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12-27-2012 at 5:27 PM
SaraB1105
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Baby Baptisms.... I feel pretty stupid!

I have quite the dilemma.  My husband is Catholic.  However, he is by NO means a practicing Catholic.  He has not once been to mass, confession, or any of that since we began dating three years ago.  He fully believes in God, he just doesn't feel like he needs to go to church.  That's fine.  I was raised Baptist.  I am not the best at going to church, but I feel we both have a great relationship with God.  We PRAYED for this baby!

As many of you know, Catholics baptize their newborn babies.  As a Baptist, I do not feel the same way.  I was raised that once you accepted Jesus as your Savior, you could be baptized and you were on the path to Heaven.  My husband and I have agreed that we are not going to raise our new baby to be Catholic (I mean, WHO is going to take it to church??)  We will raise it in a home where God is present and take it to Sunday School and it will know everything it needs to know.  If later on, he/she wants to convert to Catholicism, that's great in my book!  Whatever it wants to do, the decision is theirs.

My problem is this, even though my husband and I have agreed on not raising it Catholic, he still feels the need to baptize it shortly after it's born.  I am not familiar with infant baptisms.  I mean, we definitely aren't going to baptize it in a Catholic church, that would be pointless since our agreement.  Could someone enlighten me?  I still fell that we should not baptize it right away and later in life he/she will accept Jesus as their savior.

 
12-27-2012 at 5:33 PM
QueSyrah
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I was raised Catholic, DH was raised mainly Baptist (I think? I really don't know).

Anyway, neither of us goes to church and we really have no desire to do so. However, it was important to me to have our babies baptized. DH agreed because I felt it was so important. I doubt we'll start going to church or send them to CCD so they likely won't make their first communion or be confirmed, but whatever. 

If it's really THAT big of a deal to him maybe you can learn to live with it and let them get re-baptized when they're older and they choose to? I know lots of adults who've left the Catholic church and were baptized again as adults.


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12-27-2012 at 5:54 PM
luvmyducks
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You don't have to Baptise the baby right away when Catholic.  Some people wait until baby is 6m or even longer.  We did DD at 6w only bc family was in town.  With this next LO we will probably do 3-4m.

I'm not sure how Baptisms go in other religions.  Maybe you could go to a few churches in your area and ask.  Or just call them.   

12-27-2012 at 5:57 PM
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I wouldn't worry about it - I'm a Baptist, but if I was in your situation, I would just let it happen. They are different religions, but with the same root (God) and it certainly wouldn't hurt to baptize the baby - if it's important to your husband, it should happen. I wouldn't like my DH telling me our kids couldn't get baptized when they choose to do so later, so I can understand the opposite scenario. And God certainly won't frown on a double-baptism!

As for the actual ceremony - try YouTube. I'm sure there are plenty of videos that would give you an idea and make you more comfortable.  


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12-27-2012 at 6:22 PM
nyki06
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I don't personally believe in infant baptism, I believe that baptism is a public display of your commitment/affection towards God. I'm only commenting to say that I know quite a few people (my husband included) who were baptized as babies and later decided to be baptized later in life. If you decide to baptize now it doesn't mean that the child can't decide later on that they would like to make the choice to be baptized. 

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12-27-2012 at 6:26 PM
Dunkin
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Some denominations do a Christening instead of a baptism for a newborn.  Others do a Baptism for newborns, since they are then "part of the family of god" then they confirm their decision when they are older and can make up their mind.  It seems important to you DH to baptize the baby, then I would probably be behind that, knowing that just because you baptize a newborn, they still get to make their own decision about Jesus later in life.  If there is a church you like going to, or are considering sending your kids to for Sunday School, then look at what their denomination says about infant christening/dedications/baptisms.  Sometimes the wording can help clear it up!  Good luck!

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12-27-2012 at 6:27 PM
RussianMom...
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with respect to both religions, it's really not a big deal. Jesus is Jesus, right?

My family is "roman catholic" but no one goes to church, prays, or anything - they believe in God and being good etc etc (i'm trying to type this quickly)

My H is a christian but was not raised with any religion. He started going to a baptist church with his friend when he was younger and thats how he got into religion. He was baptized in an anglican church 2 yrs ago. 

I was baptized at 3 months - my mom is catholic, dad is Prodstan (sp??) (i know nothing about what they believe in) -- but i was never raised in a church or with any kind of religion. Mom just told me there was a God and a bunch of "basic" stuff

when this baby is born, we will baptize it in the same anglican church H was. My H is more religious than I am, so he will take the reigns over this one.

