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12-18-2012 at 10:17 AM
FutureMrsW...
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Why do you come here?

This is genuine curiosity.  I feel like we see a number of "that's not why I came here" posts.  So I'm interested to know what everyone's expectations are when they enter a forum like this one.

Are you looking for advice?
Just need a place to vent?
Looking for others to commiserate with you?
Searching for resources and information?

What does everybody hope to get out of this?
Mama of 2: one who grew in my womb, both who grow in my heart. 
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12-18-2012 at 10:24 AM
cole2144
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I come here for advice, a place to vent, and for information. I also like being able to talk to other people who understand the difficulties that can come from being in a blended family.
No one else will ever know the strength of my love for you. After all, you are the only one who knows what my heart sounds like from the inside. BabyFruit Ticker  
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12-18-2012 at 10:24 AM
mom2one
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Originally I came back here because my situation has gone from the  the very worst possible to a pretty good blended situation. And I wanted to share that. But the reality is that my (Very Deserved) Anger of years ago prevents anything I say from being heard now. So I'm giving up. Plus the new posters are just truly dysfunctional. It's scary.
Stay at Home Mama to 3 Beautiful Children by the miracles of Birth & Adoption 
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12-18-2012 at 10:24 AM
J&A2008
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I needed a place to vent.  Aside from my mother, no one, not even close friends, have the completely full picture of everything we've been through on the BF front.  I like it that way.  Several family who do know most of the picture like to ask about it - even if the boys are nearby.  (vent)

I think mine is one of the crazier stories, so I can identify with some people who come here with drama.
Stay at home mom to a house of boys: two amazing stepsons, 12 and 9, and our 4 year old. 
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12-18-2012 at 10:29 AM
Hopeforthe...
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Perspective, ideas, information, venting, pretty much everything that I can't get in the real world.

 
 
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12-18-2012 at 10:29 AM
Schrodinge...
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FutureMrsWittig:

This is genuine curiosity.  I feel like we see a number of "that's not why I came here" posts.  So I'm interested to know what everyone's expectations are when they enter a forum like this one.

Are you looking for advice?
Just need a place to vent?
Looking for others to commiserate with you?
Searching for resources and information?

What does everybody hope to get out of this?

I mostly lurk, but I'll bite.

Are you looking for advice? Sometimes, yes. There's a lot of people here that have "been there, done that" and have great advice.  I sometimes feel like the parenting advice is the most helpful since I am "just" a SM, not a BM, and lack some of the parenting experiences.  Some of my favorite advice is when Ilumine posts a link to child development sites about what is age-appropriate.
Just need a place to vent? Not really.  BM is known to spend a lot of time internet stalking and I worry that I would be easy to find if I post too many of my complaints here.
Looking for others to commiserate with you? Yes.  Raising kids is tough and raising kids in a blended family brings so many more challenges than I was expecting.
Searching for resources and information? Yes, see above.  Also, I like all the information people have about legal avenues.  Our BM has borderline personality disorder which brings a whole new level of crazy.  Knowing what legal options are out there has been huge in helping me educate myself (and DH!) about how to exert our rights.
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12-18-2012 at 10:34 AM
MelRC117
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cole2144:
I come here for advice, a place to vent, and for information. I also like being able to talk to other people who understand the difficulties that can come from being in a blended family.

This.  I talk with my SIL alot since she has been involved with my nephew's life early on so she has experience, but sometimes I feel she's a little holier-than-thou.  I didn't join TB for BF board, I just stumbled upon it.

I don't have many people IRL that I want to let on all the drama with BM sometimes because its almost embarrassing.  I do have friends that are with people with children or have children but aren't with the father/mother of their children but I don't always like airing my dirty laundry to people I know.  I rather do that on a forum of internet strangers LOL

I doubt though that this pertains to many of the people replying to this post.
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12-18-2012 at 10:36 AM
Sunday924
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I don't post much ( I did more under my old name) but I come here for advice and to vent. I come here everyday because I like to keep up with some of your stories.....as if I don't have enough drama in my own life.
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12-18-2012 at 10:41 AM
Karma1969
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I started here when the board was created and I felt like I could add to the posts since my little blended family was working out pretty well.  It ebbs and flows these days though.  I come back when I get bored or to look and see how some of the other original psoters are doing.
 
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12-18-2012 at 10:42 AM
Phantomgir...
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mom2one:
Originally I came back here because my situation has gone from the  the very worst possible to a pretty good blended situation. And I wanted to share that. But the reality is that my (Very Deserved) Anger of years ago prevents anything I say from being heard now. So I'm giving up. Plus the new posters are just truly dysfunctional. It's scary.

