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01-05-2013 at 7:55 PM
RussianMom...
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Mom wants to spend a few nights here after baby

My mom doesnt live in town, So a few days after we told her we were expecting, she planted on us that she was going to stay with us for a few days after he arrives. Her plan is to stay with us for 2 days because "trust me, Russian, you will want my help and you'll be so tired"... Then she said she's going to stay with my grandma for the rest of her trip. She only plans on staying in town for a week because she works.

My H is open to her help but my mom and I butt heads. I am stubborn. Do I just suck it up for those 2 days? Will I need her help?

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01-05-2013 at 8:00 PM
doremi29
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It's an emotion/hormone-filled time.  I would have loved to have my mom stay with us if she wasn't near by (she lives 5 minutes from us).  It would have been great to have someone making a meal or 2 or helping here and there with the baby, but I also liked being able to whip out my boob in the comfort of my own house, attempt nursing, fail with no one watching, etc.  I guess it is all about what you're comfortable with. 

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01-05-2013 at 8:03 PM
RussianMom...
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doremi29:
It's an emotion/hormonefilled time.nbsp; I would have loved to have my mom stay with us if she wasn't near by she lives 5 minutes from us.nbsp; It would have been great to have someone making a meal or 2 or helping here and there with the baby, but I also liked being able to whip out my boob in the comfort of my own house, attempt nursing, fail with no one watching, etc.nbsp; I guess it is all about what you're comfortable with.nbsp;


This is my exact dilemma. Ugh

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01-05-2013 at 8:05 PM
mrsmcdonal...
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You and your DH will do just fine by yourselves - while you'll be tired, taking care of a baby is not rocket science. We don't have any family in the area and we honestly wanted that time to ourselves anyways. My mother tried to say she was coming out for three weeks and I told her no way. She got her panties in a bunch about it, but it was about what DH and I wanted, not what she wanted. I wouldn't have changed that time for us in all the world, tired and everything.

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01-05-2013 at 8:09 PM
RussianMom...
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What should I say to her???

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01-05-2013 at 8:09 PM
Happy2BPre...
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mrsmcdonald:
You and your DH will do just fine by yourselves - while you'll be tired, taking care of a baby is not rocket science. We don't have any family in the area and we honestly wanted that time to ourselves anyways. My mother tried to say she was coming out for three weeks and I told her no way. She got her panties in a bunch about it, but it was about what DH and I wanted, not what she wanted. I wouldn't have changed that time for us in all the world, tired and everything.

This is my situation to a T.  My mom lives far away and said she was going to stay with us for a week.  My mom and I butt heads and I finally told her at Christmas that no one was going to stay with us.  She didn't take it well.  My MIL also wanted to stay as she lives far away too.  My DH and I decided we want that time to adjust to parenthood alone.  I believe they are both going to come for the birth but will be staying in hotels.


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01-05-2013 at 8:11 PM
sucrets4
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I would have LOVED to have my mom around, but we don't butt heads and she's pretty respectful about stepping on toes and stuff.

Could you try for 1 night and if it's not working could she go to your grandma's a day early? 


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01-05-2013 at 8:12 PM
doremi29
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RussianMommy:
What should I say to her???

Does she have family she could stay with while she visits rather than staying with you?  If so, I'd just say that you really want that time with the new LO with just you and your DH, but that you're excited for her visit and you're sure that you'll love having her help while she's visiting (but staying with whomever she'd be staying with). 

ETA: just saw you already said she could stay at your grandma's

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01-05-2013 at 8:15 PM
RussianMom...
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doremi29:

RussianMommy:
What should I say to her???

Does she have family she could stay with while she visits rather than staying with you?  If so, I'd just say that you really want that time with the new LO with just you and your DH, but that you're excited for her visit and you're sure that you'll love having her help while she's visiting (but staying with whomever she'd be staying with). 


ETA: just saw you already said she could stay at your grandma's


Yes during the day she can visit with her sister, friends and her parents so I'm hoping she's not going to be staying directly in our house for 48 hours

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01-05-2013 at 8:44 PM
jkoulton
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Maybe she could stay later in the week and not the day you get home. Just tell her you want it to be your family for the first couple days and ask if it's ok if stays (for example) Wednesday instead of Monday. 

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01-05-2013 at 8:51 PM
HML5382
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Maybe have her visit the first day or two but plan on actually staying elsewhere? If it goes smoother than you expect or you find you really do need the help you could ask her to stay later in the week.

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01-05-2013 at 8:51 PM
RussianMom...
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jkoulton:
Maybe she could stay later in the week and not the day you get home. Just tell her you want it to be your family for the first couple days and ask if it's ok if stays for example Wednesday instead of Monday.nbsp;


Yes that makes sense. I also think she's flying in last minute since we have no idea when I'll go into labour so chances are we may already be home. I'll have to speak with her about this.

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01-05-2013 at 9:00 PM
meansbaby2...
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I think it is nice to have help. My sis-in-law came and stayed for a few days after my first was born and it was great. You and your husband can definitely handle it, but it is nice to have someone help.

If you don't want your mom to come, just explain to her nicely that you and your hubby want to be alone with the baby for a while. She should understand. Good luck!

