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12-22-2012 at 1:29 AM
arbutusbri...
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arbutusbride is not online. Last active: 05-21-2013, 7:31 PMNewbie

Anybody go back to using birth control after deciding to adopt?

I have recently switched from the IF boards to adoption since that is our new path.

I have brought up the subject with DH about going back on BCP since we have moved on. He wants to keep "trying" despite our failed attempts at conceiving both naturally and IF treatments. We are unexplained IF and I have had 4 c/p's. He thinks we should continue to try to get pregnant while going through the adoption process while I am not so sure.

My feelings are a bit different. I have come to terms with not being able to get pregnant and feel good about where we are in our journey. Also, I am really scared to get pregnant because I fear it will end up being another c/p. Does/did anybody else feel this way too? What did you decide to do? Why?

To BCP or not?

Married July '04 TTC since May '08 First visit to RE Oct '09 IUI #1 Feb '10 w/ Follistim injectable: BFP then MC within 2 weeks IUI #2 Apr '10 w/ Follistim injectable: BFN IUI#3 Aug '10 w/Follistim injectable: BFP then MC within 2 weeks IUI #4 Jan '11w/ Follistim injectable BFN IVF #1 Oct '11 w/ Gonal F injectable, 3 embryos to freeze IVF #1.5 Dec '11 w/ Gonal F and Menopur; 10 embyros, 4 normal after PGS. 2 transfered. 12/28 BFP 12/30 levels drop, adios BFP Last IVF Aug-Sept '12 Considering Adoption and IVF  
12-22-2012 at 2:36 AM
ycristina8...
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ycristina84 is not online. Last active: 05-22-2013, 2:20 AMBronze

I did! First, I wanted to for health reasons, because my endometriosis gets worse without it. (Which is why I am infertile).

Second, I feel like you cannot fully move on to adoption after infertility unless you have dealt with the pain and loss of infertility, and shut that door. We are simply done. That means, I am done grieving and I am done feeling the heartache of seeing negative pregnancy tests. That is just simply not how I am going to build our family, and it is liberating to know that! If I kept the door open on conceiving on our own, I will never heal from that. Will I change my mind in 5 years and do IVF again? Maybe. But I am not planning on it. I have fully shut the door to any more ttc, as I don't feel it's healthy for me and it really robs the adoption process of what it could be. Adoption, for me, is not plan b. It's not the backup plan if ttc fails, you know? I want to go all in, with guns a blazin', and I didn't feel I could do that by holding on to something that isn't going to happen for us. 

Thirdly, a lot of agencies will not move forward with you if they know you are ttc, or if you get pregnant. For us, if I magically got pregnant, we would still pursue adoption, so it seems really stupid for me. I want to be a mom soon. I want to be a family. If a bio child happens in 10 yrs, that would be a blessing, but I am not going to put my life on hold for something that I cannot physically do. And I CAN be a mom now, through adoption.

That said, everyone is different. Your situation may not be mine, and your husband may not be ready to shut the door on ttc. You have to make that choice together, to a certain extent. Do you want to keep going through that? If you don't, maybe he doesn't realize how much you want to stop. I know my husband only got 100% on board with adoption when he saw how much pain I was in, and how I really really really wanted to stop ttc.




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Cristina Vanalstine's book recommendations, liked quotes, book clubs, book trivia, book lists (read shelf) 
12-22-2012 at 8:51 AM
sarahtoled...
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I won't.  I am so darn infertile...  and if a miracle baby came, I'd be thrilled.

My feet and Miss Heidi the rescue mutt!

TTC #1 @ 38, Dx: ovulation issues
15 treatment cycles: c/p 4/11, m/c 12/11 (6w), possible ectopic + MTX 4/12 (7w)
Another c/p in 12/12

Moving forward with domestic infant adoption! 

12-22-2012 at 9:14 AM
DaisyZH
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We are kind of having this discussion as well.  I have been on BCP for the past 6 months while we actively pursued/planned on adopting.  We still want and plan to adopt but for financial reasons we have to wait a while before proceeding - as in 6 months to a year : (. Then you figure the program we are interested in takes 1-2 years.  Also DH's company has added IF benefits and would now pay for RPL testing.

