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12-28-2012 at 4:02 PM
inthelost
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don't know what to do now

I'm five weeks pregnant...and I was not trying to get this way. It was a shock. I told the father but we just started dating. He was not very supportive (like i expected) and did all BUT physically drag me to the abortion clinic. This is a choice i CAN NOT make. Even though this wasn't planned, I can't do it. I just can't. I can't go through with it and I know I can't. I told him I needed a few days to think but he got angry and said "with each day it just costs more money" this pissed me off and I left...he's been trying to call me and text me and saying I just "used him" whatever that means and it's "as much his decision as it is mine". He's mad that I won't even consider it but in good concinece I can't do it. He doesn't understand why I can't go through with it. I don't know what to do now...I'm so lost and scared and alone. I told my best friend since childhood and she told me not to allow him to pressure me into any decision, especially today. Anyone have any advice? What should I do?
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12-28-2012 at 4:07 PM
QueSyrah
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Your body, your choice. I would start preparing to raise this baby alone.
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12-28-2012 at 4:08 PM
twolittlew...
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QueSyrah:

Your body, your choice. I would start preparing to raise this baby alone.

Yes
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12-28-2012 at 4:11 PM
Melanieian
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I would tell him you have made your choice. He doesn't have to agree with it and if he doesn't want any part of this baby then tell him to leave you alone. Don't let him bully or pressure you into something you do not want to do.
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12-28-2012 at 4:16 PM
MrsSteSte
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Adoption and raising a child aren't the only 2 choices. If you know abortion isn't right for YOU, don't let him pressure you into it. Beyond that, you have time to come to terms with and decide what IS right.
 
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12-28-2012 at 4:16 PM
skreedrake
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It is NOT "as much his decision" as it is yours. At all. If he didn't want to risk pregnancy, he should have kept it in his pants.

Don't let him pressure you into a decision you do not want and will therefore regret for the rest of your life. He is not worth it.
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12-28-2012 at 4:23 PM
PrimRoseMa...
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QueSyrah:

Your body, your choice. I would start preparing to raise this baby alone.



 Absolutely. Get busy getting informed about resources in your area. Planned Parenthood is a great resource for you. It can help you get started and you can find an OB too. You can also look into daycare options and medicaid/assistance to get you over the hump. 

Don't let him guilt or force you into anything you are not comfortable with. Good luck.  
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12-28-2012 at 4:32 PM
Bliss+Berr...
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This is obviously not a person you can count on for emotional support and at this point, you should keep your contact at a minimum.  You are definitely going to need your friends and family now, more than ever, regardless of what you decide. Talk to them and make an appointment with your physician to get started with prenatal care.  Are you in a position to care for a baby on your own?  If you are and that's what you choose, great. If not, start making plans to get yourself in a better situation and if that's not possible, maybe consider adoption.  Good luck to you.
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12-28-2012 at 5:24 PM
pepomntpat
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It is not his decision at all. It is yours and only yours. 

Good luck.  
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12-28-2012 at 5:24 PM
ac5008
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Please dont allow anyone to pressure you into this situation. IF abortion is right for you, then it is your right to choose to do so. However, it is not something to be entered into lightly.

If you are not in a position to raise the child, I would ask you to really heavily consider adoption. It wouldnt be easy on you, I know. It would be one of the hardest things a person could go through. But there are so many couples in this world who would be wonderful parents and are just waiting on a child to be born that can come into their family. Adoption is a beautiful, amazing, selfless gift that a person gives a family. I know thats not a decision to enter into lightly either.

Good luck on your decision, whatever it may be. But remember, it IS your body your decision.  

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12-28-2012 at 5:34 PM
Liz4444
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He absolutely cannot force you to do anything.  Before anything else, you need to really think about what you want.  Do you want to keep this baby?  That does not necessarily mean abortion (although it is an option), adoption is a very admirable thing if you want to go that route.  He clearly does not want this child, are you able to raise this child on your own, emotionally, financially, do you want to? 

