community

all boards


birth clubs



my blog

Sort:
12-19-2012 at 5:37 PM
deedyloves...
Not Ranked
Joined on 02-15-2010
6,263 Points
deedylovescake is not online. Last active: 05-24-2013, 2:39 PMNewbie

So this just happened.

Me: (giving a short summary of baby's birth) ...so they took him away immediately which was very traumatic and I still have a hard time dealing with it.
Friend: well, he's home now, right?
Me: yah, he's home now :)
Friend: if it meant the kid living or not, i'd say take him and do what you gotta do..
Me: uhm...yes obviously.
Friend: you have the rest of your life and his to hold him..
Me: doesn't make it any less traumatic...
Friend: well, no, just saying..

 

 
Am I too sensitive? Cuz I almost peed myself I was so angry.

 


<3 Oliver and Grandma <3 Image and video hosting by TinyPic Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker 
12-19-2012 at 5:48 PM
rslhmg
Not Ranked
Joined on 09-25-2012
3,417 Points
rslhmg is not online. Last active: 05-19-2013, 12:31 PMNewbie
Honestly sounds like the friend trying to be positive and helpful without really having any understanding of how traumatic it is to have your baby taken immediately away to do so with tact. I'd be upset if I were in your shoes too, but unfortunately we are the ones that have to remember friends and family try to be helpful in the most upsetting ways because they just don't get it.

Actual Adjusted  
12-19-2012 at 6:17 PM
CurlingRoc...
Not Ranked
Joined on 10-12-2009
55,727 Points
CurlingRocks is not online. Last active: 05-24-2013, 2:31 PMGold
She doesn't get it.  Most people won't.  I have yet to find a way for the average person to relate to my experience.  I'm sorry you had to deal with this; it will get easier to deal with in time...

Preemie Resources: http://preemiemomblog.blogspot.com/ Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers Lilypie Premature Baby tickers Lilypie Maternity tickers 
12-19-2012 at 6:24 PM
BostonKiss...
Top 100 Contributor
Joined on 05-05-2006
135,642 Points
BostonKisses2 is not online. Last active: 05-23-2013, 8:38 PMPlatinum
I'm guessing your friend doesn't have preemie experience?  I think he/she meant well, but it's one of those things that you really don't get unless you've been through it, and people don't realize how hurtful and upsetting well-intended comments can be.  I'm sorry that happened!
12-20-2012 at 5:25 AM
M&MHaveMyH...
Not Ranked
Joined on 07-20-2012
79,376 Points
M&MHaveMyHeart is not online. Last active: 05-24-2013, 1:40 PMSilver

No, you're absolutely not too sensitive.

I'm sorry you had to be in that conversation. I don't even know what to say.  


1.19.03.. the beginning of our love story.♥  Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker  
12-20-2012 at 6:47 AM
KatFCo
Not Ranked
Joined on 09-10-2011
28,449 Points
KatFCo is not online. Last active: 05-24-2013, 2:10 PMBronze

Does she by any chance have a history of miscarriages? That's the only way I can see her statement being even remotely understandable.

I would get comments like that too, although not quite so insensitive. Like PP said, they were made to make me feel better and help me "look on the bright side." The way your friend phrased it, though, almost sounds like she's essentially telling you it's not that big a deal, which is incredibly insensitive.

This doesn't sound like a "go to with your troubles" friend.


Image and video hosting by TinyPic  Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker  Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker 
12-20-2012 at 11:49 AM
missgoosey...
Not Ranked
Joined on 07-15-2012
1,747 Points
missgooseyface is not online. Last active: 04-16-2013, 1:12 PMNewbie

BostonKisses2:
I'm guessing your friend doesn't have preemie experience?  I think he/she meant well, but it's one of those things that you really don't get unless you've been through it, and people don't realize how hurtful and upsetting well-intended comments can be.  I'm sorry that happened!

 

This exactly.  Unfortunately, nobody will get it unless they have been through it.  People mean well and/or they just don't think before they speak.  Brush it off....it will happen more times than you will like but unfortunately is the nature of the beast.  Hang in there :)


Lilypie Premature Baby tickers  
12-20-2012 at 2:33 PM
deedyloves...
Not Ranked
Joined on 02-15-2010
6,263 Points
deedylovescake is not online. Last active: 05-24-2013, 2:39 PMNewbie
KatFCo:

Does she by any chance have a history of miscarriages? That's the only way I can see her statement being even remotely understandable.

