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12-19-2012 at 8:59 AM
MBush4
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Had my first pregnancy meltdown... (sorry, kind of long)

I'm not a very emotional person. I think in the past five years I can count the number of times I've cried on one hand. Pregnancy has made me cry more (at the anatomy scan, with last week's tragedy, randomly), but I haven't had a meltdown. Until yesterday.

DH and I are grad students. He works part time as an intern with a firm that will hire him once he graduates, and I work full-time as an advisor at a university which I also attend- they pay for my tuition which is a life saver since it's a really good university and very expensive. While we aren't destitute, we definitely aren't rolling in money. When we were first married we had both recently graduated from college and thought we'd like to start a family. DH could get a job as an engineer and I would stay home with the baby. However, after meeting with several doctors we were told, "unless you have medical intervention, you will not be getting pregnant." It was sad, but we decided to pursue our dreams and go to graduate school before starting our family. Three years later we were quite surprised when we found out that I was pregnant- without medical intervention (since the doctor's told me I couldn't get pregnant with help, I stopped my BC about 6 months after we got married).

Originally my plan was to return part-time (since that would be the least I could work to get tuition covered and not have to go on any government assistance), but last week the dean I work for said, "we can't switch you to part-time anymore. You'll need to stay on fullt-time." I was sad but mostly frustrated since I'm less than three months away from delivering and hadn't planned on needing day care (between DH, my SIL and I we were going to watch LO).

I immediately got started on the daycare search but most of the places are way too expensive for our budget. So DH and I have started visiting the few that are closer to our budget (although still a bit pricey). They're pretty depressing, but I don't know what else to do. On our drive home last night DH said, "I don't want to put out kid in daycare. I feel like it robs us of the chance to be parents. I mean, we could see if you can transfer to a position at the school part-time so your tuition is still paid and you can spend time to take care of the baby and I can adjust my schedule so I can have time to take care of the baby." The thing was, I wish it was true. I DON'T love my job (my direct boss is a royal a-hole but has tenure so while the dean and other professors know how he is, they can't do anything about it) and part-time would still cover our needs. But I honestly don't see anyone wanting to hire a 7 months pregnant woman. Plus I don't see how we could make everything work. I just feel trapped. I know lots of woman have to make this decision, but it doesn't make it less difficult....

Okay, sorry, end of vent...

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12-19-2012 at 9:08 AM
cowgirltu
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Hugs.  I had my first one 2 nights ago.  I started off annoyed with my husband for not doing the dishes, and that somehow morphed into my crying because I dont want to send our lo to daycare when I have to go back to work. 
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12-19-2012 at 9:12 AM
MBush4
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Glad I'm not alone. Hugs to you too. It's hard being a parent even before LOs arrive!
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12-19-2012 at 10:12 AM
rm2013
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So sorry that you're going through all this! I can't believe that if you're going to a fairly nice university that they don't have child care facilities for students, many schools do. Have you tried to find out if there's anything the school offers, even if it's an arrangement or discount with a preferred provider?

Absent that, I'd recommend looking for in home daycare options, they are more affordable and can only have a few children. You'll have to do more legwork to find and vet them, but it would be well worth it.
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12-19-2012 at 10:20 AM
MBush4
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The daycare facilities at the university are really pricey. Even with my faculty/staff discount it's almost double our budget for daycare. But that is a good idea with in home daycare.
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12-19-2012 at 12:12 PM
caladpi02
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I find your comment that daycare robs you of the chance of being a parent SUPER offensive. Sorry you don't get to work part time, neither do I.

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12-19-2012 at 12:27 PM
letzgoraci...
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I don't exactly agree with your husbands comment about Daycare robbing you guys of your chance to be parents.  MANY Parents work full-time...and use daycare...and all is well in their family.

That said....

I am in a similar situation with my job, and school. My need to switch to part-time is based more on freeing my time to finish out my degree in the next couple semesters.   I haven't even begun to look at daycare...but home daycare will be the ONLY thing in my budget.

As for the meltdown....WOW...I totally understand. 

On Sunday my boyfriend started moving my old bed into the spare bedroom (this will be the Nursery) and I just started crying....absolutely certain he wanted us to sleep apart in separate bedrooms.   In reality...he was just trying to get my mattresses out of the unfinished basement (so they would not get ruined) and did not intend for me to move into the Baby's room.  I cried non-stop for like 30 minutes.  He looked a little...shocked.
 
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12-19-2012 at 12:28 PM
MBush4
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It wasn't meant as an offense. DH was the one to say it and I think it was out of frustration with the situation. I don't think having a child in daycare makes anyone less of a parent. I won't lie to myself though and say that by working full-time I'll be able to have the same amount of time with my child in comparison to if I stayed home or worked part-time; that logically does not make sense. It's a tricky decision a lot of people have to make and it's just frustrating that I can't stay home and I can't afford a good daycare. Thus the meltdown.
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12-19-2012 at 12:41 PM
Raeily
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*hugs* I'm sorry you're having to stress about this. I hope that everything works out. 

On another note, I now feel unstable seeing that you got to third tri without a meltdown. I've been melting down at least once a month since first tri... 
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12-19-2012 at 12:50 PM
MBush4
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Hahaha I think I'm the weird one. People keep asking me (and more importantly, DH) if I've been having crazy mood swings or anything and we both shrug and shake our heads no. I mean, I get more upset with bad drivers, but nothing too crazy. I think I'm the weird one.
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12-19-2012 at 1:16 PM
URMySunshi...
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rm2013:
Absent that, I'd recommend looking for in home daycare options, they are more affordable and can only have a few children. You'll have to do more legwork to find and vet them, but it would be well worth it.

This is what I was thinking! GL to you, OP. 
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12-19-2012 at 2:16 PM
PeanutR1
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Is staying home and putting off the completion of your degree a possibility?  Once the baby is in school, you can always go back.  If your need to work is only to support your tuition (not housing, food,etc), I might look, at that as an option. 

 Sometimes when we become parents, we need to make sacrifices Of our own wants to meet their needs  
 
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12-19-2012 at 4:01 PM
MBush4
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It's for both purposes. To pay bills as well as to cover tuition... Thus DH's idea of maybe switching to parttime in a different department. But in all honesty, if I can find something that is parttime and would pay what the equivalent would be here, I'd take it in a heartbeat.
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