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12-27-2012 at 5:36 PM
Nascarmom4...
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2nd Shower, 10yrs since 1st

So I have been reading how tacky it is to have a 2nd shower. Here is my problem. My 1st shower was 10yrs ago! Yes, 10yrs! My DD will be 10yrs and 5months when this new one arrives. So needless to say we have NOTHING! I have had 2 friends offer to give me shower. Just don't know how to go about it since it will really be my 2nd.

So what should I do? 

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12-27-2012 at 5:47 PM
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If someone offers an dyou want to accept, you can.  I personally wouldn't have an issue w/ attending a shower in this situation.

But two "but's".

1- I'd keep it on the smaller side. Truly your nearest and dearest.  Not "everyone you know".

2- I really HATE the "excuse" of "we have nothing!".  Um... your choice to have a kid, your responsibility to provide for your child.  Yes, this even is true for first babies - but people like to throw showers to welcome moms to motherhood.

The fact that you have 10 years between kids doesn't make it anyone elses responsbility to stock you up on kid stuff.

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12-27-2012 at 6:01 PM
Cranang
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EastCoastBride:

If someone offers an dyou want to accept, you can.  I personally wouldn't have an issue w/ attending a shower in this situation.

But two "but's".

1- I'd keep it on the smaller side. Truly your nearest and dearest.  Not "everyone you know".

2- I really HATE the "excuse" of "we have nothing!".  Um... your choice to have a kid, your responsibility to provide for your child.  Yes, this even is true for first babies - but people like to throw showers to welcome moms to motherhood.

The fact that you have 10 years between kids doesn't make it anyone elses responsbility to stock you up on kid stuff.

All of this, but especially the bolded.
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12-27-2012 at 6:44 PM
jvaeth2012
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If someone offers I say yes accept.

This will also be my second, my first will be 16. This will be DH's first and my mother, MIL and BF are hosting ours. We have already purchased all the things that we need but they want to do it. As far as keeping it small, I think that depends on the size of the family. My DH has 40 immediate family members!! Our guest list is about 60 people. It seems like a lot but if any of these people weren't invited we'd be talked about when not around because someone would be offended. So I'm just going with the flow!
 
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12-27-2012 at 6:59 PM
cinderin
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I would not attend a second shower. Doesn't matter if it is different sex, alot of years in between, or you have different baby daddies.

I think it is gift grabby/tacky/trashy.

I have never understood second showers.

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12-27-2012 at 7:02 PM
Darbie914
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One of the reasons why I find second showers tacky and rude is because 1) a baby shower is to welcome the MTB into motherhood and gifting her with items she will need for the baby.  It's not actually about celebrating the baby itself because the baby isn't there.  Once you have a child, you are already a mom and have been welcomed into motherhood and to have another shower makes it look like you are just trying to get extra gifts. 2) the fact that you emphasized that you have NOTHING means you want a shower to get things.  And to me, that is extremely gift grabby.  

Regardless of the age gap, it is no one's responsibility to provide you with the essentials you will need to care for your child.  That is your responsibility.  Normally I would suggest having a Meet the Baby party, if your intentions were truly to celebrate the baby.  But it sounds like you just want people to buy you stuff.  
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12-27-2012 at 7:10 PM
mabenner1
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If you have nothing for your baby, it is then your responsibility to buy everything you need. It isn't other people responsibility to supply baby gear. They didn't get you pregnant.
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12-27-2012 at 7:21 PM
White Pony...
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Have a meet the baby instead. It's not your families fault you have ten years between your kids.
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12-27-2012 at 7:41 PM
brandy4nic...
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I'd say if two of your friends have offered to throw you a shower, accept, and keep it on the small side.  Congratulations on your new baby!
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12-27-2012 at 10:09 PM
rhubarb123
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brandy4nicole:
I'd say if two of your friends have offered to throw you a shower, accept, and keep it on the small side.  Congratulations on your new baby!

I agree with this.  Also, a good indicator is if it is common in your family to have 2nd showers.  BTW..."immediate family" means your parents, grandparents and brothers and sisters.  I can't imagine having 40 "immediate" family members on just one side like one pp mentioned.  You'd have to have like 30 brothers and sisters!  Aunts and uncles are not immediate and neither are cousins. 

 
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12-28-2012 at 6:12 AM
wittyschaf...
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allierhiana1:
Have a meet the baby instead. It's not your families fault you have ten years between your kids.


I'm inclined to agree.
 
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12-28-2012 at 7:01 AM
RoxyLynn
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It was sweet of your friends to offer, but it's just not appropriate.  Thank them and ask if they'd be willing to host a meet-the-baby party instead.

Of course, if you just want some girl-time, perhaps they could host a no-gifts event like a coffee/dessert or brunch.
I think it can be done well, and I would have loved it, but taking all of the crappy parts of school away from a kid isn't good for them in the long run.

