Is there a reason your bf isn't working?  That would be my first step - telling him to go out and find some way to support the life he helped create. 

Sorry, but my sympathy level for people who bring children into the world with no financial plan (and then complain about the charity they are being given) is zero.  

I had either spider bites or a flea issue earlier this year so what we did:

Launder everything fabric related.  Bedding, dogs bedding, clothes ect.  Anything they get up on...vacuum the couch blah blah blah. every day until you don't notice them anymore.  We did it every day for two weeks.

We put a $5.00 flea collar in our vacuum to help "kill" anything that did get sucked up.

As to medication: It's not that expensive, my heartworm pill (I think it's trifecta) has flea killers in it.  I would suggest it to your "MIL" as a preventative. I'm pretty sure it's $13.00 a month, and our dog is 50-100lb, it's less expensive if they are smaller.  

Side note: Costco/Sams sells dog medication as well and you do not need to be a member to use their pharmacy.  They also have a "rx plan" and I signed up my dog. I save $7.00 a month getting his meds there.

She should talk to the vet.

Vacuum every day.  Use hydrocortisone (well talk to your Dr, but mine said the topical was fine) for bites. If you have to let the dogs in the room, don't let the dogs on the bed.  

HTH and PP is right.  You're living in her house.  It's her rules, try and meet her half way and tell your BF to man up and take care of you guys.

1.  You aren't married therefore your bf's mom is not your MIL, so don't refer to her as such.

2.  Tell your lazy bf to get a fracking job.

3.  Move out.  The living situation you describe is NOT suitable for a child.

4.  If you don't want to do anything to fix your situation, don't biitch about it.

5.  Call 16 and Pregnant, I'm sure they can give you the hook up.

Seriously, you need to grow the frack up, you have a child coming.  If you are grown up enough to bring a child into this world, you should be grown up enough to not come on the internet and get advise from strangers on what to do about things you should be able to figure out with your own brain.

Myzticsunshine:

I didn't say it was brilliant of me, but accidents do happen. Sure I should have been careful, but I'm accepting my responsibilities now. I just couldn't do abortion, and I'm happy I made that choice. I don't expect charity. I work harder than I should to try and be financially ready. I may not have planned this origionally but I've been planning since I found out I was pregnant. He doesn't have a Jon because the economy is terrible, and no ones hiring, especially people like him with disabilities. He has a severe nerve disorder of the eyes that disturbs his vision greatly. He can't drive or anything so people won't take the chance on him. I don't understand what the point of replying with nothing but critisism was. I simply asked for advice. Not sympthy.

You asked for replies, you received them.  Don't want to hear it, don't post it.  It's the internet FFS.

bearkatjen:

Your best bet is to move. It's your boy friend's mother's home, so she can keep it any way she likes. If it is not safe or sanitary for you or the baby, then you need to find another place. Would your parents help you out at all? Have you and your boy friend looked into low income housing options?

bearkatjen:

Your best bet is to move. It's your boy friend's mother's home, so she can keep it any way she likes. If it is not safe or sanitary for you or the baby, then you need to find another place. Would your parents help you out at all? Have you and your boy friend looked into low income housing options?

Myzticsunshine:

bearkatjen:

Your best bet is to move. It's your boy friend's mother's home, so she can keep it any way she likes. If it is not safe or sanitary for you or the baby, then you need to find another place. Would your parents help you out at all? Have you and your boy friend looked into low income housing options?

This is all true. But no one has room, except for his mother, for the baby and I. It really would be fine if he was able to find a job and keep the dogs out of the room. Like I said, I just don't know what to say to get him to understand how important it is. Also, how does all the low income housing stuff work??

Its easy - you tell him to keep the F*cking dogs out, or you are leaving.  It doesn't sound like yd be missing much. 

And here's how it works - I work hard to make money after waiting until I was married and ready to have kids, then hand it over to the govt so they can pay for YOUR apartment b/c you didn't. Good country, America...l

Really you have two options: change something (whatever the cost), or live with the situation.

