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12-29-2012 at 9:00 AM
krwact
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Two questions

A close friend has offered to throw me a shower in my current town and there are two things I'm uncertain of.

1st question: I've lived in my current area for less than a year so all the friends and family I'm close to live pretty far away.  The friend planning the shower lives 5 hours away.  Pretty much everyone else 3-5 hours away with some of my in-laws living across country.  My friend will want my input on the guest list and I'm not sure who to include.  I'm afraid of offending anyone (especially my in-laws) through exclusion but I really don't want an invite to be seen as a gift grab.  There are 6 people I know for sure to invite that will happily make the drive.  There are 6 others that I could invite that are within driving distance (3 hours, some could carpool) but I'm not sure would/could do it and 4 (all in-laws) that I'm almost certain wouldn't come but I'm terrified to offend.

2nd question: My friend has asked for my input on date but has not asked for help with venue.  Since she's so far away, should I offer to help in scouting a location or just leave it alone since she hasn't asked?  I'd offer to have her host in my apartment but it's a one-bedroom and I don't think it'd be comfortable.  To be clear, I have NO preference on this and I'm truly just grateful that she's going to all this trouble. I want to minimize her headaches and expense in planning this for me from so far away.  

Thanks for any and all input! 
Kim
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12-29-2012 at 9:41 AM
CougFan
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If this is the only shower you will have, then just invite them all. But if there will be one in either your of DH's hometowns or hosted by a family member, you would want to invite family to those.  It might be just me, but I think the exception to that rule is the future grandmas, they might want to be invited to all showers.

As for the venue, it wouldn't hurt to ask. When you get back to her with some date/time just ask her if she knows where she is holding it.
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12-29-2012 at 9:52 AM
BallSox
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If this is the only shower you are having, I'd invite immediate family (MIL, SIL, GMIL) and any best friends (not someone you hung out with in HS but haven't seen since), regardless of location.  If they don't want to come, they don't have to.  

As far as offering to help, unless she asks---let her be.  She may have a master plan. 
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12-29-2012 at 10:01 AM
krwact
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This is good advice on the invites, thanks!   My husband's work will also throw me a very small shower but this is the only friends/family shower so I think I will invite them.  I'm more afraid of offending them through exclusion than through questionable etiquette.

Thanks again! 
Kim
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12-29-2012 at 10:16 AM
EastCoastB...
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Can you have the shower in a more central location to where all your family lives? 

If not- I say keep the guest list small. I am NOT a fan of inviting people who live far away and realtisically can't come.  Yes, there are exceptions (Immediate family and CLOSE friend) - but I wouldn't invite more extended family members who you hardly ever see and have no personal relationship with.

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12-29-2012 at 10:43 AM
krwact
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EastCoastBride:

Can you have the shower in a more central location to where all your family lives? 

If not- I say keep the guest list small. I am NOT a fan of inviting people who live far away and realtisically can't come.  Yes, there are exceptions (Immediate family and CLOSE friend) - but I wouldn't invite more extended family members who you hardly ever see and have no personal relationship with.

Where I live now is pretty much the most central location.  The only people I'd invite that I'm fairly certain couldn't make it would be my MIL, 2 SIL and a step-SIL.  I'm thinking they're covered under "immediate family" but it's true we rarely see them as we can't afford travel.  Thanks for the input.  I really want to avoid stepping on any toes! 
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12-29-2012 at 10:52 PM
rhubarb123
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My shower was hosted by my second cousin and was where I live (which is where none of my family or DH's family lives).  His family lives/lived 3-5 hours away and mine were 1-1/2 hours away.  We invited everyone (not his aunts since they were older) but actually some of his friends (who were also my friends) and definitely his mom, step-sisters, etc.  They ALL came.  We had friends that came from the other direction (drove 3 hours). 

I think you should definitely invite your MIL and SIL and step-SIL.  They will most likely carpool.  That is what a lot of our friends/family did.
 
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12-30-2012 at 9:24 AM
krwact
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rhubarb123:

My shower was hosted by my second cousin and was where I live (which is where none of my family or DH's family lives).  His family lives/lived 3-5 hours away and mine were 1-1/2 hours away.  We invited everyone (not his aunts since they were older) but actually some of his friends (who were also my friends) and definitely his mom, step-sisters, etc.  They ALL came.  We had friends that came from the other direction (drove 3 hours). 

I think you should definitely invite your MIL and SIL and step-SIL.  They will most likely carpool.  That is what a lot of our friends/family did.

Sounds like our situations are similar, however the in-laws would all have to fly from different states to get here, so carpooling is out of the question, I'm afraid. I think you're right though.  They'll get the invites so they know they're wanted and who knows?  Maybe one or more of them will want to leave their sunny homes to come to Massachusetts in March, right?  :-)
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