My twins were born premature and my retired parents felt like the babies were too small to go to DC.  I was able to adjust my work schedule to work 4 days/week.  I was home with them one day and my parents watched them the other four days.

They came to our home daily and did a very good job of doing what DH and I wanted done with the kids. They didn't want to be paid.  When the kids were about 7 mo old, they started DC at a center.  They went 3 days/week, my parents kept them 1 day and I was home with them 1 day.  That continued for quite some time until my DC forced FT enrollment.  I then went to work 5 days/week and the kids went to DC 5 days/week.

It worked well for us, but I know that it can cause hard feelings.  Good luck with your decision and returning to work.

For about a year after I went back to work, my in-laws kept my son everyday.  I was very appreciative they could keep him for us and loved that he had family watching him, but it can definitely cause issues.  We did pay them to keep him (although not nearly as much as we pay for the center he's in now) so that helped make it more of working relationship.  But there were times they were not doing things the way we wanted them done...we definitely had to handle it a lot more carefully than we would have with another provider.  It did work out for us, although I think we were all ready for him to move to a center when he did.  Now they can just be grandparents, instead of daycare, too.

 It does have benefits, but also has additional challenges that you really need to think through...especially since you still want to have a good relationship with them at the end of day.

Not sure if this helps or not, but my .02.

We use my mom and MIL one day a week. She goes to daycare 3 days a week. I had no trouble telling MIL how to do things, but that was because I knew she'd follow what we said. I had a little more trouble with my mom, but I've never had to tell my mom what to do. I had to put my foot down a couple times and basically say that this was how I wanted to raise my daughter. There are still a few things she does that I don't love, but I pick my battles and those aren't at the top of the list, so I let it go.

Good luck. I hope things go smoothly for you.

My ILs have watched DD daily since she was 12 weeks.  She has a great relationship with them that's awesome.  But I am looking forward to sending both kids to DC in the spring when I go back to work after DS.

My ILs do listen and have respected our choices. But they just don't have the stamina to keep up with DD.  I can't order them to take her to classes or story time, like I could a nanny. MIL went to story time once, decided the teacher wasn't any good and never went back.  I'd prefer if DD was getting that socialization every day.

Sometimes there's also more of an expectation for us to leave work early or something if there is something they need/want to do in the evening. Where I don't feel like that would be the same with a nanny (maybe it is?)

All that said, It hasn't created tension between us/me and ILs.  But it has created tension between us and my mom because she doesn't see DD as often, and gets jealous.  IE thinks we should travel an hour every weekend so she can see DD because ILs get to see her every day

I used my mom as daycare until recently.  After I had DD1 I took her to my mom's house.  That worked out pretty well, no real issues.  Then DD was home with me on ML with DS2.  Then my mom started watching both kids at my house.  We started them in daycare when DD was 2 and DS was 8 months.  This was partly b/c 2 kids was getting to be too much for my mom, and partly b/c I changed jobs and was going from 4days back to 5.

There were  Pros and Cons.

Pros:

- Kids don't get sick like at daycare

- Don't have to get kids out in the morning, no packing stuff, no picking up at end of day

- My mom would help with tons of little things to make my life easier- empty dishwasher, prep bottles, make lunch, bring in the mail, kids laundry, etc.

- One on one attention (I think this is important during the young infant stage)

- Don't need to take off work if kids do get sick

Cons:

- Having someone else in your space all the time

- House would be kinda mess with toys and stuff when I got home from work

- Issues with what food my mom let DD eat

- It was harder for my mom to get both kids out to playground, activities, etc.

- Hard to find backup care if my mom needed day off or something came up

Overall I think it can work really well with infants, but I think once kids become toddlers it can be better to use daycare.  Besides they get more socialization with other kids, and lots of fun activities that they wouldn't get at home.  The nice thing is you would still have your mom and MIL as backups when your LO gets sick.  I would recommend you all agree to a trial period and put LO on the waitlists at DCs in case it doesn't work out for you.