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12-28-2012 at 8:28 AM
jobiann
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In my family circle we only do showers for the 1st baby as a shower is really meant to welcome the mother into motherhood, not to provide stuff for the baby. Even though this LO is our first we still purchased almost everything ourselves and just got small stuff, clothing, personalized gifts at our shower. After all, we decided to have the baby, it's our responsibility to provide for it.

To each their own... 

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12-28-2012 at 12:23 PM
mel8255
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I am in the same boat.  My ex-husband and I had two kids, and now I am happily married with a new baby on the way.  My kids are 10 and 8, and my shower was ten years ago. 

So much has changed since then...technology has changed...safety requirements have changed.  My husband and I aren't living without and are fully able to purchase things on our own.  But there are genuinely people out there who DO want to celebrate a new baby by hosting a shower.  There is nothing wrong with people hosting a shower, or you even hosting one for yourself. 

To the subsequent posters, the purpose of a shower is to celebrate the impending birth of a new baby by showering the mother with gifts...if you don't want to attend a 2nd shower, you don't have to, but if you were really a friend...wouldn't you pick a little something out for your friend anyhow?  I don't care what number kid my friends or family members are on, I am still going to get them something for the wonderful event.

To the OP, people are offering - go for it!  And don't listen to all the other crazy posters on here!
 
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12-28-2012 at 12:35 PM
White Pony...
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mel8255:

I am in the same boat.  My ex-husband and I had two kids, and now I am happily married with a new baby on the way.  My kids are 10 and 8, and my shower was ten years ago. 

So much has changed since then...technology has changed...safety requirements have changed.  My husband and I aren't living without and are fully able to purchase things on our own.  But there are genuinely people out there who DO want to celebrate a new baby by hosting a shower.  There is nothing wrong with people hosting a shower, or you even hosting one for yourself. 

To the subsequent posters, the purpose of a shower is to celebrate the impending birth of a new baby by showering the mother with gifts...if you don't want to attend a 2nd shower, you don't have to, but if you were really a friend...wouldn't you pick a little something out for your friend anyhow?  I don't care what number kid my friends or family members are on, I am still going to get them something for the wonderful event.

To the OP, people are offering - go for it!  And don't listen to all the other crazy posters on here!

This is your first post and you choose to post on the Baby Shower board, and you know acronyms such as OP?  I smell an AE.  Just use your real SN, girl.
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12-28-2012 at 12:55 PM
mel8255
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This is my first time here - not my first time on a pregnancy forum. 
 
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12-28-2012 at 1:00 PM
Mmm79
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I personally don't have a problem with this, but understand that others do.  I'm guessing you know your circle of family and friends best and would know (generally) how they'd feel.  My SIL has 12 years (and a divorce) between her two daughters.  She didn't have a shower, but then two years later when she got pregnant with her youngest (a boy) her friends insisted on throwing her a small shower/party. She didn't register for anything (since she had a two year old) so it was more about women getting together and celebrating her and her growing family.  She mostly got clothing, baby blankets and pampering gifts for her as the mom-to-be.   

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12-28-2012 at 1:01 PM
mabenner1
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mel8255:

I am in the same boat.  My ex-husband and I had two kids, and now I am happily married with a new baby on the way.  My kids are 10 and 8, and my shower was ten years ago. 

So much has changed since then...technology has changed...safety requirements have changed.  My husband and I aren't living without and are fully able to purchase things on our own.  But there are genuinely people out there who DO want to celebrate a new baby by hosting a shower.  There is nothing wrong with people hosting a shower, or you even hosting one for yourself. 

To the subsequent posters, the purpose of a shower is to celebrate the impending birth of a new baby by showering the mother with gifts...if you don't want to attend a 2nd shower, you don't have to, but if you were really a friend...wouldn't you pick a little something out for your friend anyhow?  I don't care what number kid my friends or family members are on, I am still going to get them something for the wonderful event.

To the OP, people are offering - go for it!  And don't listen to all the other crazy posters on here!

No, no no. So much wrong in one post. Yes, there is something wrong with hosting your own shower. You are essentially inviting people to bring you gifts. And, the purpose of a shower is to shower the NEW mother to be with gifts. Not the baby.

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12-28-2012 at 1:11 PM
Bliss+Berr...
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mel8255:

I am in the same boat.  My ex-husband and I had two kids, and now I am happily married with a new baby on the way.  My kids are 10 and 8, and my shower was ten years ago. 

So much has changed since then...technology has changed...safety requirements have changed.  My husband and I aren't living without and are fully able to purchase things on our own.  But there are genuinely people out there who DO want to celebrate a new baby by hosting a shower.  There is nothing wrong with people hosting a shower, or you even hosting one for yourself. 

To the subsequent posters, the purpose of a shower is to celebrate the impending birth of a new baby by showering the mother with gifts...if you don't want to attend a 2nd shower, you don't have to, but if you were really a friend...wouldn't you pick a little something out for your friend anyhow?  I don't care what number kid my friends or family members are on, I am still going to get them something for the wonderful event.

