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12-19-2012 at 8:03 AM
twister22
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Taking NB to a shower?

A couple of weeks ago I got an invitation to a baby shower for February. I will be RSVPing soon, but I wanted to take my LO with me as I am EBF. She will be less than 7 weeks old when the shower occurs. I have seen this question asked before on this board from the opposite end, but still wanted to get feedback. How should I word asking the host if this is okay or not okay with her so I don't make her obligated to say yes? If I do take DD and she gets fussy at all, I would leave the room until she calms down. Also, I plan to baby wear, so there wouldn't be the "Can I hold her?" option and it would be less likely that she would steal any attention from the MTB.

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12-19-2012 at 8:10 AM
RoxyLynn
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Wow - that's an early invitation!

There really isn't a good way to ask to bring an uninvited baby.  If you know the hostess ask her by when she needs an answer because you can't commit this early, not knowing arrangements for childcare.  That may prompt her to offer to let you bring the baby.  And if she says she'll understand if you can't come because of BF or whatever, then you have your answer.
I think it can be done well, and I would have loved it, but taking all of the crappy parts of school away from a kid isn't good for them in the long run.

There are lessons like "Not everyone likes you" and "Some people are douche bags" that you don't learn without socializing in a large group of poorly supervised children.
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12-19-2012 at 8:19 AM
rpalen29
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I think its kind of a given that a NB can come to a shower. its less than 2 months old, and your BFing. If someone says anything at the shower to you, I would find that very rude. If the baby was 5-6 months old, I would possibly rethink taking him, since i'm sure you'll already be in a schedule, ect. 

If your still unsure, don't goto the MTB, its not her decision to have/not have kids there.. plus what happens if she says no? I would be upset at her. Ask whoevers hosting, and if they say absolutely not, then say, i'm sorry, but it's very unlikely I can come now, and I hope the MTB can understand.  
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12-19-2012 at 8:24 AM
Joy2611
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I've never understood these questions.  Every baby shower I've ever been to, I've known the host or the guest of honor well so I would feel comfortable asking face to face. 

"Would it be all right if I brought my newborn?  No pressure, it would just make things easier!  But, if you say no or feel like it's unfair to other parents with children, then I completely understand."  

Communication.  It's a shower, not a wedding reception or an upscale party.  I just don't see the harm in asking - straight up, face to face.
 
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12-19-2012 at 9:00 AM
Helenahhan...
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I think I probably have an unpopular opinion, but if you really can't attend without your newborn, I wouldn't go. 

Aside from the uninvited guest issue (which may be my personal hangup) I just want to mention that for us,  the 4-8 week old time frame was the worst as far as our DD's temperament was concerned. DD was at her fussiest and it honestly would have been a huge disruption to the party.
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12-19-2012 at 9:03 AM
EastCoastB...
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Joy2611:

I've never understood these questions.  Every baby shower I've ever been to, I've known the host or the guest of honor well so I would feel comfortable asking face to face. 

"Would it be all right if I brought my newborn?  No pressure, it would just make things easier!  But, if you say no or feel like it's unfair to other parents with children, then I completely understand."  

Communication.  It's a shower, not a wedding reception or an upscale party.  I just don't see the harm in asking - straight up, face to face.

I agree! 

Yes, ask.  But I would hope a newborn wouldn't be an issue. 

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12-19-2012 at 9:20 AM
cinderin
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Helenahhandbasket:

I think I probably have an unpopular opinion, but if you really can't attend without your newborn, I wouldn't go. 

Aside from the uninvited guest issue (which may be my personal hangup) I just want to mention that for us,  the 4-8 week old time frame was the worst as far as our DD's temperament was concerned. DD was at her fussiest and it honestly would have been a huge disruption to the party.

I agree with the "uninvited guest" thing. I would just send regrets.

