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01-03-2013 at 12:02 PM
withtrepid...
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withtrepidation is not online. Last active: 01-07-2013, 2:21 PMNewbie

Conflicting feelings...sadness and joy?

I found out this week that I'm 5 weeks pregnant, unexpectedly. My husband and I have only been married for 4 months, and while he is excited about the pregnancy, all I can think about is how soon it is and how I'm not ready for our live together to change. It's been such an incredible 4 months that I feel great sadness in thinking that out newlywed time is going to be cut short. Don't get me wrong, I'm excited that I'm going to have a child with my husband, but I also have these conflicting feelings. There were so many plans and adventures we wanted to do together, and will be difficult or impossible with me pregnant or with a baby. I've wanted to be a mom ever since I can remember, so to be feeling anything but utter joy is killing me and causing extreme guilt on my part. I also don't want my sadness to take away from my husband's joy, so I don't feel I can fully confide in him, yet I can't stop crying. I'm very excited to hear my baby's heartbeat and see the US, and eventually hold my baby, but I don't know how to cope with the conflicting feelings. Help? :
 
01-03-2013 at 12:07 PM
pepomntpat
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I think it is pretty normal. You are gearing up for a HUGE life change...and before you had planned it. 

I'm kinda ambivalent about this pregnancy as well. We had not planned to start even talking about a second for another year, so I am also experiencing mixed feelings.

I'd do as much as you can with your husband now. Enjoy your time together. You've still got quite a bit of time before this LO arrives. Spend it enjoying your husband, not feeling guilty.  


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01-03-2013 at 12:09 PM
GhostMonke...
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If it is any consolation, what you are feeling is pretty normal. Even with a planned pregnancy, many women have torn feelings because it is such a big life change. It can be a little more difficult with an unplanned preganncy because you had other plans and this is throwing a big wrench in them, and some people don't like when things mess with their plans. It's normal and ok to be happy and sad at the same time. Try to talk to your husband- he may be more helpful than you think, and may also be having similar feelings but is too afraid to share them because he thinks that all you want to see is happy. Consider talking to a counselor to help you get to a place where you are more happy than sad.

I'm not sure what adventures you think you can't go on now that you will have a child. They may have to wait, you may have to find a sitter or alter them a bit to make them a better fit with a small child, but you are far from being stuck to your home for the rest of your life. They are only babies for a short while.

 



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01-03-2013 at 12:48 PM
EmilyRNbab...
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I think it is pretty normal to have these feelings. Being pregnant and having a child changes a lot. I would honestly sit down and let your husband know all the feelings you are having, good and bad. Could be a good way to get on the same page with each other.

Maybe plan a trip before the baby comes just the two of you. GL! 


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01-03-2013 at 1:18 PM
HappyHeart...
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We had our child before our one year anniversary.  It was a little overwhelming, but I wouldn't change it for the world.  We loved becoming a bigger family together!  I think feelings of a relationship changing are normal at any stage of marriage, and I wouldn't worry.  You are pregnant, hormonal and just are a mix of all of it.  Congrats!

Mom of 3 year old, one year old and one on the way (due late Summer 2013).  
01-03-2013 at 2:43 PM
twolittlew...
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pepomntpat:

I think it is pretty normal. You are gearing up for a HUGE life change...and before you had planned it. 

Yes


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01-03-2013 at 5:29 PM
MidwestMee...
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I just found out I'm pregnant too - with the same conflicting feelings!  My boyfriend and I have been together for five and a half years... but a baby.  Wow.  Not what I was expecting!

I'm with you on the sadness and joy.  I don't have any advice for you, but I'm happy to see that I'm not alone (and you aren't either!). 

 
01-04-2013 at 2:41 AM
Kimbus22
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It'll be okay.  My best friend was in almost your exact situation.  She found out she was unexpectedly pregnant 2 months after her wedding. She was crushed.  They were broke from the wedding and they had all sorts of plans and didn't want to have kids for at least 2 years.  Her DH was happy when she got a BFP but she cried for days. 

They now have a 15 month old little girl who is the center of their lives and they adore her.  It was an adjustment for sure.  But I promise you when you hold that LO in your arms, you won't be able to imagine things having gone any other way than they did.


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01-04-2013 at 1:03 PM
withtrepid...
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withtrepidation is not online. Last active: 01-07-2013, 2:21 PMNewbie
Thank you all so much. Your words of encouragement and comfort have really been a big help. We told my family the news, and that somehow helped the whole "having a baby" thing seem more real. I'm realizing that right now the only thing that seems real is the change of circumstances, not the baby itself. The more that becomes real to me, the more excitement will weigh out over any negative feelings. : I will also take the suggestions about making the most of the next few months with hubby and see of he's up for a prebaby trip somewhere.

Thank you all again. I was worried when I posted this that I was going to be faced with judgment and criticism, but you all are obviously fantastic people. :
 
01-08-2013 at 6:07 PM
sol4J
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Congrats on your coming baby! You sound like a very caring and thoughtful person and I’m sure that everything will work out. I understand how you feel.  I am the mother of four, and they were surprise pregnancies.  It is natural for your feelings to be all over the place at this time.  There is a book by Candice and Steve Watters that might help both of you walk though this season, and it's titled "Start Your Family: Inspiration for Having Babies." Hope you'lll check it out.  HUGZ

 

 

 

 

 
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