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12-22-2012 at 9:35 AM
Jessicamer...
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Jessicameron is not online. Last active: 05-23-2013, 8:15 PMBronze

awkward situation - WWYD??

This year my husband and I decided to scale back on Christmas. This is partially out of necessity, but really we have said this every year since we've been married and somehow it just has always gotten out of hand fast. I have a fairly large family, and his is VERY large due to step-parents and their families. This year we spent about half on each person what we have in years past.

A few weeks ago my husband's stepmother asked him if he wanted to go in on a power tool that his dad was wanting. She told him how much it was going to cost and said we would split it three ways (also including my husband's sister). Fast forward to today, when we are supposed to be doing Christmas with his dad's family... his stepmom texted him this morning and said "your Dad's gift ended up being $x, so your share is $x and please bring it tonight if you can." The problem is, this is TWICE what she told us originally. It's well above what we spent on anyone else, and it's not the only thing he's getting from us, either.

I told him he needs to be straight with her and say, "we were prepared to pay $z, which is what you originally told us, and is about what we've spent on everyone else's gifts. Sorry, but we can't do $x." I even offered to talk to her myself, so it's not like I'm putting this on him. My husband is very non-confrontational, so he's hesitating (although he WANTS to tell her no).  I absolutely know this is awkward, but she's the one that put us in this situation.

So, WWYD? If it matters, his stepmother is made of money, so this is not going to put her in a bind AT ALL.




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12-22-2012 at 9:39 AM
ALane1128
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I would be honest! What you worded sounds very good. I would do it in person though, because sometimes a tone of voice can be taken wrong over the phone and you need to see facial expressions. Maybe the both of you could talk to her and that way your husband isn't on the spot since he's non-confrontational. Good Luck!

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12-22-2012 at 10:18 AM
pinkshades...
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Be honest and stand your ground. Something similar happened to us with BIL. He promised to split on a gift and then changed his mind after we bought the item. We don't split on gifts anymore.

I think you are going the right route. What she did to you wasn't fair.

 
12-22-2012 at 11:12 AM
Shawnee115...
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I'm with pp. I would be honest and say exactly what you typed. She should have let you know the price increase of the gift before purchasing said gift, not after. Not cool.

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12-22-2012 at 11:25 AM
88eve88
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I'd be honest too.  Budgeting is really important to a lot of people during the holidays especially, so doubling the expected amount is completely grounds for saying no.  Offer the original amount and let stepmom cover the rest.  If you don't nip it, she might always think this is okay.

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12-22-2012 at 11:35 AM
jldubb0626
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88eve88:
I'd be honest too.  Budgeting is really important to a lot of people during the holidays especially, so doubling the expected amount is completely grounds for saying no.  Offer the original amount and let stepmom cover the rest.  If you don't nip it, she might always think this is okay.

Yes 


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12-22-2012 at 7:40 PM
Cathyr1003
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I would probably give up the cash this year but would make it clear next year that we are on a very tight budget & will be cutting back on the gifts.  But im a bit of a pushover! 

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12-22-2012 at 10:44 PM
Shawnee115...
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How did it go?

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12-23-2012 at 12:48 PM
Jessicamer...
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Hey, thanks for asking! Well I forgot to mention the part where she specifically asked for cash. We had just over the original amount in cash, and the rest of our cash had been divvied up into envelopes for the kids. Seeing as how it was Saturday when she dropped the new amount on us, and our bank is 30 minutes away, there was no way we were getting any more cash in time for the get together. We decided to offer her what we did have in cash, explain that we didn't know we would have to come up with more at the last minute, and see what she said. Her response was, "a check for the rest will be fine."

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I let my husband take the lead since it's his family. When he didn't say anything else, I walked over to the table and wrote the check. Neither of us are happy about it, but I respect his decision not to cause a scene at his family Christmas. We have already made some firm decisions about next year though.

The kicker? On his way out the door, his dad commented that he hoped he didn't have an opportunity to use the tool any time soon. And he was dead serious. Ugh. Glad you like the gift that you SPECIFICALLY asked for...



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12-23-2012 at 1:24 PM
sunnyday01...
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88eve88:
I'd be honest too.  Budgeting is really important to a lot of people during the holidays especially, so doubling the expected amount is completely grounds for saying no.  Offer the original amount and let stepmom cover the rest.  If you don't nip it, she might always think this is okay.

I agree with this. I think if you let it slide now and pay, this situation will continue to pop up. 


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