community

all boards


birth clubs



my blog

Sort:
12-19-2012 at 3:06 AM
john6476
Not Ranked
Joined on 01-10-2009
69 Points
john6476 is not online. Last active: 02-18-2013, 10:54 AMNewbie

Breastfeeding Debate at my house

Hello,

I just delivered my DS 5 days ago and he was a little guy, on 6 lbs 3 oz at 38w2d.  My plan was to exclusively breastfeed for at least 6 months.  However, after 4 days, DS had lost 11 oz and the lactation consultan advised DH and I to begin supplementing with formula (1/2 to 1 oz at every feeding, fingerfeeding with a small syringe) after being at the breast for at least 30 minutes, followed by pumping for 15 minutes.  We are to do this every 2-3 hours.  My DS does well with this during the day, but come his middle of the night feedings, he is very fussy and hard to console.  It is during this time of the day that DH gets very impatient and says "when can we just give up and give him a bottle?"  This bothers me as DS is only 5 days old and I don't feel like we have really given breastfeeding a fair chance.  My husband will do the supplemental feedings while I pump, but he gets very frustrated with DS, saying things like "He is being a jerk." 

Long story short, am I being stubborn about breastfeeding by wanting to continue trying despite the extra work we are having to put in or is DH giving up too easily?

 
12-19-2012 at 3:38 AM
foreverMor...
Not Ranked
Joined on 06-30-2008
Lazy Town
433 Points
foreverMorgan is not online. Last active: 03-09-2013, 9:48 PMBronze
I just typed out a huge thing and the Bump ate it. Grr.

Long story, short stick with it if it's important to you. I went through it with my 2nd child; it took us 3 weeks of supplements and pumping around the clock before she got it. She nursed until she was almost 3 yo.

Sometimes breastfeeding doesn't happen as naturally as we expect it to. It's hard for men to understand. MH was realistic and tried to get me to accept that it may not work out. Ultimately, whatever you do will be whatever is best for baby. I was lucky and had a huge supporter, our pedi. Having his, and his staff's, support made a big difference.

I wish you luck. You can do this.

 BabyFruit Ticker 
12-19-2012 at 3:39 AM
Kimbus22
Not Ranked
Joined on 01-07-2012
127,934 Points
Kimbus22 is not online. Last active: 05-19-2013, 4:52 PMGold

Disclaimer:  I never BF due to medication I have to take that would make my son sick.  So we were FFing out of a bottle from 5 minutes after he was born.

That said, I think you're being great and your DH is being a complete @sshat.  Babies are difficult.  Breastfeeding is difficult.  Sleep deprivation is difficult.  You're doing everything you can to take care of your son while recovering from delivery and your husband is aggravated and calling a hungry 5 day old a jerk?  If he thinks this is hard, wait until the kid is a toddler.  My kid threw a fit in the supermarket yesterday.  Hitting, punching, screaming and trying to run.  But he was being a toddler, not a jerk.  A jerk is a man who is calling children names because he doesn't have the patience to deal with them.  I honestly think your DH has some unrealistic ideas about what being a parent entails and he needs to see a professional to learn how to adjust his expectations before it gets worse.

Good luck and good for you for wanting to keep going even when things are difficult!


Lilypie Second Birthday tickers 
12-19-2012 at 3:59 AM
ss456
Not Ranked
Joined on 04-15-2012
8,456 Points
ss456 is not online. Last active: 05-18-2013, 7:42 PMBronze

I think if you keep up with nursing and pumping that often, your milk supply should become well established and then hopefully everything will be easier.

 My DS became dehydrated and jaundiced at 3 days old because my milk wasn't really in yet.  He had to be hospitalized and also supplemented with formula or anything I could pump.   It is a lot easier for him to drink from a bottle vs. nursing, so he was fussy or upset frequently while nursing.  My lactation consultant had e try the Medela nipple shield to make it easier for him to nurse.  It works great for him!

 Good luck to you.  Hopefully it will get easier soon. 


 Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker 
12-19-2012 at 5:49 AM
Mandy+J+Ba...
Not Ranked
Joined on 01-10-2012
2,814 Points
Mandy+J+Baby is not online. Last active: 05-19-2013, 8:54 PMNewbie
Keep working on breast feeding! Eventually you should be able to exclusively breast feed. My son was born at 29 weeks and I pumped for over a month until he could nurse. We have been exclusively breast feeding for months. It can be done and it is so worth it! Good luck!

 Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker 
12-19-2012 at 6:15 AM
jennygirlm...
Not Ranked
Joined on 04-06-2006
Philadelphia
7,359 Points
jennygirlmt is not online. Last active: 05-19-2013, 9:02 PMSilver
Congratulations!

First, your DH is being a huge jerk. I'm tired of people, moms included but not you, thinking everything about being a parent should be easy. No. It's freaking hard. Honestly, you aren't doing all that much extra work, it's quite common. Dd lost a lb bc she wouldn't nurse at first. She would scream, thrash, not latch, etc. I didn't give formula, I just pushed through. A few times where I was in tears I pumped and gave a bottle. But my mom and DH picked me up and put me back together so to speak, and pushed me along and we taught her. After two weeks of this it clicked, she started to put on weight and we are doing great. I also shed many tears with dd1 the first weeks and nursed her to 21 months. It's been five days for heavens' sake. And why in the world did your LC suggest formula? I would give all that amazing extra colostrum and transitioning milk that you are pumping. Do not give up. You have no reason to. You are going to get this, LO is going to get this and then you are going to love it!! Remember that during growth spurts!

Tell your DH to stop being an a and start being supportive bc you have a long 25 years ahead of you...maybe more considering how long it's taking for kids to get their shiz together these days ;

 Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker  Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker 
12-19-2012 at 6:46 AM
anonsouthe...
Not Ranked
Joined on 02-26-2009
Baltimore, MD
11,848 Points
anonsouthernbell is not online. Last active: 05-20-2013, 1:09 AMSilver
Your dh is being in the wrong.  And I can't believe he is saying your son is a jerk, bc if you were fFing he would have to feed ds anyway.  Keep with it.  I had lots of problem nursing my first in the beginning, but we pushed through and made it.  He is now still nursing and I didn't have any trouble nursing dd when I had her.  Has your milk come in yet?  Did you have a. Csection or traumatic birth?  Are you eating and drinking enough?  (You need to eat more bfing than you did while pregnant -500 extra calories a day).  I had a natural childbirth but it still took me five days for my milk to come in.  I would meet with another LC, one that is certified and see if you get similar advice.  I had to meet with a few before I found one that clicked with me and gave good advice. GL!  And great job mama!

 
12-19-2012 at 6:48 AM
Pautler01
Not Ranked
Joined on 04-05-2008
Tonawanda, NY
711 Points
Pautler01 is not online. Last active: 05-19-2013, 8:18 PMNewbie

I don't normally post but I thought I would reply because we were in almost the exact same boat after DD was born. DD lost a ton of weight at first because of BF problems (she would latch great but then wouldn't nurse no matter what we did). She was also born at just over 38 weeks like your DS. 

 

The lactation consultant at our hospital gave us almost the exact same plan as you (nurse both sides - or at least attempt to- then DH would finger feed with a syringe while I pumped). At first we supplemented with formula because my milk wasn't in but then anything I would get milk-wise we would give to her. DH was really great but he definitely had moments at 2am where he would get really frustrated and it was really hard on both of us. It didn't help that the syringe the hospital gave us totally sucked so we got a better one from the drug store (the crappy syringe definitely led to some spilled BM at times which made things even more stressful).

 

DD is 1 month old today and now gets 100% BM but I am not BFing...I am EPing (again due to issues with her not wantingto nurse properly). So we obviously eventually caved and started using bottles. 

 

Sorry this is so long, I just wanted to let you know it gets better! BFing is hard but if that is what you want to do then stick with it! But it is also OK to change your mind too. I really wanted to BF but obviously DD had other plans and in the end it was more important to me for us both to be happy and healthy (a stressed out mama is not good for either of you!). I would suggest though that when things are calm (i.e. not during a feeding) talk to your DH about both of our frustrations. That's what we did and it really helped both of us and we felt like even more of a "team" than we did before. 

 

GL!! 




 Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker 
12-19-2012 at 7:18 AM
LalaMama81
Not Ranked
Joined on 07-16-2009
Philly Burbs
95,028 Points
LalaMama81 is not online. Last active: 05-19-2013, 10:12 PMGold

I want to echo everyone else to say that your DH isn't being supportive, helpful or encouraging. I have a chronic low-supply issue due to insufficient glandular tissue. My husband was so awesome w/ both kids, it would have been very difficult to be successful with him. 

