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12-20-2012 at 10:00 AM
PokerChic8...
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PokerChic85 is not online. Last active: 01-08-2013, 5:06 PMNewbie

IF is depressing

I'm starting to get nervous.. I've been on almost two weeks of Lupron, and I have BW and U/S tomorrow to see when I will start stims.. I feel like I'm already running out of places to stick my stomach, and maybe it's just nerves, but every day I do them, they hurt more and more. Maybe I'm just over emotional about the whole thing.

I'm starting to get nervous about more injections, ER, ET -- and all the 'what if' questions.. What if it doesn't work.. I should be happy, but after two years of nothing, it's hard to get excited.. Easy to get nervous. 

And to add to it, my DH came home last night and told me his receptionist is pregnant out of the blue.... She's never wanted kids, and in fact this past summer said she's glad she doesn't have them and definitely doesn't want them because "they're a hassle" and "don't fit into (her) life"... Oh and another employee got preggo out of the blue three weeks ago too.. Neither were planned. But every child is a miracle nonetheless.  Just makes me feel bad. DH said to me last night (MFI) " You make it seem like it's your fault, it's not", My response was "But we're a team, and it's us, so yes it's me too"... 

Again, life is unfair, obviously. People take for granted their ability to have a child. I'm just sad today... A little frustrated, but mostly sad. Wishing this whole thing will be over soon...

 
TTC since early 2011 “I know God won't give me anything I can't handle. I just wish he didn't trust me so much.” -Mother Teresa  
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12-20-2012 at 10:08 AM
megs3084
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I know exactly what you mean.  A girl at work is KU with #3 & was complaining about how she felt & whatnot.  Took all I had not to slap her.  Some people just dont realize how lucky they are.  I hope the shots get easier for you & that this is it for you!

"Everything will be alright in the end. So if it's not alright, it is not yet the end."
"She wasn't bitter. She was sad, though. But it was a hopeful kind of sad. The kind of sad that just takes time." The Perks of Being a Wallflower

Me:28 DH:28 TTC since 1/11 Dx: unexplained IF/early DOR
Feb'12- Clomid/TI with CD3 &21 labs(normal)& SA-count 6mil/ml,morph/motil OK-BFN
April'12 Ultrasounds,HSG -clear, slight acurate uterus
5/14 IUI #1-50 mg clomid-post wash total motile count 19.3 prometrium 2dpiui= BFN
6/11-IUI #2-100 mg clomid & prometrium post wash count total motile 17.5 = BFN
7/6 IUI#3 with 100 mg clomid, estridiol, prometrium. post wash total motile count 23.3 = BFN
8/30IVF#1 BCPs, Follistim, Menopur,Ganerelix,Novarel.
ER 9/11-8R, 7M, 5F.
ET 9/14 2 embies transferred. 1 10cell Grade 4, 1 8cell Grade 4. No frosties. BFN
IVF#2 BCPs, Follistim, Menopur, Ganerelix, Novarel, Baby Aspirin
ER 12/5-16R, 12M, 8F!
ET 12/10 5dt! 1 fully expanded blast & 1 early blast. No frosties. BFN
2/13- Saline sono revealed a polyp. All additional labwork coming back normal. Genetic screen revealed DH has MTHFR deficiency & I am a carrier for it.
3/13 hysteroscopy & polypectomy
3/27 Began working with Reproductive Immunologist Dr. Kwak-Kim. Found High NK cells, High DHEAs, slight hypothyroidism, tendency toward blood clots (High PAI-1)Began synthroid & metformin 4/19.
Cycling in July

Here Comes the Sun Blog
PAIF/SAIF welcome! 
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12-20-2012 at 10:09 AM
JewelsW198...
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JewelsW1980 is not online. Last active: 05-18-2013, 4:43 AMBronze

::great big hugs::  These emotions you're feeling are 100% normal, you're allowed a woe is me day...heck month!
* Me- 32 * DH- 32 * TTC for 4 Years
* *IUIs 1-6 BFN*
*IVF #1= BFP- M/C *FET- * *Beta#1: 69 *Beta#2:482 *Beta#3 1088
*Beta#4 28,318 * Ultrasound- 1 beautiful heartbeat
IT'S A BOY!!! MAX LIAM
 
