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12-19-2012 at 8:09 AM
lovebug33
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Anybody ever feel guilty?

So, while it took forever for us to get pregnant (and we went through 6 rounds of clomid), when we finally went to an RE, our journey was relatively easy. One ER, one FET, we started in August and in December were pg. A facebook acquaintance is going to start treatments in January and wants to talk to me about it. I feel guilty and like I would be getting her hopes up falsely by telling her about my experience. It hasn't been nearly the horrible road that so many others have gone through. And, sometimes I feel a little bit like I'm not completely IF. Does that make sense? Just wanted to know if there are any others that feel this way.
 
12-19-2012 at 8:33 AM
TJ1979
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I often feel guilty on the IF boards that we succeeded with only IUI and did not have to pursue IVF.  But that doesn't detract from the fact that it took us 3 years to get our beautiful daughter, and we suffered through one devastating m/c (yet I count my lucky stars it was only one, as I see so many girls go through multiple m/c's.)  And the money we spent ended up so high because we started out at a ridiculous clinic that was just out for our money and didn't care about me, and I had severe reactions to Clomid which required additional medical treatment.  So no, I don't feel guilty.  I feel blessed.  We were so lucky that while we had to fight IF, we succeeded with minimal intervention.  We are blessed to have a baby, and to have hope that we might get to have another one someday too.  You can't compare your fight to anyone else's.  We all have our own battles, our own wounds, our own scars.  All you can do is be there for your friend.  Tell her how blessed you were, and that you will be there for her whether she is that lucky or not.  And tell her about TB.  The ladies of 3T and PAIF are the only way I survived the past 2 years. 

TTC with PCOS since November 2009
IUI#1 Femara/Ovidrel (cd 3-7) = BFP, m/c
IUI#2 Femara/Ovidrel (cd 5-9) = BFN
IUI#3 Femara/Ovidrel (cd 3-7) = BFP!
beta #1 11/23 = 270, P4 = 75
beta #2 11/28 = 2055
Our daughter E was born 7/29/2012!





 
12-19-2012 at 9:00 AM
mystic_J
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No, I don't feel guilty. The almost 4 years it took and all the treatments, surgeries, pain and emotions are still fresh for me. While I was lucky to have my first IVF work and my heart of course goes out to those who have a tougher road, that doesn't make my IF journey and the pain I went through irrelevant.

I am in a similar situation. The rector at my church and his wife are doing IVF in January, and his wife has asked me a lot of questions. I haven't candy coated anything. I have told her to take each day of the cycle one day at a time, and that I am praying for her. And who knows? She might get her BFP on the first cycle too.

After 3 years of infertility, our IVF miracle has arrived! Detailed IF and IVF info in my bio.

 
12-19-2012 at 9:08 AM
jesselayne...
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the real south
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I don't know if guilt is the word I would use but I definitely feel weird that I got pregnant "naturally" this time especially getting my BFP the day after I ran to back to the RE saying I needed injects again to get pregnant. Sometimes I feel weird posting on this board because of it.


TTC#1 for 19 months with PCOS and MFI
IUI#3 + injectables = BFP!!!!
Beta#1-134(13dpiui) Beta #2-392(15dpiui)
It's a GIRL!!!!!!!!
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S/PAIF always welcome:)
TTC#2 - Shocked to get a BFP first postpartum cycle
Beta #1 -51@10dpo Beta#2 -1353 @16dpo
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12-19-2012 at 9:16 AM
ChicagoWed...
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Sometimes, I feel guilty like I don't belong here because we never had to do IVF.  We did get pregnant on our first IUI, but that doesn't really tell the whole story.  I still went through 2 years of anguish, a miscarriage, a cancelled cycle and a DH with low testosterone and performance anxiety.  Everyone has their own battles and you can't compare us.  But I definitely feel more comfortable here than on another baby board since I cannot really relate to someone who is impatient after a cycle or two and has never faced the possibility that they just might never have children.  


Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle. -Philo



My fertility friend charts

~~TTC#1~~
09/2009 Missed miscarriage at 9 weeks and D&C
17 BFN cycles
Diagnosis: MFI (low count), IVF recommended
Treatment: Anastrozole to increase testosterone
05/2011: 50 mg Clomid + IUI cancelled because there were 4 mature follies
06/2011: 25 mg Clomid + IUI → BFP at 10 dpo
02/2012: Baby boy born!

~~TTC#2~~
2 BFN cycles with short luteal phases
One night with DH = BFP on 4/15/2013!
EDD 12/26/2013
 BabyFetus Ticker
 BabyFruit Ticker 
12-19-2012 at 9:47 AM
nawlinsgrl
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I feel a little like I'm not full-on IF because we got pregnant on our first IVF cycle each time.  However, I do realize that I had serious issues and an IF diagnosis.  I just consider myself one of the lucky ones.

It's hard for me in the sense that I have been IRL IVF buddies with two people at my clinic, and just became online (TB)  friends with a third.  The first one was really hurt when my cycle worked and hers didn't work (3 cycles, one converted to IUI, one cancelled, and one didn't take--she was 43 at the time, with DOR and MFI).

The second one was really supportive and happy for me when I got my BFP (she went out of her way to call and see how my beta went).  I was hesitant to tell her, but she sounded genuinely happy.  I hope she'll still want my support for what she says is her 2nd and final attempt (she just turned 42).

The third just got converted to IUI due to poor stims response and will be doing IVF if the IUI (she was given 5% chance of success) doesn't work.  

I really want to be a support to others going through IVF, because in my mind, it feels like paying it forward.  I just worry that I come off looking like "see how easy it was for me."  I don't want to "flaunt" my quick success, but I do want to be there for them, since they are new to all this.


10/10: Married DH; 5/11: Dx: Blocked Fallopian Tube; 7/11: D&C/Hysteroscopy to remove polyp
IVF #1: 9/11: ER: 12R, 11M, 10F, No Frosties; 5dt: 2 blasts, 1 morula; DD born 6/3/12
IVF #2: 11/12-12/12: ER: 20R, 20M, 16F, 4 Frosties; 5dt: 3 blasts, DS EDD: 8/23/13
 Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker  Pregnancy Ticker 
12-19-2012 at 11:13 AM
amandaleig...
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I sometimes feel like I had it "too easy" since ivf 1 worked, but then I'm like wtf! I had to do ivf to have a baby! The reasons I think I was lucky is that I did not start ttc till I was pretty old 36. It turned out that my problem ttc wasn't old age but endometriosis. So I would have had the same crap luck had I started when I was 26. I went through a surgery and ivf to get ds. I feel very lucky that I did not suffer through a slew of failed iuis or miscarriages. None of that takes away from the fact that I had to suffer through if and did not get to experience the innocent bliss of pregnancy that normal people get to have.


IVF Oct '11 brought us the little man of our dreams on July 29, 2012!
 
12-19-2012 at 11:23 AM
queenbone
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Joined on 07-23-2004
Portland
56,901 Points
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I have spent my entire 30s struggling with infertility, that's 7 years; so no, I don't feel guilty even though I never did IVF and still managed to have children. I've never achieved pregnancy without major surgery or crazy expensive drugs or assistance, nor can I give birth on my own. Pretty much my body sucks reproductively, that's just my cross to bear.

Married 9-4-04

Lilypie Kids Birthday tickers Lilypie Third Birthday tickers
TTC#3, AMA, DOR, FSH: 9.83, AMH: 0.31
Cycle #15: 75iu follistim +ovidrel +IUI= BFP!
1st beta: 200 @14dpIUI, 2nd beta:696.90 @17dpIUI
1st u/s (6w4d): one sac, saw & heard heartbeat 124 bpm; 2nd u/s (9w3d): 175bpm
Lilypie Pregnancy tickers

My 1890 Queen Anne Bio
My 1906 Bungalow Bio
Blog
 
12-19-2012 at 12:55 PM
Dragonfly1...
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Cambridge, MA
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I don't feel guilty at all! When we were TTC #1 it was a long, heart wrenching journey. I was hospitalized twice for weird infections - once after a D&E and again after a hysteroscopy. We had two losses and a ton of BFNs. Finally IVF#2 worked. We had a totally different journey when we started TTC again. We were very lucky that our first FET worked, but we were cancelled and delayed for various reasons. I really thought my body was shutting down. So although the second journey was a lot shorter they were both emotional in different ways. I am so thankful that we did not have to go through all the sh!t that we did the first time. I would not wish that only worst enemy.


