve a pass for a breakdown! Eat a Nutty Buddy and I hope tomorrow is better!! Hugs
Me: 28; DH: 35 1/2008 -- Started TTC
3/2009 -- FD discovered at 17 weeks
1/2011 -- Lap and HSG reveal Stage IV Endo and both tubes blocked.
4/2012 -- Consult with RE for IVF#1 -- All bloodwork and SA are normal -- Repeat HSG - SURPRISE! Both tubes are open.
May, June, August 2012 -- IUI#1-3 -- Letrozole + Bravelle + Ovidrel trigger = BFN
9/2012 -- Lap#2 to remove endo and Hysteroscopy

IVF#1 (Long Lupron) -- 12/6 ER - 20R 11F * 12/11 ET - Transferred 2 excellent blasts *
Beta #1 79.7 * Beta #2 240 * It's a GIRL!!

BabyFruit Ticker
When Not IF Blog
Everyone welcome! 
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12-12-2012 at 2:34 AM
solisilou
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I'm so sorry you have to go through this. Just try to keep yourself extra busy until the beta, it really helps. I always drive myself crazy if I'm left alone with my laptop during the the 2WW. I know it's difficult, but try to distract yourself whenever you can. Obsessing is normal but it just makes time go slower. I wish you all the best.
Me 32 / DH 36
TTC since 08/2010
Me: Lap in 2007 due to pelvic pain: Dx mild endo
Lap in 2011: ovarian cyst and endo removal
2 Clomid cycles: good response but both BFN
borderline high anti-cardiolipin IgM Abs - now on baby aspirin
DH: S/A low all three - unexplained

IVF/ICSI #1: 06/2012 11R/11M/9F 2dt of one 4-cell embie - BFP,
beta hell, U/S hell, m/c and D&C at 9w6d
FET #1: 10/2012 3dt of one 10-cell embie - BFN
FET #2: 11/2012 2dt of one 2-cell embie - BFN
FET #3: 01/2013 3dt of one 6-cell embie - BFN
IVF/ICSI #2: 02/2013 14R/13M/7F 5dt of one blast 2/16 - BFP,
beta hell, m/c at 5w3d
FET #4: 04/2013 5dt of 2 morulas - BFN
FET #5: 05/2013


 
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12-12-2012 at 9:04 AM
DoublePort...
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A pity party is perfectly normal! The way I see it is at least you are preparing yourself for either outcome. I hope you are pleasantly surprised and get your take home baby!

Also, I was starting to worry after you abandoned me with all those beavers and a squirrel!

I brought Si to cheer you up...

 

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Me: 29 ~ Stage IV Endo ~ AMH .38 ~ AFC 8
AMH .97 as of 4/2012!
Him: 27 ~ perfect swimmers
Laparotomy with partial oophorectomy 8/2009 to remove cysts/endo. Stopped BC 4/2010.
Multiple clomid rounds from 11/2010 to 6/2011. ~ All BFN
IUI w/clomid 7/2011. IUI w/clomid & injectables 11/2011 & 1/2012. ~ All BFN
Occasionally using acupuncture.
IVF #1:EPP 5/2012 ~ (4R, 3M, 2F w/ICSI). Both embies txfrd. ~ BFN
BCP to manage Endo from 10/2012 to 12/2012.
PAIF/SAIF always welcome!