My SIL watches DS.  There are some great things about it and some awful things.  The great - DS gets one-on-one, I never have to worry about his safety (becasue she is responsible), she is able to send updates and pictures throughout the day, we get to facetime once a day, and I never have to worry about waking up him or changing his schedule because he is at my house.  The bad, its family so you have to make sure they are happy ALL the time.  (For my SIL this meant giving her a 50% raise recently.)  DS doesn't get exposure, which I'm not too worried about right now but will be once the year mark hits.

 All-in-all, I really like my situation but I do know it will need to change next year.  Good luck!!

My SIL is my nanny. She is a college student and works for us 3 days per week. DH and I sat down with her before we started and had an honest conversation about pay, expectations, and that we didn't want her to feel obligated to care for DS, and if we ever got to the point of it not working out, that was no problem. I've only been back to work for about a month, but so far it is working very well. I love that LO is with his auntie all day on the days I work!

I researched daycare/schools for my 2 year old and they wanted 9/hr. My current job is 13/hr leaving me 4/hr.... but after taxes nothing. I would really love for her to be in a school where she learns stuff but not with that price tag.

So my daughter is with family while I work. Most of the time it works but sometimes I get cancelled on and have to loose hours at work. But when my daughter was born was a different story. My mom watched my daughter when I needed to work and I didn't need anyone else... but now I work with my mom. =( 

 My advice: use family and friends. They love helping and they shouldn't ask for money. The only people I've paid is my best friend(shes a teacher) and my 3rd cousin(only cause I was in a bind so I bribed her). ha.

Felena:

My advice: use family and friends. They love helping and they shouldn't ask for money. The only people I've paid is my best friend(shes a teacher) and my 3rd cousin(only cause I was in a bind so I bribed her). ha.

Sorry but DO NOT follow this advice.  If you are expecting a family member to be the primary care for your child while you are at work you need to compensate them somehow.  They may refuse but there has to be something they are getting in return if not there is not reason for them to think of it as a job and let's face it, taking care of, feeding, and keeping your LO safe is a JOB!

When we asked MIL to watch the twins for us, we told her we needed a committment and that's why we were going to pay her.  Granted she gets pennies compared to what a nanny or DC would but it's still money.

As another poster suggested...sit down, lay down the rules/expectations and take it from there.  We've gone through some frustrating days/weeks where MIL wasn't keeping a schedule like I would like but slowly but surely it worked out and we're truly lucky she's able to help us. 

I have had both a good and bad experience with family members.  The bad experience was when my son was about 9 months old and he stayed with a cousin's wife.  She was unreliable - often late and canceled on me numerous times.  My LO also got hurt twice when he was with her which happens with children but when she told me it happened while she was upstairs and he was downstairs...well that was the end of the job and our relationship really hasn't been the same since.

She was out of work at the time and she's a mom so I thought it would be good fit but it really just didn't work out well at all.  I think she forgot what it was like to have a 9 month old and would always complain about him being too active.

Now my sister watched him for a few months and it was awesome.  She took care of him the way I would have if I was home with him.  I had no worries at all when she was with him.

My suggestion would be to pick your battles - they're not going to do everything exactly the way that you would but the trade off is that she's with people who love her almost as much as you do and she gets to be with family every day.

I would just be upfront about anything that you are adamant about.  Good luck!

My mom comes to our house to watch DS every day. She is much, much, much cheaper than daycare or a nanny, DH and I are thrilled with the arrangement, and so is she. What makes it work: we have similar values and philosophies on child rearing and child development. She was wholly on board with cloth diapers, and is supportive of my decision to breastfeed and has been open to learning more about how to bottle feed a breastfed baby. She doesn't undermine me or question my decisions in these areas. She loves DS and has a wonderful time playing with him and talking to him. Also, she does DS's laundry (clothes and diapers), load/unload the dishwasher, pull stuff out for our meals, and has once or twice even started a crockpot dinner for us. My relationship with my mom has gotten so much better since DS was born and she started watching him.

On the other hand, my MIL, while a wonderful woman I love dearly, is pretty skeptical of breastfeeding and cloth diapers, and she is constantly taking DS's hands out of his mouth, commenting once that he shouldn't do that because he'll start smoking when he's older. WTF? I didn't get it either. We don't always see eye to eye on certain things. She's a much better occasional sitter, and happy to not be doing it full time as she did with our niece six years ago.

