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12-31-2012 at 11:34 AM
Ryanswifey...
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Ryanswifey619 is not online. Last active: 05-24-2013, 7:21 AMNewbie

Baby shower with 3 different mothers involved

Hello,

I need some input and any helpful advice. I have my mom, step-mom, and mother in law who all want to throw me a baby shower in a few months. The problem is that my mother in law has been very hands on with the getting baby things when she comes across them and both my mothers have told me that they want to help out as much as possible too, but arent sure what to do with the MIL doing most of the work. My 2 mothers dont get along great, but want to do baby showers as well. Whats the best way to approach this situation? I think it would be a little much to have 3 seperate showers, but my husband says to "just not invite some people to one of the three showers."

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12-31-2012 at 11:47 AM
Darbie914
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Normally, I don't side-eye more than 1 shower, usually because they involve different people (i.e. 1 for work, one for friends, 1 for family, etc.)  But in this case, I would think that a good portion of the guests invited may overlap due to linked families.  I don't see a need for 3 separate showers.  Perhaps your MIL can throw a shower for DH's side of the family and your mom and SM throw one for your side?  I can understand how it may be an uncomfortable situation having the 3 of them involved.

 However, if they do decide to a combined shower or 2 (1 for MIL and 1 for Mom/SM), I'd step back and let them handle it.  They are grown women so hopefully they can pull together for the sake of celebrating the new Mommy-to-be :)  
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12-31-2012 at 12:16 PM
mhickey426
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they can all come together for an event like this.  They need to be adults about the situation.  I mean what are you going to do as your child gets bigger have 2 or 3 parties because people don't get along.  My parents are divorced and remarried as well so I know how difficult it can be. 

They need to speak with your mil and see what they can do.  She should be able to come up with something for them to do.  Maybe one can be in charge of a dessert table or one can so favors or something. The 3 of them need to be able to compromise and leave you out of it.  You have enough to worry about.  If not then it is up to them if they want to throw their own shower with their own families.
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12-31-2012 at 12:30 PM
Disneygeek...
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Meh, I don't see anything wrong with having three showers as long as the guest list doesn't overlap.  Even if one or two of the showers is on the small side, that is ok.  Well, I mean it is ok as long as you don't mind attending 3 showers. 

However, there is also nothing wrong with what PP suggested of having 2 showers.  One with your side and one with his side.  Maybe mom and step mom can just separate the duties and be ok with whatever the other one chooses. 

 
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12-31-2012 at 12:44 PM
ungraceful...
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I had 3 showers but with the 3 people you listed I feel like their would be a large change of guest list overlap. My SILs had one for me for DH's side of the family, my aunt has one for my friends and my side of the family, and my work had one for work. I would have your three ladies talk it out among each other to try to make 1-2 showers work.

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12-31-2012 at 1:34 PM
BallSox
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The only guests that should be invited to multiple showers (aside from yourself) is a M/MIL, any sisters/SIL's and *MAYBE* your best friend.  Other than that, no guest should be invited to more than one shower.  If you divided up the showers, i would divide them up no smaller than MIL (DH's side of the family and H-known friends) and M/SM and your side of the family.

Other than that, they can all suck it up and get along.
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12-31-2012 at 2:52 PM
rhubarb123
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stw_77:

Meh, I don't see anything wrong with having three showers as long as the guest list doesn't overlap.  Even if one or two of the showers is on the small side, that is ok.  Well, I mean it is ok as long as you don't mind attending 3 showers. 

However, there is also nothing wrong with what PP suggested of having 2 showers.  One with your side and one with his side.  Maybe mom and step mom can just separate the duties and be ok with whatever the other one chooses. 

I agree with this.  I had 3 showers but there were no overlaps.  One was both sides (DH and mine) that my 2nd cousin threw, then a work shower and then a church shower (our families did not attend our church).  The only person that came to more then one shower was my mom and she only came to family and church.

If you think someone from your church (if you attend) will throw a shower or your work then I would definitely try to talk your mom and step-mom into one shower together.
 
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12-31-2012 at 2:54 PM
milkergirl...
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I have my 3 mothers planning one shower, and it's starting to become a nightmare (mom, birth mom, mil).  The 3 of them decided it was going to be Sunday, Jan. 20th, but when they got together to fill out the invites they put Saturday, Jan 22nd.  The day they got together, each one said something that hurt the other one's feelings.  One brought up global warming, which offended another mom.  One brought up cloth diapering, which offended one of the moms.  Then, days later when they realized they had put the wrong date down, one mom decided she would do all of the fixing.  MIL called DH to complain that out of the 35 on the list, only 5 were representing his side of the family.  Not my fault that they don't talk to DH's dad's side of the family or MIL's 2 sisters, and there was no one else to invite from that side of the family. 

I only tell you my story because I don't want you to feel stressed out like I am because I'm helplessly stuck in the middle, hearing the bickering from all three of them. 

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12-31-2012 at 3:25 PM
Ryanswifey...
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thank you for sharing :] thats kinda how it looks like it may turn out with our family. My MIL and SM do get along, but my BM and SM tend to annoy eachother if put together too long. Im just trying to be neutral with everyone and hope that they can all come together for a peaceful agreement.
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12-31-2012 at 3:28 PM
Ryanswifey...
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Thanks everyone for the input. I really like the idea of doing the 2 baby showers instead of 3. It just seems like it would be really hectic and some guests would overlap with all 3 of the showers. All the suggestions are greatly appreciated. Im hoping-since i will be a FTM-everyone can work together peacefully :]
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01-01-2013 at 6:53 PM
AprilAngie
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This is a great recommendation.
Darbie914:
Normally, I don't sideeye more than 1 shower, usually because they involve different people i.e. 1 for work, one for friends, 1 for family, etc. nbsp;But in this case, I would think that a good portion of the guests invited may overlap due to linked families. nbsp;I don't see a need for 3 separate showers. nbsp;Perhaps your MIL can throw a shower for DH's side of the family and your mom and SM throw one for your side? nbsp;I can understand how it may be an uncomfortable situation having the 3 of them involved.nbsp;However, if they do decide to a combined shower or 2 1 for MIL and 1 for Mom/SM, I'd step back and let them handle it. nbsp;They are grown women so hopefully they can pullnbsp;together for the sake of celebrating the new Mommytobe : nbsp;
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