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01-02-2013 at 5:14 PM
somerandom...
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somerandomchick is not online. Last active: 05-20-2013, 8:38 PMBronze

Advice needed

So I'm at the end of 1st tri and my mom and MIL are bickering about the shower already... Sigh...

The problem is that I recently relocated to Seattle, and all my family is in or near Portland, including the two future grandmothers.

My mom insists we should do the shower at my aunts house in Seattle, since traveling 3.5 hours sucks and it sucks extra when pregnant.

My MIL insists that's too far for every other person attending to drive, and it is far... So she says we should have it in Portland. And of course she's out of town for an entire month during the 4day trip to Portland I already have planned when I'm 23 wks along.

She wants to do May instead but.. I'll be 34 weeks by then and driving back and forth sounds terrible, not to mention how am I supposed to fit presents in my subcompact Mazda2...I don't drive so my husband would have to come with even though he can't attend, which you can imagine sounds fun to him. It'd be okay if I could ride the train, but I can't haul gifts back on the train!

Ugh... What do i do?
 
01-02-2013 at 5:25 PM
danuli8
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Make everyone unhappy and have it somewhere halfway in between. Give them a halfway-between location and tell your mom and MIL to suck it up and work it out. Or have two showers. Or how about hiring a limo and driver to take you to Portland and back? Then you wouldn't have to drive AND you'd have tons of room to spread out and be comfy and bring presents back! See if your relatives will spring for the cost! (You didn't say the advice had to be GOOD...just throwing a few off-the-wall thoughts out there.)


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01-02-2013 at 5:36 PM
ILoveRedVi...
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I vote for Portland.  I wouldn't drive from Portland to Seattle for a shower as a guest.  That being said, it isn't so far that you'd be uncomfortable driving - it is an easy drive as long as you avoid city rush hour traffic.  Also, there really isn't anywhere in between to do it.

 
01-02-2013 at 5:38 PM
caladpi02
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If all of your other guests are in Portland it is a bit much to expect people to come to Seattle. That being said can you fly to your shower? If you book now it shouldn't be too insanely expensive. Perhaps you can convince them to have it closer to 30 weeks and make it easier on you to fly.

People can also send stuff to your house and give you cute cards with print outs of your items so you do not have to lug stuff around. That is what we are doing for my friend's shower, as she now lives in TN and her family and college friends live in CA still.


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01-02-2013 at 6:27 PM
mrsmcdonal...
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I think it would be rude to expect all of your friends and family to drive to Seattle. I wouldn't drive that far for a shower. A 3.5 hour drive at 34 weeks really isn't bad at all. And unless someone is buying you a crib and bringing it to the shower, you should have no problem fitting everything in your car.

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01-02-2013 at 7:22 PM
somerandom...
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Yeah I know it's way far for guests to drive, because nobody wants to drive there and back on the same day and overnight accommodations are expensive... It'd be one thing for a wedding but for a shower it'd be an excessive drive. And it would turn my grandmother's 3 hour drive into a 7 hour drive! Not cool.

I just got done driving this way and that way for Christmas, and spending basically all of Sunday in a 7 hour drive from the coast home, so maybe that's why it sounds like a bad idea right now.

Hopefully stopping to pee won't make the drive too much longer lol.
 
01-02-2013 at 7:35 PM
discobelle
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I would suck it up and get your husband to drive you.  Three and a half hours isn't that bad.

If all the presents don't fit in the car, maybe your parents and/or in-laws can help transport some next time they visit?  

 


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01-02-2013 at 7:43 PM
Allycat11
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If most of the guests live in Portland, I would absolutely say to have it in Portland.  

I was 33 weeks pregnant at Thanksgiving and we drove a little more than 7 hours round trip in one day, followed by 4 hours or so round trip that Sunday for my shower.  It really wasn't a big deal at all.  



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01-02-2013 at 7:58 PM
BeckyTheEn...
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If you aren't wanting to travel to your own shower or deal with all of the loot you get, why have a shower? Not to sound mean, but a 3.5 hour drive at 34 weeks sounds like no big deal to me, assuming you are generally healthy. I think that you either need to accept the shower where your guests are, or decline.

Also, could you not take the train and then someone else like your mom can drive the gifts to you later? Or ship them? Or could your husband attend the shower too, or have plans with family or friends while you are at the shower?
 
01-02-2013 at 8:02 PM
jeffsjayme
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I think your MIL is right - that is too far for people to drive for a shower. I'd either decline one or suck it up and drive the distance yourself.  Even if you had to borrow a friend's mini-van or rent one to get the gifts home - that's $50 as opposed to everyone who has to drive.  Your DH can visit with family and friends since I'm guessing that he has family there since you're from there.  The alternative is that 1 person drive the gifts back to you - maybe your mom since she was willing to drive anyway for the shower.

34 weeks isn't bad for driving 3.5 hours as long as the pregnancy is going well. 


 
01-02-2013 at 8:04 PM
milkergirl...
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Can you have 2 showers, one in Seattle and one in Portland?  But as pp's said, I'd have it where most of your guests will be.  And if it's Portland, just have your H drive you and make a stop in Olympia to stretch your legs.  I've driven from Bellingham to Portland lots of times, and Olympia is always our stopping place.

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01-02-2013 at 8:12 PM
White Pony...
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LOL @ I can't fit all my presents in my car. 

First world probz?


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01-02-2013 at 8:50 PM
PrimRoseMa...
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I would rent a larger car and drive the three hours. You aren't driving to an execution for Pete's sake. It's a gift to honor your entrance to motherhood. Guests are willing to give up their day and your family is willing to take on the expense to show you a good time.

Rent a larger vehicle and that way you can cart gifts home. Whatever you can't get in the car you can pay to have mailed home. It's just part of having your cake and eating it too. The sheer humanity of it all!

