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12-19-2012 at 6:34 PM
Abeja1226
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Joined on 10-29-2009
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Abeja1226 is not online. Last active: 05-23-2013, 1:24 AMSilver

WDYT?

I need opinions. I've posted before how DHs parents are super involved and almost too pushy when it comes to things that I believe we should decide on our own. Like FIL getting K a life insurance policy for her birthday one year...
Well this year he's giving us money to invest, however, he's chosen the investment company and the broker and basically exactly where to invest the money. I appreciate him giving us a gift but this severely annoys me. I feel like if we want to invest in something then it should be our decision, or I feel like maybe he should have even asked if this was something we were interested in. Like what if we don't ever want to invest in the stock market or what if it's not something were remotely interested in? Am I overreacting? I can't express how I feel to DH without him getting all defensive, however I know that investing is not something DH would ever do on his own because he has no interest whatsoever.
FIL got DH an ameritrade account a few years ago and even picked the stocks DH "should buy" and DH did and hasn't looked at it since.

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12-19-2012 at 6:46 PM
kenna_4
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kenna_4 is not online. Last active: 05-22-2013, 8:49 PMSilver

Wow can't believe he got your DD a life insurance policy, that is weird IMO.

However, if he is giving you the "gift" of this investment then yes, I guess he can coose where it's invested, after all it is a gift. It would bother me a bit too, but I would just say thank you and hope whatever he choose does well.


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12-19-2012 at 6:54 PM
Abeja1226
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kenna_4:
Wow can't believe he got your DD a life insurance policy, that is weird IMO.

However, if he is giving you the "gift" of this investment then yes, I guess he can coose where it's invested, after all it is a gift. It would bother me a bit too, but I would just say thank you and hope whatever he choose does well.

Yeah I made him cancel it. Especially because he was only going to pay the premium for a few months "then it would be up to us". I also told DH if we don't have to put any money in then fine I don't care but then all the paperwork came in and I don't like having to put my ssn down and list all our assets, it makes me uneasy.

Oh he got one for DD too, I have to provide her ssn as well, I don't like that. Idk maybe that's me.

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12-19-2012 at 7:42 PM
barnwife
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La Crosse, WI
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barnwife is not online. Last active: 05-22-2013, 9:38 PMSilver
Yeah, I think you need to just go with it.

FWIW, my parents invest for all of their grandkids every Christmas. DH and I aren't thrilled about the exact investments they make. However, it's their money to gift as they see fit. And they have control over the account until the grandkids turn 21. 

Yes, if you want to invest in something it is your decision. But, you aren't investing. The ILs are making an investment for LO. These are 2 completely different scenarios. One you have control over; one you don't.

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12-19-2012 at 8:24 PM
Abeja1226
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Abeja1226 is not online. Last active: 05-23-2013, 1:24 AMSilver

barnwife:
Yeah, I think you need to just go with it.

FWIW, my parents invest for all of their grandkids every Christmas. DH and I aren't thrilled about the exact investments they make. However, it's their money to gift as they see fit. And they have control over the account until the grandkids turn 21. 

Yes, if you want to invest in something it is your decision. But, you aren't investing. The ILs are making an investment for LO. These are 2 completely different scenarios. One you have control over; one you don't.

I would totally rather him just make his own account, but he's giving us money for us to open our own account, which I truly don't feel like.  It seems like one more thing to worry about and have to claim on our taxes, etc.  If he just wanted to open one for DD and us (although I don't care if we get one or not) and he handled it all and provided all his own info) then I would be totally fine with it.


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12-19-2012 at 9:21 PM
kenna_4
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kenna_4 is not online. Last active: 05-22-2013, 8:49 PMSilver
Abeja1226:

barnwife:
Yeah, I think you need to just go with it.

FWIW, my parents invest for all of their grandkids every Christmas. DH and I aren't thrilled about the exact investments they make. However, it's their money to gift as they see fit. And they have control over the account until the grandkids turn 21. 

Yes, if you want to invest in something it is your decision. But, you aren't investing. The ILs are making an investment for LO. These are 2 completely different scenarios. One you have control over; one you don't.