 

i mean, it's just a baptism.. you put water on the babies head, say some words and carry on. it's just a ritual. 


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12-27-2012 at 6:51 PM
bekahlulu
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Maybe you could dedicate the baby? When I was a baby I was dedicated to God, just a simple little thing my pastor did in front of the church and my parents received a flower. When I got older I made the decision to be baptized.

edited because it posted before I could finish

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12-27-2012 at 7:12 PM
pnutg
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As a PP mentioned, maybe you should discuss dedication with your husband? My husband was also raised catholic and me in a non denominational church where I was baptized by choice later in life. We will probably go the route of having a baby dedication at church. (He does attend church with me, just not as often as I would like due to his work schedule.) We are looking for a church in the new town we just moved to, so the baby probably won't be dedicated right away. Then hopefully once our baby is older and makes his own personal decision to follow Jesus, he will want to get baptized.

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12-27-2012 at 7:13 PM
BeckyTheEn...
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Many churches in my area will not perform a baptism for parents who are not regular members of their church. This is especially true for Catholic Churches in my area. If you are considering a baptism, do you have a church in mind? You may want to contact them to see if having the baptism is even an option, or if you would be expected to attend.
 
12-27-2012 at 7:18 PM
casey78
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Lurking from first tri in anticipation of graduation to 2nd tri... These are hard decisions.  I'm not looking forward to making ours.

Traditional catholic teaching has been that a baby who dies without bring christened/baptized can't go to heaven because original sin has not been washed away.  I think that position may have changed in the last couple years. Regardless, this is the root the convention of baptizing within the Catholic Church as soon as is considered safe to bring the baby out in public.  If you are getting press from your husband and/or his family, this belief may be why.

 My understanding is that one only gets one Christian baptism - be it catholic or any of the Protestant denominations.  Confirmation comes later - when the individual is old enough to commit to his or her beliefs in public. 


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12-27-2012 at 7:57 PM
mrandmrsk9...
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I had a situation at the church that I work at similar to yours.  The father was raised Lutheran ("Roman Catholic light") and the mother was raised baptist.  

They decided to have me dedicate and anoint their son when he was a couple months old and then let him make the decision when he would be baptized.  Not all churches will do this, but I found it really interesting to do as a pastor.  

On the whole, there really is no "right time" to baptize, be they an infant, an older child, or an adult (my understanding is that the Roman Catholic doctrine of limbo, where unbaptized children go if they die, has been abolished).  As parents, if you're moved to do it, go ahead.  If you come to an agreement to wait, that's cool too.  

But once he or she is baptized, they don't need to be baptized again as an adult. Baptism is a one time deal.  


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12-27-2012 at 8:41 PM
Smartie26
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I was raised Catholic, and DH was not raised with any religion (his parents are Cambodian immigrants and their closest religion would have been Buddhist). I am not a practicing Catholic, but like you and your hubby, my hubby and I have a very close relationship with God, and we also prayed for this baby :). We just don't "fit" into one religion, but we both have a very strong faith. That being said, we have chosen to baptize our baby in the Catholic church we were married in because we would really like our baby to receive a blessing after she is born, which is what her baptism with represent.

 Congratulations on your sweet little baby, also! :)

 
12-27-2012 at 9:35 PM
JSS1002
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I'm not Catholic and I was baptized as a baby.  I went to an Episcopalean (sp) church.

DH and I just had thsi conversation the other day because we don't go to church but we'd like to do it for the symbolism and as a way to have everybody come meet the baby.

My brother and his wife did what they called a "dedication," in their home, they had somebody pray over the baby and then we all had sloppy joes.  haha.  it was lovely and intimate and informal.


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12-27-2012 at 10:14 PM
MommyLizzy
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I think dedication would be a good option to look into.  Most non denominational christian churches do them for newborns, and I'm sure if you talk to the pastor they wont mind if you're not a member of the church. 

If that's not an option though, I would just go with the catholic one and the child can make a personal decision later.

My husband is catholic too, I'm protestant.  We aren't going to church right now but if he wanted to get our baby baptized I really wouldn't care.  I think catholic ceremonies are beautiful.  Plus if your child does decide to become catholic later having a baptism certificate makes the process easier.


