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12-21-2012 at 4:02 PM
marie2424
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Olive branch

I have a question for you ladies. Every year I bake tons of Christmas cookies and I give baskets to friends and family. Well this year I was thinking about giving one to bm. We don't have the best history. She's not too fond of me, nor am I of her. I'm wondering if this would be a nice gesture or if its just not needed? Silly question I guess just wanting opinions. Believe it or not my pride is making it hard for me to extend this "olive branch" .
 
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12-21-2012 at 4:14 PM
Nineoceans
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Only do things for Bm if it does something for you. What I mean by that is dont expect your actions positive or negative to have any impact on her behavior or how she interacts with you.

So if it would give you joy to see her have these cookies or it would give you satisfaction to have your SKs see you interacting positively with Bm, by all means go for it. If you expect her to say thank you or appreciate it you will most likely be barking up the wrong tree though.

Good luck!
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12-21-2012 at 4:26 PM
Ooglybear
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If you don't have a great relationship, she might assume you spit in them or worse. Lol. 

Are your skids with her for Christmas? If so, I think that's a very nice gesture, and the kids will probably get to enjoy the goodies too. 

You're not obligated to give her cookies. If you are expecting something wonderful to happen (a huge thank you, making peace at last, etc), I wouldn't do it b/c you'll likely be disappointed. 

So basically, it's up to you. 
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12-21-2012 at 5:03 PM
lookame363...
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Think of it this way...since you and BM have bad blood, if BM sent you cookies what would you think of it. Do you think it's an olive branch or would you think she did something to them.

In my mind if someone sent me food items and we are not even on speaking terms I would think something was wrong with them...maybe this person spit in them...or worse poisoned them(pretty far fetched but there are crazy people out there...)

If you'd like to extend an olive branch send a non-threatening Christmas card(bu non threatening I don;t mean send her a photo card of you with S-kids and Yh ect..instead a basic $1 card that just says Happy Holidays then you can sign it with a general statement like hope you have a good holiday season from then your and YH names...I would leave out the kids since there's bad blood and may come across wrong...if that makes sence)
 
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12-21-2012 at 6:14 PM
fellesferi...
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I just wouldn't.

I mean, I know you have good intentions.. but I think you might want to avoid a situation where you make an effort, she shoots you down, and then you feel worse.

If you can do it and sincerely have zero expectations (of even a 'thank you'), then go for it--and you are a better person than I... =) 
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12-21-2012 at 6:55 PM
kali55
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I would.  It's Christmas.  BM and DH and I had bad blood the last couple of years, but we usually sent a bottle of wine.  Then DS was born and BM bought him a newborn outfit and a rattle and then another little olive branch was extended and so on and so forth, and now this year we are having Christmas dinner with BM.

I would send the cookies with no expectations and only as a gesture of the holiday spirit.  Why not, right? 
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12-21-2012 at 6:57 PM
lookame363...
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kali55:

I would.  It's Christmas.  BM and DH and I had bad blood the last couple of years, but we usually sent a bottle of wine.  Then DS was born and BM bought him a newborn outfit and a rattle and then another little olive branch was extended and so on and so forth, and now this year we are having Christmas dinner with BM.

I would send the cookies with no expectations and only as a gesture of the holiday spirit.  Why not, right? 

That's great your relationship has progressed to such a good point.  
 
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12-21-2012 at 10:19 PM
kali55
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lookame3639:
kali55:

I would.  It's Christmas.  BM and DH and I had bad blood the last couple of years, but we usually sent a bottle of wine.  Then DS was born and BM bought him a newborn outfit and a rattle and then another little olive branch was extended and so on and so forth, and now this year we are having Christmas dinner with BM.

I would send the cookies with no expectations and only as a gesture of the holiday spirit.  Why not, right? 

That's great your relationship has progressed to such a good point.  

thank you!  It takes a lot of work and understanding but it's totally worth it not to have the conflict in our lives.  I'm thankful BM feels the same way  
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12-21-2012 at 11:28 PM
Annplus1
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I am a BM- I would send them along with the kids. We know it's from the other parent/SM, but the kids sort of take the weirdness out of it. 

Just my take. :) 
 
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12-21-2012 at 11:32 PM
twister22
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kali55:

I would.  It's Christmas.  BM and DH and I had bad blood the last couple of years, but we usually sent a bottle of wine.  Then DS was born and BM bought him a newborn outfit and a rattle and then another little olive branch was extended and so on and so forth, and now this year we are having Christmas dinner with BM.

I would send the cookies with no expectations and only as a gesture of the holiday spirit.  Why not, right? 

This. I say send them. 
 
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12-22-2012 at 1:45 AM
mamaREB29
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I always send a small gift. The season's about giving, it's good for the kids to see as well.
 
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12-22-2012 at 9:09 AM
SueBear
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I would not go out of my way for someone I did not get along with, but since you re making the cookies anyway, I think it is a nice gesture. 

I would NEVER assume that someone had spit in cookies they had given to me.  Wow!
 
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12-22-2012 at 12:55 PM
marie2424
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Thank you all for your advice! I did up sending a nice little basket of cookies, the kids were very happy about. I'm not expecting a thank you but I did feel some of my anger for her fade by doing this. Not sure why but I am glad I did it, even if she throws them away ;
 
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