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12-19-2012 at 10:52 AM
Emily 2714
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GTKY: MIL venting

Mother-in-law: I was drinking wine at the family Christmas gathering this weekend (so was she) and she called me a lush. We haven't discussed ttc with her but in the past she has commented that we should wait til we have more money, or that if I drink wine I'll have a child with eyes far apart. I could go on and on. 

How do you deal with your rude busybody MIL? 
 
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12-19-2012 at 10:58 AM
nlscroggin...
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my MIL isnt so much rude as just extremely involved. of course we were excited to tell her we were starting ttc, and she deflated our balloon a little by telling us we needed to enjoy married life, get more money saved up, etc. we thought she would be thrilled since it would be her first grandchild, but eh... not quite the reaction we expected. since then, DH's sister has gotten pregnant, and that takes the heat off of us a little, even though it kinda sucks because we are having such a hard time and we have to hear about the sister's pregnancy all the time. but yeah, MIL can be intrusive sometimes, but i know it's just because she genuinely cares and wants to make sure her kids are "making good decisions" :) hope your situation gets better! 

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12-19-2012 at 11:04 AM
swirl25
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Ugh, why do some MILs have to live up to the stereotype? I know my MIL means well, but she can seriously be a nag and is very neurotic. She loves DD to pieces though, and is willing to help out by babysitting whenever she can, so I put up with it. She also has this annoying tendency to start with "I know it's not my business and you can tell me to butt out, but..." and then tell me what I should or should not be doing with DD. I just tune her out...I'll go crazy otherwise. DH knows his mom can be annoying, so it helps knowing that he gets how I feel. Is your DH understanding of your feelings?
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12-19-2012 at 11:11 AM
katyj25
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I do love my MIL dearly. She is a very nice person, but everything has to be about her. If she feels like she is not getting enough attention, she comes up with a scheme to turn the attention to her. She is one of those people who posts the FB status messages that give no information and make people ask, "what's wrong". It is so annoying. I plan to get her drunk this Christmas. That is when she is fun. :)


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12-19-2012 at 11:14 AM
aragosta
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My MIL is a total doll.  My mom died when I was 18 and I was dating my DH at the time.  She's been like a mom to me ever since. I feel like I hit the jack pot. 

Does she do stuff that sometimes annoys me? Sure. But I'm sure I annoy her sometimes too. I took her baby boy after all!

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12-19-2012 at 11:21 AM
Slapalicio...
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katyj25:
I do love my MIL dearly. She is a very nice person, but everything has to be about her. If she feels like she is not getting enough attention, she comes up with a scheme to turn the attention to her. She is one of those people who posts the FB status messages that give no information and make people ask, "what's wrong". It is so annoying. I plan to get her drunk this Christmas. That is when she is fun. :)

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12-19-2012 at 11:24 AM
Emily 2714
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Slapptastic:

katyj25:
I do love my MIL dearly. She is a very nice person, but everything has to be about her. If she feels like she is not getting enough attention, she comes up with a scheme to turn the attention to her. She is one of those people who posts the FB status messages that give no information and make people ask, "what's wrong". It is so annoying. I plan to get her drunk this Christmas. That is when she is fun. :)

Vaguebooking!

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12-19-2012 at 11:27 AM
krptcmschf...
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My MIL is a very loving and great women... when her meds are working. She has bipolar disorder, so it makes it hard, especially during times of high stress, like the holidays, or when H's one sister is being a royal b!tch. MIL is the type to take it out on everyone. It sucks. But we suck it up and deal with it.

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12-19-2012 at 11:27 AM
Emily 2714
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swirl25:
Ugh, why do some MILs have to live up to the stereotype? I know my MIL means well, but she can seriously be a nag and is very neurotic. She loves DD to pieces though, and is willing to help out by babysitting whenever she can, so I put up with it. She also has this annoying tendency to start with "I know it's not my business and you can tell me to butt out, but..." and then tell me what I should or should not be doing with DD. I just tune her out...I'll go crazy otherwise. DH knows his mom can be annoying, so it helps knowing that he gets how I feel. Is your DH understanding of your feelings?
yeah, he understands. His sister is a golden child and it always seems like we are treated like second class citizens. Just gotta make through Christmas. We want to start a family for a lot of reasons but I'm hoping a baby will make her nicer, but I can foresee much unsolicited advise. 
 
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12-19-2012 at 11:28 AM
bubbaslove...
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I love my MIL, but we do have some issues.  DH is the middle child, and has apparently always been the most driven and independent out of the 3 (all boys). Out of the 3 he is the only one that is married or has children. Ever since we started dating she has always tried to get DH to "tell her things" as her other 2 sons involve her in EVERY little thing they do.  She has a hard time dealing with the fact that I am the #1 woman in DH's life and she gets very frustrated that he will not tell her things, then to add to her frustration, I am an only child and my mom and I are very close, so when we talk I may tell her things going on with DH, so now my MIL feels like DH tells my Mom things but not her, when in fact it's me talking to my own mother

She is very childish and can not fight/argue like an adult, but rather she throws temper tantrums...it makes me nuts.  To top it off we feel that she has a drinking problem (she had gastric bypass years ago and has since taken up drinking and it has become an issue) yet none of them will confront her about it as she reacts like a 12 year old child and will stop speaking to whomever has confronted her.  Because she is not my mom, I feel like it is not my place to say anything in regards to her drinking, I have however stepped in when her drinking directly involved her being around my kids...