What you cannot do is change anyone else. If the BF and his mother are content to be living like that, they will not change. You have already tried suggesting some changes to make the place more livable, but if no one listens, it's up to you to do the work. Unfortunately, the fact that you are absolutely correct about the unsanitary conditions is "true, true, and unrelated" as my mother would say. You cannot make anyone change.

Your other option is find a new plan for your life, however scary or overwhelming. If you tell your BF that the conditions are so bad that you must move and he refuses to help (or he is unable to help), then you decide whether your baby's health or your relationship with baby's father will win out. Yes, that is a terrible, awful choice to make. I am not saying it will be easy, but if you are truly concerned, that's your choice.

So: stay (and admit that as much as you hate it, the situation is ultimately the best option), or leave (and sleep on a friend's couch with baby, or move into a woman's shelter).

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but those are your only two options. Forcing your BF and his mother to listen to reason is not an option if they are unwilling.

1. Tell your bf to get a job

2. Get flea medication- our dogs are on trifexus

3. Your MIL is letting you live in her house and I assume helping you out financially. The only thing you should tell her is thank you.

ggatlanta:

Really you have two options: change something whatever the cost, or live with the situation.What you cannot do is change anyone else. If the BF and his mother are content to be living like that, they will not change. You have already tried suggesting some changes to make the place more livable, but if no one listens, it's up to you to do the work. Unfortunately, the fact that you are absolutely correct about the unsanitary conditions is "true, true, and unrelated" as my mother would say. You cannot make anyone change.Your other option is find a new plan for your life, however scary or overwhelming. If you tell your BF that the conditions are so bad that you must move and he refuses to help or he is unable to help, then you decide whether your baby's health or your relationship with baby's father will win out. Yes, that is a terrible, awful choice to make. I am not saying it will be easy, but if you are truly concerned, that's your choice. So: stay and admit that as much as you hate it, the situation is ultimately the best option, or leave and sleep on a friend's couch with baby, or move into a woman's shelter. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but those are your only two options. Forcing your BF and his mother to listen to reason is not an option if they are unwilling.nbsp;

ggatlanta:

Really you have two options: change something whatever the cost, or live with the situation.What you cannot do is change anyone else. If the BF and his mother are content to be living like that, they will not change. You have already tried suggesting some changes to make the place more livable, but if no one listens, it's up to you to do the work. Unfortunately, the fact that you are absolutely correct about the unsanitary conditions is "true, true, and unrelated" as my mother would say. You cannot make anyone change.Your other option is find a new plan for your life, however scary or overwhelming. If you tell your BF that the conditions are so bad that you must move and he refuses to help or he is unable to help, then you decide whether your baby's health or your relationship with baby's father will win out. Yes, that is a terrible, awful choice to make. I am not saying it will be easy, but if you are truly concerned, that's your choice. So: stay and admit that as much as you hate it, the situation is ultimately the best option, or leave and sleep on a friend's couch with baby, or move into a woman's shelter. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but those are your only two options. Forcing your BF and his mother to listen to reason is not an option if they are unwilling.nbsp;

Lady*Timot:

I had either spider bites or a flea issue earlier this year so what we did:

Launder everything fabric related.  Bedding, dogs bedding, clothes ect.  Anything they get up on...vacuum the couch blah blah blah. every day until you don't notice them anymore.  We did it every day for two weeks.

We put a $5.00 flea collar in our vacuum to help "kill" anything that did get sucked up.

As to medication: It's not that expensive, my heartworm pill (I think it's trifecta) has flea killers in it.  I would suggest it to your "MIL" as a preventative. I'm pretty sure it's $13.00 a month, and our dog is 50-100lb, it's less expensive if they are smaller.  

Side note: Costco/Sams sells dog medication as well and you do not need to be a member to use their pharmacy.  They also have a "rx plan" and I signed up my dog. I save $7.00 a month getting his meds there.

She should talk to the vet.

Vacuum every day.  Use hydrocortisone (well talk to your Dr, but mine said the topical was fine) for bites. If you have to let the dogs in the room, don't let the dogs on the bed.  

