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01-04-2013 at 3:19 PM
laurenbell...
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Am I Justified?

So my shower is being put on by a bunch of friends and my mother. My friends asked what colors I wanted and other sorts of things. The only request I had was that there wasn't a lot of pink (we're having a girl... but I'm not really a pink girl). So my mother was in charge of the invitations - she picked out one and sent it to me to preview - it was perfect. Classy yet simple. I received mine and it was perfect. A friend received hers the day after and said that the inside of the card was weird... (mine had no inside.. it was just one sheet, plain and simple) Apparently, my mother added a (tacky mind-you) insert to everyone else's invitation saying that everyone should wear as much pink as possible because it would be funny to see me upset with all the pink. The entire point was to humiliate me publicly. This invitation got sent to a TON of people because I'm only having one shower. Would you be upset and sad that your mother did that? Because I'm a little furious to say the least.
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01-04-2013 at 3:27 PM
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If my mother did that just to irritate me, she'd be satisfied with the level of my irritation.  But I wouldn't be furious, it's just a color.  If everyone purposely bought pink gifts, that would kick my irritation up a notch, but I still wouldn't be furious.
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01-04-2013 at 3:29 PM
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I'd be both mad and sad honestly... Mad because that's just mean spirited and sad because your mom should be supporting you rather than making you upset.

That said, there's only so much you can do now. Most people that see an insert like that aren't going to come in pink and I'm sure your friends know that it isn't something you'd want. So I'd try not to let it get you down and try to look forward to your shower.

Have you decided what you're going to say to your mom though?
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01-04-2013 at 3:33 PM
MelRC117
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Im sure most people won't come dressed head to toe in pink. 

That's mean spirited of your mom but I wouldn't make a big deal out of this because its exactly what she's looking for.
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01-04-2013 at 3:37 PM
Helenahhan...
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I am sensing that there is more to this story-- is your mom usually passive aggressive?  It sounds like she was mad that you made the request of "no pink" and decided to pull a childish prank.

I think you are getting a little carried away with thinking you are going to be "publicly humiliated".  It's really not that big of a deal, right, if people wear pink?

I would not say a word and then laugh good naturedly at your mom's prank on the day of your shower.  That will ensure she will not ever do something like that again-- you won't be giving her the reaction she wants.

 
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01-04-2013 at 3:39 PM
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I'd be annoyed, but I doubt most people would follow through with her request.  I know I wouldn't dress in pink if I were your friend attending the shower, since the shower is supposed to honor you, not piss you off. 
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01-04-2013 at 3:40 PM
laurenbell...
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Helenahhandbasket:

I am sensing that there is more to this story-- is your mom usually passive aggressive? 

Definitely a lot more to the story. We have never been close. She wasn't involved in my life until I was 16... and that was only a little. She did this sort of thing at our wedding shower.. and then again at our wedding. She continually belittles me publicly in every area possible. I thought I was being nice by letting her be involved since she asked.... but this is just another cheap shot.  
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01-04-2013 at 3:42 PM
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Honestly? I'd be super annoyed with my Mom. But if I made a big deal about something - she'd probably do the same thing beause that's how my family is (always poking fun at each other)...

If you hadn't said anything she probably wouldn't have done it... It's like your brother only doing something because he knows it bothers you... Annoying? Yes. Completely unique to your family? No.

I'd be frustrated about it all too but it will only ruin your day if you let it... I'd go buy a pink dress or something just to counter act her plan. Even go get a pink boa or something!! If you go with the flow and don't let it bother you - it will all be much more pleasant.

That being said, it will probably always bother you. I'm still disappointed that my Mom told me she picked out the gift from my Dad on my wedding day (Necklace/Earring set). He picked out my sister's and I was really touched that he found something for me to match (black and white) but then my Mom told me she found it and bought it right away... I still wish she would have just let it be special from him...
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01-04-2013 at 3:46 PM
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Well, take this as a lesson learned - stop involving her!  After your wedding shower and wedding, I think you would have known!  I don't mean to be snarky, but you kind of know what your mom is like.

That being said, yes,  I would be upset that she'd do this.  It's petty, immature, and mean and definitely not very "mom-like". 

Now, if she actually said "wear pink in order to upset lauren", I'd hope that most of your friends and family would be like "WTF?" and would purposely NOT wear pink. 

But if people do wear pink, laugh and move on.  I'm not really sure what is "publiclyl humiliating" about a bunch of women wearing pink. 

And again, never, ever involve your mom in things like this again. 

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01-04-2013 at 3:48 PM
laurenbell...
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EastCoastBride:

Well, take this as a lesson learned - stop involving her!  After your wedding shower and wedding, I think you would have known!  I don't mean to be snarky, but you kind of know what your mom is like.

That being said, yes,  I would be upset that she'd do this.  It's petty, immature, and mean and definitely not very "mom-like". 