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12-19-2012 at 9:33 AM
mabenner1
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I'm in the don't bring babies to showers camp, personally. I would get a pump and leave LO at home with some milk, or stay home.
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12-19-2012 at 9:35 AM
graciesmur...
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I'll be a FTM, but if I were you I wouldn't want a 7 week old in a room full of women during the cold and flu season.

However, if you're comfortable with that then ask the MTB or hostess what they think and go from there.  I don't think it makes a difference which one you ask unless you have a relationship with the MTB and not the hostess.
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12-19-2012 at 10:03 AM
jobiann
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In my circle it is not uncommon for children to attend with their mothers, however I wouldn't want my 7 week old among a bunch of people during flu/cold season so I'd just send regrets and a gift. 

If you REALLY want to go, contact the MTB or the host and ask.

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12-19-2012 at 11:04 AM
SunshineMu...
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Baby not on invitation = baby not invited.
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12-19-2012 at 11:24 AM
discobelle
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If the baby is not invited (not on invitation), I'd pump and leave her home with Daddy for a few hours.  By 7 weeks, you'll probably be ready to get out and enjoy some adult time.
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12-19-2012 at 12:10 PM
JenniD2
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discobelle:
If the baby is not invited (not on invitation), I'd pump and leave her home with Daddy for a few hours.  By 7 weeks, you'll probably be ready to get out and enjoy some adult time.

This.

Plus, it may be best to keep the baby home because of the flu and cold season. If you really don't want to pump and let dad take care of her, then I would send your regrets.
 
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12-19-2012 at 12:11 PM
RedheadBak...
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Helenahhandbasket:

I think I probably have an unpopular opinion, but if you really can't attend without your newborn, I wouldn't go. 

Aside from the uninvited guest issue (which may be my personal hangup) I just want to mention that for us,  the 4-8 week old time frame was the worst as far as our DD's temperament was concerned. DD was at her fussiest and it honestly would have been a huge disruption to the party.

Would you really consider a 7-week-old an uninvited guest? It's not like they're taking up a chair and eating food that you need to pay for.

I can go either way on the issue -- I had kids at my shower, but I totally understand and won't side-eye those who don't. But it seems that most who don't want kids will give a breastfed newborn a pass.  
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12-19-2012 at 12:16 PM
caladpi02
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cinderin:
Helenahhandbasket:

I think I probably have an unpopular opinion, but if you really can't attend without your newborn, I wouldn't go. 

Aside from the uninvited guest issue (which may be my personal hangup) I just want to mention that for us,  the 4-8 week old time frame was the worst as far as our DD's temperament was concerned. DD was at her fussiest and it honestly would have been a huge disruption to the party.

I agree with the "uninvited guest" thing. I would just send regrets.

This.

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12-19-2012 at 12:52 PM
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discobelle:
If the baby is not invited not on invitation, I'd pump and leave her home with Daddy for a few hours. nbsp;By 7 weeks, you'll probably be ready to get out and enjoy some adult time.


I agree. Take advantage of the opportunity to get out by yourself for a while.
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12-19-2012 at 2:19 PM
a13049
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It's a newborn, not an uninvited guest. Some people get so wrapped up in the tiny details of etiquette that I think they come off way more tacky and just plain rude and judgemental then people who have no idea about ettiquette at all. It's fine to talk to the host, ask politely and be okay with whatever she chooses.
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12-19-2012 at 2:27 PM
RoxyLynn
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a13049:
It's a newborn, not an uninvited guest. Some people get so wrapped up in the tiny details of etiquette that I think they come off way more tacky and just plain rude and judgemental then people who have no idea about ettiquette at all. It's fine to talk to the host, ask politely and be okay with whatever she chooses.

You are incorrect on several counts.

a) An uninvited guest is an uninvited guest.  If someone is planning an adult/ladies event, then bringing a baby means it's no longer an adult event.  It changes the timber and the character of the day. 

b) No, it's never acceptable to put the host on the spot.

c) Knowing who is and is not invited is not a "tiny detail" of etiquette.
I think it can be done well, and I would have loved it, but taking all of the crappy parts of school away from a kid isn't good for them in the long run.

