I have a 6, 3 and 1.5 year-old along with a 6 week old. The 1.5 year-old goes down first and I just put the baby down for tummy time or in the swing and the older two kids play and/or help me to get him into his pj's, read him stories and put him down. After that, the older two get into their pj's. My 3 year-old still needs some help sometimes with that so I'll help her and if the baby is fussing then I'll help her while holding the baby. I guess it has never really occurred to me to give them each their own time at bed because it's just not realistic. My husband and I do make it a point to spend one on one time with each of the kids by taking them on special outings or doing something with them when both of us are around, but for the most part our kids realize that being part of a family means that you are sharing not just toys but time.
Can you create a new time when it's just you and your daughter during the day, like during your son's naptime, so that she'll still have her own time with you, just not at bedtime?