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12-30-2012 at 7:57 PM
emken20
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emken20 is not online. Last active: 04-11-2013, 1:47 PMNewbie

MIL wants to throw a shower after baby is born....

I am not sure how comfortable I am with this...this will be my first and I am worried about having the shower 4 weeks after the baby is born.  Am I over reacting?  A couple of my concerns is breast feeding, lack of sleep and passing my new born around the room with family I don't know so well.

 Just wondering what some of you mothers think of this idea, is it worth offending them to ask to have it prior to baby?
 
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12-30-2012 at 8:12 PM
mhickey426
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mhickey426 is not online. Last active: 06-19-2013, 7:17 PMBronze

isn't is a sip n see once the baby is born? I  agree with you.  I wouldn't want a shower 4 weeks after the baby is born. It just seems like a lot to have to deal with right after the baby is born.  Who knows you might be fully up to it but you never know.

Why does she want to have it after the baby is born? where does she plan on having it?
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12-30-2012 at 8:17 PM
cole2144
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I would not do that. I agree, I would not be comfortable passing my newborn around to so many people. Plus if it is a shower and not a meet the baby party, you will still have to buy a lot of stuff beforehand and then worry about returning doubles. That is not the end of the world but still, who feels like doing that with a newborn at home? I would skip the shower all together if this was my only option.
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12-30-2012 at 8:30 PM
SunAndRain
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In the Jewish religion it is common to have the shower after the baby is born.  While it isn't unheard of, I'm with you on this one.  As a FTM, 4 weeks after DD was born I was NOT up to a party.  I was struggling with breastfeed, which generally takes 4-6 weeks to establish.  And while I was able to get out of the house and run one errand or another practically every day, it was on my terms and timeline.  I didn't HAVE to be anywhere, other than doctors visits.

I doubt they'll be offended by such a reasonable request. Just be gracious and appreciative and explain the bit about breastfeeding and lack of sleep.  I'd keep the passing baby around bit out of the conversation.

 
 
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12-30-2012 at 10:19 PM
a13049
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mhickey426:
isn't is a sip n see once the baby is born? Inbsp; agree with you.nbsp; I wouldn't want a showernbsp;4 weeks after the baby is born. It just seems like a lot to have to deal with right after the baby is born.nbsp; Who knows you might be fully up to it but you never know. Why does she want to have it after the baby is born? where does she plan on having it?


It can be a sip and see after the baby is born, but it can also be a traditional shower even if LO has already arrived.

OP I completely understand your concerns and I don't think it would be rude to share you concerns with your host. If she listens, great. If she still wants to keep it after LO arrives then your decision is let her host it, or not.
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12-30-2012 at 10:47 PM
rhubarb123
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This is my take on a shower after the baby is born.  It's really not a big deal.  I've hosted two showers (one for religious reasons and the other because that is when she wanted it because they were team green).  I have also had 2 "meet the baby parties".  Not even one of the babies was older then 3 weeks (including my own).  None of them were handed around the room either.  One mom "wore" her baby the whole time (made breastfeeding really easy) and the other mom had her mother hold the baby the whole time.  With my own...they were 3 weeks old - my mom held them, or my sister-in-law.  Just be firm and say "no".

As far as feeling up to it...I doubt that would be a problem.  Some mom's are back to work within 4 weeks...some within 2.  I work with a couple of Medical Assistants that were back within 2 weeks because they couldn't afford to be off longer.  It's a lot easier to sit around for 2-3 hours then it is to take care of patients for 12 - kwim?  At a shower you don't DO anything except sit, eat, sit, open gifts, sit, talk, etc.  If your MIL plans to wait 4 weeks you won't be anymore tired at that time then you would be at 8 weeks.  LOL

What reason did your MIL give that she wants to host it after the baby is born?  Would your mother like to host one before the baby is born?  Maybe have both.
 
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12-31-2012 at 7:48 AM
EastCoastB...
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I'm largely w/ rhubarb on this.  It's not as big of a deal as you're making it to be. 4 weeks is enough time that you'll most likely feel relatively "awake" and ready to get out.  That's the thing- you might actually WELCOME a chance to see people at feel "normal" again.  My entire maternity leave was broken down (for me) be steps that made me feel "Normal" again! 

Most people are actually very respectful of a very young baby and will follow YOUR lead when it comes to holding the baby.  But if you wear the baby, that lessens the issue.  And as said, really, you can simply say "I'd rather not have her passed around this young". 