I doubt it, she's always been adamant that she's not interested in having children. She was supportive of me when I got pregnant and I've always gone to her to talk about anything so it really caught me off guard. But I think you guys are right-- she's just so far removed from any of the emotions involved in giving birth and being a mother that she thought that was an appropriate thing to say. But still...ugh.

 


<3 Oliver and Grandma <3 Image and video hosting by TinyPic Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker 
12-20-2012 at 8:45 PM
rjade9
Not Ranked
Joined on 05-29-2008
9,558 Points
rjade9 is not online. Last active: 04-21-2013, 10:33 AMSilver
Not too sensitive!  Unless someone has dealt with it they won't understand.  I had to go to the dr last friday (ds is still in the NICU) and it was so hard because I should still be going to the doctors office for appointments for my pregnancy.  I was pretty emotional and the doctor on call comes in and says oh don't be upset things could have happend much worse than they did, be glad you don't have to come here every week now, plus you saw us every day in the hospital for 9 weeks.  I was kinda blown away, while yes I am so glad my son is here and doing well but I still have the right to be emotional, oh and I just had a baby so my hormones are crazy.  But why would a doctor know that lol

 Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Lilypie Premature Baby tickers Photobucket DH: Post testicular cancer/tesicle removal, low sperm count: 12/20/11 SA: motility 45% morphology not able to be tested good, Sperm count = 2.2 million Me: Diagnosed with hypothyroidsm 12/20/11 All blood work looks good including thyroid level! RE appt 1/23/12- RE recomending IVF, DH will have another SA done, waiting for CD1 to make appt for blood work, u/s, and SHG. 2/2/11 SA results= count 11 million!!! motility 83%!!! morphology 1% IVF with ICSI! BCP staretd 3/23, Starting Lupron 4/9, stims 4/20. ER 4/30, ET 5/5- Transfered 2 beautiful blasts, 1 frostie waiting! BFP+HPT 5/10, Beta#1 5/15-330! Beta #2 5/17 741!, Beta #3 5/19 1363! First U/S 6/1 PAIF/SAIF welcome! 
12-20-2012 at 9:47 PM
deedyloves...
Not Ranked
Joined on 02-15-2010
6,263 Points
deedylovescake is not online. Last active: 05-24-2013, 2:39 PMNewbie

rjade9:
Not too sensitive!  Unless someone has dealt with it they won't understand.  I had to go to the dr last friday (ds is still in the NICU) and it was so hard because I should still be going to the doctors office for appointments for my pregnancy.  I was pretty emotional and the doctor on call comes in and says oh don't be upset things could have happend much worse than they did, be glad you don't have to come here every week now, plus you saw us every day in the hospital for 9 weeks.  I was kinda blown away, while yes I am so glad my son is here and doing well but I still have the right to be emotional, oh and I just had a baby so my hormones are crazy.  But why would a doctor know that lol

WHOA that is disgusting that a health care professional would suggest that your feelings are somehow invalidated by "things could have happened worse". I'd be like...making a complaint or at least leaving a nasty yelp review on that doctor. That's seriously bonkers....I'm so angry for you...


<3 Oliver and Grandma <3 Image and video hosting by TinyPic Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker 
12-21-2012 at 3:52 PM
CurlingRoc...
Not Ranked
Joined on 10-12-2009
55,727 Points
CurlingRocks is not online. Last active: 05-24-2013, 2:31 PMGold
rjade9:
Not too sensitive!  Unless someone has dealt with it they won't understand.  I had to go to the dr last friday (ds is still in the NICU) and it was so hard because I should still be going to the doctors office for appointments for my pregnancy.  I was pretty emotional and the doctor on call comes in and says oh don't be upset things could have happend much worse than they did, be glad you don't have to come here every week now, plus you saw us every day in the hospital for 9 weeks.  I was kinda blown away, while yes I am so glad my son is here and doing well but I still have the right to be emotional, oh and I just had a baby so my hormones are crazy.  But why would a doctor know that lol
I would find a different doctor... WOW!

Preemie Resources: http://preemiemomblog.blogspot.com/ Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers Lilypie Premature Baby tickers Lilypie Maternity tickers 
Hot Topics

New dad or dad-to-be? Chat with other dads here!
Visit the Dads & Dads-to-be board

Need baby shower inspiration? Get ideas here!
Visit the Baby Showers board

Chat with other crafty moms here!
Visit the Crafty Moms board

search boards

choose another board