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12-19-2012 at 10:36 PM
thecuddlee...
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thecuddleeffect is not online. Last active: 05-22-2013, 10:01 PMSilver

Weird feeling

I feel lonely no matter who/how many people I am with.

I feel almost homesick, constantly. I guess I just miss having my two little buddies with me. But I never thought I would feel so lonely.
Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

Me(24)PCOS, Hypothyroidism & IC DH(26)Azoospermia
4/11 Off BCPs -- Cycle 1-3 (6months) - No ovulation, Provera
Cycle 4-6 - Provera, Clomid 50mg, CD23BW - All BFN (HSG-all clear)
Dec 2011 DH S/A shows zero count - dx Azoo
TESE 4/13/12 - Sperm found!! 5 viles frozen
IVF ICSI #1- 5R 2F 2dt- 2DP & 4CF - BFFN
Break Cycle - June/July (Going to Disney!)
IVF ICSI #2- Started stims 7/26
ER 8/8 11R 9F 3dt - 9BF & 7BF (+HPT 8dp3dt)TWINS! EDD 5/1/13
12/9 Joshua David and Zoe Faith born too early at 19w4d due to incompetent cervix
April 15 - LAP Transabdominal Cerclage - only possibility of carrying my children to term
Mid June - start stims for IVF#3!

Lilypie Assisted Conception tickersDaisypath Anniversary tickers


My Local Nestie Besties: MrsHo1030, MABride0808,flowerpower and JenniferLuvsCandy!  
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12-20-2012 at 8:48 AM
Noethola
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Noethola is not online. Last active: 05-23-2013, 11:04 AMBronze

It is lonely, knowing you should still be carrying two little growing lives within you. Its lonely knowing that after you deliver your babies, you should be holding them. It is lonely, because even if others held you babies, you were the only one to carry them. They were a part of you, you were sharing the same blood in your veins.

Please know you are not alone.

Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
"Elsie was born sleeping at 35w 6d on December 8, 2012. Mommy and Daddy miss you sweet girl."  
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12-20-2012 at 9:15 AM
nola78
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Joined on 01-23-2012
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nola78 is online. Last active: 05-23-2013, 12:47 PMGold

(ticker)

 

 

I think losing a baby leaves you very lonely, for so many reasons.  I feel lonely because my son isn't here, because no one else seems to understand what I'm going through (with the exception of the ladies on this board), because I am still grieving after all these months, and because I want to talk about my son and it just seems to make everyone else feel uncomfortable.  Plus I'm lonely because I find myself avoiding other people (especially those with kids).  Loss is incredibly lonely.  But I do know that, although I feel alone, I'm not actually alone.  I wish I had friends IRL who "get it" but at least I have women on this board to tell me that I'm not alone.  Please know that you aren't alone either, although you may feel that way.  Huge (((hugs)))
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BFP #1: 1/10/12; EDD: 9/20/12, born too early on 5/7/12 (20w4d) due to IC/PTL/chorioamnionitis.
BFP #2: 8/30/12; EDD: 5/9/13, emergency cerclage placed at 22w5d, dx cardiomyopathy, strict bed rest for 14 weeks. DD born at 39 weeks.


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All ALs always welcome 
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12-20-2012 at 11:51 AM
J&J09
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J&J09 is not online. Last active: 05-23-2013, 12:17 PMBronze
I feel this way too. I am constantly surrounded by people, yet I feel so alone. Part of it is I think I am having a really hard time relating to others right now. I have no patience for trivial things. I am not excited about the holidays and am not in the holiday spirit. I feel like people expect me to be "over it" and "moving on" but I just can't. The only place I feel understanding and acceptance is among women like you all. (((Hugs)))
Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers Lilypie Fourth Birthday tickers My Ovulation Chart PGAL/PAL always welcome!  
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12-20-2012 at 4:24 PM
jrebele
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jrebele is not online. Last active: 05-18-2013, 1:02 PMNewbie
I think why I feel lonely is because I have so many supportive people they don't understand what I am going through, even to some extent my DH.  I know that he lost a child too and is struggling but I don't think he gets the depth of the loss I feel.  I hate that being around me is uncomfortable for some.  Today, I went to lunch with a few women that I used to work with because we are all out on leave and they were sharing their labor experiences and got all quiet when I jumped in.  I know that there is a sad ending to my story but I like talking about both my girls and don't feel I should ignore the daughter I lost in favor for the daughter that we have with us.
Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker 
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12-22-2012 at 8:57 PM
rlajambe
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rlajambe is not online. Last active: 05-22-2013, 9:38 PMBronze

I remember feeling so lonely right after my loss.  I remember begging my DH not leave during the first week after my first loss.  You develop this connection with your baby/babies.  You talk to them.  

And now that's gone.  It's normal to feel that way.

The only thing that made me feel connected to my Isabelle was to hold her urn.  I know it sounds weird, but when it hold it, I can feel her with me.

Try to find your special way to connect with your babies.  It may help your loneliness.
Lilypie Pregnancy tickers

BFP #1 - 01/12/12, EDD 09/12/12, Medical Induction @ 21 weeks 05/03/12
BFP #2 - 10/30/12, EDD 07/04/13, Natural m/c @ 5 weeks 11/01/12
BFP #3 - 02/07/13, EDD 10/06/13
Dx: Incompotent Cervix
Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
 
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