Having a child is a huge responsibility.  So, first things first, what do YOU want?No one can make that decision for you.  Good luck.

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12-28-2012 at 5:37 PM
gscoville
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You also need to consider where your baby's father might fit into all of this. He is likely wanting you to abort because he's not ready to be a parent and doesn't want the financial responsibility. If you want him to stop pressuring you to abort, you may have to get it in writing that you won't go after him for support have him renounce all parental rights. If you plan to keep the baby and try to make him pay support, then you also have to be prepared for him to have equal say in your baby's life. Any decision here will be tough, no doubt. Best of luck to you!
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12-28-2012 at 6:26 PM
amandalgre...
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It's your body and your choice.  If he does't want to be a father, you can have an attorney draw up papers to sign his parental rights away.  He then cannot be "used" for anything.  Do what is right for you.  Don't do anything you aren't comfortable with.
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12-28-2012 at 7:21 PM
Carnation7...
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Are the posts above that talk about signing away parental rights knowledgeable on this issue?  What court or state would allow a parent to decide a state has to pick up the tab for a child because the parents decided one of them doesn't want to pay?  

And even if it was possible for him to "sign away his parental rights," why would you let him do that?  Getting him to sign away legal custody and visitation is one thing.  Support is another.  He helped create a child, and he is responsible for that.  Why feel guilty about it?  A child is expensive.  Courts treat child support and custody as separate issues - they do not go hand in hand.  A person can owe child support and not have any custody or visitation rights.

He had a choice - to have sex - and he made it.  He doesn't get to chose what you do now.  Good luck making the best decision for you. 
 
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12-28-2012 at 8:03 PM
Audaciousa...
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Ok.  My dad's a family lawyer, and you can sign away parental rights any time you like.  ANY TIME.  If your kid is ten and you decide you hate him, you can just sign away and make him a ward of the state.  BUT.  I sure as hell wouldn't get the father to sign away rights.  He made the baby, he needs to help pay for it!
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12-28-2012 at 8:11 PM
amarissa85
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Carnation77:

Are the posts above that talk about signing away parental rights knowledgeable on this issue?  What court or state would allow a parent to decide a state has to pick up the tab for a child because the parents decided one of them doesn't want to pay?  

And even if it was possible for him to "sign away his parental rights," why would you let him do that?  Getting him to sign away legal custody and visitation is one thing.  Support is another.  He helped create a child, and he is responsible for that.  Why feel guilty about it?  A child is expensive.  Courts treat child support and custody as separate issues - they do not go hand in hand.  A person can owe child support and not have any custody or visitation rights.

He had a choice - to have sex - and he made it.  He doesn't get to chose what you do now.  Good luck making the best decision for you. 

This exactly!! I am sorry but he helped make baby even if he doesn't want to be a part of either of your lives he should help support. PERIOD! Raising a baby by yourself is financially stressful. Trust me you will want the support.
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12-28-2012 at 8:29 PM
manders018
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Audaciousarica:
Ok.  My dad's a family lawyer, and you can sign away parental rights any time you like.  ANY TIME.  If your kid is ten and you decide you hate him, you can just sign away and make him a ward of the state.  BUT.  I sure as hell wouldn't get the father to sign away rights.  He made the baby, he needs to help pay for it!

 

THis is all dependent on the state that you live in.  As someone previously said the state is not going to pick up the tab because someone doesn't want to pay. Where I live in order to not have to pay child support you have to have another willing adult to adopt thechild. 

 

 
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12-28-2012 at 9:26 PM
erbear
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pepomntpat:

It is not his decision at all. It is yours and only yours. 

Good luck.  

That's not exactly true.

He can certainly let you know what he thinks, but at the end of the day, you need to be comfortable with whatever decisions you make. It doesn't sound like he's going to stick around anyway, so if termination isn't in your plans, you need to start making plans to be a single mom. Good luck to you!