I would totally rather him just make his own account, but he's giving us money for us to open our own account, which I truly don't feel like.  It seems like one more thing to worry about and have to claim on our taxes, etc.  If he just wanted to open one for DD and us (although I don't care if we get one or not) and he handled it all and provided all his own info) then I would be totally fine with it.

Ya...a gift really shouldn't result in work for you. I see what you are saying now, I thought he was opening it and dealing with it, which is what he really should do if he wants so much say in what you do with it.

Can you suggest that he just deal with it all?


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12-19-2012 at 10:29 PM
Jammin4317
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Jammin4317 is not online. Last active: 05-20-2013, 10:16 PMBronze
kenna_4:
Abeja1226:

barnwife:
Yeah, I think you need to just go with it.

FWIW, my parents invest for all of their grandkids every Christmas. DH and I aren't thrilled about the exact investments they make. However, it's their money to gift as they see fit. And they have control over the account until the grandkids turn 21. 

Yes, if you want to invest in something it is your decision. But, you aren't investing. The ILs are making an investment for LO. These are 2 completely different scenarios. One you have control over; one you don't.

I would totally rather him just make his own account, but he's giving us money for us to open our own account, which I truly don't feel like.  It seems like one more thing to worry about and have to claim on our taxes, etc.  If he just wanted to open one for DD and us (although I don't care if we get one or not) and he handled it all and provided all his own info) then I would be totally fine with it.

Ya...a gift really shouldn't result in work for you. I see what you are saying now, I thought he was opening it and dealing with it, which is what he really should do if he wants so much say in what you do with it.

Can you suggest that he just deal with it all?

 That's what I think is the best solution also. I would definitely be annoyed if someone gave me money and then outlined exactly what I needed to do with it. 


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12-20-2012 at 7:27 AM
DHelenL9
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Ohio
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DHelenL9 is not online. Last active: 04-10-2013, 6:56 AMBronze

I think I would feel annoyed like you do...I can somewhat relate.  My in-laws set up a fund to invest (not much, but still something) in a college savings 529 for DD1, and assume will do the same for DD2.  The annoying part to me is that WE already set one up, and they are not contributing to that one at all, they're doing their own and I pretty much know nothing about it except that they plan to deposit a small amount at Christmas and Birthday.  So, after being annoyed initially, I'm trying to remember that they are really trying to do a good things for our daughter's futures.  They (especially FIL) will likely not be around when our girls start college, so they are trying to do a little bit to make an impact on the future when they are not around.  (Additionally, they receive a state tax benefit for investing in their home state vs ours, so I understand that too.)  

Anyway, I guess all I'm saying is that maybe it's coming from a really good place, but FIL isn't handling it right.  He shouldn't give you something that obligates you to do something you're not comfortable with. 

 


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12-20-2012 at 11:49 AM
Abeja1226
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Abeja1226 is not online. Last active: 05-23-2013, 1:24 AMSilver
DHelenL9:
I think I would feel annoyed like you do...I can somewhat relate. nbsp;My inlaws set up a fund to invest not much, but still something in a college savings 529 for DD1, and assume will do the same for DD2. nbsp;The annoying part to me is that WE already set one up, and they are not contributing to that one at all, they're doing their own and I pretty much know nothing about it except that they plan to deposit a small amount at Christmas and Birthday. nbsp;So, after being annoyed initially, I'm trying to remember that they are really trying to do a good things for our daughter's futures. nbsp;They especially FIL will likely not be around when our girls start college, so they are trying to do a little bit to make an impact on the future when they are not around. nbsp;Additionally, they receive a state tax benefit for investing in their home state vs ours, so I understand that too. nbsp;Anyway, I guess all I'm saying is that maybe it's coming from a really good place, but FIL isn't handling it right. nbsp;He shouldn't give you something that obligates you to do something you're not comfortable with.nbsp;nbsp;


I agree that I do think he is coming from a good place. But now I have to come up with a respectful way to tell him we don't feel comfortable providing all our own info and having these accounts in our name. Hopefully I can get DH on board with that, we're going to talk about it tonight. It probably won't go well.

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