My parents watch our girls 1 day/week. It's a wonderful arrangment. The girls go to their house- where they each have a room ,toys, etc. My parents love it.  I wouldn't want to have them do anymore than the 1 day though. I don't want my parents to be in the role of a primary caregiver- and I would think more then the 1 day might wipe them out (DD 1 goes to preschool in the morning, but they have  our 10 month old all day)! They both work part time outside of the home and are busy with their own hobbies and interests as well. I so appreciate them watching the girls this one day- it's a special day for all of them.

My mom watches my one year old and has since I went back to work. Typically it is 3-4 days a week. A key to our happiness was me dropping A at my mom's house vs having her come to my house. She is not in mine or my husbands space and she follow's the spirit of my rules very well. I love that if my daughter is not with me she is spending quality time with Grandma. Plus my sisters still live at home and are college students so she gets to see lots of her Aunties.

I work 4 days a week. DS is with my parents 1 day a week and daycare 3 days a week. My parents do a great job and DS loves to spend his day with them. They have always respected our rules and schedule. I like that it is only one day a week so if they are sick or travel we only have to worry about one day  instead of multiple days. I worry about them being able to handle him but my parents tag team him so it is not too much for them. They are actually getting sad that he will be in kindergarten soon.

My MIL watches my son on Monday. My dad watches him on Friday. He is in DC T/W/Th. This has been the set up since I went back to work 10 weeks PP. I have no issues. When he was a baby everyone was very respectful of my rules, they followed my schedule, they took care of him as I asked.

Now that he is older there isn't much to "get wrong", and honestly - they have raised kids, they get it. When they need something or want help they will ask.

 

ETA: He goes to their houses, they don't come to mine & I don't pay them. they offered to do this, mainly so they knew they would have time with him weekly. Honestly, if I was paying them he would be in school 5 days a week.

My parents watch DS 2 days a week.  They have since he was born.

A few thoughts - yes, if it doesn't go as you expect/ they don't follow your rules, it's harder to tell family what to do.  ESPECIALLY if you aren't paying them (don't know if you are ornot - just a general comment).  There can be some "Well, I raised you/ DH and you came out just fine!".

Also, I don't know how your MIL and mom are, but my parents were very honest - they are happy w/ 2 days.  Sometimes when I need more (because DC is closed, for example), they'll happily do it.  But on a regular basis - they fully admit that more would just be too much.  And it's TWO of them doing it!

So- your MIL and/or mom could have a similar reaction (perhaps more your MIL if she's doing 5 days a week!).  The dream of "Oh- I want to watch my grandchild" vs. the reality of what that means can sometimes be two VERY different things!

In the end, my main piece of advice is to make sure you put your LO's wellbeing first.  If it turns out your MIL/ mom really do things that you don't feel are safe or right, you have to put your LO before their feelings. 

 But hopefully it will work out for you! :)

My husband's aunt and uncle are both retired and watch our daughter during the workweek and have been since I returned to work in October.  It works out great for us because they live close to where he works and we know that she's in good hands with family we trust.  They did a great job raising his cousins so there's no worry from us.

What really helps is having an open line of communication with them.  They know what we expect them to do with her and they know they'll have a nice supplement to their retirement income so they appreciate it.  They also tell us of any issues she has and we come up with a solution together.  As long as you lay out the expectations from the get-go, I don't see why there would be any tension.  Good luck!

We have a family member taking care of our baby a few days a week. My advice is to be very, very specific and don't be afraid to write things down for them.  It might seem like you are sometimes stating the obvious, but they'll either appreciate it or they'll smile and remember what its like to be a new mom. :) 

My mom watches DD.  My mom loves DD so much and DD loves my mom and I feel comfortable so it's really a good situation for everyone.  Do I like the way my mom does everything, no.  But I've learned to let go of the stuff that doesn't really matter to me.  For the most part DD does really well with my mom and she actually naps well with my mom which rarely happens when she's home with DH and I.  My mom is very loving and patient and I can't think of a better caregiver for DD.