HTH and PP is right.  You're living in her house.  It's her rules, try and meet her half way and tell your BF to man up and take care of you guys.

This is a wonderful idea. My dog hasnt had fleas yet, but I'm leavin that trick in my back pocket!

Myzticsunshine:

As I said before, I hadn't planned in getting pregnant. But I've done everything I can to make this situation work. I am balancing culinary school and work on top of being pregnant, and I am only twenty so, ya I know I have growing up to do. What I don't understand is how people can turn a request for advice into an opportunity to be completely blatant and rude. It's jut unnecessary. Sorry I'm not "settled" and legally "married" and no she's not technically my "MIL", but I don't believe in that kind of crap anyways. The situation is what it is and I have no where else to go. I was simply asking what I can say to him or her or both to or what you would say to get them to understand where I'm coming from. I understand that he needs a job, and I understand its her house, and explaining the situation is not bitching. It's explaining the situation. Its not great, but it's been livable, and I'm obviously trying to do something about it if I'm here asking for advice. Ever consider the possibility that I just don't have anyone else to talk to about it? I get that your all hormonal, but please try to tone it down or don't bother to write back.

Honey, you asked the Internet....

And in all complete seriousness, if you are this far in over your head, have you considered  adoption?  I do commend you for not choosing abortion. I couldn't do it, either. However, once we make grown up decisions, it's time to act like a grown up.  Think about your baby, and whether a life of struggle is what you want to bring him/her into. The cycle continues until someone breaks it. 

If thats not an option: My first reaction - school. If you can't support even yourself and the baby alone and you are paying tuition, that gets cut. Use that money (and money earned from the additional hours you could work) to support baby. You can always go back to school once life has stabilized.  Being a patent means putting that child's needs ahead of your own. Right now, that child needs a safe home - priority #1 above what is best for you. 

PatsyGK21:

Lady*Timot:

We put a $5.00 flea collar in our vacuum to help "kill" anything that did get sucked up.

This is a wonderful idea. My dog hasnt had fleas yet, but I'm leavin that trick in my back pocket!

I think I got the idea from the pet board on the nest earlier this spring.  They are an awesome resource.  I think this past spring (at least in midwest) the fleas were really bad because we never really had a frost.  

PeanutR1:

Sorry, but my sympathy level for people who bring children into the world with no financial plan (and then complain about the charity they are being given) is zero.  

Sorry, OP but same here.  I don't know why you'd stay in such an unsanitary environment before you got pregnant. 

Wow, some of these responses are unbelievable.  Judgmental, much? Are we still living in the 18th century where having a child "out of wedlock" deserves so much scorn? And these aren't easy economic times... lots of families are co-habituating now.

Anyway, OP, the flea collars actually really do work well for us.  We use Advantix but that never got rid of our flea problem (we have 2 dogs and a cat)... but we've kept a flea collar on our cat for the past month and it seems to be working.  You can also get Advantix and flea meds cheaper online, like Pet Meds and ebay. 

lindseybell3:

Wow, some of these responses are unbelievable.  Judgmental, much? Are we still living in the 18th century where having a child "out of wedlock" deserves so much scorn? And these aren't easy economic times... lots of families are co-habituating now.

Anyway, OP, the flea collars actually really do work well for us.  We use Advantix but that never got rid of our flea problem (we have 2 dogs and a cat)... but we've kept a flea collar on our cat for the past month and it seems to be working.  You can also get Advantix and flea meds cheaper online, like Pet Meds and ebay. 

I think you mean co-habitating.  

As far as scorn for babies out of wedlock - I don't think most of us would have a problem with the legal marriage part if the parents were in stable relationships (both emotionally and financially) and could support themselves like adults!  Our society is doing sooooo well these days with all the broken homes and parents caring more about themselves than their kids, isn't it?

 For the most part, the older generations "stayed together for the kids" and did what it took as far as work to put food one the table.  And I don't mean filling out paperwork to get it subsidized.  Those values aren't, well, valued anymore. 