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12-19-2012 at 11:29 AM
Slapalicio...
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Emily 2714:
swirl25:
Ugh, why do some MILs have to live up to the stereotype? I know my MIL means well, but she can seriously be a nag and is very neurotic. She loves DD to pieces though, and is willing to help out by babysitting whenever she can, so I put up with it. She also has this annoying tendency to start with "I know it's not my business and you can tell me to butt out, but..." and then tell me what I should or should not be doing with DD. I just tune her out...I'll go crazy otherwise. DH knows his mom can be annoying, so it helps knowing that he gets how I feel. Is your DH understanding of your feelings?
yeah, he understands. His sister is a golden child and it always seems like we are treated like second class citizens. Just gotta make through Christmas. We want to start a family for a lot of reasons but I'm hoping a baby will make her nicer, but I can foresee much unsolicited advise. 

Babies don't fix things...

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12-19-2012 at 11:30 AM
erollis
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My MIL is wonderful, once she saw the light and finally liked me. I'm so happy she is my MIL. She's like a second mom. She can get a bit controlling and bossy. But she'll apologize if you tell her if what she did upset you.
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12-19-2012 at 11:31 AM
Emily 2714
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krptcmschfmkr128:
My MIL is a very loving and great women... when her meds are working. She has bipolar disorder, so it makes it hard, especially during times of high stress, like the holidays, or when H's one sister is being a royal b!tch. MIL is the type to take it out on everyone. It sucks. But we suck it up and deal with it.
Oh man, that can't be easy. I feel bad complaining because mine is just a bi@tch. 
 
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12-19-2012 at 11:33 AM
jdebaie
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My MIL and I had a great relationship for years until she made some really questionable decisions that put DH in the middle and really upset him.  Since then (2 years ago) we've been trying to repair our relationship but unfortunately I don't really tell her very much anymore. Kind of sucks that it had to come to that!
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12-19-2012 at 11:59 AM
Pockety
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My MIL passed away when DH and I were engaged. We got along well enough.

FIL got remarried about 2 years ago, to a woman who precisely fits the stereotype for a second wife: blonde, skinny, and so dumb it's comical. She doesn't really bother me, other than that it can be annoying to have to explain life to her.

DH gets very annoyed though, because he worries, probably correctly, that her grownup daughters are trying to get his dad's money. So even though we don't have any outward personality conflicts, there is a deep undercurrent of distrust.
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12-19-2012 at 12:05 PM
krptcmschf...
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Emily 2714:
krptcmschfmkr128:
My MIL is a very loving and great women... when her meds are working. She has bipolar disorder, so it makes it hard, especially during times of high stress, like the holidays, or when H's one sister is being a royal b!tch. MIL is the type to take it out on everyone. It sucks. But we suck it up and deal with it.
Oh man, that can't be easy. I feel bad complaining because mine is just a bi@tch. 

Yeah, in the beginning she was the cause of a LOT of stress in our relationship, and even still can be at times. I have a hard time just ignoring things and dropping them once the spell has past, because she can say some really hurtful things that she really doesn't mean when she's in one of her moods. 


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12-19-2012 at 12:14 PM
cjchio
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Mine is Insane. We've been together 10 years, and the last straw for us was when she asked if she had to buy me a Christmas gift. Before that she tried to give me food with nuts in it. I'm deathly allergic. 

 

I chose to ignore her completely. I told my husband if he still wanted contact I was ok with it, but not to expect me to go along with him for holidays and stuff. He ended contact with her as well.

 

It's been fantastic.  
 
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12-19-2012 at 12:15 PM
gardennymp...
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My MIL is awesome...until you do something she doesn't agree with. She is very opinionated and will not hear that her opinion is wrong.
She also really enjoys drama. She instigates it and "feeds the flames".
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12-19-2012 at 12:25 PM
wearebirds
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I love my MIL, don't get me wrong...but she's definitely a stereotypical MIL. She's very opinionated and has no problem telling DH and I when she doesn't agree with what were doing. She also is nosey when it comes to bills and other things that I feel is private.

One time she demanded that DH tell her exactly what all of our bills were and how much we spend. Needless to say I put an end to that.

She also has no problem telling us that we need to wait to have kids. We just don't touch on that subject with them now.

I avoid all topics of 'controversy' at all costs around her.

My SIL drives me equally as nuts.

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12-19-2012 at 12:55 PM
VitaLuna
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I can't say that I necessarily do or don't like MIL. DH and I have been together 8 years and I've seen them 3 times (they live on the East Coast, we went there twice, they came here once for our wedding). I don't talk to them on the phone, and have only had awkward/impersonal convos in person.

