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01-03-2013 at 10:44 AM
brenanigan...
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brenanigans is not online. Last active: 05-09-2013, 1:14 PMBronze

Boss Inappropriate behavior???

So, my boss is usually pretty good to me, but I can't believe what happened the other night. My husband and I work together in the same department. I'm 6 months pregnant and we work nights (12 hour shifts). I had been having back pain, but after being at work for about 7 hours, it turned in to excruciating back/ abdominal pain. I wasn't sure what was going on, like if I was going into premature labor or something. The pain was so bad I was crying (i was probably worried too). I am on intermentin (sp?) fmla and can use the time whenever needed. Well I was in such pain I needed my husband to drive me to the e.r.. All my relatives live over an hour away. Well my boss got angry about it and delayed my leaving saying he needed to talk to us etc... when he came in the office I was obviously in pain and hunched over, he proceeded to basically lecture us about leaving and said to me can you not drive yourself? are you not licensed to drive a motorized vehicle ?

Then he went in to how I was just now pregnant (6 months!?) and we always had to leave. We have never left work early together and we missed one day together in the  2nd month of my pregnancy. He then on to say I needed to do something about being sick all the time. Well my fmla is my fmla! I have been using it intermentenly to stay working longer. So yeah he basically put us on a big guilt trip and delayed me getting to the hospital in what I felt like was an emergency situation. He was being pretty condescending about it. I had already stayed as long as I could! turns out I had  bad kidney infection and was dehydrated, had to be admitted given iv antibiotics and fluids and pain meds because the pain was so severe. I got out the next day.

 

Might I also add he demanded I bring a note from the e.r.   as If I would make this stuff up after already being at work for 7 hours. :P anyways, I'm pretty upset about it. He made my husband feel like crap about taking me, but we weren't comfortable with me driving in that kind of pain, (i was afraid it was preterm labor) Ugh so frustrating. Anyone else get treated in a similar way? I don't feel what he did was appropriate, and I feel the timing was REALLY inappropriate. 

* might I add I'm a first time mommy, not sure what labor actually feels like... 


 
01-03-2013 at 10:48 AM
CarolynL8
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what a douche!

I wouldnt have driven myself either. Its too dangerous to drive when you are in that much pain. He should be more understanding.

Is it worth approaching him about it? Have a sit down?

Im glad it was just your kidney and not the baby. Feel better!


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01-03-2013 at 10:54 AM
brenanigan...
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brenanigans is not online. Last active: 05-09-2013, 1:14 PMBronze
Thanks! I mean I always had good attendance when I wasn't pregnant. I do everything they ask me and help out when one of the leads is gone. I wonder if he was having a bad day?! Either way I don't feel like you should be delaying a pregnant woman from getting to the e.r. especially at 6 months. :P

 
01-03-2013 at 11:01 AM
jlaOK
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Um, that is totally unacceptable.  If you have approved FMLA then there's not a thing he can do about you leaving.  I would talk to HR or upper management about filing a complaint against him.

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01-03-2013 at 11:04 AM
kgs0505
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You need to file a complaint with HR immediately.  He had no right to do that.  You are on intermittent, protected, I might add, FM leave.  He cannot demand notes from the ER, that is only for whoever your FMLA contatct is to see.  He has no right to your medical information either, including that you are pregnant (altho that one's tough to hide).

I am also on intermittent leave. It's a little weird, but hey, with all these appointments, you need to protect yourself and your job.  You are being responsible for obtaining that leave.  Your boss is an a**.


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01-03-2013 at 11:07 AM
daniellele...
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daniellelea1985 is not online. Last active: 05-18-2013, 12:39 PMNewbie

jlaOK:
Um, that is totally unacceptable.  If you have approved FMLA then there's not a thing he can do about you leaving.  I would talk to HR or upper management about filing a complaint against him.

 

Yes 


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01-03-2013 at 11:18 AM
pamperedgi...
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daniellelea1985:

jlaOK:
Um, that is totally unacceptable.  If you have approved FMLA then there's not a thing he can do about you leaving.  I would talk to HR or upper management about filing a complaint against him.

 

Yes 

Completely unacceptable...


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01-03-2013 at 11:20 AM
brenanigan...
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brenanigans is not online. Last active: 05-09-2013, 1:14 PMBronze

He was mostly mad that my husband was driving me. He was going off because we were both leaving. I didn't have anyone else to come get me, and ambulances are $$$$!   I think my husband may be fmla protected too because I told my fmla people his name and stuff.

 

Might I add he asked me how far along I was, in a really sarcastic tone.... wtf?!


 
01-03-2013 at 11:38 AM
mystererae
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Is this a bigger company where you can report to HR?

If not, immediately send an e-mail to him detailing what he did and how uncomfortable it made you and get a doctor's note saying that you were right to go to the ER and any delay jeopardized your health. Save it for your records.



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01-03-2013 at 11:46 AM
MrsMuq
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Not sure what kind of work you do, but around the time I was 6mos pregnant, I arranged to transition to working from home 1-2 days a week (I was sick as a dog during my pregnancy - I had bronchitis 3x and pneumonia twice), so my boss didn't mind me working from home occasionally to avoid excessive days out.

Maybe something you could look into?