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12-27-2012 at 10:14 PM
mhickey426
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Baptism is to wash away original sin and to introduce them to the church and the teachings of God.  It is more of a promise from the parents and godparents to raise the child by the teachings of God.  Catholic and Baptists believe the same stuff for the most part.  From what I read it seems like you are going to teach your child about God, morals and values which is pretty much what you are promising to do at the Baptism.  Later in like around 7th grade or so we then make Confirmation where we confirm our dedication to the Catholic religion like other religions do with their Baptism. Just because you Baptize your infant does not mean that their religion is se in stone.  It is still up to them if they decided to join the church or not.  There are many other rites they must make before they are a member of the Catholic church (communion, confession, confirmation) 


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12-27-2012 at 10:50 PM
skio
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Catholics are taught that if you're not baptized, you can't go to heaven. That's a hard teaching to forget, even for a nonpracticing Catholic, so that may be why your husband is adamant about it. It's why I was adamant about doing it, and I am also a nonpracticing Catholic with a somewhat strong faith.

I don't agree with many of the Catholic teachings and didn't want to raise my kids Catholic, so we did some research and ended up having DD baptized in an Episcopalean church. We don't plan to bring her to church. She will have religious education as a kid and can decide her own path of faith as she gets older.

I would go forward with the baptism and think of it like the above pp suggested; as simply an introduction to faith and God's teachings. He/she can always choose to be re baptized as an adult when/if he/she accepts Jesus or whatever.



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12-27-2012 at 11:09 PM
MR.&Mrs
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I was raised Baptist and DH was raised Catholic. He has since converted (big drama). In my church we dedicate the baby, which from my understanding is some what equivalent to baptism. Maybe you could talk to your H about dedication if your church does that. 

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12-27-2012 at 11:10 PM
trevinosnm
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bekahlulu:
Maybe you could dedicate the baby? When I was a baby I was dedicated to God, just a simple little thing my pastor did in front of the church and my parents received a flower. When I got older I made the decision to be baptized. edited because it posted before I could finish

This is similar to what our church does.  They call it child dedication as they also don't believe a child can make a decision on their stance with God but as parents we are dedicating our child and raising them to be God fearing/loving children.


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12-27-2012 at 11:49 PM
RussianMom...
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BeckyTheEngineer:
Many churches in my area will not perform a baptism for parents who are not regular members of their church. This is especially true for Catholic Churches in my area. If you are considering a baptism, do you have a church in mind? You may want to contact them to see if having the baptism is even an option, or if you would be expected to attend.

depends on the church. my parents did not attend church but i was baptized in one of the biggest catholic churches in my city. 


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12-28-2012 at 4:47 AM
AFBTB
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I have the opposite problem. I am a Christian but I don't go to church and DH is Hindu. I wanted my children baptized but DH didn't. We discussed at some length back when I was pg with DS, and we decided not to baptize. The reasoning being that when our children are older they can make the decision for themselves. But I do know that wanting my children to be baptized has nothing to do with the belief that babies who die before they are baptized do not go to Heaven. I believe that our Lord is all-loving and would not let an innocent baby who has no previous sins go to H*ll or Limbo. He is our savior and He would not turn away innocent babies and children.

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12-28-2012 at 7:45 AM
Erinm278
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My DH and I are in the same exact place.  I was raised Catholic and he was raised Baptist.  We have agreed to raise the baby Baptist but I am still insistent on having the baby Baptized in infancy.  As a Catholic this is important to me.  For me it is both faith and tradition related.  DH is hesitant but has said it would be okay with him.  I will be pushing the issue.

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12-28-2012 at 8:44 AM
Thankful01...
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From my understanding the infant baptisms happen in the Catholic church to get rid of the original sin. I was not raised Catholic but my husband is a practicing Catholic. We decided that we would baptize her as an infant in the church but she would be able to decide for herself if she later wanted to be confirmed and to take part in the Catholic faith or stay in a Christian church. We promised each other that this was entirely up to her and we would not pressure her which way to go. I think its a good compromise so that she has both backgrounds of faith in her. But like PP said both of our religions have the same roots and for the most part the same beliefs. Its just a different way of practicing your faith. Good Luck with the decision but I would take into his account on how he feels about the baptism too. 

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12-28-2012 at 9:27 AM
luvmyducks
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BeckyTheEngineer:
Many churches in my area will not perform a baptism for parents who are not regular members of their church. This is especially true for Catholic Churches in my area. If you are considering a baptism, do you have a church in mind? You may want to contact them to see if having the baptism is even an option, or if you would be expected to attend.

