Hang in there! Maybe you need to talk to someone. I battled depression during my pregnancy (and while trying for 3 years to get pregnant) but didn't realize it was truly depression. After the baby came I fought PPD for months before getting help. I'll never forget asking my husband what was wrong with me and he just looked at me and said "I don't know". I wanted him to be empathetic but he just didn't get it. I had days I wanted to just walk out the front door and never come back. It got better when I found a counselor to talk to. See if you can find somewhere you can reach out to. I was breastfeeding and chose not to use medicine but was pretty close to giving up the bf'ing just to feel like I could get myself back.
Keeping you in my prayers!