I'm sorry you are having such a tough time! It's hard enough to parent without medical issues and lots of help! Like others said, it sounds like your daughter is just being a one year old! With DS1, I worried about a lot of things he was or was not doing but then he'd change after a few weeks or months, just because that's where he was developmentally.
As for your daughter's behavior at daycare vs home, that is very typical! The teachers always told me that they often see what other kids are doing and just follow, like eating different things or napping.
Kids also push parents boundaries more than teachers because they feel more secure. Just think how you are with your own family vs friends or strangers. You are probably better behaved with a group of strangers than your spouse!
Can you send your daughter half days? Or even if it's 5 full days, pull her out at 3 instead of 5 so you have more time together. GL!