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12-20-2012 at 9:02 AM
erinmc1
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Joined on 03-08-2008
PIttsburgh, PA
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erinmc1 is not online. Last active: 05-11-2013, 9:57 PMNewbie

new job & the adoption wait *update*

I started a new job two weeks ago, and I have no idea how to tell my employer that we're waiting to be matched.  I stayed at my old job, where I was miserable, for more than a year longer than I should have, because I was worried that I'd get a new job and we'd get matched right away.  Well, we got a call for a matching situation a week after I started, and we're waiting now to hear what the mother's decision will be. 

This is our 8th (? I forget, it's been so many) matching situation, and there are 26 other waiting couples with our agency right now, so I know our odds of this being the one are slim.  But my hubby is urging me to tell my boss, just in case, rather than wait until we're matched and springing it on her.  I really like it here, and I'd like to maximize the chance that they'll keep me on, at least part time, after the baby comes. 

What would you do?  Would you wait until you've been here a while longer, with the assumption that this won't be our match, or woud you just go ahead and forewarn them?

 UPDATE:

I talked to my boss and told her about the adoption.  She had a lot of questions, and seemed really positive about it.  She said that my job is in no way jeaopardized by our situation, and they'll work with me to come up with the time off I need, and a schedule that will work for us after the placement.  I knew there was probably nothing to worry about, but I'm glad her reaction was so great!
 
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12-20-2012 at 9:10 AM
elissaann2...
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elissaann26 is not online. Last active: 05-16-2013, 6:37 PMSilver

I think you should talk to your boss to set expectations of what will happen when you are matched.  I'm not sure that I would disclose that you awaiting a decision currently, since as you noted it may not happen.  But I really think it is important for everyone to be clear on what happens when the baby comes.  How much time would you want off?  Maybe ask if they have maternity leave for adoptive moms. *I'm super uninformed on adoptive mom's typical leave and legal rights to leave, so I'm sure others will have more ideas for items to discuss with your boss.*

I would say that you really like the new company and want to be upfront about all of this so that the details can be ironed out ahead of time so things can go smoothly for everyone.  

GL! 
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12-20-2012 at 9:30 AM
Amyaggie97
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Amyaggie97 is not online. Last active: 05-17-2013, 12:38 PMBronze
I agree let your boss know you are in the process and you could have a short match or a long one but at least keep them in the loop.  I told my boss when we got on the waiting list that we didn't know how long all of this would take and we could have a couple days notice or we could have several months.  We ended up with 6 days notice and I think she appreciated that we gave her the heads up several months earlier.  And as far as FMLA, if your company is eligible, adoption, foster, etc falls under FMLA rules but I think you have to be working there for 12 months to utilize it.  Don't quote me on that though.
Me- 37, DH- 32. TTC- June 2010- Adoption journey started April 2012 <br. Matched in September 2012, baby R born 6 days later and has blessed our lives.
 
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12-20-2012 at 9:32 AM
kmb_nrb201...
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kmb_nrb2010 is not online. Last active: 04-17-2013, 10:10 AMNewbie
Depending on your relationship with your boss & whether or not the company has the mentality like "everyone is replaceable", then I would let your boss know. It can't hurt to let her know that it's a possibility & that you'll keep her updated.
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12-20-2012 at 9:36 AM
erinmc1
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erinmc1 is not online. Last active: 05-11-2013, 9:57 PMNewbie

I know you're all probably right, and I'm just dreading the conversation.  The last company I worked for subtly but firmly gave any woman who had a baby the boot, so I know that's tainting my expectation.  This is a really small company, so no matter how long I'd been here, FMLA wouldn't apply. 

 
 
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12-20-2012 at 9:59 AM
CaptainSer...
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CaptainSerious is not online. Last active: 05-18-2013, 11:11 PMGold

I would tell your boss that you are in the adoption process, and are waiting to be matched.  Explain to her that you have no idea when that might be, and maybe even tell her that you've already been waiting a year to put her mind at ease a little bit.  I would also tell her that it's not like a list that you work your way up just by how long you've been waiting, so that she doesn't think that you'll be placed soon because you've been waiting so long.

Then I would segway the conversation into what you'd like to see your job look like after the baby comes.  Explain that you have no intention of leaving the company, but would like to have a little time off to bond with your baby and then return to work on a full-/part-time basis, and lay out how you see that working. Most often, managers just want to know that their staff is dependable and can fulfill their work obligations while they are working and that working mothers aren't always one-foot out the door worrying about things at home.
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12-20-2012 at 11:17 AM
Dr.Loretta
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I agree that it's best to be proactive at this point.

I would tell your boss that you are in the process of adopting, and briefly explain what that wait looks like (could be next week, could be next year). Emphasize that you like working there, and want to continue in some capacity. That you know FMLA won't apply, but want to discuss options for after a baby gets here, whether that's next week or next year. Have some ideas going in so your boss isn't hit with the news AND has to scramble to figure out an option on the spot.

Yes, it may be an uncomfortable conversation. Or it may go very smoothly. But IMO it's better now than later.

FWIW, our match was with a baby already born. We got The Call on a Thursday morning and took DD home Friday night. You never know what situation is going to come up
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Our little Irish rose came to us on March 5, 2010
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Disclaimer: I am not an MD. Please don't PM me with pregnancy-related questions. Ask your doctor. 
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12-20-2012 at 7:06 PM
Strawberry...
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Strawberryglobug is not online. Last active: 05-18-2013, 11:26 AMBronze
I had the same fear as I recently started a new job. I was nervous that when I updated my employment info with the Agency they would call to verify and let the cat out of the bag before I did. I was just very honest and told them we're working with an adoption agency and they were very supportive. I was hesitant to say anything because we're only in the early stages and they said the average is a year to a year and a half but I love my job and I just didn't want them to think I didn't if I had to leave abruptly.


TTC since June 2010
#1 MMC 9/7/10 @8w1d)D&C
#2 Loss 3/5/11 @14w5d (cystic hygroma and hydrops) D&E
#3 Loss 7/21/11 @10w2d (cystic hygroma and hydrops)D&C
#4 MMC 11/28/11 @9w6d D&C x2
#5 Loss 9/25/12 @17w (21 mm cystic hygroma and hydroma)D&E
Repeat D&E due to excessive left over POC = torn cervix
DX: MTHFR & APS (anticardiolipin IgA)
All genetics clear on DH & I
Cannot determine genetic link so IVF with PGD is out
Moving on to Adoption!!! 
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12-20-2012 at 8:51 PM
Dr.Loretta
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Dr.Loretta is not online. Last active: 05-18-2013, 9:39 PMPlatinum
I'm glad to hear it went well. What a relief!
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Our little Irish rose came to us on March 5, 2010
Don't drink the water.
Disclaimer: I am not an MD. Please don't PM me with pregnancy-related questions. Ask your doctor. 
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