That is EXACTLY what we thought was going on - his reflux might have been causing an oral aversion. Since we got him on the Prevacid, he's been a much happier baby, but we also started some sensory stuff at the same time, so I don't know what's making the difference. Having a baby that won't eat is so stressful though. I've shed plenty of tears over the past 3 weeks since this all started. Luckily, it does seem to be getting better.
I totally know what you mean about being worried that people might think you are abusing your kid! I will NEVER let anyone but DH watch me feed my son. I literally have to hold his arms down and keep his head locked down too, to keep him from writhing away from the bottle. I feel like a horrible mother, but if I don't do that, he won't eat. His pediatrician and his OT told me it's fine - he doesn't have a cumulative memory yet, so he won't remember one feeding to the next, so that made me feel a little bit better. It's still awful though. At least the feeding issues are getting better.
I'm so glad to hear you guys are getting more sleep finally! Don't feel bad about giving the meds. Sometimes I feel like that, but then I think, oh hell, he was taking who-knows-what in the hospital, way before he was even supposed to be here! A little Zantac, Tylenol, Prevacid, whatever isn't going to hurt him. Whatever helps you guys get more sleep is probably a good thing. Life always seems worse when you're operating on no sleep. I can't even imagine how you've dealt with that for so long.