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01-02-2013 at 8:51 PM
cinderin
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ILoveRedVino:
I vote for Portland.  I wouldn't drive from Portland to Seattle for a shower as a guest.  That being said, it isn't so far that you'd be uncomfortable driving - it is an easy drive as long as you avoid city rush hour traffic.  Also, there really isn't anywhere in between to do it.

This.  


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01-02-2013 at 9:07 PM
Allycat11
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Another option if gifts don't all fit in your vehicle would be to return larger items that you can't take home and re-purchase them with the store credit when you get home.  That would be assuming your shower ends before stores close or you are spending the night before heading back to Seattle.  


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01-02-2013 at 9:31 PM
MamaMcClea...
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As the previous post stated I would totally rent a bigger vehicle. The limo idea had me a little jealous that I dont have to travel for my shower. The hubby coming along should be no big deal I am sure with his family there he still has friends in the area he could hang out with if he really didn't want to be there. 

Honestly, I am sure u will feel different in a few months closer to the shower. With holidays I think all of us preggers are looking for a three month spa stay not more visiting and parties. Cheer up it will all work out. 


 
01-02-2013 at 10:03 PM
Elsa1984
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I live in Vancouver, WA and I would make the trip to Seattle for a shower IF that person was someone I was close to. Having said that, I would h e no problem getting a hotel and making a weekend out of it....I do it several times a year and my sister lives close to there so I could stay. BUT, since you said most of your guest are in Portland area, I would do Portland. It's one thing if its a few people making their way to Seattle, it's totally different to expect your whole party to travel. If I were you, I would take the train down. When it comes to the gifts, I would either ship them back, return them and repurchase up north...but that might be a hassle, or rent a car in Portland to drive the gifts back to Seattle.

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01-02-2013 at 11:27 PM
rhubarb123
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jeffsjayme:

I think your MIL is right - that is too far for people to drive for a shower. I'd either decline one or suck it up and drive the distance yourself.  Even if you had to borrow a friend's mini-van or rent one to get the gifts home - that's $50 as opposed to everyone who has to drive.  Your DH can visit with family and friends since I'm guessing that he has family there since you're from there.  The alternative is that 1 person drive the gifts back to you - maybe your mom since she was willing to drive anyway for the shower.

34 weeks isn't bad for driving 3.5 hours as long as the pregnancy is going well. 

This.  If you want guests to attend  you need to make it somewhat convenient for them, even if it isn't so convenient for you.

 
01-03-2013 at 6:48 AM
dbowitz
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I would go for the two shower option - this way each grandmother-to-be gets to plan her own shower without stepping on the toes of the other. I was invited to a shower where the mother-to-be lived 3,000 miles away (on the opposite coast) and the invitation mentioned giving gifts that were easy to pack. She got lots of clothes, towels, sheets, books, etc. Could your MIL do something like that for your Portland shower? I also had a long distance shower myself and guests were good about shipping big gifts to us and then printing out a description of the item and putting in a gift bag for me to open at the shower.

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01-03-2013 at 7:38 AM
littleredf...
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I drove 5 hours for my shower at 36 weeks. You should be fine. I had 40 guests and got all of my gifts into my Hyundai Accent hatchback with no issue at all. If you don't think you can get all the gifts in your car, have fewer guests. Problem solved.


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01-03-2013 at 7:43 AM
tricia560
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Take the train down by yourself, wait and see how many large gifts you get, and then re-evaluate.  People who realize you will have trouble transporting things will hopefully ship them to your home.

If you do find you have too much stuff to ship, your husband could take the train down to meet you, and then rent a car/truck in the correct size and drive back with you.  If you don't need him, you can come back on the train.  This way, you're not out the expense of a car rental unless you actually need it, and you don't accidentally rent something that still isn't big enough for what you have, although it does mean your husband would have to be willing to "standby".


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01-03-2013 at 9:27 AM
rpalen29
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I would rent an SUV, have your H drive half the time (that way you can relax either on the way there or back) & have it in Portland. No way I would goto a baby shower 3.5 hours away. 

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01-03-2013 at 9:59 AM
hocus
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I don't think it will be so bad to dive. I drove around that time and it was fine (march would be better, but may is do able). Take a break in the middle of the drive stretch out and rest. It will be  fine.

Since your from the area I am sure your DH can find something to do for a few hours. Or your can do a co-ed shower. Gifts shouldn't be an issue. I have small car and we had no issue getting everything in there from shower. If some stuff doesn't fit, leave it at your MIL's house and have her bring it down when she first visits to meet the baby. There are tons of items you won't need right away.

I'd also consider getting your drivers license :). It might come in hand post baby and solves one of these issues.

 


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01-03-2013 at 11:02 AM
silverfana...
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I would not make that kind of drive for a shower (as a guest). I think since you get a free party and free gifts that you're going to be the one stuck traveling. Maybe you could have mom and mil spread a subtle word to get you gift cards to the stores of your choice or have presents shipped directly to your home so you could still ride the train without all the baggage? For that matter, I know my husband would probably gripe but I don't see anything wrong with your husband coming to the shower or why he should get banned. It's his baby too and you're going to be so far along that you need his help. People should understand that.
 
01-03-2013 at 5:06 PM
tdoyen
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23 weeks is also early for a shower.  The drive at 34 weeks won't be bad and you will be so happy to see everyone who loves you.  Go to Portland! 

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01-04-2013 at 3:24 AM
JoySeattle
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As someone who lives in Seattle and has friends in Portland I say go to Portland. The rental car idea is good, or ask a Seattle friend to come down with you, or take the train. If you take the train, you can bring back 2 carry on and 2 checked bags for free, then 2 more checked for $20.

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