 


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01-03-2013 at 12:02 PM
HZ2012
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jlaOK:
Um, that is totally unacceptable.  If you have approved FMLA then there's not a thing he can do about you leaving.  I would talk to HR or upper management about filing a complaint against him.

 

I second this.  

 
01-03-2013 at 12:22 PM
nyki06
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nyki06 is online. Last active: 05-18-2013, 6:32 PMSilver

jlaOK:
Um, that is totally unacceptable.  If you have approved FMLA then there's not a thing he can do about you leaving.  I would talk to HR or upper management about filing a complaint against him.

This 


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01-03-2013 at 12:53 PM
thatsmary
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To your last sentence -- Kidney pain and the early stages of labor are not that far off really. I had kidney stones in my second trimester when I was pregnant with my daughter and that was worse than when I actually did go into labor. 

I am sorry you and your dh had to deal with this. 


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01-03-2013 at 1:47 PM
SLCNewlywe...
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I would definitely talk to HR.  Pregnancy is a protected class, and they aren't allowed to discriminate AT ALL because of it.   If you want to be super dramatic you could say it's a hostile work environment, but you would probably need more than the 1 instance of pregnancy related issues.


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01-03-2013 at 1:50 PM
CarolynL8
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brenanigans:

He was mostly mad that my husband was driving me. He was going off because we were both leaving. I didn't have anyone else to come get me, and ambulances are $$$$!   I think my husband may be fmla protected too because I told my fmla people his name and stuff.

 

Might I add he asked me how far along I was, in a really sarcastic tone.... wtf?!

Next time call a car and expense it...  Make the company pay if he has a problem. I bet he'd change his tune then!

(obviously you want your hubby there just in case something is going wrong... Im just saying that your boss would probably not be happy if you were to expense a car)


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01-03-2013 at 2:29 PM
pinottopar...
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That's super annoying. Nothing is worse than feeling like shyt and having someone not believe you or give you a hard time about it. If something is really wrong, of course you should go to a hospital right away and seek the care that you need!

Having said that, I am 26 weeks pregnant and have not missed a single day of work due to my pregnancy. For a couple of months, I was working 7 days a week and I was fine. I think sometimes people have a tendency to use pregnancy as an excuse to miss work. Some days I feel better than others, but there's no reason that I have to miss work.

I don't know what the deal is with your FMLA, and you should take days off if you are supposed to/have the right to them.... but I also find it annoying when pregnant women are regularly complaining about it and using it as an excuse to miss work. I go out of my way to NEVER complain about my pregnancy at work, even when people ask. Now if something was really wrong, I would leave work in an instant, no questions asked. But that would be a more extreme situation, not general discomfort.


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01-03-2013 at 2:35 PM
Truchana
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I work as an HR Manager.  You need to go to HR and let them know.  He may not understand FMLA laws, and to your point may have been stressed, short staffed, etc, and did not understand how to handle the situation.  He really needs coaching from his HR Manager because he is a liability to your company. 

Now, just because you are covered by intermittent FMLA for pregnancy does not mean your husband is.  You will want him to get covered.

The company does have a right to ask for doctor/er notes & releases, but this should be collected by the fmla administrator to ensure it complies.  Your manager does not even technically need to know you are pregnant, just that you are covered for an FMLA reason.  If they suspect abuse of FMLA ( and trust me, intermittent fmla is abused widely and often looked down upon by both managers and hr...this is however typically for people who have fmla for migraines or difficult issues to truly see and we often see a pattern in when they take their days, i.e. monday/Fridays, extra long lunch hours to have an affair, etc), the manager should report it to HR/FMLA administrator and they will handle accordingly. 

 Honestly, the manager acted like a jerk and had no right to hold you there.  If you work for a large company or company that has large presence in an area, can you imagine the headlines in the news, "Lady delivers prematurely at work and loses baby because manager from x,y,z wouldn't allow husband to drive her to hospital" or other horrible things.  It's the news paper test and no company wants to be in it.

Take your note to the fmla administrator & HR manager and go talk to your HR manager quickly. I would also create a calendar of the days you have already used.  If you are worried about damaging the relationship with him, just think about what would happen if you had really been in premature labor and he pulls this crap again.  

 There are things the company can reasonably request in this situation and might make sense, such as limiting the number of shifts the two of you work together to avoid situations such as these.  You might word it to you HR Manager as "I'd like to discuss a situation related to my FMLA leave that occured on x evening with my manager. I was in extreme pain and can provide you with the relevant ER notes related to my condition. I have the utmost respect for my manager and have never had an issue such as this happen previously, but should something similar happen in the future, I really need to ensure it is handled differently.  My husband and I are open to any reasonable accommodations necessary for the unit to ensure both the company and our family are not at risk."

 

good luck 


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01-03-2013 at 3:46 PM
soaringflu...
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First of all, I'm so sorry that this happened to you.  Hope you are feeling better.  I agree that you should talk to HIS boss and report what happened.  If you ever have to leave again and he does the same thing, just walk out on him.  Your health is much more important than his venting.  No one deserves to be treated like that.
 
01-04-2013 at 10:54 AM
J9bondgirl
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Talk to HR. They'll let you know what's what.

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