DH doesn't have any conflict with them (nor do I), they just don't show much interest in being more involved in our lives. It makes me sad, becuase I know he wishes they cared more about us (like they do SIL/BIL).  

Part of me hopes that us having kids will change their involvement, but I doubt it. I guess I'd rather it be like this than have some crazy pants MIL like some of you do.

ETA: Holy long response, sorry!
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12-19-2012 at 12:58 PM
CiderWench
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Use of the f-bomb usually gets my mil to shut her trap. And I would totally use it in all of the situations you have mentioned. I should probably mention, though, that I don't give two sh¡ts about maintaining a close relationship with my mil, nor do I care about keeping the peace (with in-laws in particular).

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12-19-2012 at 2:09 PM
ttcfriend
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Wow! How could some of you say so many mean things about the woman who brought your husband into the world. My MIL was there when I was born. She is almost like an Aunt to me but she is just my 3rd cousin.
 
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12-19-2012 at 2:56 PM
runningpen...
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ttcfriend:
Wow! How could some of you say so many mean things about the woman who brought your husband into the world. My MIL was there when I was born. She is almost like an Aunt to me but she is just my 3rd cousin.

The same way I can say mean things about the woman who brought me into the world: people do messed up siht. That said, my MIL is a lovely woman who goes out of her way to respect us. My mom is actually the crazy MIL, although she's mellowed some since she's had serious heart issues. I let her know I appreciate that she's toned it down and she's admitted that there were times she was out of line.

EDIT-Whoa I missed the 3rd cousin part. And have nothing really other to say than whoa.



 
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12-19-2012 at 3:02 PM
ttcfriend
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runningpenguin:

ttcfriend:
Wow! How could some of you say so many mean things about the woman who brought your husband into the world. My MIL was there when I was born. She is almost like an Aunt to me but she is just my 3rd cousin.

The same way I can say mean things about the woman who brought me into the world: people do messed up siht. That said, my MIL is a lovely woman who goes out of her way to respect us. My mom is actually the crazy MIL, although she's mellowed some since she's had serious heart issues. I let her know I appreciate that she's toned it down and she's admitted that there were times she was out of line.

EDIT-Whoa I missed the 3rd cousin part. And have nothing really other to say than whoa.

That's nice that you have a good relationship with your MIL. Sorry your mom is Crazy. I didn't mean to judge I guess I'm just a little sheltered.
 
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12-19-2012 at 4:56 PM
Emily 2714
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3rd cousin you say? Are your eyes far apart?
 
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12-19-2012 at 9:44 PM
flighty514
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My MIL was getting pretty bad about nagging for grandchildren.  She even made up this whole story that she thought we would tell her we were pregnant one Christmas.  That is when I flat out told my MIL that she was not allowed to talk about the state of my uterus.  That pretty much shut her up and she hasn't asked about when we are going to have kids since.
 
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12-20-2012 at 1:32 AM
cyndielise
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Oh goodness, well I try to let DH contend with her crazies as much as possible. It's unfortunate that she's very selfish and loves money. That combo is really difficult to deal with.
Her compassion is missing, so there's not much humanity to which to appeal in her.
Sadly, distance seems to work the best for us. I wish she could just learn to love and respect us, but that isn't feasible at this time.
So we just wait and pray for her! Hopefully she will have a change of heart and be more willing to respect our parenting and love us despite her feelings about particular issues!
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12-20-2012 at 2:55 AM
doodiebug1...
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My MIL makes me crazy also, she always tells me "well if you loose some weight then you'll get pregnant right away" I was so tired of hearing her comments I now let her think we put TTC on hold.
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12-20-2012 at 7:02 AM
fuzzylogic
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I love my MIL. I've talked to her about things I could never talk to my mom about. She's also a teacher, like me, so I have someone I can trade war stories with if I feel like I need to. 

She and I have very different ideas about decorating, and she has tried to give her two cents in the past, and I shut her down. It wasn't hard to speak my mind. My house, my way.

I will not, however, tell her that we are TTC. But not because she's a busybody, or rude. Because each month it doesn't happen, I would feel like I have disappointed her along with myself and H. And I can't handle that kind of pressure. 

"The citizen is becoming a pawn in a game where nobody knows the rules, where everybody consequently doubts that there are rules at all, and where the vocabulary has been diminished to such an extent that nobody is even sure what the game is all about." Abdrew Eldritch  
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12-20-2012 at 8:27 AM
talon1226
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My MIL clearly has Bipolar Disorder but has never sought treatment or medication. When DH was little, she would be in bed for days at a time screaming at anyone that talked and then randomly be up cleaning the house and baking cookies the next day when he came home from school. It was super scary and stressful to him growing up never knowing what to expect from her.

Now she's mellowed out a little but is still super dramatic and loves attention. She caused multiple scenes the day of and during our wedding which I do not appreciate. DH still has a lot of anger toward her though so we only see her 2-3 times a year which makes it easier. I blocked her from my news feed on facebook because her constant "woe is me" posts drive me nuts.  
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