Unexplained Infertility
After two Clomid cycles, three injectable IUI cycles, two IVFs, two miscarriages, and one lap surgery, IVF #2 has brought us our little boy!

 Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
TTC #2
3/12 - CD3 labs show elevated estrogen levels. FET cycle on hold until cycles can be regulated.
5/12 - CD3 labs finally show normal estrogen, slightly elevated FSH. Currently on BCP and Lupron for FET #1. Transfer scheduled for June!
6/12 - FET #1 - Cancelled due to sucky lining
7/12 - FET #1.2 - Cancelled again
8/12 - Forced Break
9/12 - Natural FET #1.3 - BFP! Beta #1 (15dp3dt) - 1663 Beta #2 (17dp3dt) - 3500 - First u/s at 6 weeks showed twins! Please stick, little ones! U/S at 19 weeks shows it's two girls!!!
Lilypie Pregnancy tickers 
12-19-2012 at 1:23 PM
itsmevkb
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Milwaukee, WI
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I don't know that I feel guilty per se, I think I just try and look at it as everyone's journey is different and there will always be women out there who had it easier than me and those who have it far harder than me. 

I get what you mean about not wanting to give false hope.  I always respond to posts about poor morphology and give my experience, which includes getting pregnant three times with no medical help at all, and then I wonder if I shouldn't even bother to respond because just because I got pregnant those times doesn't mean anyone else will.   Not to mention that I'm sure some people look at the the number of natural pregnancies that I've had, and the number of living children I have, and they assume I couldn't possibly have any real issues.  But, in the end, I tend to be the type to share my experience and just hope people realize that was my experience and may end up far different from theirs.


Kelly, Mom to Christopher Shannon 9.27.06, Catherine Quinn 2.24.09, Trey Barton lost on 12.28.09, Therese Barton lost on 6.10.10, Joseph Sullivan 7.23.11, and our latest, Victoria Maren 11.15.12

Secondary infertility success with IVF, then two losses, one at 14 weeks and one at 10 weeks, then success with IUI and then success with condoms! Who would ever have guessed.

This Cluttered Life 

12-19-2012 at 1:34 PM
RoseHQ12
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I understand what you are saying & why you would feel that way.  I feel like that when I see some of the post's on the IF board, it's heartbreaking.  That being said it's all relative & no one can tell you that your pain & struggle with IF issues should be less than someone who has had a longer journey than you to get to the same point.

TTC on our own for many years finally moved on to IF treatment,diagnosis for me, ovaries with PCO appearance, hypothyroidism, DH MFI, IUI 1-3 BFN moved on to IVF, IVF #1 BFP! No frosties :( B/G twins born 10/12/11. IVF #2 August 2012, BFP ended in cp :( FET November, BFFN. IVF #3 at CC.RM Antagonist low stim protocol with CCS testing, ER 4/23/13, 21R, 18M, 14F. 8 day 5 & 2 day 6 blasts biopsied & frozen. CCS results 4 normals 5AA, 5AB, 5AB, 5BB, 2 no result 5BB, 4BB. FET scheduled 6/17/13 provided TSH & lining in check :) Lilypie Second Birthday tickers  
12-19-2012 at 2:44 PM
kbeach82
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East Coast
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I understand what you mean. DH and I have been very fortunate to be successful with both IVF #1 and #2, but that doesn't mean that we haven't struggled along the way. The heartache, self doubt and uncertainty we felt along the way through our IF journey weren't any less real than it was for those that may have had success after more attempts.

