community

all boards


birth clubs



my blog

Sort:
01-03-2013 at 10:38 AM
dmhrn13
Not Ranked
Joined on 07-20-2009
5,214 Points
dmhrn13 is not online. Last active: 06-17-2013, 9:42 PMNewbie

TMI question about sex after baby

My baby is 10 weeks old. I am still home with her & will be until April. My DH is working full time, & he does work a lot (70-80 hours/wk) but he always has, since before we met.

He was weirded out about sex during pregnancy so we barely did, even though I was very into it. Now that the baby is here, we've only had sex once & I'm concerned. I guess I'm wondering, what's "normal"?

My baby sleeps well, its not like we are up all night. I feel like I have it pretty together, cooking, cleaning & not expecting too much from him on the home front since he does work so much.

I make comments here & there to let him know I'm interested but nothing. I'm not sure if its the changes from the baby being here or just being tired from work or what. I've even asked him if he's cheating. Maybe I'm just making it worse with all the worry & questions. Help!


TTC since 1/2008 BFP 7/2009 m/c BFP 9/2009 m/c Clomid IUI 12/2010, 1/2011, 2/2011 All BFN IVF 6/2011 BFN, no frozens IVF 2/2012 BFP DD born 10/2012  Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker 
01-03-2013 at 10:56 AM
Nicb13
Not Ranked
Joined on 09-01-2011
49,044 Points
Nicb13 is not online. Last active: 06-19-2013, 3:23 PMSilver
Try not to stress this. I think men handle having a baby around MUCH differently than we do. Maybe he is super stressed trying to provide for your larger family now or it could really be any number of things. Just talk openly with him and try to chill. Babies change things so it might take a while to get into the swing of things again :)

 Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker 
01-03-2013 at 11:07 AM
MrsMuq
Not Ranked
Joined on 08-23-2009
Long Island
29,619 Points
MrsMuq is not online. Last active: 06-18-2013, 4:06 PMBronze

This sounds lame, but we literally have Friday night penciled in as sex night. That means we stay in, get a bottle of wine and take-out, etc. DS is usually asleep by 9:30, so even on the off-chance he were to wake up, we know we have at least an hour.

We shut the bedroom door, put on some music, gate the dog in another room.... you get the gist. We also try to squeeze in at least one another night during the week. And we make a point to cuddle EVERY night for at least a few minutes before bed.

One point - if we're midway through everything, and for some reason DS wakes up (not crying, just awake and moving around), DH doesn't want to keep having sex. He seems weirded out by hearing the baby babble.


 Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Daisypath Anniversary tickers "The strong look for more strength; the weak look for excuses." 
01-03-2013 at 11:28 AM
Ladynikon
Not Ranked
Joined on 02-22-2009
Winchester, VA
42,045 Points
Ladynikon is not online. Last active: 05-18-2013, 1:43 PMSilver
I never had this problem because my husband thought I was the most beautiful pregnant.  NOW.. with twins I couldn't think about sex.  I just felt crappy all the time.  I think the length of time and the new addition, new stressors etc can change the priorities of a relationship.  The baby can become priority over EVERYTHING.  Which is why we get a babysitter a few times a month to have just OUR time.  

Image and video hosting by TinyPic  Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker 
01-03-2013 at 1:07 PM
TheEditor
Not Ranked
Joined on 04-16-2012
10,408 Points
TheEditor is not online. Last active: 06-18-2013, 11:57 PMBronze
Serious suggestion here: Instead of giving him "hints" that you're interested, jump him.



 Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker 
01-03-2013 at 1:51 PM
DavidStamp...
Not Ranked
Joined on 06-07-2012
8,809 Points
DavidStamps is not online. Last active: 05-30-2013, 11:40 PMBronze

Man point of view -

It's tough to put everything into perspective. We want sex, but with work, stress and this new role (DAD) it seems overwhelming. I suggest taking the reins and planning some alone time with DH. Find a sitter, family members put me at ease, but we are working on securing a sitter that we like and feel comfortable with, and get out or stay in. Don't expect sex, but start with intimacy between the two of you. Get rid of toys, breast pump equipment, dirty bibs, etc. and maybe set the mood. Even if he doesn't jump your bones initially at least there will be some intimacy and it will start things in the right direction. It's tough to get in that mindset with so many other things on the brain. Help him push a few of the thought to the back burner, at least for a second.

Hope that helps! 


 Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker 
01-03-2013 at 5:03 PM
dmhrn13
Not Ranked
Joined on 07-20-2009
5,214 Points
dmhrn13 is not online. Last active: 06-17-2013, 9:42 PMNewbie
Thanks guys- your responses did help!

TTC since 1/2008 BFP 7/2009 m/c BFP 9/2009 m/c Clomid IUI 12/2010, 1/2011, 2/2011 All BFN IVF 6/2011 BFN, no frozens IVF 2/2012 BFP DD born 10/2012  Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker 
01-03-2013 at 9:14 PM
jerseyleo
Not Ranked
Joined on 04-04-2011
2,849 Points
jerseyleo is not online. Last active: 06-03-2013, 8:49 PMNewbie

I have a friend who had a similar situation. She even initiated sex but her husband would say he was too tired. She tried talking to him about it and he gave no real reason just that he needs time.Things got back to normal at around 4 months pp. 

I have another friend who couldn't be sexual with his wife until 6 months pp because he saw everything.

I had to fight of DH two weeks pp but to be fair we've barely had sex this year because of high risk and bedrest. It did feel extremely nice to be desired so soon. I agree with a previouspost, just jump him. I hope your honey gives it up soon. Lol try not to stress either.

 


 Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker 
Hot Topics

New dad or dad-to-be? Chat with other dads here!
Visit the Dads & Dads-to-be board

Need baby shower inspiration? Get ideas here!
Visit the Baby Showers board

Chat with other crafty moms here!
Visit the Crafty Moms board

search boards

choose another board

From The Nest Boards:
"What's on your pre-baby bucket list?"
sessionswedding on BNOTB

"Hello baby ... Goodbye marriage?"
maganh91 on
Trouble in Paradise