CrawltheWarriorKing:

Felena:

My advice: use family and friends. They love helping and they shouldn't ask for money. The only people I've paid is my best friend(shes a teacher) and my 3rd cousin(only cause I was in a bind so I bribed her). ha.

Sorry but DO NOT follow this advice.  If you are expecting a family member to be the primary care for your child while you are at work you need to compensate them somehow.  They may refuse but there has to be something they are getting in return if not there is not reason for them to think of it as a job and let's face it, taking care of, feeding, and keeping your LO safe is a JOB!

When we asked MIL to watch the twins for us, we told her we needed a committment and that's why we were going to pay her.  Granted she gets pennies compared to what a nanny or DC would but it's still money.

As another poster suggested...sit down, lay down the rules/expectations and take it from there.  We've gone through some frustrating days/weeks where MIL wasn't keeping a schedule like I would like but slowly but surely it worked out and we're truly lucky she's able to help us. 

 I agree with the bolded especially.  I absolutely pay my mother for taking care of DD.  The way I see it, if DD were in daycare I would be paying that money anyway.  My mother won't take much from us but it just makes me feel better that I'm paying.  I don't like to feel like I'm taking advantage even if she is family.

My parents take care of DS 4 days a week 6 hours a day (I work PT). They are both retired but have small "side" jobs. My dad does some consulting from home and my mom teaches pre-k a couple mornings a week, so there is always one of them home and not working.They offered to watch him as soon as I found out I was pregnant and requested no compensation. In the end they agreed to take half of what we would have paid a daycare we were looking at.

There is no tension, but I think it's because I'm so comfortable with their parenting style (they did do a pretty good job with me after all). I would worry about boundaries and things like that if it was my MIL, but I also think that is the nature of our relationship in general. If things were different between us I'm sure I would have different feelings about her watching DS.

We set some ground rules, mostly just to make sure we were on the same page with things like CIO. In general my parents seem to be even more uptight about things than I am so I don't worry at all. We call my mom grannynanny, she loves it.

DS is in daycare three days a week then Mom and MIL separately have the final two days.

I'd say (1) remember it's been a while since your MIL/Mom have raised an infant and it isn't like riding a bike.  The first time MIL watched DS she only changed him twice in about 9 hours.  Her excuse was that he didn't smell.  Ok, steeper re-learning curve.  If you can, spend time with your Mom/MIL before and go over the basics - your schedule, how to feed LO, and anything else you want to happen.  Things like tummy time may be completely new and you may have to educate your family.

And (2) remember you have to be flexible because this is family, not a business who you can tell what to do.  I know LO gets less tummy time with MIL and she holds him more than he needs.  DH and I would rather he spend time on on the floor.  But it is one day a week and not a health or safety issue.  So we let it go.

And (3) it is ok to say it isn't working.  We'd rather change our daycare plans and put DS in the center for another day than risk the relationship with one of our parents. 

We don't pay either Mom or MIL, but we did offer.  Since my Mom drives about 45-minutes one way we funnel gas cards through my Dad (Mom won't accept them, but Dad will) every so often plus we make sure to have some of her favorite foods for lunch.

We have a mix. Our nanny comes 2 days a week, my dad watches one day, and MIL watches the other 2 days.

If you can afford it, go for the full time help like a nanny! DH and I really, really wish we could afford our nanny full time, but there's no way we could. So, we appreciate and embrace the free childcare from our parents. 

I find my dad doesn't "play" with the girls that much, but I think he will as they start to get older and more mobile. I'm just grateful he was willing to take on 2 baby girls solo! 

MIL aggravates me. She's always talking about how much she loves watching the girls, but then in the next breath complains about how it takes up so much of her time each week. She also tends to do her own thing during the day, rather than listen to how we'd like things done regarding routines, naps, etc. But, we have pretty easy going babies so a slightly different schedule each day doesn't really bother them. 

For us, it boiled down to the fact that we absolutely can't afford full time day care or nanny care for twins. So we make do and adjust our expectations with the parents. We know they're taking good care of the girls and keeping them happy and safe, even if they're not doing things exactly how we'd do it. 