Myzticsunshine:

As I said before, I hadn't planned in getting pregnant. But I've done everything I can to make this situation work. I am balancing culinary school and work on top of being pregnant, and I am only twenty so, ya I know I have growing up to do. What I don't understand is how people can turn a request for advice into an opportunity to be completely blatant and rude. It's jut unnecessary. Sorry I'm not "settled" and legally "married" and no she's not technically my "MIL", but I don't believe in that kind of crap anyways.

The situation is what it is and I have no where else to go. I was simply asking what I can say to him or her or both to or what you would say to get them to understand where I'm coming from. I understand that he needs a job, and I understand its her house, and explaining the situation is not bitching. It's explaining the situation. Its not great, but it's been livable, and I'm obviously trying to do something about it if I'm here asking for advice. Ever consider the possibility that I just don't have anyone else to talk to about it?

I get that your all hormonal, but please try to tone it down or don't bother to write back.

lindseybell3:

Wow, some of these responses are unbelievable.  Judgmental, much? Are we still living in the 18th century where having a child "out of wedlock" deserves so much scorn? And these aren't easy economic times... lots of families are co-habituating now.

Anyway, OP, the flea collars actually really do work well for us.  We use Advantix but that never got rid of our flea problem (we have 2 dogs and a cat)... but we've kept a flea collar on our cat for the past month and it seems to be working.  You can also get Advantix and flea meds cheaper online, like Pet Meds and ebay. 

Speaking for myself, I couldn't give a rat's ass that the OP isn't married.  It sounds to me like she'd be worse-off if she were married to this guy and couldn't just pick up and leave when she got sick of him not working and also not providing a clean, safe home for her and their child.  She'd also be at least partially responsible for any debt he has if they were married. 

The problem here is that she's pregnant and has no way of supporting the child.  Financial security doesn't magically happen with a marriage certificate - there are plenty of married couples who can't afford babies.  If the OP couldn't afford birth control, she definitely cannot afford a baby.

OP, get out of that nasty house and away from the boyfriend.  If he's legitimately disabled, he should be able to collect benefits and provide some financial support.  Otherwise, I'm sorry tell him to go flip burgers or bag groceries or collect cans or do something to get money to provide for his kid. 

Myzticsunshine:

As I said before, I hadn't planned in getting pregnant. But I've done everything I can to make this situation work. I am balancing culinary school and work on top of being pregnant, and I am only twenty so, ya I know I have growing up to do. What I don't understand is how people can turn a request for advice into an opportunity to be completely blatant and rude. It's jut unnecessary. Sorry I'm not "settled" and legally "married" and no she's not technically my "MIL", but I don't believe in that kind of crap anyways. The situation is what it is and I have no where else to go. I was simply asking what I can say to him or her or both to or what you would say to get them to understand where I'm coming from. I understand that he needs a job, and I understand its her house, and explaining the situation is not bitching. It's explaining the situation. Its not great, but it's been livable, and I'm obviously trying to do something about it if I'm here asking for advice. Ever consider the possibility that I just don't have anyone else to talk to about it? I get that your all hormonal, but please try to tone it down or don't bother to write back.

I'm going to try and give you the best advice I can. I'm also not going to be rude or mean, b/c its just that, rude adn mean. You are young, you are putting yoursef through school, you are taking care of your situation the best you can, you're BF seems to have a good excuse to not be working. I think some of the woman who commented need to get off their high horse and realize everyone hits a rough patch. now and then. To be honest, I'm a little takn back at how mean people really are, its completely unbecoming, especially for adults. I commend you for not getting an abortion and taking responisbility for your actions.

Let's start with your boyfriend's mother, I completely understand your frustrations, my MIL is a slob, and while I dont have to live with her, I still don't want my LO to go over there. So, my advice is to just clean everything up yourself, play it off as working off your room and board there. I clean MIL sh*t all the time, cause it's gross and to be honest she doesn't even acknowledge or notice it really b/c, I assume she thinks there is acleaning fairy. If you want smething done, you need to do it yourself, that's what I say. I unerstand that it is her house, but no one should be okay living amongst fleas, I see you cleaning as a public service to the safety of everyone in the house, not just you and the baby.

