I was just wondering what etiquette rules one would normally follow when attending a destination wedding - do you give the same size wedding gift you would under normal circumstances or do you adjust it based on the travel expenditures?
I don't really have "rules" or a general "size" of wedding gift. I select a gift of something I think they'd like and spend what I can and I'm willing to based on our relationship.
I know in the NY/NJ area there's an expectation that there's some sort of cash entry fee given as a "gift" and there's a calculation behind it, but I'll never understand it.
Huh? I lived in and got married in NYC, and I grew up and now live in NJ, I have never heard of this. Many people do give cash as a wedding gift, but I would never consider it an "entry fee". We received a lot of envelopes, we also received many gifts off the registry (which came to our home, no one walked in with a box). No one stood at the door only letting in people who handed over an envelope with a check in it.
Generally (not where I live or with my friends), I know people will attempt to figure out what the cost per head is and give that as a gift. We are Jewish, we give in multiples of 13.
OP, give what you are comfortable giving. We are going to a destination wedding in May, I know my friend isn't expecting me to send anything because we are travelling to Sonoma, but I will send her something.