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12-17-2012 at 5:52 PM
Geekywife
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Joined on 03-04-2012
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Geekywife is not online. Last active: 05-17-2013, 6:58 PMBronze

Feeling Selfish and Pissed (Long Post)

For those of you who don't remember me or haven't met, I was active for a little while, then started lurking, posting every once in a while. I am 36 my husband is 34.  We married 18 months ago and almost started trying right away.

I looked into an RE after 6 months of temping and charting.  I was told that to even see her that it would be over 1000 with my insurance. We can't afford that at all. So we are just on a let's do this until it works kinda thing. I really wish I could go and find out what is wrong but it isn't in the cards. We are trying to pay off our debts so we can start to save something for this but by the best records and no extras we will not be able to start any kind of treatment for four years. I will be 40 then. So we looked into adopting just to check on the cost and we are running into the same problem. This leads to the problem with feeling selfish. I have been told that I would make a great mother and have a great time working with a youth group that I am an adviser for. I want to have a family. I have always wanted a big family. I have always wanted to be a stay at home mom, taking care of my family. Now debt is keeping me from that dream and I am feeling like it is selfish of me to want a kid when I still owe money. I am not as young as I use to be and I can't really do two jobs anymore with out it straining my marriage. But I still want to have the family.

This leads me to pissed off. I have been having to keep from yelling at things like TV's and Radios or random people on the street when I am reminded how unfair things seem to be. I know that everyone has it hard and that I am not the only one that this applies to but it still sucks, that I did everything in the manner that I was told to do it and now I am screwed. I waited until I was in a healthy relationship to discuss marriage. I waited until I was married to try to  have a kid. I worked my way through school, but had to stop when I couldn't afford it any more. I lived on my own instead of living off my parents like so many others my age. I didn't have kids out of wedlock like so many my age. I am on my first marriage. I did things right and now I get to deal with the side effects.

Today is just not my day. Thank you for anyone who read all the way through. Sorry if it seems like I am whining.

 


Anniversary 
12-17-2012 at 6:18 PM
Wusie
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Wusie is not online. Last active: 01-10-2013, 1:01 PMNewbie
I feel the same way a lot of the time recently.  You are not alone.  I totally get it.  If my husband and I can't do it the "old fashioned way" than that is our only option.  I want you to know that you have a safe place to vent.  
 
12-17-2012 at 6:28 PM
HeathernSt...
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HeathernSteven is not online. Last active: 05-17-2013, 6:47 PMBronze
Ugh geeky wife you could be writing about me! Except I will be 40 in two weeks, met Dh at 34, married at 35 started ttc 18 months ago, we too struggle with debt since the recession hit, DH was laid off in the beginning and never was able toget rehired, he is an IT guy.....I totally hear your pain. I am so sorry that you cannot get any of the tests done, that really sucks. I hope things get better for you.

My Ovulation Chart Me: 40 DH: 45. We are TTC our 1st, started July '11, 3 cycles clomid with Ob, 1 cycle Tamoxifen with Ob, Diagnosed PCOS 11/5/12 clomid, trigger & timed bd 12/12 BFN 1st clomid IUI 1/4/13 BFN. 2nd clomid IUI 2/13 cancelled didn't respond to clomid. 3/29/13 laparoscopy - lft ovary attached to uterine wall & imobile fallopian tube fixed & on bcp. Hoping this ends our streak of bfn's! Started bravelle 5/2/13..... 
12-17-2012 at 7:15 PM
brooklynes...
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brooklynesque is not online. Last active: 05-17-2013, 7:10 AMSilver
I'm sorry.  Are you sure you can't save up for some initial testing and Clomid treatment cycles in the next few months?  I'd ordinarily be all Suze Orman about paying off debt but TTC at our age is the rare situation where sooner really is better.  I still kick myself for waiting so long to try treatments.  Good luck whatever you choose to do -- it's a tough situation.  I agree you did everything right; IF is not fair in the least.

Me: 39. DH: 41. TTC since 2009.
FSH: 9.5 at highest. AMH (11/2011): 0.9. AFC: 10ish. HSG: Normal. SA: Normal.
July 2011 - Feb. 2012: 2 Clomid/TI cycles; 3 injectables/IUI cycles. Good response but BFNs.
Dec. 2011: Laparoscopy (clear) + hysteroscopy to remove uterine polyp.

April 2012: IVF #1: FSH 9.2, AFC 7-8. Antagonist protocol.
Started stims (300iu Gonal-F, 150iu Menopur) 3/28.
Added ganirelix 4/1. Trigger 4/5 (7 follies). ER 4/7: 7R, 0M, 0F. :-(

Nov. 2012: IVF #2: Long Lupron protocol.
Started Lupron 10/27. AFC 10+. Started stims (300iu Follistim, 150iu Menopur) 11/8.
Trigger 11/18 (7 follies). ER 11/20: 9R, 1M, 1F. 3dt of my one 6-cell embie on 11/23: BFN.

Dec. 2012: Hail Mary IUI cycle with leftover IVF meds: BFN.