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12-20-2012 at 10:18 AM
BellaLux
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We understand and are here to support you. IF is very depressing and sad. Sending you virtual ((((hugs)))
~TTC#1 Since July 2011~
Dx: 10/10 - Fibroids; 6/12 - Tubal Infertility
9/12 -IVF w/ICSI (Antagonist Protocol)=BFFN
Next: Feb 2013 -Myomectomy
S/PAIF Welcome
Daisypath Anniversary tickers  
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12-20-2012 at 10:32 AM
asilwhite
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I completely understand and those out of the blue pregnancy announcements are the worst. I feel like I hold my breath now when a woman or someone I know says "I have something to tell you," - it's bad. Sending you ((hugs)) - IF is a hard journey that unfortunately all of us understand.
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TTC #1 since May 2011 | Me: 28, DH: 28 | DX: MFI
BFP #1 - April 15, 2012 (CP on April 17)
IUIs #1 - #3 (August - October '12) = BFFN
IVF #1.1 (Nov/Dec '12): Cancelled due to 18mm cyst - UGH
IVF #1.2 (Dec/Jan '12/'13): 5dt of 1 "perfect" 1AA blast on 1/26 (2 frosties) = BFP!!!
EDD October 14, 2013
Everyone welcome!
My Blog

Can't wait to meet our little boy!! BabyFruit Ticker 
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12-20-2012 at 11:38 AM
liz4paws
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Aww, I am so sorry. You are right - IF is incredibly depressing, and is so incredibly unfair. It just kills me when I hear people complain about their kids, pregnancies, or how hard it is to find out they are accidently pregnant. I had one lady come up to me at work the other day and complain that she had to pay 300 dollars for her son's letterman jacket. I wanted to scream at her and say "DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH MONEY WE'VE SPENT TO EVEN HAVE KIDS?" Most fertile people just don't get it and definitely take it for granted.

YH sounds great and very supportive. Big huge hugs coming your way, IF sucks. :( :( :(

Me (31) DH (35) - Finding our path to baby #1
Me: POF/DOR - AMH <0.16, heterozygous c677t MTHFR
DH: Severe MFI
12/2/11 - IUI #1- BFN
8/1/12 - IVF #1 - Zero response from max stims (600iu intramuscularly)
My ovaries seem to be just for decoration

12/6/12 - Adopted five embryos that had been frozen for over ten years!
2/11/13 - Thawed four, sadly two didn't survive. Transferred two beautiful blasts.

2/16/13 - First BFP of my life!
3/27/13 - No heartbeat at 9w0d. D&C the following day.

4/23/13 - Matched to adopt five new embryos!

My embryo adoption blog: Wishing on a Snowflake

Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

 
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12-20-2012 at 11:51 AM
PokerChic8...
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PokerChic85 is not online. Last active: 01-08-2013, 5:06 PMNewbie
liz4paws:

Aww, I am so sorry. You are right - IF is incredibly depressing, and is so incredibly unfair. It just kills me when I hear people complain about their kids, pregnancies, or how hard it is to find out they are accidently pregnant. I had one lady come up to me at work the other day and complain that she had to pay 300 dollars for her son's letterman jacket. I wanted to scream at her and say "DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH MONEY WE'VE SPENT TO EVEN HAVE KIDS?" Most fertile people just don't get it and definitely take it for granted.

YH sounds great and very supportive. Big huge hugs coming your way, IF sucks. :( :( :(

 

"300 dollars".... LOL.. that kind of made me laugh.. People have no clue. Wowwww, even if she said $3,000.00 I'd be laughing.

Thank you to all who have responded, It's a sucky situation as you all know.  
TTC since early 2011 “I know God won't give me anything I can't handle. I just wish he didn't trust me so much.” -Mother Teresa  
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12-20-2012 at 12:11 PM
Brooke888W...
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Brooke888Wed157297 is not online. Last active: 05-15-2013, 3:06 PMNewbie

I completely understand. Big hugs to you!

I have also been TTC for almost 2 years. I go in for beta tomorrow. This is a ROUGH road. We've had great hopeful days and sad sh*tty crying days of depression. YOU can make it through this! Just take it one step at a time and worry about the what-if's as they come. Otherwise, you'll go NUTS!

and I hear you about hearing everyone's news....it seems like at least 20 people I know have announced they're expecting while I've been on my IF journey. Be happy for them, and know that one day it will happen for you.

TTC since 2/11 - Unexplained IF B/W revealed high prolactin levels. Taking bromocriptine for prolactin.
IUI #1-3 = BFN
IVF November = Cancelled (undermedicated = small follicles)
IVF December = ER 12/6 - 6R/4M/Only 1F
Transfered our one and only blast (3AA) on 12/11
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12-20-2012 at 1:51 PM
jadwedd
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Don't let other people's pregnancy new get you down.  Maybe she secretly wanted kids and just wouldn't allow herself to say it, you never know.  Anyway I am glad that someone else thinks that the shots start hurting more - thought that I was losing my mind!