Don't give up. I would miss you to much :)

I always felt like we had similar situations except you are the BM and I am the SM!

Peter Gabrial - all together now

Don't give up
'cos you have friends
Don't give up
You're not beaten yet
Don't give up
I know you can make it good

In this proud land we grew up strong...
 
 
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12-18-2012 at 10:49 AM
CurlyQ284
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I started coming here because I had no idea how to be a step mom. Things are going pretty well and I'm only a step mom in summer and alternating holidays so now I just hang out from habit. I usually have one or two things to post about when SDs are here, especially now that they are preteens ughhhhh.
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12-18-2012 at 10:51 AM
tifanico
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mom2one:
Originally I came back here because my situation has gone from the  the very worst possible to a pretty good blended situation. And I wanted to share that. But the reality is that my (Very Deserved) Anger of years ago prevents anything I say from being heard now. So I'm giving up. Plus the new posters are just truly dysfunctional. It's scary.

Dont leave us!!! 
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12-18-2012 at 10:52 AM
FutureMrsW...
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I come here for perspective.  It helps to know that people do this successfully every day.  It also helps to know that my situation isn't the worst there ever was.

I also hope that sometimes I help others as much as they've helped me.
Mama of 2: one who grew in my womb, both who grow in my heart. 
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12-18-2012 at 10:57 AM
tifanico
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I come here because I like to see things from a different POV since I'm a single mom and not a blended family. I also like to give my input on things so people can see things from the other side but I do have to admit that I feel that I don't have much in common with most people on the board. 

I stopped posting stuff on my own since there is not much to post about. The few arguments we have are not worth posting over here and we moved on in like 5 min. 
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12-18-2012 at 11:11 AM
kimmygirl7...
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I lurk all the time. Mostly because I like to see what others are doing with the situations they are in. Sometimes your situations match mine and I know I am not alone or I learn how to handle things differently. This board gives me the peace of mind that I am not alone. That others are in the same boats I am in or they have it far worse than me. In those cases I look at my life and be thankful because seems it can always get worse!

 

I also have been doing this for 12 years. I have teenagers and am in the process of transitioning our oldest out. I am on the edge of not having to consult BM. I am sooooo excited!! So I think that I may have some insight to those just starting out and maybe can be a help to them. I have been to lawyers and to court so I want to help those that are currently going through that.

You guys are so much fun!!! I like to post and confirm that my BM is full of it sometimes....or get another perspective on myself to see if I am being crazy cakes that day!!! 
 
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12-18-2012 at 11:17 AM
wendilea
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I originally came here because we were having problems with every aspect of our BF, and I wanted to vent, get  advice, commiserate, and know that I was not alone in dealing with all the craziness.

For the most part, things have settled down, but we still have issues with Dink and BM1.  BM2, despite being on DH #4, seems to have settled down.  I hope I can help someone new to the situation like I was helped back then.  And of course, to see a few regular crazies go in circles because they just don't listen. 
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12-18-2012 at 11:25 AM
SimpleJane
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Mostly for advice and information. my parents are still together, none of my friends are divorced, and I honestly have no experience with how this is supposed to work. It's nice to see how other people do things.
 
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12-18-2012 at 11:30 AM
dbliesmer
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cole2144:
I come here for advice, a place to vent, and for information. I also like being able to talk to other people who understand the difficulties that can come from being in a blended family.

This exactly.  I can discuss issues with friends that have kids, but they just don't understand all the struggles we may go through.  I especially like to read other peoples situation in case something they are doing could be applied to my specific situation.
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12-18-2012 at 11:45 AM
mamaREB29
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Empathy!

Being in a BF is hard, only someone in a similar situation can truly understand!
 
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12-18-2012 at 11:54 AM
xmaryrickx
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mom2one:
Originally I came back here because my situation has gone from thenbsp; the very worst possible to a pretty good blended situation. And I wanted to share that. But the reality is that my Very Deserved Anger of years ago prevents anything I say from being heard now. So I'm giving up. Plus the new posters are just truly dysfunctional. It's scary.
mom2one I think you are a great resource here and I missed you when you were gone. At some point you ripped me a new one. At the time I was cranky about it but I can look back on all of the conversations and know I have learned a lot from you. It would suck if you left again.
 
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12-18-2012 at 11:57 AM
socloudy99
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I didn't come to TB for this board but found it while I was here.

It was good for me to "talk" to people in the same situation who don't love me (like my family and friends) so I would get better ways to handle things. My people IRL tend to say I am doing things right even when I can handle them better. Our BF situation has calmed down tons and most issues are dealing with the teen years now. That is it's own special beast!
 