Family as child care can be amazing, your worst nightmare, or anywhere in between!

My cousin watched my son part time (I think about 10 hours a week) from when he was 1 month till about 5 months old. It was great. I paid her, but less than I'd pay a non-family member or daycare center. She has two teens herself that are homeschooled, so she basically went about her [very busy] day and carried my son with her in the moby wrap. I LOVED that he was with family, and I felt that her and I had a lot on common in our parenting values for newborns. HOWEVER, we stopped this arrangement when my son got a little older because I feel like our parenting values diverged. She has VERY strong, and very unconventional thoughts on parenting, ie she is adamantly against schedules, and is 100% fine with unlimited screentime. Also (and this is kind of petty but it was a big deal to me) I don't like her friends, and she hung out with them a lot. Because she does have a busy life, there was no way around it, and as my son got older and more aware, I just didn't feel good having him around her friends.

It has been awkward lately, as we do need part time care since I'm going back to work and my cousin wants to do the care. She is also vehemently anti daycare and was very upset when I told her that's what we were considering. I just didn't want to have the conversation with her about why I didn't want her caring for him anymore, so I dodged the questions, but it is a little weird.

My mom also wanted to watch him, but she has shown a phenomenal lack of judgment so I nipped that in the bud and she can't even watch him when I'm around. For example, she AGGRESSIVELY INSISTED that I drop his crib before he could even sit up with assistance, yet when she was holding him one time when we were out to lunch, she went over to a dog that was tied up outside and put my son literally in the dog's face.

So, I guess I would suggest having a frank conversation about parenting styles, and make sure that you trust the judgment of the family who is watching your kid, AND get a sense of how well they will do caring for your kid in a way that aligns with what you want.

Good luck!

Thank you all so much for the feedback, I appreciate it. I am happy to hear that I will have someone to ask for advice when the time comes.

socialmediamommy:

We have a mix. Our nanny comes 2 days a week, my dad watches one day, and MIL watches the other 2 days.

If you can afford it, go for the full time help like a nanny! DH and I really, really wish we could afford our nanny full time, but there's no way we could. So, we appreciate and embrace the free childcare from our parents. 

I find my dad doesn't "play" with the girls that much, but I think he will as they start to get older and more mobile. I'm just grateful he was willing to take on 2 baby girls solo! 

MIL aggravates me. She's always talking about how much she loves watching the girls, but then in the next breath complains about how it takes up so much of her time each week. She also tends to do her own thing during the day, rather than listen to how we'd like things done regarding routines, naps, etc. But, we have pretty easy going babies so a slightly different schedule each day doesn't really bother them. 

For us, it boiled down to the fact that we absolutely can't afford full time day care or nanny care for twins. So we make do and adjust our expectations with the parents. We know they're taking good care of the girls and keeping them happy and safe, even if they're not doing things exactly how we'd do it. 

I think it's kind of sweet that your dad watches your girls.  My dad loves my DD so much but he would never agree to watch her without the help of my mom.

We do.  My sister babysits for us.  I just work part-time though.  It can be tricky, but I LOVE IT!

I blogged about it for thebump.com -- http://blog.thebump.com/2012/10/25/when-your-family-is-your-day-care/ 

My mom watches the boys in our home.  Frankly, it would be a cold day in hell before she ever accepted money from us for it -- that is just not her style.  We try to compensate in other ways and to always show we are grateful, but really my mom would never take our money.  Maybe if watching our kids was keeping her from another job it would be different, but she is retired, and she and my dad are comfortable financially. TBH, she looked at us like we were crazy when we suggested it.

It really depends on what type of person you are dealing with --  I'm a nutbag about stuff like food and my mother has never disregarded our wishes.

Felena:

 My advice: use family and friends. They love helping and they shouldn't ask for money. The only people I've paid is my best friend(shes a teacher) and my 3rd cousin(only cause I was in a bind so I bribed her). ha.

Cripes - I missed this the first time.  Yeah, IGNORE.  This is horrible.  Being family or a friend doesn't mean they have to make themselves available to you, much less for FREE, because you decide to have a kid.

What an entitled load of crap.