The main this is that there are a couple things you HAVE to have before the baby is born (car seat!) that not having the shower until after, won't be an option for someone to buy for you.  Now, at the same time, as you're having a child, you have to be prepared to buy whatever the child needs.  But - often times people will go in together to buy a carseat.

But the m ore I think about it, there really isn't too much you HAVE to have for a young baby.  A few clothes, diapers, carseat and somewhere to sleep.  If you can handle that, you'll get a lot of the other stuff at the shower.

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12-31-2012 at 1:48 PM
BeckyTheEn...
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I would have totally felt up for a shower at 4 weeks after both of my kids were born.  I had to go back to work anyway at 3 weeks, so I was up and around, and wearing normal work clothes and all of that. Sure, breastfeeding is not easy, but I for me was fairly "well established" at more like 1 or 2 weeks. As far as lack of sleep goes, sure, it is likely that your child will not be sleeping all night. But I don't see that as a reason to just stay home, or avoid a party. 

 I think that it is fine to ask your host if she would be willing to have the party earlier, but if she does not want to (any many cultures/religions would not want to) then you can either go with it, or decline altogether.
 
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12-31-2012 at 2:13 PM
dhviel
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It always amuses me when people wonder if a baby shower held after the baby is born is appropriate or not.  There are many places in the world where the baby "shower" (because other places do things very differently) is only held after the baby is born.  For myself all the baby showers I have been too were after baby was born.  In our neck of the woods it's just not done before hand. 

My own baby shower was when my baby was 3 weeks old.  It was fine.  I was comfortable with other people holding the baby, but if I hadn't been my mom would have just held the baby and that was that.  Like EastCoast said, there are very few things you actually need prior to baby being born.  Carseat, diapers, a place to sleep (could be a laundry basket really) and a few cloths and blankets/burp cloths, which ever you use, and you should be ok to wait for everything else at the shower.
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01-04-2013 at 3:04 PM
happylady5
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I'm with you - I'd hate that idea.  I've had several friends have sip n see showers/parties, but the baby has been older than 4 weeks. 

If it was me, I'd politely ask to have it before the birth instead. 

You have no idea how you'll feel at 4 weeks post baby. 

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01-04-2013 at 3:40 PM
TheyCalled...
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emken20:

I am not sure how comfortable I am with this...this will be my first and I am worried about having the shower 4 weeks after the baby is born.  Am I over reacting?  A couple of my concerns is breast feeding, lack of sleep and passing my new born around the room with family I don't know so well.

 Just wondering what some of you mothers think of this idea, is it worth offending them to ask to have it prior to baby?

I would say no for this reason alone. There is no way I am letting anyone without a flu shot and pertussis vaccine hold my 4 week old newborn. It's too many people, too much stimulation and possibly exposing baby to germs that baby cannot be vaccinated against. I would politely tell her that you would prefer to have it beforehandm, if possible and tell her your concerns in a gentle way, thanking her of course for wanting to throw you a shower.
 
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01-04-2013 at 4:31 PM
pb_bride
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Personal experience - I just had our "meet the baby" party this past weekend (no gifts; just a party).  DS was 7 wks old.

I could have had it sooner (we hosted it ourselves) but we delayed it due to the holidays but also due to DS's unpredictable fussiness.  Having said that, 4 wks is a bit too soon IMO. OTOH, if MIL is hosting it for you, at least you don't have to prepare for it. 

Couple things I would worry about:

1) How long will the event last?  Mine was scheduled for 90 mins but DS was in such a good mood that I let people stay for 2 hrs.  I think anything longer than that will be too taxing on a newborn, as they can get overstimulated and over-tired.

2) Do you plan to BF?  If so, what are you going to do at the party?  Go into a separate room to BF during the party?  4 wks can be a little too early to start pumping BM for a bottle.

3) How many people is your MIL planning to invite?  We invited 15 ppl, and 8 ended up coming.  It was a nice size group.  

4) In terms of passing your baby around - since you are the mother, you have control of who can touch your LO!  I asked everybody to wash their hands when they arrived.  I didn't wear DS but either I or DH held him almost the entire time.  We put DS in the swing for a bit but none of our friends touched him.  

5) I know many people say you can "wear" your baby if you don't want others touching him.  I have all the intention of wearing DS as well, but he absolutely HATES the K'Tan.  Every time I put him in it, he screams and struggles until I give up.  So, wearing your LO may not be an option! 
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