Now, if she actually said "wear pink in order to upset lauren", I'd hope that most of your friends and family would be like "WTF?" and would purposely NOT wear pink. 

But if people do wear pink, laugh and move on.  I'm not really sure what is "publiclyl humiliating" about a bunch of women wearing pink. 

And again, never, ever involve your mom in things like this again. 

Thanks for the tough love 
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01-04-2013 at 3:54 PM
nlscroggin...
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pretty ridiculous of her to do something so childish, but at least the joke is on her and you already know of the evil insert... just laugh it off. even better yet, you should show up to the shower dressed in head-to-toe pink :) 

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01-04-2013 at 3:57 PM
Disneygeek...
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Yeah your mom is just one of those obnoxious people who likes to do things like this.  She isn't going to change so you might as well accept it. 

If I were you I would spread the word through friends that they please not partake in this little prank and when you do come to your shower laugh it off or give all the pinkness no attention at all.

I am curious.  What did she do during our bridal shower and wedding. 

 
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01-04-2013 at 4:00 PM
BallSox
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The only way it's going to publicly humiliate you is if you through a princess-style diva tantrum.  Then, if you do that, it's your own damn fault.  If you find the grace to say (if anyone does follow the pink thing to the point of being obvious) "Well, that's amusing, so many people showed up in pink! What a coincidence" (or something along those lines) she (and others) will either realize that it doesn't bother and she looks stupid or she'll point out what she was trying to pull with that "trick" and she'll look like an idiot. 

Either way, the only person at fault for a dramatic scene would be you and if you give her that much power to ruin your shower, you'd honestly deserve it. 

All of that being said, it's a pretty shitty thing to do (trying to upset your daughter at her baby shower just for shits and giggles) and I'd follow ECB's advice and cut her out of your life when it comes to this kind of stuff/responsibility.  It's your call if you'd like to tell her off in the process.  Personally, I probably would give her a piece of my mind, but I'm also confrontational like that.
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01-04-2013 at 4:01 PM
laurenbell...
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stw_77:

I am curious.  What did she do during our bridal and wedding shower. 

At the shower,  she printed the worst pictures she could find of me and placed them all around the house for people to see....

At the wedding she paid *bribed* the DJ to play the only song I specifically asked not to play and stole the mic and announced to everyone that this song was for me... She didn't pay the DJ to be there that night.....I did.
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01-04-2013 at 4:02 PM
nlscroggin...
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stw_77:

I am curious.  What did she do during our bridal shower and wedding. 

i wanna know too now... 

 

ETA: just saw your post above. wowzers...  

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01-04-2013 at 4:02 PM
Disneygeek...
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laurenbell09:
stw_77:

I am curious.  What did she do during our bridal and wedding shower. 

At the shower,  she printed the worst pictures she could find of me and placed them all around the house for people to see....

At the wedding she paid *bribed* the DJ to play the only song I specifically asked not to play and stole the mic and announced to everyone that this song was for me... She didn't pay the DJ to be there that night.....I did.

Whaaaatttt?  What is wrong with her. 

Dude you have my sympathies having a mom like that.
 
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01-04-2013 at 4:08 PM
1026pumpki...
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Ugg- at first I was going to say it was probably just her dumb idea of a joke, but it sounds like she's really passive aggressive and behaving like she's an attention-starved jr high kid.

I'm sure she's doing this for a reaction and to try to get some attention for being "funny."  If I were you, I'd pretend to be totally oblivious about any pink- if you don't react to these kind of stunts at all, it will probably just take the wind out of her sails.

I wouldn't worry about being humiliated- if you don't engage her, you're going to look like the classy one.  I'm sure your friends think she's being ridiculous if she's trying to get a rise out of you (especially if they were there for what she did at your wedding and bridal shower).

Going forward, I'd probably really limit my contact with her.

Is there someone at your shower that can run interference- like if mom starts trying to draw attention to herself someone that could jump in and change the subject or start a game?   
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01-04-2013 at 4:13 PM
laurenbell...
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1026pumpkin:

 If I were you, I'd pretend to be totally oblivious about any pink- if you don't react to these kind of stunts at all, it will probably just take the wind out of her sails.

Is there someone at your shower that can run interference- like if mom starts trying to draw attention to herself someone that could jump in and change the subject or start a game?   

This is pretty much what I've decided on. Bought a pinkish dress today to "be the bigger person" and I plan on laughing it off.... 

DH has threatened to make his presence at the shower to ensure she doesn't act out of hand... like usual.

And after this, I'm done. For good. She's a joke of a parent. 
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01-04-2013 at 4:17 PM
Disneygeek...
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Good plan, or you could play dumb.  If someone mentions the pink prank you could act like you have no idea what they are talking about and you are fine with pink.