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12-18-2012 at 1:20 PM
10-4LilBud...
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** Semi-lurker **  I came on initially because I have no experience with blended families at all prior to marrying my DH.  I vent and commiserate every once in a while because none of my family or friends understand the dynamics of a blended family.  I also can't vent to some people because they want to fix things too much.
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12-18-2012 at 1:25 PM
karatechri...
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In the beginning... I came to vent and to validate my feelings of 'BM is a terrible mother, should never be allowed to have SS and my H is the king of all kings amazing dad. eff that biotch, everyone tell me we are better than her'. And for the most part... that was all right. But in that, I have really taken a LOT from the ladies here. My resentment and anger has subsided... she is a bad mom. She is the sucks. But at the end of the day... she is my SS's mom. And I've learned in the past 3 years that I don't NEED anyone to tell me that... that I just have to accept this situation for what it is, and do whatever *I* can do to make his childhood experience the best that I can. I also think having my own biological children has helped me chill out. There are ladies on here with great outlooks on things, and give different points of view that I hadn't ever thought of before. 

I also like reading the crazy sometimes... guilty pleasure.  
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12-18-2012 at 1:40 PM
andrea99
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10-4LilBuddy:

** Semi-lurker **  I came on initially because I have no experience with blended families at all prior to marrying my DH.  I vent and commiserate every once in a while because none of my family or friends understand the dynamics of a blended family.  I also can't vent to some people because they want to fix things too much.

This.  It helps a ton to know I'm not alone in anything I've dealt with.  And those who have gone through similar situations usually have great advice.  I had no idea how to be a mom, let alone a stepmom. 

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12-18-2012 at 1:47 PM
emkatrine
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FutureMrsWittig:

This is genuine curiosity.  I feel like we see a number of "that's not why I came here" posts.  So I'm interested to know what everyone's expectations are when they enter a forum like this one.

Are you looking for advice?
Just need a place to vent?
Looking for others to commiserate with you?
Searching for resources and information?

What does everybody hope to get out of this?

I mostly lurk and have only posted a couple of times. I am glad I found this board. I haven't gotten a lot of great information from others experiences and during times where I am feeling particularly negative about our blended family, there have been positive stories here that have given me hope. Reading this board also lets me know when I'm wrong and need to take a step back before reacting in real life.

 
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12-18-2012 at 1:54 PM
nattyncbri...
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I didn't look at the replies, but I suspect what I'll say is more of the same.  I like to hear how more 'seasoned' BF members react to situations.  I don't have the exact same situation as anyone who posts regularly, but it's similar.  I'm totally new to BFs, since my family, those I grew up, and most around me are intact.  Before coming here, I easily got upset over feelings of unfairness, and what I've learned is this environment doesn't lend itself to a lot of 'fairness', but you can find love and happiness if you can let go and be the bigger person.  "Being the bigger person" is really hard when I just want "fair", so I try to find inspiration in others' dilemmas and their reactions!
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12-18-2012 at 2:06 PM
Mama2TwoBo...
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I come looking for advice.

My family, and all of my friends families do not have any divorces, nothing blended at all. They also don't have kids.  It's hard to find someone IRL who understands.

I also look for how other moms handle situations, what the norms are when it comes to custody & other legal things in BF situations.

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12-18-2012 at 2:13 PM
Sigir
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I joined about a year ago or so, when I was pregnant and totally hormonal, and not able to handle the legal battles that were ramping up w exh. So back then I was venting, mainly. And i got tore a new one once in a while, and although it hurt i usually learned something from it. Now that I am no longer pregnant and back to being rational, I post when I have a specific question that I know someone here has probably dealt w before.

I feel that I am in the minority as a bm, but I still def get good advice from everyone.
 
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12-18-2012 at 3:19 PM
+just+j+
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I'm looking for a good swift kick in theass when I'm being an idiot.

Sometimes I take it well, sometimes I disagree. I get good advice whether I like it or not.

And sometimes....I actually come around and see that most of you were right.
"he offered her the world. she said she had her own" - poet Monique Duval 
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12-19-2012 at 2:09 AM
piffle42
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dbliesmer:

cole2144:
I come here for advice, a place to vent, and for information. I also like being able to talk to other people who understand the difficulties that can come from being in a blended family.

This exactly. I can discuss issues with friends that have kids, but they just don't understand all the struggles we may go through. I especially like to read other peoples situation in case something they are doing could be applied to my specific situation.


Ditto. Even though BF doesn't see DS often, you ladies are a huge help!
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