My Blog
IVF w/ICSI brought us our precious miracle
4.29.11
TTC #2: IVF (MDLF) August/September 2012
ER 9/7: 6R, 5M, 4F ET 9/12: 5dt of 2 blasts
+HPT 9/17! Beta #1 (9/25) = 1,000 Beta #2 (9/27) = 1,860 U/S #1 (10/11)...TWINS!
1/8/13 - It's a..boy and a girl!!
Lilypie Second Birthday tickers Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
 
12-19-2012 at 9:23 PM
Jenny952
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Minneapolis
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Yes, I do a little bit.  I got pg on my first IUI.  We decided to go to the RE after 3 years (one of the years we were officially on a break from IF treatments), met with him in January, started on my very next cycle and got a BFP right away.  I sometimes feel that it was easy compared to others who have gone through the IF journey.  But I don't feel that I don't belong, I'm just one of the fortunate ones who was successful sooner than others.

Lilypie Second Birthday tickers

 

12-19-2012 at 10:24 PM
imoverit
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Cali
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RoseHQ12:
I understand what you are saying amp; why you would feel that way.nbsp; I feel like that when I see some of the post's on the IF board, it's heartbreaking.nbsp; That being said it's all relative amp; no one can tell you that your pain amp; struggle with IF issues should be less than someone who has had a longer journey than you to get to the same point.


This exactly!!!!

 Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker 
12-19-2012 at 11:12 PM
Saraevh
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Milwaukee, WI
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Whenever I talk about being infertile to my husband he always gets so irritated with me and says, "We're not infertile! We have kids!"   Haha. I guess he's kinda right! 

I totally get where you're coming from though, especially after our surprise BFP! I am totally aware that the road I have been down has been pretty easy compared to so many others who have been less fortunate than me, and I realize that I have been incredibly blessed thus far, but I haven't forgotten the countless unsuccessful cycles, the dissapointment, the anxiety, the anger, the money, the marital stress, the feeling of failure when everyone else around you is getting pregnant after having 3 seconds of unprotected sex, the surgeries, the crazy pills, the fact that one of my kids was conceived while my feet were in cold, metal stirups ... I feel like I've earned my babies and that they are far more special than any of my friends babies ;)


Me: (29) Endo, LPD and DOR
DH: (30) MFI across the board
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12-20-2012 at 6:40 AM
queenbone
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Portland
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Saraevh:

the feeling of failure when everyone else around you is getting pregnant after having 3 seconds of unprotected sex,

Word.


Married 9-4-04

Lilypie Kids Birthday tickers Lilypie Third Birthday tickers
TTC#3, AMA, DOR, FSH: 9.83, AMH: 0.31
Cycle #15: 75iu follistim +ovidrel +IUI= BFP!
1st beta: 200 @14dpIUI, 2nd beta:696.90 @17dpIUI
1st u/s (6w4d): one sac, saw & heard heartbeat 124 bpm; 2nd u/s (9w3d): 175bpm
Lilypie Pregnancy tickers

My 1890 Queen Anne Bio
My 1906 Bungalow Bio
Blog
 
12-20-2012 at 9:10 AM
MoFree
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I don't think anyone should feel guilty about the number of children they have or how they were conceived.  However, I think it is naive to not recognize that there are degrees of infertility.  I do not feel guilty that my first IVF was successful and mostly covered by insurance yet I understand how someone who has to pay 100% OOP might feel envious.   


TTC since 3-08 Diagnosed with severe MFI 2-09 and Y Chromosome Microdeletion. IVF #1, Nov-Dec '11. ER Dec 3, 5dt, Dec 8. Beta #1, 218, Beta #2, 599. EDD 8/25/12 Lilypie Premature Baby tickers 
12-20-2012 at 12:00 PM
OceanBreez...
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Detroit area
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I always feel guilty. We only went through 14 cycles two rounds of iui nothing compared to so many. But we were also told that we'd likely have to adopt, that ivf probably wouldn't even work for us.

Everyone has a unique journey, and I feel so damn lucky every single day that my journey, however long or short, brought us dd. But I still feel the guilt for not having to struggle more, along with jealousy about those who didn't struggle. Eh.