A woman I work with has a son who has been in jail and is now in rehab, and his girlfriend who he met in rehab is ku.  After deciding what the heck let's keep it she tells me.  She said that if they were going to put it up for adoption they would have given it to me because they know about our struggle.  Thanks (I totally would have taken it in case you are wondering but it seemed like an odd thing to tell me).  But she is not telling anyone else so I get to hear all the updates all the time.  I literally try to hide in the bathroom from her so I am not stuck hearing about it in the parking lot.  I try to be a good friend but this is getting to be too much.
Married 12-12-04
TTC since 07
me-36 PCOS, Tubal Problems, and polyps removed 7-12
DH - 36 extremely handsome and no fertility problems
IUI 8-12 and 9-12 failed
IVF 12-21-2012 - 2 I think perfect no matter what the dr graded them (2B)embryos transferred Beta on 12-31-12 Positve - Beta is 21
Beta 2 1-2-13 - 31
Beta 3 1-4-13 - 53
Beta 4 1/9 - 212!
Ultrasound 1/10 - Nothing completely empty uterus Beta 1/14 - 743; Beta 1/17 - 1704 ultrasound shows nothing. Officially a miscarriage. 1/21 Beta 3900 Dr. says it ectopic. Ultrasound shows a miracle heartbeat right in the uterus where it belongs! Dr. says I can be cautiously optomistic!!! Hang in there baby!

 
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12-20-2012 at 2:00 PM
Crystal120...
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I agree, its so hard to be positive when all you ever see is negative. We all just have to hope and pray that one day it will be us. Sitting around worrying about isnt going to change the outcome, just make us bat *** crazy before we get there. I wish there was something any of us could say to make it better but we all feel the same most of the time. As far as the shots go, I think your letting yourself get worked up over it. Your upset, emotional, scared and everything else and teh shots are just the icing on the cake. There was a point when DH had to chase me through the house screaming and crying like a child because I didnt want to do it anymore. I was so emotionaly scared the shots just pushed me over the edge for a couple of days. Best wishes!!
Married 9-10-11
Together 6 years before marriage
Me 26 DH 28
TTC since 9/2011
Dx endo 2007 Sx laparoscopy
End bcp 9/2011
Dx annovulatory, DOR, Low AMH
Hysteroscopy due to polyp 2-1-12
IUI#1-3 Cancelled due to low response
IUI#4 BFFN
IVF#1 8/30 Beta#1 256, 8/31 Beta#2 482 BFP!! M/C 5w3d
FET#1 Cancelled due to uterine fluid and thin lining
FET#1.2Cancelled due to abnormal bleeding
Hysteroscopy 12/28/12 All clear
FET#1.3 2/2013 Cancelled
FET #1.4 3/19 BFFN
Good Luck to All!!
Crystal
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12-20-2012 at 7:22 PM
kflynn81
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Life is unfair you're right and I think IF just made me realize that even more. Try not to think of the what if's (easier said than done, right? Smile ) , think of them as almost there's. I find it helpful to "estimate" how many nights of stims I'll have so that I can psyche myself up to take all the injections....like, "Great job!!! Only 5 more nights to go, you can do this!!!"  It usually helps as silly as it sounds LOL
Anniversary
Me(31): Possibly Adult Growth Hormone Deficiency caused by a mutation in my pituitary genes called PIT-1--Also, Factor V Leiden
DH (31): Borderline low morph, but not considered a problem
"Baby dancing" with no protection or BCP since July 2009
IF testing started March 2011
Endocrinology related tests from October 2011-February 2012
March 2012--Clomid --No response-Straight to injects!
April & May 2012-- IUI#1 & #2 = BFN
July 2012- IVF#1 cancelled
September 2012-IVF#1.2--BFN
November 2012- IVF #2 --BFN
January 2013- IVF #3-- BFFN
February 2013--Found a new RE but first back to the Endocrinologist for more diagnostic testing
Absolutely no idea when we can cycle again...looking into DE as well if IVF#4 fails again
PAIF/SAIF encouraged...give me some hope!!
For detailed cycle info. see right side of blog... Kate's IF Blog
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12-20-2012 at 7:29 PM
PokerChic8...
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PokerChic85 is not online. Last active: 01-08-2013, 5:06 PMNewbie
Thank you all, and your advice is greatly appreciated. FX for not just me, but all of us! <3 
TTC since early 2011 “I know God won't give me anything I can't handle. I just wish he didn't trust me so much.” -Mother Teresa  
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12-20-2012 at 9:45 PM
ErinNicole...
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:::hugs:::  IF SUCKS!

I hope everything goes smoothly for you! 
I believe in pink. I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner. I believe in kissing. Kissing a lot. I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I that tomorrow is another day AND I believe in miracles. -Audrey Hepburn  
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