My next advice for you is since your BF has a legitimate reason for not working, try to get him in the doctor's offiice and get it in writing. Then he may be eligable for some sort of unemployment compensation. Or you can look into finding places that have programs for helping people with disorders like your BF's find jobs. Idk wher you live, but if you live in a city there are a lot of programs like this. My cousin has epilepsy (sp?) and found a job through a program like that in Chicago.

Lastly the dogs, they are annoying, they will bark, they will piss, can't really change that unless you hire Ceasar Milan haha! So you're probably gonna have to just deal there.

Maybe when LO comes you can set up a day or two a week where you go to your parents, or other family member's houses just during the day or maybe a sleep over, just to get a little break from the craziness!

Good luck sweetie! If you need someone to talk to, you can PM me! God bless.

Myzticsunshine:

bearkatjen:

Your best bet is to move. It's your boy friend's mother's home, so she can keep it any way she likes. If it is not safe or sanitary for you or the baby, then you need to find another place. Would your parents help you out at all? Have you and your boy friend looked into low income housing options?

This is all true. But no one has room, except for his mother, for the baby and I. It really would be fine if he was able to find a job and keep the dogs out of the room. Like I said, I just don't know what to say to get him to understand how important it is. Also, how does all the low income housing stuff work??

From my understanding, low income housing requires you make no less and no more than a certain amount of money. How much that is, is dependent on the apartment complex. Since your BF has a disability, then that might play into what is available to you.

Does your BF collect disability benefits, and if not, has he looked into that?

This definitely the time to seek out any aid you are eligible for. Food stamps, WIC, Medicaid....

These things can help you make ends meet until you can get a better paying job, and your BF can get a job. Also, your BF should see what type of employment programs are out there for people with his disability.

Here is a link to get you started on housing:  http://portal.hud.gov/hudportal/HUD?src=/topics/rental_assistance

flea problem:collar or k9 advantix, vacuum like crazy, wash bedding,ect.

piss problem: take the dogs out more; they have small bladders and need to goto the bathroom every 2-3 hours. Maybe offer to take them for a walk, plus it'll give you exercise. When they go pee outside, give them treats, it'll promote that good behavior. put down puppy pads where they normally piss, and when you see them piss, scold them, and immediately take them outside

dont let the dogs in your room.  

i think the worst thing you can do for yourself is stop your schooling. Keep up with your schooling, and keep on working. If your using money for books and tutition, i would keep your money, and go get student loans, so you have more money for your child.

talk to your bf and tell him to get a job. any job, just as long as he's contributing and helping with your growing family. People with disabilities can get jobs. I know the economy is hard right now; but he needs to apply to jobs everyday, 20x a day. if he's not doing that, then he's not doing what he should for his family.

 Look into WIC and food stamps. Your probably eligible for it.  

Myzticsunshine:

What on earth do I do?!

You tell your boyfriend to get a job.  You get some topical flea meds for the dogs and put diatomaceous earth in the carpet and furniture to kill all the other fleas and eggs (it's not toxic to you or the baby).  Find your own place to live.   

OP, you need to take charge of your life.  You are very close to having another person to take care of as well.  STOP being a passive participant in your life.  You need goals & a plan to achieve them.  It will most likely suck at times, but you need to step up. 

Your BF needs to have goals & expectations too.  Specifically, you need to have expectations of him.  If he is truly disabled, then have him look into filing for disability coverage.  If he can work, then he needs to set his pride aside & do anything he can to support his family.  

Your living conditions are unacceptable, and you know that.  It is your responsibility to change that.  Scour the internet, go to the library, ask people for help finding help.  Get somewhere safe for you & your child.  Stop waiting for others to take care of your problems. Take control of your life. 

It will be HARD.  You know that you need to do this though.  Best of luck to you, you are going to need it.