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12-18-2012 at 6:47 PM
simplestli...
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simplestlife is not online. Last active: 05-15-2013, 10:56 PMNewbie

I can't decide if I like my OB or not...

I'm sorry of this is a bit long winded. I'm just trying to decide if this is a big enough deal where I should consider changing doctors, or if I'm just being too sensitive. Maybe other moms can share what made them decide to change their doctor.

So, I went in for my second ultrasound today. I had my first one at 6 weeks, because I was spotting and worried, so she had me come in early. I had my second one today, at 9 weeks. 

At the first appointment she was perfectly nice, but didn't really answer any of my questions. I asked her why I was spotting every time I have a bowel movement (TMI, sorry) and she said it was because I was constipated (I'm not at all) or dehydrated (I drink about 100 oz. of water a day). I'm okay with her saying "I have no idea, it just happens sometimes", but I guess it just bothers me when people make assumptions without getting all the information. When my DH asked when it would be safe to announce it on facebook (we have a lot of out-of-town family), she answered with, "Never. There are just too many haters [her word] out there." Maybe I'm being judgmental myself, but I'm 34 not 14. I'm not a big fan of the word "haters" being used in an adult conversation with my doctor. And how in the world would someone we considered our friend or family bash us on facebook because we announced we were expecting?

So today was my second appointment. DH was out of town on business so I went alone. My OB just got a new ultrasound machine and there was a lady (some rep. from the company) in the room with us, teaching my OB how to use it. It's a little awkward getting a trans-vaginal ultrasound while people talk over your head and ignore you. I tried to ask a couple of questions and my doctor was a little dismissive. I guess I'm just really nervous and need a lot of reassurance. I'm not normally passive or soft-spoken, but I felt weirdly vulnerable and uncomfortable during my appointment. 

I had to ask her basic questions like, "Does everything look okay?", or "Do you see the heartbeat?" and "What's the heart rate?" because she was too busy taking with the machine's company rep. to say a word to me throughout most of the ultrasound. I got to hear the heartbeat (for the first time) for like two seconds, then she turned if off because it seemed like she was just playing with her new toy and oblivious to the fact that maybe that was something I would like to enjoy, seeing as how I had never heard our baby's heartbeat before.

She walked out of the room without asking me if I had any questions, and I had to chase her down in the hallway to made sure I had them answered.

Am I'm being too sensitive? And..for the moms-to-be that have changed doctors, what was is that made you decide to change?


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12-18-2012 at 7:02 PM
EmarieDuke
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Hmm... I would overlook the 1st appt, kind of a random question to ask your doctor about FB announcement. If I was the doctor I would be thinking - seriously? The 2nd appt just sounds awkward and I would definitely be upset about it to.

I hated my ob at first, but as I progressed he became more and more attentive. Honestly, I don't think there is much they can do for us so early on. Even if a woman is bleeding or anything else, at this point they can't do anything to really help. I know we think our questions are important but they see the same questions over and over, and the reality is sometimes there is no answer. Pregnancy is unpredictable and can suck, sometimes they can help other times we just have to live with it.

Some women start talking about delivery in their first tri, my dr brushed me off until well into my third then he answered every question in minute detail. And in hindsight I was glad we dealt with it later on rather than earlier because I probably would have asked the same questions over and over. There really was no point in being concerned about delivery during first and second tri.

I know some people will say definitely change, but I guess I would take with a grain of salt. I know I didn't have many options in my town and it all worked out in the end.


Married - July 2010, DD - April 2011, #2 EDD August 10, 2013 
12-18-2012 at 7:17 PM
arcook0307
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I would change if it seems easy enough.  I can't stand it when doctors have a really poor bedside manner.  Just bc they see and hear heartbeats every day doesn't mean you do!  I got spoiled going to see a midwife.  They always took their time and asked if I had questions.  Before that for my first two appointments (bc we moved after my first tri) I went to a doctor.  I remember telling him..."Hey I don't know a thing about being pregnant"  As he walked out the door he said "Well, you're about to learn!" That comment kind of made me want to change doctors anyway.  Not sure it was a good reason but it seemed to be at the time.  I agree the FB question is more of a personal preference thing but hey...when it's your first pregnancy you just want answers and guidelines. :)
 
12-18-2012 at 7:23 PM
BreanneL24
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I do have to laugh at "haters"! That seems like such a bizarre reason for not announcing on FB. It does seem like you were maybe too sensitive at the first appointment. You could have said that you were drinking that much water and asked for more reasoning. But overall, it doesn't seem like that appointment was "that" bad.

However, your last appointment and u/s would have annoyed me if I were you. I really don't think it is ok to seemingly put the patient second during your own appointment. I would be upset about that but maybe she was just having a bad day?

If I were you, I would maybe give it one more appointment and see how that goes. You can change providers even well into your 3rd tri if you need to so you have plenty of time to decide how you feel about her. GL and hopefully your next appointment goes better!


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12-18-2012 at 7:25 PM
simplestli...
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Yes, I agree the facebook question was a little silly (I don't use facebook nearly as much as my DH) so at first I chalked her response up as a weird response to a weird question. I think today's awkward appointment just made me over analyze the first appointment. 

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12-18-2012 at 7:51 PM
meltoine
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I would absolutely switch if I were you. 

Did she ask for your consent before allowing the company rep to observe your ultrasound? Your supposed to be given the option to decline any outside observers,  including students, from being present during any procedures. If she didn't give you this option I would report her to ACOG. Also, even if you agree at first, you can change your mind at any time. I know it doesn't make a difference now, but it's a good thing to know for the future.