There are lessons like "Not everyone likes you" and "Some people are douche bags" that you don't learn without socializing in a large group of poorly supervised children.
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12-19-2012 at 3:40 PM
a13049
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RoxyLynn:

a13049:
It's a newborn, not an uninvited guest. Some people get so wrapped up in the tiny details of etiquette that I think they come off way more tacky and just plain rude and judgemental then people who have no idea about ettiquette at all. It's fine to talk to the host, ask politely and be okay with whatever she chooses.

You are incorrect on several counts.

a) An uninvited guest is an uninvited guest.&nbsp; If someone is planning an adult/ladies event, then bringing a baby means it's no longer an adult event.&nbsp; It changes the timber and the character of the day.&nbsp;

b) No, it's never acceptable to put the host on the spot.

c) Knowing who is and is not invited is not a "tiny detail" of etiquette.



Like a pp said the newborn isn't taking anything extra from the party, and a newborn is not a toddler that could be going nuts at the shower. Even of its an adult party, what are you doing at the shower that the newborn is changing the whole character of they day? Asking the host politely doesn't have to be putting her on the spot, and she can politely say no please don't brig your newborn. The hostess is an adult and can handle a simple question. Most adults are understanding that I is difficult to leave a new born, especially when bf. and IMO your third argument is just plain being nit picky about the rules of ettiquette.
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12-19-2012 at 7:15 PM
SoxFan777
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a13049:
RoxyLynn:

a13049:
It's a newborn, not an uninvited guest. Some people get so wrapped up in the tiny details of etiquette that I think they come off way more tacky and just plain rude and judgemental then people who have no idea about ettiquette at all. It's fine to talk to the host, ask politely and be okay with whatever she chooses.

You are incorrect on several counts.

a) An uninvited guest is an uninvited guest.  If someone is planning an adult/ladies event, then bringing a baby means it's no longer an adult event.  It changes the timber and the character of the day. 

b) No, it's never acceptable to put the host on the spot.

c) Knowing who is and is not invited is not a "tiny detail" of etiquette.

Like a pp said the newborn isn't taking anything extra from the party, and a newborn is not a toddler that could be going nuts at the shower. Even of its an adult party, what are you doing at the shower that the newborn is changing the whole character of they day? Asking the host politely doesn't have to be putting her on the spot, and she can politely say no please don't brig your newborn. The hostess is an adult and can handle a simple question. Most adults are understanding that I is difficult to leave a new born, especially when bf. and IMO your third argument is just plain being nit picky about the rules of ettiquette.

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12-19-2012 at 7:23 PM
cinderin
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RoxyLynn:

a13049:
It's a newborn, not an uninvited guest. Some people get so wrapped up in the tiny details of etiquette that I think they come off way more tacky and just plain rude and judgemental then people who have no idea about ettiquette at all. It's fine to talk to the host, ask politely and be okay with whatever she chooses.

You are incorrect on several counts.

a) An uninvited guest is an uninvited guest.  If someone is planning an adult/ladies event, then bringing a baby means it's no longer an adult event.  It changes the timber and the character of the day. 

b) No, it's never acceptable to put the host on the spot.

c) Knowing who is and is not invited is not a "tiny detail" of etiquette.

Totally agree.

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12-19-2012 at 11:01 PM
rhubarb123
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JenniD2:

discobelle:
If the baby is not invited (not on invitation), I'd pump and leave her home with Daddy for a few hours.  By 7 weeks, you'll probably be ready to get out and enjoy some adult time.

This.

Plus, it may be best to keep the baby home because of the flu and cold season. If you really don't want to pump and let dad take care of her, then I would send your regrets.

I agree with these.
 
