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12-13-2012 at 3:47 PM
ReallyReil...
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ReallyReilly84 is not online. Last active: 03-11-2013, 2:10 PMNewbie

Not sure what to do?

I (and most of my friends) live about 3 hours away from all of my family.  My aunt has offered to throw me a shower back where my family lives, but I think that this is too far to ask my friends to drive to attend a shower.  I was thinking I would keep that shower to just people in the area. 

What I'm not sure about, though, is what to do with my friends locally as I'd like to include them and do something, but I feel weird throwing myself a party and no friends have officially stepped up to do it (there was some initial mention, but everyone is very busy and we're getting close to the timing when if there is going to be a party, it needs to be planned soon).  Is it okay for me to just invite some girlfriends to lunch to celebrate rather than call it a shower?  I don't need anything big and don't want to imply that I'm asking for presents.  Also I'm not sure what the ettiquette is in that case for paying for food as I really can't afford to buy everyone lunch (unless it's a small group).  Anyone experienced something like this?  Thoughts?  Should I still send invites to my family shower, even though I know that no one would be able to make it?
 
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12-13-2012 at 4:47 PM
Bliss+Berr...
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Honestly, I would probably just let it go.  If your friends want to plan something they will.  IMO, anything you plan that's a "celebration" of your pregnancy is going to be perceived as a shower.   
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12-13-2012 at 4:49 PM
Darbie914
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Darbie914 is not online. Last active: 05-21-2013, 4:50 PMBronze

There is really no way of knowing if your friends will travel for the shower unless you ask them, which I don't think you should do.  They may feel put on the spot.  I think you should give your aunt your guest list (friends included) and let the chips fall where they may.  If, after the shower, some of your friends were not able to make it, then absolutely ask them to a girls' lunch just to hang out and enjoy each other's company.  Just as long as you don't call it anything in the same category as a 'shower.'

However, if you are organizing the lunch, then I would think that you would be paying.  But you could always have it at your house to save money.  Just order a tray of sandwiches from the deli, chips/dip, fruit tray, and small tray of cookies and you're all set! 
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12-13-2012 at 6:04 PM
Of The Eld
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Of The Eld is not online. Last active: 04-19-2013, 8:54 PMNewbie

I really don't see what could be wrong about saying "Hey ladies, Lets all go out to lunch on X date, since after the baby comes I won't be able to as easily"

I think that covers the everyone pays for their own lunch thing, and doesn't sound gift grabby

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12-13-2012 at 6:30 PM
Estwd2
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Darbie914:

However, if you are organizing the lunch, then I would think that you would be paying.
Wait , what? If a friend invites you out to lunch, you expect them to pay for your meal? I've never heard of this. It's not a date; it's a meal with friends.

OP, I suggest not inviting them to the shower and just asking them to go out to a last ladies' lunch before the baby comes.
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12-13-2012 at 8:50 PM
kimmarie11...
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I think, you are over thinking this. If someone, especially a friend, wants to buy you a gift, they will buy you a gift regardless of whether or not they have been invited to a shower. If my shower was 3 hours away, and my friends were not invited i'm pretty sure they would still know about my registry and get me something. Acquaintances are a different story. On the flip side, if you want to get together with your girlfriends for lunch, than do exactly that.Dont "hold a luncheon celebration" for yourself. This is cheesy.  I feel like you are more preoccupied with how to get gifts from them than anything else. If they are actual friends this shouldn't be a concern. 

Also, FWIW, if any of my girlfriends had a shower and I wasn't invited, 3 hours away or not, I would be highly insulted. So are these ladies really your friends? 
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12-13-2012 at 10:46 PM
rhubarb123
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Personally I'd invite them to the shower  your aunt is hosting.  Maybe they will all carpool.  3 hours is really not an insane amount of time...especially if you carpool.  I wouldn't have had anyone at my family/friends shower if I didn't invite people who lived  a distance from me.  Everyone was at least 1 1/2 hours and most were 3-5 hours.  Most of them came (some carpooled, some got a hotel for the evening and some stayed the night with me.

It is possible that once they get the invite they will consider throwing a shower for you where you live OR you can always host a "meet the baby party" once the baby is born and invite them to that.  I would not do a luncheon.  BTW...taking a newborn out to lunch is a breeze compared to a 2 year old!
 
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12-14-2012 at 1:09 AM
ohlordy
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Yep, agree with PP. Send invites to your aunt's shower. Don't arrange your own thing.
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