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01-04-2013 at 4:10 PM
stephaniej...
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stephaniejh80 is not online. Last active: 05-10-2013, 11:18 AMNewbie

How do you have a shower from another state?

My husband and I just moved to Texas, but all our friends and family live in NY and NJ. My doctor doesn't want me to fly after 25 weeks (I am a little on the high risk side) and I feel like that's too early for a shower. My best friend is thinking of throwing me a "virtual shower" - just letting people know I'm pregnant, when my due date is and where I'm registered. I have a friend here in TX throwing me a tiny shower, but I don't want my family to come before the baby is born. I would rather they visit when he's here. I want to give my friends and family the opportunity to send gifts for the baby if they want, and it's our first baby so we do need a lot of stuff. What's the least tacky way to handle this? Thank you for your help!
 
01-04-2013 at 4:13 PM
discobelle
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Let people send gifts on their own accord.  No need to send them an invitation to anything "virtual".

 

 


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01-04-2013 at 4:14 PM
1026pumpki...
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stephaniejh80:
My husband and I just moved to Texas, but all our friends and family live in NY and NJ. My doctor doesn't want me to fly after 25 weeks (I am a little on the high risk side) and I feel like that's too early for a shower. My best friend is thinking of throwing me a "virtual shower" - just letting people know I'm pregnant, when my due date is and where I'm registered. I have a friend here in TX throwing me a tiny shower, but I don't want my family to come before the baby is born. I would rather they visit when he's here. I want to give my friends and family the opportunity to send gifts for the baby if they want, and it's our first baby so we do need a lot of stuff. What's the least tacky way to handle this? Thank you for your help!

I think virtual showers are pretty silly.  I think of anyone out of town wants to buy something for the baby, they can just send you something off your registry- just include your mailing address when you register.  If someone from NY/NJ offers you a shower, just let them know you can't travel after 25 weeks, so it will either need to be before then or you'd be happy to have them come visit after the baby is here. 


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01-04-2013 at 4:15 PM
Disneygeek...
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Ok, I am going to be completely honest with you.  I think the virtual or skype showers are dumb and if someone plans on giving you a gift, they will give you a gift.  They don't need a "Hey, she's pregnant and this is where she is registered "reminder. "

Do you plan on returning to NJ or NY once the baby is born?  Maybe your family can wait until then to throw you a shower. 

 
01-04-2013 at 4:16 PM
Wish82
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I live in VA, a close friend lives in MN. When she had her baby, I had no problem figuring out where she was registered and sending a gift. Virtual showers tend to be gift grabby as that's all there is to it. Those people who want to send gifts will, regardless. No virtual shower necessary, although your friend's thought is very sweet. 

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01-04-2013 at 4:17 PM
EastCoastB...
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discobelle:

Let people send gifts on their own accord.  No need to send them an invitation to anything "virtual".

This.  You don't need to "give them the opportunity" to give you something.  They'll do it on their own it if they want. 

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01-04-2013 at 4:20 PM
MandJS
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I agree with the others. If you aren't there, don't have a shower. End of story.


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01-04-2013 at 4:31 PM
mabenner1
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stephaniejh80:
My husband and I just moved to Texas, but all our friends and family live in NY and NJ. My doctor doesn't want me to fly after 25 weeks (I am a little on the high risk side) and I feel like that's too early for a shower. My best friend is thinking of throwing me a "virtual shower" - just letting people know I'm pregnant, when my due date is and where I'm registered. I have a friend here in TX throwing me a tiny shower, but I don't want my family to come before the baby is born. I would rather they visit when he's here. I want to give my friends and family the opportunity to send gifts for the baby if they want, and it's our first baby so we do need a lot of stuff. What's the least tacky way to handle this? Thank you for your help!

That isn't anyone else's problem. That is something for you and your husband to do something about. Your kid, you buy everything it needs. If people send you gifts on their own, great, but you should never expect something from someone.


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01-04-2013 at 4:37 PM
PeanutR1
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mabenner1:

stephaniejh80:
My husband and I just moved to Texas, but all our friends and family live in NY and NJ. My doctor doesn't want me to fly after 25 weeks (I am a little on the high risk side) and I feel like that's too early for a shower. My best friend is thinking of throwing me a "virtual shower" - just letting people know I'm pregnant, when my due date is and where I'm registered. I have a friend here in TX throwing me a tiny shower, but I don't want my family to come before the baby is born. I would rather they visit when he's here. I want to give my friends and family the opportunity to send gifts for the baby if they want, and it's our first baby so we do need a lot of stuff. What's the least tacky way to handle this? Thank you for your help!

That isn't anyone else's problem. That is something for you and your husband to do something about. Your kid, you buy everything it needs. If people send you gifts on their own, great, but you should never expect something from someone.

This.  

 
01-04-2013 at 4:38 PM
Liz4444
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You don't have to give people the opportunity to buy you things. People are smarter then you give them credit for, if they want to know where you are registered, they will ask, if they want to send a gift, they will.

We are seeing gimmes at their finest lately. OP, buy your own stuff.

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01-04-2013 at 4:39 PM
Helenahhan...
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You have two choices here, I think.

1) Have a shower a bit earlier than 25 weeks.  Yes, it's a bit early, but if your doctor really doesn't want you to fly after that, I am sure friends and family will understand.

2) Don't have a shower at all.

I wouldn't do the virtual thing.  It's basically saying, SEND ME THINGS, which I am sure people will want to do for you any way.

 

Good luck!


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01-04-2013 at 10:21 PM
milkergirl...
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Turn the tables and imagine getting an invitation to a virtual shower yourself. 

"You are not invited to a shower, but Stephanie is pregnant and is registered at Target, Babies R Us, and Amazon.  By dr's orders, she cannot fly after 25 weeks, so she does not want to see you near her home town, has no intentions flying before 25 weeks, and does not want visitors until after the baby is born. So please send a gift by the due date because this is her first and she needs a lot of baby stuff that she doesn't want to buy.  Please spend your hard earned money on Stephanie without enjoying her company for the afternoon at a shower."

That is what I'd read if I received an non-invite like that.  If people want to send gifts, they will.  But we live in such a gift-grabby society, that people would really be offended if they received that type of announcement without even the exchange of a gift for a piece of cake and getting to ohhh and ahhh over baby stuff. 


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01-05-2013 at 11:21 AM
rhubarb123
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Please do not have a virtual shower...they are tacky.  The only way I would participate in one is if the MTB or her DH is in the military and stationed in another country...and even then it is iffy.

Have your "tiny" shower there in Texas and then when you think your ready have a "Meet the Baby Party" when everyone gets to see your little guy (whether it is in Texas or NY/NJ).  Your family will send you gifts regardless of whether or not you have a shower.  Is your mom coming for the birth?  If so and she lets people know she is going to Texas they might give her gifts to bring with her.  I did that with a couple of people I knew who were having their babies overseas.  The mom's were happy to take the gifts.

 
01-05-2013 at 7:07 PM
tilsonc
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You should have the shower early if you want one in NY/NJ. My friend's family hosted a gender reveal shower for her and it was pretty early (around the same time as you). It was fine and everyone understood she lived across the country.
 
01-06-2013 at 8:56 PM
infinitemo...
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I'm having mine at 27 weeks because I live so far away and don't want to travel later. I don't think it's too big of a problem to have it early especially if you have to travel.

 

I'm more excited to have a chance to see everyone before the baby is born because I doubt I will travel with him for a while. 


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