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12-17-2012 at 8:49 PM
Melissa84_...
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Frustrating Husband

So last week we saw something for the first time on the US. The baby is tiny. Whatever. Ever since then, whenever I throw up or I'm really tired (or exhibit any sort of pregnancy symptom) my husband says "the baby is "this small" (he holds his thumb and forefinger together). At first, I shrugged it off. Now I'm like, is he insinuating that I'm just being dramatic? That he doesn't believe what I am telling/showing him, that I have no reason to feel the way I do? And just to tell you I don't complain. I am incredibly excited to be pregnant, and I try to look on the bright side of things - but what am I supposed to do if I'm throwing up? Sing a song about it? And my husband is a very black and white, literal person so I think it is totally possible for him to see a tiny spec on a US and have that translate to tiny amount of symptoms (even though I've explained to him that my body is going through most of the changes now so I am able to carry a fully developed baby). Wow I just reread that sentence and it makes him seem like a kindergartner, but still. Maybe I'm being too sensitive. I don't know, I think I just need to vent before I blow up at him (and then feel bad about it).

 
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12-17-2012 at 8:55 PM
GonnaMissS...
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I got my husband a book called "Dude, you're gonna be a Dad". It had good info for men on how to be sensitive to what you're going through, but its written from a guy's perspective. Maybe he'll understand if he reads for himself? 
 
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12-17-2012 at 8:55 PM
PrimRoseMa...
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Ask your OB to talk to him. Other than that there is really nothing you can do. Tell him you need his support but if he refuses to acknowledge that you are suffering then that is something you can't fix. At that point he's choosing to be a jerk.
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12-17-2012 at 9:09 PM
beckyanddo...
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Sometimes they just don't get it. I'm sorry this is happening. When your sick you're sick. When your queasy you're queasy. And there is nothing to stop that. I had really bad morning sickness with my first and if someone would have told me to cope I would have been frustrated too. Our bodies are changing and we are experiencing a range of emotions on a second to second basis. Hang in there! GL
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12-17-2012 at 9:34 PM
mystererae
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Too bad he's being a jerk - but maybe you could show him something such as a table of the level of hormones in your system to illustrate the cause of your symptoms?
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12-17-2012 at 11:36 PM
augrl0307
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That's definitely frustrating. I think a lot of guys just don't understand that even though we don't LOOK pregnant yet, we definitely feel the effects of the crazy hormones. I actually got the same book that a PP mentioned - "Dude, You're Gonna Be a Dad" and my husband's read the first few chapters. It's written with a sense of humor, but acknowledges what we're going through and encourages them to be supportive. It might be worth a shot. 

Try to talk to him and explain how you feel, and if that doesn't work then I suggest dragging him to your next appointment and have the doctor explain that your symptoms are very normal and common. Hope it gets better for you! 
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12-18-2012 at 2:29 AM
MrsBlindLo...
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Every week for my last pregnancy we would sit down and read about what changes were happening that week. It always mentioned the changes that the mother would experience as well, it was great for DH and me.
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12-18-2012 at 2:43 AM
BC&LM
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I know some guys do stuff like that because they think it is amusing and they want to relieve the tension. If you haven't already, tell him it bothers you when he does it and explain why you don't find it funny. If he still continues doing it, then he is just being a jerk.
 
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12-18-2012 at 5:06 AM
dreadiemam...
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mystererae:
Too bad he's being a jerk - but maybe you could show him something such as a table of the level of hormones in your system to illustrate the cause of your symptoms?

Oooh. I like this idea. There are a TON of charts out there showing how hormones spike the most in the 1st trimester. That's something black and white that he can see.

Also, my H is kind of the same way. He's not as sympathetic with ms as he is the the migraines. That's probably because I've had migraines my whole life so he's used to me being dead against a wall with them. How far along are you? Maybe he just needs to get used to the idea? I don't know if that came out right... but everyone fights change a bit at first, then they get used to it.  
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12-18-2012 at 6:49 AM
AngieG87
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I agree with PP's, I think that educating him his the best answer here. I would tell my DH all the stuff that was happening like "my body is producing ___% more blood this week which is causing my kidneys to go into overdrive which is why I have to pee all the time" that made sense to him and didn't look at me strange when I have to stop and pee every 5 mins anymore.  

Also, when he found out that like I was literally growing a brain inside of my body, etc. etc. he was kind of like "holy crap, I can't believe that you have a tiny heart and a tiny brain inside of you" There's a lot of stuff happening in our bodies and it is totally legit for us to be peeing/puking/sleeping all the time. GL! 
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12-18-2012 at 7:07 AM
Mrs.Handy
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Maybe you should puke on him one day. It might not solve the problem, but it certainly would be funny.


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12-18-2012 at 7:15 AM
Alicia0817
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GonnaMissSushi:
I got my husband a book called "Dude, you're gonna be a Dad". It had good info for men on how to be sensitive to what you're going through, but its written from a guy's perspective. Maybe he'll understand if he reads for himself?nbsp;


We bought this book too. Luckily my DH doesn't question the relation of baby size to symptoms, but the book did help explain to him why I am so tired all the time.


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12-18-2012 at 7:21 AM
mamainsept...
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I would just explain to him that just because the baby is so tiny doesn't mean your being dramatic. Gotta get
Him on board, I like the reading a book thing! That helped my DH the first time around.
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12-18-2012 at 7:36 AM
LoisLayn23
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Sounds like an awesome fella.
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12-18-2012 at 8:21 AM
MrsP7309
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Has he had a stomach bug recently? I'd remind him that the virus that caused it was MUCH smaller than the baby.


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12-18-2012 at 8:50 AM
Lissa832
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I had HORRIBLE all day, everyday sickness from 6-20 weeks with my LOs. I still have flashbacks when I smell certain things. With that said, if DH said something like that to me, he'd be getting a swift kick to the testicles, lol. "They're only this big. It can't hurt that bad." Don't belittle a puke-y pregnant chick. 
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12-18-2012 at 11:45 AM
ScarletOfl...
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Seems kind of obvious...but have you asked him WHY he says that when he does? Like what he means by it?

 
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12-24-2012 at 2:42 PM
kahlan82
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I don't think you are being oversensitive.  I agree with some of the other posts that he may be trying to lighten the mood.  My husband always struggles with saying the right thing when I am mad or upset, not because he doesn't care but because he really has no idea "how to fix it."  

What helped him, was a book called "Dad's guide to pregnancy for dummies."  It laid out point blank how I might be acting and how he should handle it.  He has been wonderful and I hope you guy comes around too. 
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12-24-2012 at 3:29 PM
Soleil3
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I tend to be a literal person, but I'm very capable of understanding that the size of the baby has little to do with the symptoms felt at this stage. Does he have no access to the Internet? Is there a reason he can't find out that being exhausted in the first trimester is perfectly normal and caused by the increasing amount of hormones etc?
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