AlternaTickers - Cool, free Web tickers
WAHM. C-Section mom (while knocked out). Did BF/pumped/formula. BLW.
(Usually mobile bumping, so excuse typos, please!)
SAIF on cycle 14, IUI #2, with 2% morph DX after being told IVF probably wouldn't even work
~~Congrats to my fellow (former) 3T-ers in the 'D' - Firewife9278 & UMichGirl ~~
 
12-20-2012 at 3:39 PM
albjag
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I don't think anyone should feel guilty.  Everyone has their own journey- and we've all felt the heartache of IF.  And supported others going through the same.  Some people don't choose to pursue IVF, and maybe they are lucky enough to get pg with other treatments.  

I tried for 5 yrs, diagnosed unexplained and mild endo- only did 2 clomid IUIs which failed.  We decided to pursue adoption instead of IVF and I ended up with a suprise BFP which resulted in my son.  I still feel like I am an IF vet.

I think everyone has a different journey- it's horrible that any of us have to go through this but wonderful that we have the support of others - regardless of how different each of us are.  

I think only the struggle of IF and knowing what others have gone through can lead you to think that 6 clomid cycles, one ER, one FET = relatively easy.  B/c we know of others who have gone through that and more and still have empty arms.  IF sucks no matter what.  Your friend is lucky to have the support of someone like you.   

 

ETA- my story might've been different if I had IF covg- I could've gone through IVF and multiple cycles and maybe would've gotten pregnant in only 2 yrs.  Who knows.  But instead I did 'just' clomid IUI 3 yrs ago and stopped treatments and got pregnant this year on my own by some miracle after 5 yrs.

 Everyone is different.  I am glad I went through what I did - it made me stronger, let me 'meet' a group of the most selfless supportive women in the world, and I have my son.  I'm glad things went the way they did- b/c I couldn't couldn't imagine  having any other baby but my son.  

I think this comes up often- comparing your IF struggles to others,  not feeling worthy of being on the board, etc.  Everyone is different- and nobody is judging anyone else's journey.

Now yes - fertiles who complain about how it took them a few months to get pregnant- those annoy me.   


Surprise BFP after 5 yrs of TTC  
12-20-2012 at 5:16 PM
IBackBevo
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North Houston
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Sometimes I wonder if other people see me this way because I conceived with "just" Clomid/IUI, but at the same time I know how much the whole IF thing still affects me and I feel like I have had struggles not just with the IF part, but also with being able to have a healthy, normal baby that alot of people don't have even if they have IF.

On another board (not TB), I once had a lady tell me that I wasn't truly IF and didn't have a clue what it felt like because I had gotten pregnant with just clomid/IUI.  I wanted to reach through the computer and strangle her.  Yes, that was true, but my "numbers" are what they are and they are terrible.  Plus, I am also a Fragile X premutation carrier (which causes mental retardation and autism) so that added an additional stress on our ttc journey that she didn't have a clue about.  Then, on top of that, I developed severe pre-e and my little one had IUGR from it during my pregnancy and that was a HUGE stress with huge hospital bills.  We didn't know for a long time if LO would be normal/okay and even my health was at risk...and after he arrived, it has still been a little bit of a struggle because with the IUGR we have had many of the same issues that preemies experience (him being low birth weight, eating/digestive issues, weight gain, meeting milestones, etc.).

Plus, I feel like I still "struggle" with IF because I want to have more than one child and I don't know if I will be able to conceive again next time.  I got one miracle, but that doesn't mean I will get two.  There is not a day that goes by that I don't think about this and feel like it still affects me.  Everyday I think about how long I should wait before TTC #2.  I feel like my body needs to recover from pregnancy number 1 and I don't want 2U2, but at the same time I worry with my DOR my eggs will run out and I will go into menopause.



DX: DOR & Fragile X premutation carrier
2011: FSH 13.3 & E 99; AMH 0.54 ~ 2nd FSH 6.2 E 40's AFC: 8
BFP from Clomid/IUI ~ Pre-e and IUGR during pregnancy ~ LO born 9/4/12
Feb. 2013: AMH less than 0.16 (undetectable) ~ FSH 6.8 (normal)
What is going on with my body? 
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