If you're wondering about my avatar...it's a fried pickle chip shaped like a fetus! 
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12-12-2012 at 9:17 AM
Carolina B...
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Carolina Blue Skies is not online. Last active: 05-17-2013, 1:09 PMNewbie
The 2ww is harder than you ever think it will be.  Luckily it is a busy time with the holidays, so try to keep yourself busy - shopping/wrapping presents, walking your neighborhood to see the lights.  GL & FX!!!
My TTC Journey:
Dx: Hypothalamic amenorrhea
Progesterone to induce period w/ the goal of Clomid - never got period (September 2011). RE referral.
Femera - never responded to the meds (December 2011)
Clomid with TI - BFN (February 2012)
Injectables (Menopur) - hyperstimulated/canceled (March 2012)
Injectables #2 (Menopur) with TI- BFN (May 2012)
IVF - OHSS (transfer canceled), but 11 frozen! (June 1012)
FET - 1 transferred on 8/09/12. Beta#1 (11dp5dt): 350.3; Beta#2: 365; Beta#3: 157. Biochemical pregnancy.
FET # 2 - 1 transferred on 11/01/12. Beta#1 (11dp5dt): 337; Beta#2: 769. BFP!!! 1st ultrasound 11/28/12 showed heartbeat, but measuring 5 days behind. 2nd ultrasound 12/05/12 - miscarriage.
FET # 3 - 1 transferred on 1/24/13. Beta#1 (11dp5dt): BFN.
FET # 4 - 2 transferred on 3/28/13. Beta #1 (11dp5dt): 673; Beta #2: 1265. Just under 6 weeks - m/c at home. WTF appointment in late May.

 
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12-12-2012 at 11:27 AM
ctnl81
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I'm so sorry.  The two week wait is such a witch, and sometimes the pressure to "stay positive" just makes you feel worse.  For what it's worth, I think that that's what this is for - it's not "clogging it up" to post what you're struggling with.

 

Thinking of you, and hope this is it.



married 7/21/07; ttc since 2/2011
me 31, minor endo; him 32, minor MFI
laparoscopy 5/12; uterine septum corrected
failed IUIs 6/12, 8/12, 9/12
IVF #1 - started stimming 11/24, ER on 12/4, ET on 12/9, beta at 11dp5dt - 417! BFFP!



 
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12-12-2012 at 11:56 AM
rrdiva1
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Hang in there! I think the 2ww is horrible, and never ever gets better. Try to stay encouraged, we all have the same feelings! IF sucks for that reason!!! <3
Married BF 6/29/2002/ TTC Since Aug 2011/ ME:34 all clear/DH:41 DX Severe MFI/ IVF w/ICSI OCT 2012 Stims started 10/8/ER 10/19/12/ET 10/24/Beta#1 11/2=BFN (beta was 1.2) IVF 2.0-Baseline 11/7/12 beta 0/All Clear Stim start 11/7/12//ER 11/19 11M//10F ET 2 embies 11/24//Beta#1 28 Beta #2 23 Beta#3 29 stop meds Beta#4 37/C/P 5W5D EDD:8/12/13/IVF#3 in Jan Antagonist protacol again Everyone welcome!! My Chart//> Image and video hosting by TinyPic
 
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12-12-2012 at 12:06 PM
Scoop77
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Dammit! A pity party and I missed it! I would have worn my best stained sweatpants and brought a tub of ice cream for us to eat out of with a couple of spoons. We could have watched "Overboard" and cried at the end like a couple of hormonal babies. Well, I for one think you're entitled to a few breakdowns during the 2WW so if you feel the need for another party, let me know and I'll be there.

TTC #1 for about 3.5 years
ME: 37, PCO, immune issues?, teflon uterus (my added diagnosis)
HIM: 38, Perfect. (Showoff.)
Month before starting Clomid, spontaneous pregnancy. m/c at 7 weeks and D&C.
Four months of Clomid, one IUI, with Intralipid each cycle: BFNs all
IVF 1.0 July 2012 -- Lupron, bravelle, menopur, estrogen, progesterone supps, intralipid. 14 ER, 14 fertilized, 1 blast transferred, 2 on ice. BFN
FET 1.1 -- 10/2, transferred our 2 blasts. Lupron, PIO, estrogen, baby aspirin, prednisone. BFN.
IVF 2.0 December 2012 -- Bravelle, Menopur, Ganirelix, Prednisone, Metformin, estrogen, progesterone supps. 22 eggs retrieved on 12/14, 17 mature, 15 fertilized. OHSS anticipated so ET cancelled. 3 embryos frozen.
Broke up with old RE. Moving on to new dude. Maybe the change of scenery will be just the trick for our frosties. On BCPs for possible April FET.

P/SAIF welcome 
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