Thanks ladies for the positive words. I really like the use of "taking turns" and "sharing" when differentiating between different types of toys/things.
My in-laws don't actually say, "oh you should give her a smack." so it's hard to actually make any upfront statements to them. There was the incident I posted about a few days ago where MIL smacked LO, and beyond that I just get a vibe where everything we say to LO is being watched and criticised.
To my mind their statements of, "so she's not good at sharing." imply I should be doing something to improve that, and that what we're doing isn't working. Or it's implying that she's bad/unpleasant/naughty, which to my mind is worse.
Maybe I'm too sensitive, and I know it's easy to think our child can do no wrong. I really don't think DD1 is perfect, but I do think she's very sweet.