That said, I think you need to talk to your DH when it's not a feeding time. Explaining why BF is best and why it's important to you. Explain that you are working with medical professionals to figure this out and that if they thought your current plant was not working, they would tell you.  I hope he comes around. It is hard, exhausting challenging, frustrating, etc. But, you really do need each other. 

I would keep meeting with the LC until your supply is back. I would not give in to a bottle, finger feeding or supplemental nursing is much better at this point. And I know it's hard b/c I used a supplemental nurser for almost 24 months total between my 2 girls. Did she evaluate his latch and mouth for any problems there? Make sure you are eating enough, drinking at minimum 64oz a day, but probably much more. Nursing burns 500 calories, so you must be eating that much extra. Try eating oatmeal, try out some herbal tinctures (More Milk Plus by Motherlove is better than plain fenugreek in my opinion) and get sleep as much as possible. 

 



Ellie 9.08, Violet 8.11 
12-19-2012 at 9:44 AM
Kimberskir...
Not Ranked
Joined on 01-30-2012
1,848 Points
Kimberskirby is not online. Last active: 05-19-2013, 8:13 PMNewbie
It is not selfish to continue to want to breastfeed.  The breastmilk is what is best for your child.  My breastfeeding experience was difficult for the first 3 weeks.  After that, it worked itself out and has been great ever since.  I thought of throwing in the towel many a day, but am so thankful that I didn't.  Also - my husband was not for breastfeeding either.  No one in his family ever breastfed and he thought it was weird.  I did it anyways, and now he sees it as second nature and is glad to be saving the money each week.  Stick it out for at least the first month to see if it gets easier...it will...and you will be thankful you waited.

 Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker 
12-19-2012 at 9:58 AM
Jimsgirl58...
Not Ranked
Joined on 01-02-2007
New England
9,075 Points
Jimsgirl5821 is not online. Last active: 03-17-2013, 7:44 PMSilver
I have FF both of my kids so I have no experience with BF. All I wanted to say is you keep doing what you think is right. Your DH has no business calling a baby a jerk, he needs to get his attitude in check. What happens when the baby spits up everywhere or sh$ts himself? Will he be a jerk then too? All things about babies can be difficult and he needs to see that. He also needs to know FF isn't so convenient either. He will have to mix bottles during night, wash bottles, bottles can leak.....Babies can be fussy with bottles as well, so he is setting himsel up if he thinks he can get some easy way out by bullying you not o BF. Stick to your guns and good luck. Maybe if you guys have other friends wit kids those dads can talk to your DH about babies and how to deal?
 
12-19-2012 at 11:20 AM
pb_bride
Not Ranked
Joined on 11-11-2004
32,360 Points
pb_bride is not online. Last active: 05-19-2013, 6:22 PMSilver

I am really sorry that your husband isn't more supportive of your BFing!  At 5 days pp, your milk may not have come in fully yet (mine didn't come in until day 6-7), so yes, I think it's a bit too early to throw in the towel.  The early days of BFing is HARD, but it will get easier, trust me!

If possible, can you have a talk w/YH (when he's in a better mood) about the benefits of BFing?  Not only it is best for your DS, it is also a huge money-saver (I'm always shocked by how much formula costs), and it is much less work in the long run!  My DS is now 6wks and it's so easy to just pick him up, put him to breast, and we're done in 15 minutes.  No bottles to wash/clean, no formula to mix and heat up etc.

Good luck to you and hope it all works out! 


Me:39 DH:40 TTC since 10/2008
RE consult 6/2010 Dx:Unexplaied IF
Multiple failed cycles of Clomid+TI and Clomid+IUI
3/2011 inj+IUI #1 BFP. 4/2011 missed m/c. D&C w/Path: partial molar preg. 6 mo break
Fall 2011 inj+IUI #2&3 BFN
Jan/Feb 2012 IVF#1 ER 2/8 ET 2/13 2 blasts (1 snowbaby) BFP 2/23
EDD 10/31/2012 ~~~ Halloween ~~~

Our IVF miracle, Baby Boy M, arrived on 11/8/2012!

 Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker  
12-19-2012 at 11:32 AM
Faith 21
Not Ranked
Joined on 06-28-2012
1,575 Points
Faith 21 is not online. Last active: 05-17-2013, 1:18 PMNewbie
You are doing great. Just keep trying. I really don't understand why he is pitching a fit. Your the one who has to get up and nurse and try to pump, not him. You got this. Breastfeeding can be hard sometimes, but it's totally worth the headache and you are giving little one atibodies to protect him in these winter months so in the long run you are doing DS a favor bc there is nothing worse then a crying, sick baby.

Colty Bug's Mommy 
12-19-2012 at 1:48 PM
amy052006
Top 500 Contributor
Joined on 03-01-2005
Philadelphia
42,168 Points
amy052006 is not online. Last active: 05-19-2013, 11:02 PMGold

it sounds like you are doing a great job, and your husband is an ***.  

Here is the thing, babies are hard.  I had a great discussion with my doula after the baby was born, and she was telling me without fail every time she helps a client wean because they want to quit BFing because it is hard, some other problem always arises -- they couple fights because the baby won't STTN, can't find the right formula, has colic, whatever.  There is no quick fix to making a baby easy -- a challenge is always lurking. 


Baby Numbers 11.8.10 The Sequel on or around 10.13.12 
12-19-2012 at 2:16 PM
littlemac1...
Not Ranked
Joined on 08-01-2009
Newbury Park, Ca
7,729 Points
littlemac1117 is not online. Last active: 05-15-2013, 1:14 AMSilver

foreverMorgan:
I just typed out a huge thing and the Bump ate it. Grr. Long story, short stick with it if it's important to you. I went through it with my 2nd child; it took us 3 weeks of supplements and pumping around the clock before she got it. She nursed until she was almost 3 yo. Sometimes breastfeeding doesn't happen as naturally as we expect it to. It's hard for men to understand. MH was realistic and tried to get me to accept that it may not work out. Ultimately, whatever you do will be whatever is best for baby. I was lucky and had a huge supporter, our pedi. Having his, and his staff's, support made a big difference. I wish you luck. You can do this.

This 1000x


HODOR.
 
12-19-2012 at 6:12 PM
laxkal23
Not Ranked
Joined on 02-27-2011
11,526 Points
laxkal23 is not online. Last active: 05-19-2013, 3:03 AMBronze

This was me exactly minus DH frustration. LO was born 5lbs 7oz and due to low blood sugar, jaundice nd weight loss we had to supplement after 30 min of breast feeding, I was devastated and thought I might never be successful. LO screamed nd screamed at the breast and when he did latch on he would suck for only a minute or 2. I was a wreck fearing he was not getting enough food, but here is the good news IT WILL GET BETTER. I continued to try and feed 30 mins on the breast and then would supplement no more than an ounce. Every day it got slightly better, there were still tears (his and mine), but by the 10th day we didn't need to supplement any more and now we breast feed like champs. LO is now 6 weeks old and 8.5 lbs. Hang in there! 


 Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker 
12-19-2012 at 6:25 PM
watermelle...
Not Ranked
Joined on 06-08-2008
Upstate New York
32,910 Points
watermellens is not online. Last active: 05-19-2013, 9:00 PMSilver

I'm so sorry you're going through this. BFing is hella hard especially in the beginning, so just know that you're not alone. Your DH is sounding like a major jerk if he's calling your child a jerk. That makes me sad :((  Try to surround yourself with positive support, like girlfriends, books, lactation consultants and moms who have been there before. The first few weeks are the hardest. Try not to give up, especially if it's important to you! 

Personally, I would let DH sleep through the night feedings if that's going to be his attitude. You definitely don't need that. Hugs!


Lilypie Third Birthday tickers Lilypie First Birthday tickers http://mamasaywhat.com/ 
Hot Topics

New dad or dad-to-be? Chat with other dads here!
Visit the Dads & Dads-to-be board

Need baby shower inspiration? Get ideas here!
Visit the Baby Showers board

Chat with other crafty moms here!
Visit the Crafty Moms board

search boards

choose another board

From The Nest Boards:
"What's on your pre-baby bucket list?"
sessionswedding on BNOTB

"Hello baby ... Goodbye marriage?"
maganh91 on
Trouble in Paradise