 


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01-05-2013 at 9:03 PM
brianabrad
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That's a hard decision to make and only you can truly make it.

We had originally said we wanted 2 full weeks without guest but have kind of been pressured into having family come to stay. They, of course, gave us the same line about you will want help, you don't understand how tired you will be, blah blah blah. Okay, fine. We, I, finally gave in and MIL will be come to stay with us after baby is born. She will come pretty much right after and stay for probably a week or so. My mom is semi local so she won't be staying but will come to visit. DH's family lives out of state so making the trip isn't as easy as a car ride for them so I felt bad saying get a hotel along with buying a plane ticket. At first I was very concerned and I still a little am but I've made peace with it. All will be fine no matter what but I hope I don't say or do things that offend MIL and thus hurt our relationship.

01-05-2013 at 9:27 PM
AimeeL85
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I think it's a personal choice based on your relationship.  My mom stayed with us for a week when our first LO was born - I wish she would have stayed longer!  I did need her help and her experience.

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01-05-2013 at 9:31 PM
Kingston54
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You have to decide if you want her there.  If you do, then it might be nice to have her around.  It's also about if you'll feel comfortable with her there.

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01-05-2013 at 9:46 PM
kellopes
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2 days? Be thankful! My Mom wants to come from overseas to stay a MONTH! She doesn't speak any english and even though she is a great help around the house I'm a big girl and know I will be just fine.

Besides, I had a good enough dose of her here over the holidays and she is the type of person who goes to another country and expects  everything to be the same as back home, so she will complain about everything, from the cold to the taste of the food. And having to translate everything to her and take her to places is like babysitting a grown up!

Don't get me wrong I love her to death but it can be really overwhelming.... I wish she was only staying for a week or so, but I have no way to tell her that knowing it would break her heart cause she never gets to see me and wont get to see the baby for a loooong time after that.... So I will just suck it up lol

2 days are nothing! Trust me! 

 

 
01-05-2013 at 9:54 PM
TamaraR4
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That is your call.  My mom, unfortunately, lives less than 30 miles away and has already made a habit of coming over whenver she feels like it.  I told DH that when I don't feel like seeing her, it's his job to kick her out-- one her will thoroughly enjoy (DH doesn't particularly enjoy my mother's company.)  My problem is going to be the hospital.  I've already told my Delivery staff that I want NO visitors until after baby is born and after I've had a chance to sleep a bit.  I don't care what time of day or night LO arrives.  My mom was in the delivery room with DD#1 and thinks she's going to muscle her way in for delivery of #2, even though we've already told her it will just be DH and I.

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01-05-2013 at 10:58 PM
Octobercha...
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I loved having my mother stay with me after DS was born.  She cooked, cleaned, and ran errands for me....things I definitely couldn't do.

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01-06-2013 at 5:21 AM
9fraulein
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It's weird how moms get like that. Before I was even pregnant, my mom said she plans to spend a week helping all her children with their first. Now I'm 32 weeks and I haven't brought it up and neither has she. I'm hoping she is just waiting for me to ask for her help, which I will not. I'm sure we will survive. Just tell your mom you don't think you will need the help. She may not like it but hey, you gotta do what you want, not what others want.

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01-06-2013 at 8:14 AM
jinnymb
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If she says she is thete to help I would take it. It sounds like she has already acknowledged that shs wont be there the whole week so she seems to understand. My mom had been so valuable post partum and it is nice to have someone worrying over you as all the attention turns to the baby. However, you know your relationship best so you would be the best judge as to whether it is worth a try. You could always send her to your aunts early and blame it on hormones if it doesnt work out.



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01-06-2013 at 9:29 AM
JSS1002
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If you don't want her to stay with you, I would just tell her that you are excited for her to visit, but you really need her to stay with your grandmother the whole time.

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01-06-2013 at 10:14 AM
reason00
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I would allow 10 moms to stay with me postpartum. One can do the cooking, one will do the dishes, one will hold my boob and feed the baby while I sleep...

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01-06-2013 at 12:59 PM
faithfaery
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I think you should let her stay. You and DH are going to be so unbelievably tired after LO is born. There are things your mom can do for you while you are recovering. 

When M and D were born, DH had a week off from work, then my MIL came over every day for a week, and then my mum came up from VA and stayed with us for a week. I was so thankful for all the help!! Granted, I'd had twins, but it was still such a blessing to have people there to help me!

This time around, DH is taking a week off from work AND we're having a post-partum doula stay with us the first week. And then when DH goes back to work, I'll have my MIL come over for a week and my mum come up for another week. Then my step-mother will be coming over in afternoons to help out with the twins and tired mama.

 Everyone tells you it's the hardest thing you will ever do, having a newborn. But no one can ever really tell you how hard it is. I remember before M and D were born, I'd told everyone I didn't want anyone over for the first week so we could bond as a family. I'd pretty much changed my mind the first day there were here!! 

Unless your mom is a mooch who won't lift a finger, take all the help you can get wherever you can get it! 


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01-06-2013 at 2:08 PM
Mollygirl1
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Coming from someone who hasn't slept in 6 months...TAKE THE HELP! Lol

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