BTW, be prepared that she might get you a lot of pink baby gifts just to further get on your case. 

 
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01-04-2013 at 4:19 PM
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laurenbell09:
  Bought a pinkish dress today to "be the bigger person" and I plan on laughing it off.... 
Well, I don't know that you needed to do this.  But at the same time, it actually kind of gets her at her own game. :)
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01-04-2013 at 4:41 PM
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Yup, you should be pissed...for a while. Then get over it.  I would consider wearing pink as well. Or just being completely oblivious--if you act like you didn't notice and then when you're told the "punch line" just look completely unimpressed and change the subject you will totally "win". Do not let her have power over you. If you react, she has won.
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01-04-2013 at 4:49 PM
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I think everyone already covered what you should do and sounds like you agree to just laugh it off but that said, your mom sounds more like an annoying 12 year old brother than your mom. I'm sorry :/
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01-04-2013 at 5:48 PM
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You are justified.  It is too bad that your mom is not supporting you and went out of the way to pull a little prank.  Do not stress about it. Instead do something she would not expect like complement the women who do wear pink. :-)
 
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01-04-2013 at 7:00 PM
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Your mom's a b1tch. 

I wouldn't be pissed at the "wear pink as a prank" thing so much as I would be pissed that my elegant, simple shower invite that was sent out to all my friends and family was overshadowed by this tacky weirdness. If that makes sense. Everybody is going to think your mom is class-less, tact-less, and uncouth, and that IS embarrassing

So yes, I would be publicly embarrassed, but not because people wear pink, but because people would feel sorry for me for being related to a person like her.
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01-04-2013 at 7:41 PM
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lisa5201:

So yes, I would be publicly embarrassed, but not because people wear pink, but because people would feel sorry for me for being related to a person like her.

This.


 
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01-04-2013 at 8:32 PM
laurenbell...
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lisa5201:

Your mom's a b1tch. 

I wouldn't be pissed at the "wear pink as a prank" thing so much as I would be pissed that my elegant, simple shower invite that was sent out to all my friends and family was overshadowed by this tacky weirdness. If that makes sense. Everybody is going to think your mom is class-less, tact-less, and uncouth, and that IS embarrassing

So yes, I would be publicly embarrassed, but not because people wear pink, but because people would feel sorry for me for being related to a person like her.

This exactly :) Thanks!! 
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01-05-2013 at 12:01 AM
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EastCoastBride:

Well, take this as a lesson learned - stop involving her!  After your wedding shower and wedding, I think you would have known!  I don't mean to be snarky, but you kind of know what your mom is like.

That being said, yes,  I would be upset that she'd do this.  It's petty, immature, and mean and definitely not very "mom-like". 

Now, if she actually said "wear pink in order to upset lauren", I'd hope that most of your friends and family would be like "WTF?" and would purposely NOT wear pink. 

But if people do wear pink, laugh and move on.  I'm not really sure what is "publiclyl humiliating" about a bunch of women wearing pink. 

And again, never, ever involve your mom in things like this again. 

Every word of this. Don't show her it upsets you and don't involve her again. She obviously can't be trusted. I'm sorry she would do something to intentionally try to upset you. That's a really terrible thing for a mother to do. At least you know what kind of mother not to be. :(

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01-05-2013 at 11:14 AM
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EastCoastBride:

Well, take this as a lesson learned - stop involving her!  After your wedding shower and wedding, I think you would have known!  I don't mean to be snarky, but you kind of know what your mom is like.

That being said, yes,  I would be upset that she'd do this.  It's petty, immature, and mean and definitely not very "mom-like". 

Now, if she actually said "wear pink in order to upset lauren", I'd hope that most of your friends and family would be like "WTF?" and would purposely NOT wear pink. 

But if people do wear pink, laugh and move on.  I'm not really sure what is "publiclyl humiliating" about a bunch of women wearing pink. 

And again, never, ever involve your mom in things like this again. 

Totally agree with ECB.  Also, the ONLY way YOU would be "publically humiliated" is if you do it to yourself.  Also, like ECB said...if it actually said it was only to "upset you" then most people will not wear pink (except those that think it flatters them and they always wear pink anyway).  Maybe the friend that called you could contact some of the other guests by email, etc. and clue them in not to wear pink.  Other than that nothing you can do except roll with it and stop inviting your mom to participate in the organizing of anything for you (or your children) again.
 
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01-05-2013 at 12:00 PM
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Nope I wouldn't only because my mom would do it as a joke...not do it to make me mad or upset me.

 
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01-07-2013 at 11:24 AM
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Totally lurking, but if I were you, I would come totally dressed in pink! She wouldn't be expecting it and it would show her that you aren't going to let her ruin your day no matter what.

Do I think it's mean spirited of her, yes. I also think that you can roll with it and have a nice day even if there is a lot of pink.

 
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