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All Boards > Parenting after 35

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12-22-2012 at 9:02 AM
Christiean...
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ChristieandChristopher is not online. Last active: 02-07-2013, 12:50 PMNewbie

Post Vasectomy Blues

My husband had a vasectomy one week ago and is going through a depression that is weighing heavily on our marriage.  His healing process is slow, but is probably going slower because of his attitude right now. (he won't use any pain meds or ice because he doesn't believe in pain management)  I cannot talk to him about it as he has indicated to just be patient and give him some time.  So, in the meanwhile, there is silence in the house, we go about on our own and it's awful. 

Now, I am having regrets also in not just keeping my IUD appointment and taking care of birth control on my own. Being fearful of becoming pregnant (even with condoms) has not done our sex life much good, at least for me up to this point.  His feelings about hormones swayed my decision to go back on the pill long term and the Essure  surgery was not what I wanted to have done.  Coming to the decision of his surgery was not without prodding and while he did sort of offer several times, it was not like he was giving me a wonderful gift from husband to wife (like a few other couples we know of).  He tossed out the information booklet in defiance prior to the procedure so was unaware of the pre op directions and what to expect post op,  He even was quite rude to the surgeon that day.  I sort of wished that I needed a c-section for my second so that I could have had my tubes tied then and we would not have had to deal with his attitude, now.

 Ultimately,  I believe he knows deep down that having more children just is not going to work for our situation with our advanced ages, financial status, and juggling our two little ones with us both working full time, but he wouldn't mind if I got pregnant again,  Everything just works out in the end as he says.  He comes from a very large family and rough background and his attitude of "everything always just works out in the end" isn't how I am wired.  I have to think ahead, being the breadwinner for the moment, and plan and make sure I have all of our t's crossed and i's dotted. 

We are so blessed with our two beautiful children right now.  I wasn't even supposed to have been able to conceive either. without assistance.  To become pregnant so quickly after we were married was a miracle.   So, both of these kiddos are what we have to be so thankful for and I want us to be able to raise them in the best environment that we are able. 

 I guess I just needed to vent for now and I thank you for listening out there.
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12-22-2012 at 9:41 AM
Pesky
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Joined on 02-23-2007
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Pesky is not online. Last active: 05-09-2013, 9:01 PMPlatinum
sounds like he needs time to come to grips with what is going on.  Grieving for the kids you now can't have is pretty normal.  I would advocate counseling to help him over the hump but sounds like that is a no go too so hopefully he gets there on his own.



DD -- 5YO
DS -- 3YO
 
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12-23-2012 at 9:19 AM
smit5009
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smit5009 is not online. Last active: 05-23-2013, 6:35 PMSilver
I can not say anything that would be helpful. I do want to say that I hope he gets over his slump and that it is only temporary. Maybe suggesting counseling (like PP said) if he is not over his slump in a couple of weeks would help out. Best wishes to you and your family and hope this resolves soon.
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