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01-06-2013 at 10:00 AM
2013sarabe...
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2013sarabelleATX is not online. Last active: 06-18-2013, 8:23 PMBronze

Should I invite my cousin who lives 2000 miles away?

Long time lurker, first time poster.

My SIL will be hosting my shower in March and I'm curious about whether or not to invite one particular guest. My CIL (cousin in law) is due this month, she lives 2000 miles away but had a shower here in my town since all of her family is here. I attended. I want to invite her to my shower, but she'll be a new mom and she lives 2000 miles away. I don't actually expect her to come, and I don't want it to seem like I'm only inviting her because I expect a gift from her.

Opinions about how I should handle?  


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01-06-2013 at 10:33 AM
sugar212
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I invited my aunt to my shower that I knew wouldn't come, but she appreciated the gesture and thanked me for thinking of her. She came to visit when DD was 4 months old and she brought a gift then. She is the type that would have brought a gift anyway, so it wasn't like I was just looking for a gift.
 
01-06-2013 at 10:37 AM
caladpi02
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I think if you would have invited her if she lives down the street, then invite her. It is nice to feel included. You do not have to buy a gift for a shower unless you are going.

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01-06-2013 at 10:47 AM
JmeJme
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caladpi02:
I think if you would have invited her if she lives down the street, then invite her. It is nice to feel included. You do not have to buy a gift for a shower unless you are going.


This. I have a couple of good friends who I know won't be able to make it to my shower because they live far away, but I included them on the list of invites I gave to my hostess, and my exact logic was the aboveif they lived in town, I would invite them, so I'm not leaving them out even though they live far away.











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01-06-2013 at 4:18 PM
2013sarabe...
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2013sarabelleATX is not online. Last active: 06-18-2013, 8:23 PMBronze
Thanks, ladies. Will take this into consideration when finalizing the guest list. 

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01-06-2013 at 8:46 PM
infinitemo...
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I live 2000 miles from all of my friends and family. I like to be invited to things even if I can't make it. I normally send a gift, it's nice to be remembered.

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01-06-2013 at 10:10 PM
Disneygeek...
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I have been on the other side where I have been invited to showers for my husband's cousins and honestly, I thought it was a bit weird.  One cousin I had never even met or spoken too, but I still got an invitation to her baby shower.  Why ?  It's not like my feelings would have been hurt if I wasn't invited to a baby shower half way across the country for someone I hardly even knew.   If I am also going to be completely honest, I did feel like I was only invited because they wanted presents.  No way of knowing for certain, but that is how it felt to me.
 
01-06-2013 at 10:22 PM
rhubarb123
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I would not invite her.  Maybe just send an announcement once the baby is born.  I invited a lot of out of state people but they were people who normally come to our get-togethers and none of them were more then a 5 hour drive.  I did not invite my sister-in-law who lives in FL (we were in MI at the time) or my cousins in PA because I knew they would/could not come.
 
01-07-2013 at 12:54 PM
ggatlanta
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First, OP - if you're really worried, I'd just call CIL and tell her you're sending her an invitation although you know she can't make it, that you just wanted her to know you're thinking of her, etc. That gets the non-gift-grabby point across without risking hurting her feelings by excluding her. Or if you're not close enough to feel comfortable making that call, I would not invite her.

Second, to those who said a shower invitation means you ought to bring a gift only if you're attending, that's incorrect. A shower invitation customarily means you should send a gift either way. I assure you that people feel obligated to buy a present even if they can't attend. (Do you really get shower invitations and not send a small gift, just because you'll be on vacation that week or something? As in, "I can't come eat your food, so I'm not going to bother with a present"? I can't imagine doing that...)


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01-08-2013 at 11:55 AM
RissNRuss
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As the until recently far away person, I would say invite her. I wasn't invited to alot of showers in my family because they assumed I wouldn't come. It hurt my feelings, especially seeing these were close family showers. My best friend in TX  (I'm NY) invited me to her baby shower (during my honeymoon) and I couldn't go, but I had a gift for her anyway (regardless of invite) so I shipped it to her sister so she could have "me" there in spirit! It's a thoughtful gesture and usually appreciated regardless of attendance.

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