 


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12-18-2012 at 8:05 PM
sugar212
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Im not trying to be rude here at all, but are you sure it was your doctor that did your ultrasound? my hospital uses ultrasound techs to perform the actual US and then a doctor reads the results. That is why when I asked the tech if everything looked good, they were quiet (although they were only quiet when I miscarried, with this baby and DD#1 they told me everything looks good). 

 

I say, do what your heart says. you are pregnant for 9 months and you should enjoy those 9 months! 

 
12-18-2012 at 8:07 PM
simplestli...
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Yes, she did ask for my consent and I said it as fine. It wasn't so much that the company rep. was there, it was more that my doc ignored the patient because she was so caught up with talking to the rep. and playing with the machine. 

I suppose I should go back for at least another visit. People have off days, and I might be a bit hormonal these days. :)


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12-18-2012 at 9:33 PM
Audaciousa...
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After you gave consent, she could have said something to the effect of "she's going to be showing me how to use this thing, I'll go over the ultrasound with you AFTERWARDS" and then followed through on it.  I wouldn't be too happy about it.  I fired my OB before going to an RE and don't have an OB now so I totally feel your pain.  Guess I better start shopping :) 

TTC since Aug 2011, RE since May 2012. Dx: PCOS,endo, postprandial hypoglycemia DH: SA 1 - low everything, 2- low everything, 3 - good, but WBC, 4 - lost and/or damaged at lab, 5 - low everything July - Letrozole = BFN Aug - letrozole #2 = BFN Sep - NEW RE!! YAY!!!! Move to IVF w/ICSI - ER on Nov 28 - 34 eggs! FX for good fert report! 
12-18-2012 at 10:16 PM
MagPie 198...
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Audaciousarica:
After you gave consent, she could have said something to the effect of "she's going to be showing me how to use this thing, I'll go over the ultrasound with you AFTERWARDS" and then followed through on it.  I wouldn't be too happy about it.  I fired my OB before going to an RE and don't have an OB now so I totally feel your pain.  Guess I better start shopping :) 

she did introduce the lady that would be helping her use the new machine, didn't she? seeing as how this is a very personal experience and not to mention a potential HIPAA violation. 

i would be uncomfortable in your situation, as well.  maybe give her another chance but if you don't trust/feel comfortable with her now, do you want to rely on her during labor?  she might not be a bad doc, just not the right one for you.  it happens :)

 
12-18-2012 at 10:17 PM
MagPie 198...
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sorry, just read that you did give consent. just ignore that part Embarrassed
 
12-19-2012 at 5:38 AM
grace_smit...
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Change. That is all.  I get the overall feeling that she's not a hand-holder, which is sometimes what we need, when we need it.
12-19-2012 at 9:52 AM
acshannon1
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Sometimes u just need to change. I work as a nurse in the O.R. so i am familiar with the skill of the O.B. docs in my area. I had a great Dr. and she left the area and a new Dr. came into the practice and i was just given to her. I felt uncomfortable every time i went to see her because she seemed uncomfortable all the time. Also i was aware of how she performed surgeries where i worked and i was going to have to have a c-section. She gave us some bad news at our 20week appt and handled it porely. So that was it for me i switched and am glad i did. Best decision i ever made in regards to my pregnancies.
 
12-19-2012 at 10:20 AM
LoisLayn23
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MagPie 1986:

Audaciousarica:
After you gave consent, she could have said something to the effect of "she's going to be showing me how to use this thing, I'll go over the ultrasound with you AFTERWARDS" and then followed through on it.  I wouldn't be too happy about it.  I fired my OB before going to an RE and don't have an OB now so I totally feel your pain.  Guess I better start shopping :) 

she did introduce the lady that would be helping her use the new machine, didn't she? seeing as how this is a very personal experience and not to mention a potential HIPAA violation. 

i would be uncomfortable in your situation, as well.  maybe give her another chance but if you don't trust/feel comfortable with her now, do you want to rely on her during labor?  she might not be a bad doc, just not the right one for you.  it happens :)

It's not a HIPAA violation if she gave consent.


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12-19-2012 at 12:24 PM
bundlesofj...
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Basically, I agree with everyone here.  I would also add that it is good to remember that in 9 months, this is the person that will be between your legs encouraging you to do one of the most difficult things.  You need to feel comfortable and trust her to be able to take the time you need and to be able to help you deliver a beautiful baby.  Also, god forbid something goes wrong, she's going to be the one explaining what's happening and you want to make sure you will get the reassurance and answers you need.  She might have just been off those days, but I say, go with your gut on this. Do you have any Mommy friends in the area you can get recs from or you can try posting on your local board and see if you can get a good rec.  You can also find reviews of doctors on yelp or on health grades.  Good luck!

 

 

 


EDD- July 24 RCS date ~7/18 pregnant 
12-19-2012 at 1:03 PM
simplestli...
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Yeah, I did think about this. I did ask around, but we live in an area that is so spread out (Los Angeles) that all the recs I have gotten are at least 20 minutes away on a good day, and an hour plus in traffic. 

I really should have mentioned before that I saw this doctor once a year (for four years) as my GYN. She always seemed a bit rushed then (it's a five minute pap smear), but still...nice enough. I'm going back in a month, so my hope is that once I'm out of the first trimester she'll be a bit more attentive.

I agree with what someone said before about needing more of a hand holder. I think I'm going to be a bit more blunt about what I need from her next time, and if she listens and responds, it'll be fine. I just switched from my PPO to an HMO and she is still covered. And since I'm remembering how HMO docs in my area are such crap, I'd hate to leave her only to end up with someone worse. :/


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12-19-2012 at 4:55 PM
MrsBlindLo...
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If I felt uncomfortable with my OB and it was relatively easy to switch I would switch. My midwives encouraged DH and I to interview lots of different midwives and choose the one that we thought would fit best with our ideas.

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