To the OP, people are offering - go for it!  And don't listen to all the other crazy posters on here!

There is never any situation that would make it appropriate for you to host your own baby shower.  Ever.  Ew.  Just no.
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12-28-2012 at 1:25 PM
highlights
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I don't understand the idea that a baby shower is to welcome a mother into motherhood. It's not some thuper thecret rite of passage.

It's a party to shower a baby with gifts. OP, go ahead and have a shower. The people who want to come will come.

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12-28-2012 at 1:45 PM
mel8255
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We are having a shower because this is OUR first baby together and for my husband - it's his first kid and very first grandchild on his side. There are a ton of people on his side of the family who are very excited to welcome me "into motherhood" (whatever that means) - with a shower, regardless that I have been a mom for a decade.  And my side is equally excited to have a new baby girl to shower with gifts!

And the gifts that are given are used by the baby...clothes, diapers, toys, bottles...people don't bring gifts "for the mom."  If a shower was a welcoming into motherhood, wouldn't we all agree a bottle of wine and a foot massager would be best??

My point is this - each situation is different - and gift-giving is personal...there isn't a unilateral answer that is best here.  She can do whatever SHE wants to do...and the rest of you on here who disagree would probably not attend if she had a shower....which is fine. 
 
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12-28-2012 at 1:53 PM
mabenner1
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mel8255:

And the gifts that are given are used by the baby...clothes, diapers, toys, bottles...people don't bring gifts "for the mom."  If a shower was a welcoming into motherhood, wouldn't we all agree a bottle of wine and a foot massager would be best??

 

You're missing the point.

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12-28-2012 at 1:58 PM
White Pony...
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mabenner1:
mel8255:

And the gifts that are given are used by the baby...clothes, diapers, toys, bottles...people don't bring gifts "for the mom."  If a shower was a welcoming into motherhood, wouldn't we all agree a bottle of wine and a foot massager would be best??

 

You're missing the point.

Yes 
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12-28-2012 at 2:01 PM
Liz4444
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Nascarmom48:

So I have been reading how tacky it is to have a 2nd shower. Here is my problem. My 1st shower was 10yrs ago! Yes, 10yrs! My DD will be 10yrs and 5months when this new one arrives. So needless to say we have NOTHING! I have had 2 friends offer to give me shower. Just don't know how to go about it since it will really be my 2nd.

So what should I do? 

So, this is everyone elses problem how?
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12-28-2012 at 2:06 PM
cinderin
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mel8255,

the point is that it is gift grabby/tacky/trashy. 

just because you have different baby daddies does not entitle you to additional showers. when you get knocked up by the next guy, are you going to have third shower?

how may gifts do your family and friends owe you? 
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12-28-2012 at 2:19 PM
jkrox
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Second shower posts really bring out the biitch in people on this board. Don't feel badly, in my circle of friends and family second showers are not unusual or viewed as tacky. If someone has offered to throw it for you, and this mystical, enigmatic place is the first time you've heard scorn of second showers, then I'd say you're in the clear. Enjoy it!
 
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12-28-2012 at 2:35 PM
jkrox
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cinderin:

mel8255,

when you get knocked up by the next guy, are you going to have third shower?

how may gifts do your family and friends owe you? 

This is exactly the kind of comment I'm talking about. I just can't imagine saying something like this to a person just because I disagree with her opinions on baby showers. It's just so shockingly uncouth, and it's coming from someone who's preaching about good manners! Unbelievable. 
 
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12-28-2012 at 2:39 PM
Darbie914
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While many things have changed throughout the years, etiquette still stands and just because your circle of friends think it's okay doesn't mean that it's proper etiquette.  Of course, I would still want to get a friend a gift for her new baby.  I would do that regardless if it were her 1st or her 7th.  But she doesn't need a baby shower to do just that.  Meet the Baby parties are a perfect example of a low-key gathering to meet the baby and bring a little something.  

Also, you should never host your own shower.  That is beyond tacky and just screams rude.  A shower is a gift given to you by a person who wants to throw it.  OP CAN do whatever she wants.  Anyone can do whatever they want.  But just know that some people may be side-eyeing it.   
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12-28-2012 at 2:39 PM
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jkrox:
cinderin:

mel8255,

when you get knocked up by the next guy, are you going to have third shower?

how may gifts do your family and friends owe you? 

This is exactly the kind of comments I'm talking about. I just can't imagine saying something like this to a person just because I disagree with her opinions on baby showers. It's just so shockingly uncouth, and it's coming from someone who's preaching about good manners! Unbelievable. 

I would agree that the KU comment was uncalled for. 
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12-28-2012 at 2:40 PM
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jkrox:


ROFL - Oh, God! I'm wiping tears from my eyes right now. I disagree with you on a lot of things, but damn, this gif is perfection for second shower posts. Please come back and post it every.single.time.
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