For me personally, if I was in process I would not TTC because our agency does not allow it.  Since we have to wait we are considering it but I am with you - I hate losses, and I just don't have positive feelings towards TTC anymore.  So I'm not much help since we're undecided too.  I'm glad you posted this, nice to know someone else is going through this too. 


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12-22-2012 at 9:39 AM
raechelebl...
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I haven't gone back on BC. My DD is 7 weeks old and ideally we would like to wait a while to ttc or adopt again, but we aren't preventing. We got pg once, 2 years ago and even with fertility treatments were not able to get pg again. It would be a miracle at this point, but if it happened we of course would be happy. Our agency didn't have any rules against adopting and ttc, so that wasn't anything we needed to factor in.

TTC since March 2010, BFP #1 11.09.10, possible ectopic, m/c 12.14.10 (10w)
Clomid + TI=BFN, IUIs 1-3= BFN
Application for domestic adoption submitted 4/18/12, matched 8/12/12, DD born 10/31/12
“Dum Spiro Spero", "While I breathe, I hope".

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12-22-2012 at 9:42 AM
Pinkie78
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I have not because like another poster said, I'm so infertile I know I'll never get pregnant.  I figure why pay for a prescription for nothing.  I feel like I've taken enough meds throughout my fertility journey and don't want any more (even something as safe as BC).

The only reason I've thought of it is to have control of when I get my period.


TTC since Jan 2007
IUI #1 BFP - ectopic; IUI #2-6 BFN
IVF #1-3 BFN; DE IVF #1 BFN
Pursuing Adoption 
12-22-2012 at 9:45 AM
Rachel Son...
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ycristina84:
I did! First, I wanted to for health reasons, because my endometriosis gets worse without it. Which is why I am infertile.

This.
But I also needed some real time to move on and a few months without all the pressure I put on myself. I took bcps from march through september and recently stopped BC of side effects. I was worried about that first month's AF affecting me the way it used to, but I didn't. That's how I knew I had accepted it and moved on. I guess old habits die hard, and I just had to take a break in order to break that cycle, if that makes any sense.

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12-22-2012 at 12:32 PM
Mrs.Slick
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I'm not going back on bcp but that's because it makes me a crazy lady.

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12-22-2012 at 2:44 PM
Dr.Loretta
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I didn't. I had 3 c/p's, but by the time we started the adoption process I hadn't been pregnant in over a year. Now it's been over 4 years and nothing. So at least in my case, BC would be a waste.

But it's a personal choice. If you don't want to go through that again, I think it's a perfectly valid reason to go on BC and avoid the heartache.


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Disclaimer: I am not an MD. Please don't PM me with pregnancy-related questions. Ask your doctor. 
12-22-2012 at 7:37 PM
JennaNAaro...
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sarahtoledo:
I won't.  I am so darn infertile...  and if a miracle baby came, I'd be thrilled.

This


~*Jenna*~
TTC since November 2009. Currently licensed foster parents with the hope of adopting! Currently loving our first placement: Lilypie Premature Baby tickers 
12-22-2012 at 7:53 PM
Strawberry...
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Yes I did- but only because I get pregnant very easily (never tried more then a month) but we cannot conceive healthy babies. It's a health risk for me and any baby. Also, our adoption agency asks that you determine you are truly done TTC before you turn in your application as its hard when people suddenly back out. It's sort of 'unfair' to others waiting who may have been matched the first go around but are matched with a family after the EM has chosen someone who ended up expecting and fell through.



