I don't exactly agree with your husbands comment about Daycare robbing you guys of your chance to be parents. MANY Parents work full-time...and use daycare...and all is well in their family.
I am in a similar situation with my job, and school. My need to switch to part-time is based more on freeing my time to finish out my degree in the next couple semesters. I haven't even begun to look at daycare...but home daycare will be the ONLY thing in my budget.
As for the meltdown....WOW...I totally understand.
On Sunday my boyfriend started moving my old bed into the spare bedroom (this will be the Nursery) and I just started crying....absolutely certain he wanted us to sleep apart in separate bedrooms. In reality...he was just trying to get my mattresses out of the unfinished basement (so they would not get ruined) and did not intend for me to move into the Baby's room. I cried non-stop for like 30 minutes. He looked a little...shocked.