Not always true.  A lot of churches will do anything for money.  Hell, some might Baptise your dog for a couple hundred.

 

Totally joking here BTW.  But with a donation, a lot of churches will do ceremonies for non-parishners. 

12-28-2012 at 10:20 AM
ANA6
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There is n time frame for Catholic baptisms. DD was done right before her second birthday. We moved a lot and some parishes require 6 months of classes the church we had it done at had us watch a 30 min. Video on it and that was it. 

 DH thinks the same way, he was baptized, and grew up but has not been since he became an adult. MIL goes with me on Christmas. I go now and again when I feel up to getting up at 730 am. We aren't active Catholics. 

 

Is his family active Catholics? I had a friend who was married to a baptist and he was catholic. His mother and him want his son baptized catholic, and the wife didn't know what she wanted. His mom made if difficult for her. If he wants it for tradition sake do it, doesn't mean your 100% committed to it raising the child that way.

Both DD's  will be raised with the morals that Catholics bestow, such as believing in God and waiting till marriage, etc. but for the most part we want them to growing up with a choice to go or not. 


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12-28-2012 at 10:35 AM
bhylleng
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I don't think you should pick and choose which parts of the Catholic religion to follow.  If you are not going to raise the child Catholic, I would not have a baptism in a Catholic church.
 
12-28-2012 at 10:53 AM
526SadieSa...
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I think it's a moot point, honestly.  I don't think a Catholic church would even consider the two of you married if you didn't convert and you weren't married in the church.  And if neither of you belong to a Catholic church, they probably won't let you baptize the baby in one.

 


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12-28-2012 at 11:04 AM
JenniD2
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luvmyducks:

BeckyTheEngineer:
Many churches in my area will not perform a baptism for parents who are not regular members of their church. This is especially true for Catholic Churches in my area. If you are considering a baptism, do you have a church in mind? You may want to contact them to see if having the baptism is even an option, or if you would be expected to attend.

Not always true.  A lot of churches will do anything for money.  Hell, some might Baptise your dog for a couple hundred.

 

Totally joking here BTW.  But with a donation, a lot of churches will do ceremonies for non-parishners. 

Agreed. My church is more than willing to baptize and marry someone that is a non-practicing Catholic for a certain donation amount.

To the OP: If it is important to your husband, I would do it. It will not hurt the baby to be baptized now and then later if he or she decides to.


 
12-28-2012 at 11:39 AM
katiec123
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Catholic baptisms are to save a child from original sin.  We have confirmation later to accept Jesus into our hearts.  Really that's similar to what you do as a Baptist, just without the original baptism.  Your LO can still accept Jesus later in life, when ready, without another Baptism.  Technically you are only supposed to be baptised once if you are any form of Christian. Your child can decide later if he wants to be Catholic, Baptist, Methodist, Lutheran .... as long as you guys give him some basic religious upbringing.  GL with your decision. :)
 
12-28-2012 at 12:12 PM
GTown08
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I would say that if there is any chance your child might grow up and want to become catholic, baptize as a baby.  I am a protestant (a lovely amalgamation of every German fringe church out there, if I want to get specific) but my dad was a minister, so I learned a lot about different religions and sects of Christianity.  For a lot of Catholics, a lot of the pressure to baptize Catholic is a hold-over from the days when unbaptized children went to Limbo for awhile - even though that was abolished with Vatican 2 (I think), there is still the residual that this is what should happen.  Also, the Catholic Church is fairly picky about who counts as Catholic (though that's also eased up some).  But if your child is baptized Catholic, it's a lot easier for him or her to do First Communion and become a full-fledged member of the Catholic Church later on. 

As for your confusion regarding baptism, here's the simple answer, as already explained by many other posters.  Basically, Baptism is just a ceremony that officially welcomes the child into "the body of Christ" (i.e. - the church) and asks certain questions of both the parents and the congregation, all centered around everyone in attendance helping to raise the child as a faithful child of God.  In Protestant and Catholic churches, for the most part, the child then gets to decide as they get older whether they want to acknowledge that promise made by their parents when they were children - Protestant churches call it confirmation and Catholics first communion.  A lot of churches will not allow someone to take communion unless they are first baptized, which is another consideration.

However, if you feel very strongly about adult baptism, then I agree with the other posters that a dedication service might be a good compromise.  The United Church of Christ has a baby dedication certificate, so they might also do the service.  You might want to call a local church and ask.  Hope this helped.


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