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12-19-2012 at 11:02 PM
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cinderin:
RoxyLynn:

a13049:
It's a newborn, not an uninvited guest. Some people get so wrapped up in the tiny details of etiquette that I think they come off way more tacky and just plain rude and judgemental then people who have no idea about ettiquette at all. It's fine to talk to the host, ask politely and be okay with whatever she chooses.

You are incorrect on several counts.

a) An uninvited guest is an uninvited guest.  If someone is planning an adult/ladies event, then bringing a baby means it's no longer an adult event.  It changes the timber and the character of the day. 

b) No, it's never acceptable to put the host on the spot.

c) Knowing who is and is not invited is not a "tiny detail" of etiquette.

Totally agree.

I also totally agree with Roxy
 
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12-20-2012 at 2:49 AM
bripratt2
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Im actually surprised this is an issue.  I wouldnt have even considered not taking LO.  I mean a night at the theater or work obviously are understandable but I mean the showers I go to are just like food a few games maybe and socialization so I dont see what a baby could be disrupting.  Also Ive never known a host to even think to say no to moms.  I think it has something to do with the culture I live in though.  I also think that any breast feeding mom really shouldnt be expected to leave a baby at home if its not absolutely necessary. Besides pumping sucks.  It just makes life more complicated for me atleast and its not the same. (I was also a single mom when my LO was this age so that might also be why i feel this way Im sure other moms in different situations might feel differently)
 
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12-20-2012 at 7:14 AM
ljanette85
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i was at a shower a few months ago and brought my LO (BFing) I checked in with the host first to see if it was ok and made it clear that if it was a no kids event I totally understood but that I would not be able to attend. My LO was not really on a schedule and I couldnt be away for to long... anyways I showed up and there were lots of babies and BFing mommies!

I would just ask, I know that I would have been sad if a friend didnt come to my shower because she was afraid to ask.
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12-20-2012 at 10:19 AM
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bripratt2:

Im actually surprised this is an issue.  I wouldnt have even considered not taking LO.  I mean a night at the theater or work obviously are understandable but I mean the showers I go to are just like food a few games maybe and socialization so I dont see what a baby could be disrupting.  Also Ive never known a host to even think to say no to moms.  I think it has something to do with the culture I live in though.  I also think that any breast feeding mom really shouldnt be expected to leave a baby at home if its not absolutely necessary. Besides pumping sucks.  It just makes life more complicated for me atleast and its not the same. (I was also a single mom when my LO was this age so that might also be why i feel this way Im sure other moms in different situations might feel differently)

Your post is exactly why this is an issue.  It seems that people nowadays don't realize that not everything is about them.  The shower isn't about you and your baby, it's about your friend.  It's ok to leave the little one for a few hours.  If you aren't ok with that, stay home.

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12-20-2012 at 10:27 AM
Helenahhan...
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bripratt2:

Im actually surprised this is an issue.  I wouldnt have even considered not taking LO.  I mean a night at the theater or work obviously are understandable but I mean the showers I go to are just like food a few games maybe and socialization so I dont see what a baby could be disrupting.  Also Ive never known a host to even think to say no to moms.  I think it has something to do with the culture I live in though.  I also think that any breast feeding mom really shouldnt be expected to leave a baby at home if its not absolutely necessary. Besides pumping sucks.  It just makes life more complicated for me atleast and its not the same. (I was also a single mom when my LO was this age so that might also be why i feel this way Im sure other moms in different situations might feel differently)

 

I wasn't suggesting that a BFing mom leave her baby.  I am suggesting that the BFing mom not attend if she can't leave her baby.
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12-20-2012 at 10:39 AM
bripratt2
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O no ya I mean if I was a host
 
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12-20-2012 at 10:44 AM
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Its not about it being about you vs your friend its just parenting really. This is just weird to me! Lol
 
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12-20-2012 at 1:11 PM
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bripratt2:
Its not about it being about you vs your friend its just parenting really. This is just weird to me! Lol

And being a parent means never leaving your child? Anyone who feels like that is going to burn out very quickly.
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