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12-16-2012 at 6:49 PM
a&aw12707
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Joined on 07-21-2012
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a&aw12707 is not online. Last active: 05-18-2013, 10:06 AMBronze

I finally made myself go.

DH and I went to visit Mason's grave yesterday. It was the first time I had been there since his service. I'm not sure why I decided I needed to go right then. I'm also not sure if or when I'll be able to go back.
This has been such a hard week and the ones ahead aren't going to be any easier. Losing this pregnancy and undergoing the DnC when I should have been having Mason was so, so difficult. It brought back so much of the guilt and heartache.

Ladies, thank you all. This board is so amazing, plus it is so nice to know I am not alone.


"Keep on dreaming even if it breaks your heart"
BFP#1: EDD 10/19/2007 DD born 9/26/07 at 36 weeks due to PIH and Pre-E
BFP#2- EDD 12/23/2012 DS born 7/16/12 at 17 weeks due to PPROM and placental abruption
You will be in my heart forever sweet boy
BFP#3: EDD 7/30/12 MMC at 7 weeks, 2 days, D&C 12/14/12
Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers Lilypie Kids Birthday tickers **PAL/PGAL Always Welcome!!!** 
12-17-2012 at 12:00 AM
calibride2...
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Joined on 03-16-2004
Phillips Ranch, CA
6,241 Points
calibride2005 is not online. Last active: 05-18-2013, 4:17 PMBronze
((Hugs))

Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers Daisypath Anniversary tickers Me - 41 DH - 28 **** Proud mom to Christopher, dob 7/15/92 **** Nathaniel dob 1/18/05 -1/18/05 (8 mos) in heaven **** bfp 8/26/10 m/c 10/14/10 at 7 wks. **** D&C 10/15/10 **** Cycles 1-4 BFN's **** Cycle #5 - 100 mg Clomid **** IUI #1 - 04/23/11 and 4/24/11 - 5/8/11 IUI #1 = BFFN BFP 10/14/11 - EDD 6/22/12** Stick little one Stick! Athena Jane 5/31/12 - 8/28/12  
12-17-2012 at 6:46 AM
fluttergir...
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Joined on 06-15-2011
20,991 Points
fluttergirlmoonchild79 is not online. Last active: 05-17-2013, 4:32 PMBronze
I'm so sorry.  The first visit is rough.  I remember trying to avoid it thinking it would somehow be easier later - which it wasn't.  I finally told myself (and is a mantra I use a lot) that "we've experienced the worst, nothing else is anything."  The first time was really, really hard.  Then it was ok for a while, then the engraving was done on his stone and it was hard again - made it more permanent.  Now I go quite a bit.  Sometimes when I need a good cry, sometimes when I just miss him and on special days.  I sometimes go by myself.  Sometimes with DH and sometimes with our dog too.  You are not alone.  If you don't go again or for a while, it's ok.  If you do, that's ok too.  Our babies are in heaven all playing with each other.  Wishing you peace and love.

In memory of Corbin Scott 10/28/11-12/3/11. Heaven got another angel the night you left this world behind Heaven got a little better the day it took you away from me Missing you tonight, see you again sometime For now I'll close my eyes and dream of heaven tonight I'll love you forever I'll like you for always As long as I'm living My baby you'll be Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers corbinsmommy.blogspot.com Lilypie Pregnancy tickers  
12-17-2012 at 9:31 AM
jbranden12
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Joined on 02-09-2008
20,152 Points
jbranden12 is not online. Last active: 05-18-2013, 5:39 AMBronze
((hugs)) please don't feel guilty, you haven't done anything wrong.

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12-17-2012 at 9:37 AM
Bayberry12
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Joined on 02-12-2010
14,148 Points
Bayberry12 is online. Last active: 05-18-2013, 5:08 PMBronze
just sending you lots of hugs

Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

BFP #1 Jan. 2011 - mmc Mar. 2011
BFP #2 Aug. 2011 - My sleeping angel Stella, born April 21, 2012
BFP #3 Nov. 2012 - mmc Dec. 2012  
12-17-2012 at 10:25 AM
OSUWifey09
Top 500 Contributor
Joined on 11-28-2007
Oklahoma
16,769 Points
OSUWifey09 is not online. Last active: 05-16-2013, 4:16 PMGold
Was thinking of you all weekend - lots of hugs from me, too.
12-17-2012 at 1:15 PM
EcoStreet
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Joined on 05-21-2012
615 Points
EcoStreet is not online. Last active: 05-18-2013, 1:12 PMNewbie
I can understand that this is hard, but I believe that with time your anxiety will lessen. We chose to cremate our daughter and i keep her ashes in a little heart shape box.
 
12-17-2012 at 2:22 PM
starburst0...
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Joined on 09-30-2012
7,147 Points
starburst0928 is not online. Last active: 05-18-2013, 6:28 AMNewbie
It's tough. I go to just cry. It's a good think I'm mentally stable because a large part of me just wants to dig him up and take him home!

Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers 
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