Feb. 2013: IVF #3: Estrogen priming protocol.
Pre-AF: estro patch + ganirelix. AFC 8-10. Started stims (450 Follistim, 150 Menopur) 1/28.
Added ganirelix 2/4. Combined Lupron/HCG trigger 2/10 (6-ish follies).
ET 2/12: 6R, 1M, 1F w/rescue ICSI. My embie didn't make it. :-(

July 2013: DE IVF #1

PAIF/SAIF/PA35 welcome.
Daisypath Anniversary tickers 
12-17-2012 at 7:58 PM
Alicialgb
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Alicialgb is not online. Last active: 05-17-2013, 8:55 PMBronze
Is there anyway you can convince your OB to do some of the basic tests under the pretext of something they can get your insurance to cover? If you've got a good relationship with him/her maybe they can make some reccomendations? I will admit, the beginning tests ran us some money (under 1K) but the rest of it has been cheap in comparison.


me:41; DH:41; 4/30/12 1st visit with RE; 6/30/12 IUI #1 BFN; 7/19/12 IUI cancelled (overmedicated); 8/2/12 IUI cancelled (cyst); 9/1/12 IUI #2 BFP! EDD 5/28/13; 10/9/12 1st U/S at 7w3d--missed m/c (trisomy 16) D&C 10/19/12; karyotyping results normal!; 1/31/13 IUI #3 BFP! EDD 10/24/13; Graduated from RE 3/11/13 with HB of 145!, It's a GIRL!!!
*All Welcome!*
Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers Lilypie Pregnancy tickers 
12-18-2012 at 9:07 AM
robbensm
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robbensm is not online. Last active: 05-17-2013, 11:31 AMBronze
I'm so sorry you are feeling so down and can certainly sympathize.  I was just coming to terms with the fact that I might never get married & have a family and was happy with the life I had made for myself on my own.  Then DH came along and changed everything.  Now I feel like that part of my dream has come true but the rest is just being dangled in front of me like this carrot that I'm chasing but may never get.  It's just so bleeping unfair for all of us!


My Ovulation Chart
|| Ovulation Calendar Me 38 & PCOS, DH 41. Went of BCP when we got married in Nov 2011, seriously TTC since March 2012. Six cycles of clomid = BFNs. Suspected endometriosos & HSG showed both tubes blocked so researching IVF.  
12-18-2012 at 5:59 PM
Geekywife
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Geekywife is not online. Last active: 05-17-2013, 6:58 PMBronze

brooklynesque:
I'm sorry.  Are you sure you can't save up for some initial testing and Clomid treatment cycles in the next few months?  I'd ordinarily be all Suze Orman about paying off debt but TTC at our age is the rare situation where sooner really is better.

 I was going to suggest this or getting a second job but his mom is now asking us for more money paid back to her each month. I maybe getting a second job in the new year just to pay her back.

Alicialgb:
Is there anyway you can convince your OB to do some of the basic tests under the pretext of something they can get your insurance to cover?

The price I was quoted was after the insurance paid. They don't do tests any other way or at least I am being told. I am trying to find a way to go in and see my OBGYN in an apointment but there is no reason for me to see her right now. Maybe if I can talk to her she might have an idea but alas no reason to see her. 

robbensm:
I'm so sorry you are feeling so down and can certainly sympathize.  I was just coming to terms with the fact that I might never get married & have a family and was happy with the life I had made for myself on my own.  Then DH came along and changed everything.  Now I feel like that part of my dream has come true but the rest is just being dangled in front of me like this carrot that I'm chasing but may never get.  It's just so bleeping unfair for all of us!

This is exactly how I feel sometimes.


Anniversary 
12-18-2012 at 7:55 PM
Jacque Sil...
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Jacque Sills is not online. Last active: 05-17-2013, 9:13 PMBronze

Just know that you are not alone. Your post sounds so similar. As, I too, tried to make all the right moves.... Paid for my own college while living on my own. Didn't have children out of wedlock and waiting to find Mr. Right. Finally, found him at 34 and married 10 months later, to go on to work our butts off to get the house a couple of years later, then as the bills are piling up... We have been trying to get those under control to bring a child into a stable home, it was so frustrating and making me sad that I got an Ulcer, nausea issues and was getting very sick due to not being able to figure out how to get to my ultimate goal, a baby......

Well....I went to my first RE appt., just yesterday and I am now 43. So, I understand how you feel. We kept telling ourselves that we could not afford this and as the years went by, now it is a statement of we might be too late, so not trying to scare you just let you know that we all struggle with finances and are scared but just make sure that you two try to make the best plan in deciding how to move forward of getting your finances in a good place and stashing the lunch or coffee money for the baby stuff.....Your will in this matter will find you your way. As, we finally did. We got here a little late but hopefully not too too late. Meaning, my eggs are old and I am not sure if it is going to work but the RE put me on a supplement regiment of a gazillion pills. Exaggerating a bit, but around 25 a day...

Any ways, Best of luck to you and your husband and hope that you both find a way to get your dreams. Oh, my OB/GYN prescribed Clomid to me when I was in my financial bind, I thought it would be too expensive, but the generic only costs around $20.00 in the states. Not sure where you are located at... Any ways, again. Best of Luck.


Lilypie Trying to Conceive 15 to 80 day cycle tickers 
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