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12-28-2012 at 10:25 PM
rissa06
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You have options and what ever decision you make is not going to be easy.  You can keep the baby,have an abortion, or give the baby up for adoption.  Each one of these decisions are not easy and even after you make the decision you might question if you made the right one.  Do u have any family friends that you can lean on?
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12-29-2012 at 1:04 AM
kjfox10
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twolittlewheels:
QueSyrah:

Your body, your choice. I would start preparing to raise this baby alone.

Yes

Agree 100%

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12-29-2012 at 1:07 AM
Kimbus22
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Until the baby is in his uterus, it is NOT just "as much his decision".  Yes, his opinion should be a consideration.  His opinion is obviously that he has no desire to parent or be responsible for a child.  So now you use that information to make YOUR choice.  Because even though you both made the baby, you are the one carrying it.  Distance yourself from him.  You know his opinion.  So you really don't need to have him near you while you try to make a decision.  If you decide to keep the baby and want to go after child support, you can do that later.

Your friend is right.  Don't let him pressure you and DON'T feel like you have to make a decision now.  You have time.  You need to let the fact that you're pregnant sink in and then start to think about your options.  And you do have options other than abortion or raising the baby. Start by making an appointment with your OB to get prenatal care.  And speak to them about your concerns and your options.  Good luck with whatever you decide to do!

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12-29-2012 at 2:36 AM
Tesoro71
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I can empathize because I am in a similar situation.  I messed around with the wrong guy knowing that he had a family.  I thought he might leave his wife.  Anyway, I now have an unplanned pregnancy and he wants nothing to do with me or the baby.  He wants me to terminate immediately so I don't ruin his home life and bring shame upon him.

After thinking his response over I have come to the conclusion that if he wants the baby dead, then he will be forever dead to the baby.  It is a sad situation, but we cannot feel sad for long.  We need to move on and take care of ourselves.  I wish you all the best with your decisions.  Find support from those who love you or else find a support group for single moms to be. 
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12-29-2012 at 12:56 PM
inthelost
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wow everyone I got more replies than I ever hoped for. Thank you for the support and advice from all of you I really appreciate it. I'm just going to leave him alone and I have to do what I feel in my heart what the right decision is. And for me personally that decision is not to terminate. I'm not going to let him pressure me into doing something I don't want to do no matter how hard he tries and he's definitely NOT worth it. he told me "every day you take to decide it just gets more expensive (to abort)." It pissed me off. He's just not worth it and it's better to just let him be but at least I know that I did the right thing by telling him.
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12-29-2012 at 9:06 PM
RumbleLina
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manders018:

Audaciousarica:
Ok.  My dad's a family lawyer, and you can sign away parental rights any time you like.  ANY TIME.  If your kid is ten and you decide you hate him, you can just sign away and make him a ward of the state.  BUT.  I sure as hell wouldn't get the father to sign away rights.  He made the baby, he needs to help pay for it!

 

THis is all dependent on the state that you live in.  As someone previously said the state is not going to pick up the tab because someone doesn't want to pay. Where I live in order to not have to pay child support you have to have another willing adult to adopt thechild. 

 

 

This rings true for my state as well.


A parent can sign their rights away at any time, for any reason.  They will be, however, financially responsible for the child just as if they had their rights still. The only point in time that they are released of child support is when the child is adopted by another adult.  The child's birth certificate then is changed and that adult is considered the child's permanent legal parent.
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01-02-2013 at 11:14 AM
inthelost
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are you saying even if he signs his rights away he'll still be financially obligated? That's not what everyone else I have known has told me. I'm just trying to understand: this is all very new to me
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01-02-2013 at 1:52 PM
L&R70707
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inthelost:
are you saying even if he signs his rights away he'll still be financially obligated? That's not what everyone else I have known has told me. I'm just trying to understand: this is all very new to me

I believe it depends on the state.  The one person I know that did this (years ago though, like 10+) has no financial obligation at all.   I'd contact a family law attorney.


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