TTC since June 2010
#1 MMC 9/7/10 @8w1d)D&C
#2 Loss 3/5/11 @14w5d (cystic hygroma and hydrops) D&E
#3 Loss 7/21/11 @10w2d (cystic hygroma and hydrops)D&C
#4 MMC 11/28/11 @9w6d D&C x2
#5 Loss 9/25/12 @17w (21 mm cystic hygroma and hydroma)D&E
Repeat D&E due to excessive left over POC = torn cervix
DX: MTHFR & APS (anticardiolipin IgA)
All genetics clear on DH & I
Cannot determine genetic link so IVF with PGD is out
Moving on to Adoption!!! 
12-22-2012 at 8:05 PM
bhead81
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I thought about it but BCP for me were worse than not being in them. While I am very irregular without them and get the "what ifs" occasionally I am so infertile that I did not see the point. If we ended up pg at the same time as having a newborn we would have embraced it...been scared but embraced it.

Brenda & Phillip 10/10/2009

After 6 years of failed cycles, we were blessed with our little man through adoption.

IVF - Jan 2013
S/PAIF welcome
~~TTC Buddy kristie2422~~
 
12-22-2012 at 9:00 PM
IRR
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This made me laugh.  Sorry, but I don't believe I will ever get pregnant again I had two failed IVF's based on not enough eggs even being produced on a ton of drugs.  No need to take BCP.

Failed Match - December 2012 Failed Match - May 2013 wannabeparents.com Lilypie Waiting to Adopt tickers 
12-23-2012 at 7:47 PM
jalara48
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We are still going be 100% unprotected. Not trying, but not not trying. We're unexplained and RPL and it's scary, but we feel like whatever will be will be and we'll take it as it comes.

I think that the decision needs to be a mutual one, somewhat like it was when you first started considering kids. If/when you're both ready to be unprotected it needs to be what's best for you.

Also, loss is huge. Infertility is huge. Like you, I've come to peace with our adoption because it feels so right to me, but that doesn't mean that I still don't feel the pain and loss and grief. I will always feel it. But for me that tells me that my babies will always be with me.

ETA: We also still have 8 frozen embryos that we are keeping and will likely use in the in the next 5 or 6 years.  So I guess that speaks volumes for us. However, adoption was really and truly part of our family plan from when we were dating.

I also want to disagree with the poster who said that she felt you cannot move on fully until you've dealt with IF. I was still bleeding from my loss when we went for our IA training. I had asked for the application, filled it in, talked to the provincial SW and found a private SW before I had even started my active loss. I think it really depends on the person and the situation.



My Blog: Jalara's Chronicles
5 miscarriages of 6 babies, 2 IVF cycles and now we are choosing another path.
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12-23-2012 at 9:39 PM
jillianmb
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We did (not BCP but BC) while we were completing out adoption b/c if we miraculously got pg we would have had to stop our adoption and that was not an option for us.

Now that our adoption is complete we aren't using BC anymore, but we're not doing IF treatments either.  I would love a surprise baby but I am not ready to really "try" either and go through the roller coaster every month. 


TTC September 2010 thru October 2011
SA February 2011: Normal
RE App. October 2011 - Recc. Clomid and IUI

Taking a break from TTC to pursue adoption

Met our 2 year old son in Russia July 2012!
Court trip October 2012
Home November 24 2012!

adoption blog: addingaburden.com

Adding a Burden
 
12-27-2012 at 11:03 AM
ellekae
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We never stopped using BC, since I am not interested in getting pregnant again any time soon. I know that annoys MIL, since she wants me to have a "real" baby (apparently Chinese kids aren't real). 

Our Adoption Blog & Fundraising Efforts

Moving forward with adopting a toddler from China // Application submitted 05.20.13 // Crossing my fingers for my kiddo to be home by the end of 2014!

 
12-28-2012 at 6:01 PM
Julie721
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I won't. With my PCOS, I only get a period about 3-4 times a year, and I don't want to get it more than that, haha! The only upside is that the BCP would take away some of the leftover symptoms of PCOS (i.e. acne and unpredictable periods), but the symptoms are not painful, so I just deal with them. I don't think choosing not to be on BCP says anything about not closing the door on infertility (believe me, that ship has sailed), but instead it is about learning to live with the way my body works without trying to "fix" it.


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Lilypie First Birthday tickers
November 2011: after nearly two years of infertility, we are moving on to domestic infant adoption.
February 2012: Matched!
May 2012: Placed with our son!
 
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